by Sam Dogra
“What is it?” The lady’s voice drifted over like silk. Bitterness bubbled in my throat, and I had to swallow it down.
“Just a stray cat, Navinka,” Ryan said, flashing me a knowing look. He wanted me to wait. “It’s getting late, you know. Don’t you think we should talk about things tomorrow? I’m still tired from the journey from Dhjerba.”
Navinka sighed, and approached the door. Ryan turned around, blocking her view so she wouldn’t see me. I caught a glimpse of golden hair clips and a lily flower.
“Why are you trying to change the subject?” she asked. “You’ve been giving me nothing but one word answers since you came home. Nor have you even looked me in the eye.” She stifled a sob. “Don’t you think I’m entitled to learn what happened? After you left me in the night without a word of goodbye, without telling me whether I would ever see you again or what would become of me…” Her voice became quiet, and she sniffed. “Do you think that little of me? Was I that much of a burden that you would do anything to escape?”
Ryan stepped forward, and took Navinka’s hands in his. He lifted them, and planted a delicate kiss on the back of her wrist. I clung to the branches surrounding me, almost snapping them in half. What was this, the Binding’s jealousy? It was the curse’s fault the lady had feelings for him in the first place!
“It was never like that,” Ryan said, holding her hands level with his chest. “I wanted you to be free to make the choice I stole from you.”
“But I only wanted to be with you.”
I curled into a ball, shivering from head to toe. A tide of rage roared inside, and I was terrified it would break through any minute. Had someone so much as looked at me the wrong way, I would’ve torn them to pieces. And with every passing moment, the curse was determined to set that fury on the woman before me. The hot anger was much harder to ignore than the spell’s usual compulsions of affection. I screwed my eyes shut, and silently hummed a melody to distract myself.
Ryan sighed.
“I’m sorry,” he said at last. “I…I need some time still.”
“I understand,” Navinka said. “I can wait. But I won’t wait forever, and neither will your father.”
Ryan gave a startled gasp, and I had to open my eyes. Navinka was stroking his cheek. My legs tensed, about to propel me into a leap, but my ankle was tangled in a vine, so I didn’t get far. A piece of broken pot jittered across the ground, thankfully silenced by the grass.
“Promise me you’ll make up your mind soon,” Navinka said.
“I…I promise,” Ryan said. He bowed his head. “Forgive me. I never meant to hurt you like this.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, my love,” Navinka purred. “You’re home now, safe. Rest well, and we shall continue in the morning.”
She leant forward and kissed Ryan’s cheek. My arm tensed, and ripped a strip of ivy clean off. Ryan acted quickly and wrapped an arm around Navinka, pushing her back inside.
A long silence followed, before Navinka murmured a farewell. Her steps quieted as she walked away, and then a door closed.
We were alone.
Ryan lost no time in coming to my side. I was a sorry mess. Tears and sweat smeared my face, and my hands were scratched and bloody. He pulled away the remaining creepers, then helped me to my feet. His touch banished the chill in my limbs, and I leant against him, comforted by his closeness.
Just like the night we first met…
“Eliza!” Ryan pulled me into a hug. “I’m so glad to see you. I’m so, so sorry. I should’ve told you everything from the start.”
I was too drained to muster a response. Jumping from fiery rage to deep longing had left me stuporous, and my arms wrapped around him. His embrace was the only thing my fuddled brain understood.
Maybe this hadn’t been such a good idea after all.
“Are you okay?” Ryan pushed me away slightly. I stared at the ground, fighting the desire to lose myself in his eyes. I’d forgotten how hard it was to maintain my senses when I was this near him. “Where’s Adam?”
“He’s…fine,” I said quietly. Why was it suddenly so hard to speak? “Helped me break in.” Thinking about my best friend dampened the curse’s influence, and I managed to detach my arms and step back. I needed to keep clear of his touch. It fogged my thoughts too much. “I came back because we need to talk.”
Ryan was disappointed I didn’t stay close, but he didn’t pull me back. I continued to avoid his gaze, staring at the silver chain at his throat. The curse was stronger than ever—I had to play this carefully.
“You must be full of questions,” Ryan said. “It’s too open here. Let’s go somewhere a bit more private.”
He led me into the moonlit gardens. My fingers begged for the heat of his palm, so I tucked my hands under my cloak. The key was to steer clear of physical contact. I was here to listen to his explanation, nothing more.
No matter what the curse said otherwise.
We walked to a portico, stepping through to a bench. Rime glazed the planks, and a brass plaque was fixed to the seat back. I caught the name ‘Julia Glenford’, before Ryan sat us down. His knee brushed mine, and I almost ended up in his lap, but a quick shuffle sideways broke the contact. Phew.
A sliver of moonlight played through the pillars, bathing his face in a gentle aura. I traced his features; details I’d not thought about since the night he’d been shot. The scar on his chin, his ruffled sandy hair, the way the moonlight brought out the green in his eyes…
I caught myself before I made proper eye contact, and focused on the stones below. Stop taking chances, Eliza. This was important. I couldn’t let the curse distract me.
Ryan watched me for a while, until he finally sighed. He seemed lost. His eyes drifted over the plaque.
“Where to start,” he said, his shoulders sagging.
“Why not tell me about that lady?” I asked. Questioning him directly would keep my mind occupied. “Navinka, was it?”
“Yes.” Ryan rested his arm on the backrest. “She’s Lord Svendmar’s youngest daughter. I’ve known her for a couple of years now.” He ran a finger over his collar. “She studies in Begara in the summer, then returns home to Dragonvale at the end of autumn. When she was on her way to the University, she came across me outside Terent after my accident.”
“So she came to help you,” I murmured. How ironic; it was very much like how Ryan and I had crossed paths.
“Yes,” Ryan said. “And the Binding that followed was the most brutal thing I’d ever experienced.” He let his chin loll to his chest. “I’ve never had my heart pulled in so many directions. We got along well enough before, but our encounters had been strictly formal. To suddenly be consumed with such intimate emotions tore me apart.”
I nodded slowly. He’d experienced the same thing I had, knew better than anyone the feelings I’d been fighting.
Except he’d not been fighting anything for the last four months.
“There was only one thing I could turn to,” Ryan went on. “I’d already been researching about the Binding, so…”
“Why were you researching the spell?” I asked, my ears perking up. He’d never mentioned this before.
Ryan went quiet. He ran his thumb over the plaque, melting the ice.
“Because of my mother,” he said. “She was Bound to my Father, against her will.” His expression hardened. “I wanted to fix it, to take away her loneliness.” He lowered his head. “But she died before I could find anything.”
I let his words sink in. The image of Fiona’s face the day of her departure came forth, and I closed my eyes. Both of us had been stung by the curse, even before it snatched us up. Still, what were the odds we’d chance upon each other?
And what were the odds that our Binding would have been so twisted…
“After that, I forgot about the spell for a while.” Ryan’s voice had changed. He was burying the painful memories behind. “Until I realised I’d fallen under its thrall as well. So I got out t
he books for a second look. This time, I did find something.”
“Oh?”
Ryan drew out his ruby pendant. The crystal shimmered, like sunlight on a clear stream.
“Have you ever heard of the Goddess Jewel?”
I shook my head.
“It’s one of the gemstones from the Goddess’s crown,” Ryan said. “Every picture of her, every statue, always shows her wearing a tiara with a stone missing. Legend says the stone was lost eons ago, and it had the power to grant a wish.”
My mouth hung open.
“No way…” I stared at him. “You’re telling me that…you found this jewel? And you wished not to be Bound and it worked?!”
“I know it seems impossible,” Ryan said, letting the necklace retreat under his shirt, “but I was lucky. My father had shown me the Glenford treasures on my sixteenth birthday, and amongst them was this ruby. I never thought much of it at the time. So once I was Bound, I remembered the legend of the Goddess Jewel, and this stone.”
He looked up at the moon.
“I didn’t honestly believe the two things were one and the same, and I never expected it to work. It was a desperate plea to escape the inescapable. But by some miracle it broke the spell. Once I made the wish, my Binding symptoms resurged, then went away. And the next time I was with Navinka, I didn’t feel a single compulsion.”
I began to shake my head. My ears caught every word, but my mind couldn’t reconcile their meaning. For centuries and centuries, people had tried to combat the curse, to overcome its false desires, and all had failed. No record existed of anyone who had successfully evaded a Binding, amongst the hundreds, thousands, tens of thousands of couples who’d been forced to endure its misery. Not a single one!
Yet here was Ryan—the partner the curse had chosen for me—telling me that with a simple wish on a legendary stone, he had broken free. He had beaten the unbeatable.
This couldn’t be…it couldn’t be…
“I wasn’t sure whether the gem protected me at first,” Ryan said, “but as the days passed, Navinka didn’t seem as keen to stay close to me. About a week after I made the wish, I decided to go on walks at night, when Navinka was asleep. I dared to go further and further, until I crossed the half mile boundary. To my amazement, neither of us suffered Parting.”
The rage I’d quelled earlier stirred again, and I screwed my eyes shut. The memories of the black tendrils remained fresh, and I shuddered. Why…why had Ryan managed to escape this? Why was he given a second chance, while I was chained to him through feelings that weren’t mine, and punished if I attempted to stray?
“But I knew if people found out, they’d be after me to get the stone.” Ryan continued. “So I wrote Navinka a note, explaining as much as I dared let on, and ran away on Cielo. I wanted to…”
“Shut up!”
My voice cut through the air, as cold as the north wind that brought the snows across Azaria. Ryan blinked.
“Eliza?”
“I’ve heard enough!”
I stood up, my fists shaking.
“Why should you be so lucky,” I spat. “Why should you, a spoilt noble’s son, have a second chance, when so many people trapped in unhappiness were denied?!” Venom dripped off my every word. “Why should you be allowed to escape when my sister had to sacrifice everything for the curse! When she was snatched from my family against her will!”
“Eliza…”
“And why did it have to be you?” I was practically screaming now. “Of all the people I could’ve been Bound to, why the one who’d been Bound before? The one who could walk away any moment he wished!” I glared at him. “Why did you have to be in the Galgiza forest that night? Why was I forced to be Bound to you?!”
“Eliza, I’m sorry, but…” Ryan reached out, and I shrank back.
“Don’t touch me!” I snapped. “Do you have any idea what I’ve had to suffer since we met? The constant struggle to keep hold of my feelings, the compulsions, the memories, the desires?” I was breathing hard. “You can just sit there, tucked up in your father’s cosy manor, Bound to no-one, while I…” Hot tears rolled down my cheeks. “…I was drowned in darkness the instant I was half a mile from you!”
Ryan’s eyes went wide.
“What? You felt the Parting?”
“Don’t pretend you care!” I howled. “You’re nothing but a selfish hypocrite! A lying, cheating, weak-hearted, stupid…”
The rest of my words dried on my lips, and I sank to my knees. A violent sob tore through me, and I buried my face in my arms. I couldn’t take it anymore. The truth was far more horrible than I could’ve ever dreamed. I was trapped in an unrequited Binding. Only I was driven by false desire. My partner faced no such compulsions. There was nothing that would keep him by my side, and nothing I could do to escape.
I couldn’t live like this.
Ryan slipped off the bench and knelt in front of me, pulling my hands from my face. I couldn’t resist as he drew me against his chest. My arms slid around him, desperate for his hold, his comfort, his scent. The hatred and sorrow had spent my energy, and I couldn’t fight any longer. He took my chin in his fingers and tilted my head up.
“Eliza, please listen to me.” My mind screamed, begging to break free, but my body was no longer under my control. The Binding was going to play its winning hand, and there was nothing I could do to halt it.
“Ryan, don’t…” My voice had never sounded so pathetic. He stroked my cheek, brushing the tears aside. My breath caught. I didn’t want him to stop. No, it was the Binding that didn’t want it to stop.
“I’m really sorry.” He kissed my forehead, and I trembled, closing my eyes. “I know what it’s like, to be driven by feelings that aren’t your own. The anger it creates, the frustration, the sadness.” He rubbed his stubbled cheek against mine. I reached up and held it there. I couldn’t bear to lose his touch. “I thought the jewel would stop others being Bound to me, too. And you kept it all so quiet, I assumed that was the case for us. I didn’t think it mattered.” His breath warmed my ear. “I can’t ask you to forgive me, but there’s something you need to know.” His hands dropped to the small of my back, and pushed me against him. “You might be Bound to me…” He pressed his lips against my eyelid, my cheek, and finally the corner of my mouth. I gasped. “…but even if the curse doesn’t compel me, it doesn’t mean I don’t lo…”
I didn’t let him finish. My mouth met his, and my breath escaped in a quiet sigh. His lips were warm, brushing against my own with gentle tenderness. It wasn’t enough, and I pushed harder, parting his lips, wanting as much as he would give. My anger and desire merged together, until one thought remained; how I had to be with him, and only him.
He raked his fingers through my hair, and I cupped his cheek, hungering for the taste that was as indescribable as that scent of his. My other hand skimmed his throat, touching his necklace, still warm from where it had been lying against his skin. He tightened his embrace, and I moaned, holding onto his shoulders as he withdrew slightly, only to capture my lips again. Lost in the moment, I could think of nothing but how I never wanted this kiss to end.
At last we parted. I rested against Ryan’s shoulder, panting. The rush lingered in my veins, and I closed my eyes, drinking in his smell, his body heat. I hadn’t realised how much I’d wanted this. How much more I still wanted.
Wait, had I wanted this? It was the curse making me want it, surely. But Ryan, what was he trying to say? If he wasn’t affected by the Binding like me, then…did that mean…?
“I love you, Eliza.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
‘His tender gaze never left her, even while she lay tucked in the embrace of sleep...’
—Tale of the Binding
I didn’t move for a long while. The Binding still had me in its grip, despite its massive victory, while inside my emotions warred. And it was a pretty bloody battle, as for the first time I wasn’t sure which feelings were mine and which were the curse’s.<
br />
Ryan loved me, and I had no idea how to respond. It wasn’t that I didn’t harbour any feelings for him; it was just I couldn’t judge how far those feelings extended. He was a friend, I’d concede that much, but whatever else drew me to him was a result of the spell. No matter what we’d been through, or what I owed him, I could never say I loved him back.
The words would never come from my heart.
Besides, even without that confusion, how could he love me? I’d lied to him from the start! I wasn’t the person he thought I was; like he wasn’t the person I thought he was. He was throwing words around out of guilt. Knowing I was stuck, trying to make me feel less isolated because I was compelled and he wasn’t.
My doubts proved stronger than the curse, and I withdrew from Ryan. He held on, not wanting to let go.
“Ryan, I’m sorry.” I pushed his arms away and took a step back. I might as well have driven a knife into his chest, the way his face fell. I felt like a monster. But loving him out of pity would be as bad as giving in to the Binding.
I couldn’t win.
“Is that all you have to say, after everything we’ve been through?” Ryan asked, grasping my wrists. “After all we’ve done for each other?”
I sighed, ashamed to meet his eyes. Cruel as it was to act like this, Ryan needed to understand. He was being childish. We barely knew one another, had kept secrets from each other. Fairly major secrets, too. Yet after a few weeks of travelling, he’d come out with his feelings like that.
He didn’t know what he was saying.
“How does any of that mean anything?” I said. “How can you think about me in that way when I’ve not spoken a word of truth to you?” I eyed him darkly. “You don’t know a thing about me. And until today I knew the same amount about you.”
Ryan drew me closer again. Much as I wanted to shake him off, I couldn’t. The Binding—and my guilt—wouldn’t let me.
“I don’t have to know your past to know you,” he said. “The things we told each other might have been false, but the journey we shared wasn’t. After I was shot at the aqueduct, you went out of your way to make sure Cielo and I were taken care of, when you didn’t have to.” His breath tickled my cheek. “Your quick thinking helped us catch Will, and your faith in his innocence spared him an unfair punishment.” He leant his brow against mine, and my eyes closed. Stay calm, stay calm… “You showed me your strength when you faced the shrine ruins alone, and proved your determination by challenging Aronzo at the lake. You even found the courage to tell me the truth, when you could’ve led me on until we reached Viens.” He kissed my forehead. “You can’t say any of those were a lie.”
