"I used to love it here, and I never wanted to leave," he said. "It was my parents who made me, forced me." There was pain deep in the dark blue depths that regarded him fervently--pain and past humiliation.
"They're not here anymore, Kyle."
A grim line thinned Kyle's lips before he turned back to stare at the wilderness. "I know that. Doesn't make it any easier, though. God, Jared, I knew this was going to be hard, but does it have to be so hard?"
Jared didn't know what to say in response; this wasn't easy for either of them. The silence that grew became thick with tension. Jared gently spread his hands over Kyle's chest and was able to detect the hard thump of Kyle's heart. It sped up as Jared stroked over the smooth muscle, but Jared didn't know if it was from increased physical awareness or internal agitation. He tightened his hold, cradling Kyle against him, terrified that Kyle didn't want to be with him anymore, whereas he wanted Kyle so much it hurt.
"My father beat the crap out of me. Put me in hospital for two weeks." Jared wasn't sure why he'd blurted out that particular painful memory. Maybe it was to make Kyle realize he wasn't the only one who had been rejected by a parent, or maybe he just needed to get it off his chest.
Kyle twisted in his arms to look at him again. "He hit you?" The stunned question made Jared rethink his statement. Maybe he shouldn't have said anything.
"Jared?"
Jared shrugged as if it was nothing, and then realized Kyle wouldn't let him shrug it off, not now. "He broke three of my ribs, my forearm, and I pissed blood for a week." Said analytically it didn't sound so bad, but he remembered too well the excruciating pain he'd been in.
Under the darkening sky, Kyle's face had gone pale. "What did you do?" he whispered.
"To get beaten? He caught me jacking off to a magazine--a gay magazine." That memory Jared had to smile at. He'd been right on the edge and couldn't stop. His father's face had been comical until he'd seen the pictures Jared had been wanking over.
"And afterward?"
Jared kept his gaze steady on Kyle's. "My mom kicked him out, and I never saw him again. Both she and my sister helped me get over what he'd done."
The blue eyes that regarded him were dark with anger. "He was one sick bastard."
"Yeah." But Jared didn't feel any better for admitting it, probably no better than Kyle felt when talking about his parents and what they had done to him. "But it doesn't matter now."
"It does matter, Jared. It matters to me. God, and I thought I had bad memories. Shit, I'm sorry."
Jared smiled and bent down to brush his lips over Kyle's. They were warm and moist and incredibly sweet. "What did Mick mean when he said he thought it odd what your parents did to the house? What did they do?"
The body in his arms stiffened momentarily; then Kyle sighed and rested his head in the crook of Jared's neck. "They left it to a charity."
"You're kidding!"
"No. Didn't want me to get it, which was kind of funny considering I'd just paid off their mortgage and outstanding taxes a month before they died."
"Kyle!"
"Doesn't matter," he said in the same tone Jared had said it, as if saying it could make it true.
"I didn't know. I swear. When I bought the house a year ago, the owner's name was listed under an organization." Fuck, and he wanted Kyle to live there? Fleeting thoughts of bulldozing it and building from scratch entered Jared's head, but as if sensing his intent, Kyle shook his head.
"That would have been the charity they'd left it to. But the house is not the problem. I like what you've done with it."
"Then what is the problem?"
"There isn't one, not really, but I've been selfish and stupid and I want you to forgive me."
"For what?"
"You were right to want to be discreet. Mick didn't have to know. No one needs to know."
"That's not what I said."
"But it's what you wanted, and I kind of have to agree."
Well, this was a turn for the unexpected. "Why?"
Kyle turned so he could look at Jared. "Because I don't want you to feel you made a mistake asking me here."
"I don't, and I'm sorry for what I said to you earlier. I didn't mean it."
Kyle shrugged. "It's okay; this is difficult for both of us."
"Yeah, but I didn't need to make it more so."
"So how do we work it out?"
"We take it one step at a time, like you said."
There was conflict in Kyle's gaze, and Jared had to wonder why. Jared had never felt more confused or left feeling like he was adrift on a sea of uncertainty. What did Kyle want? What did he feel? And was there any chance of them sorting this out before the tension got too tight and they both snapped?
There were times when Jared wished he could be more forthright, more demanding, but he wouldn't push Kyle, wouldn't ask something of him he wasn't prepared to give. Kyle had to make his own choices, but Jared wondered if there was a way of nudging him to make the right one. Wasn't that what he'd been doing for the past few days anyway?
Kyle couldn't believe he was doing this. He couldn't believe Jared had suggested it, either. Wasn't this against everything they'd just agreed on?
"Are you sure?" Kyle prompted, checking out the window as Jared drove them to the edge of town where the small, rustic bar they were headed toward was located.
"We're hungry, and there's nothing in the fridge."
"We could have ordered in."
Jared glanced at him. "Have you changed your mind?"
"No, but what if someone recognizes me and starts to ask questions?"
"That's what you've been worried about, haven't you? Someone recognizing you?"
Kyle couldn't deny it. Since this afternoon it was all he'd thought about, that and Jared's half declaration of love. He didn't think he'd got it wrong, but Jared hadn't made mention of it again and Kyle was afraid to say something in case Jared denied it or worse, retracted it.
He nodded, answering Jared's question. "I hadn't thought about it, about the consequences."
"You mean what they might think about your parents lying about you."
Said so openly it was worse than Kyle had contemplated. He winced, which Jared noticed. "We can turn around if you want, but we're going to have to face it one day."
"Since when did you become so pushy?"
Jared glanced at him again, his gold-flecked eyes shining. "Since I decided I don't want to lose you."
Kyle smiled despite his misgivings. "I don't want to lose you, either."
As Jared pulled into the graveled parking lot, Kyle felt his apprehension grow. The parking area seemed quite full, and Kyle wondered what type of people came to a pub late on a Tuesday night. When they got inside, he found out.
Young teenagers and groups in their early twenties filled the place to capacity. The bar itself was small, running along one wall with a modest return for the waitress, who looked as young as the patrons she was serving. People lined the other three walls, most of which sported old farming equipment and memorabilia of a bygone era. Overall the room looked like it would be more suited to the elderly and genteel, not the loud, raucous crowd inhabiting the crammed space.
Jared stopped at the door, surprised.
"Been a while since you've been here, has it?" Kyle asked with sudden amusement. He didn't think this was Jared's usual haunt and guessed he'd picked it because he thought it would be less populated, or at least wouldn't be patronized by people they didn't want to bump into. Looking around, Kyle doubted Jared knew anybody in here. Kyle knew damn well he didn't.
Passing Jared, Kyle made his way to the bar, and squeezing in between a young couple and two girls who quickly checked him out, he managed to snag the attention of the bartender and ordered two beers. He turned his back to the bar and watched as Jared joined him, a bemused expression on his face.
"I don't understand. This used to be a quiet pub."
Kyle s
miled. "Things change," he noted and wondered just how much.
The bartender nudged Kyle's elbow as he put the two bottles on the old, scarred wooden counter. Kyle paid and then tipped his bottle to Jared before taking a long swallow of the cool brew. As the waitress drifted by, Kyle asked her how they could order a meal. She pointed to the bartender.
"Tell Jacob what you want and then find a table. I'll bring it to you."
Both he and Jared had already scouted the room, and there was only one place openly available. A group of teenagers were holding court in the far corner, and in their midst was an empty, semi-circular booth.
"Want to risk it?" Kyle asked.
Jared shrugged, his broad shoulders shifting the button-down shirt he wore over a plain white T-shirt. His jeans were well-worn and contoured his muscular body as if they were longtime associates. Kyle was still wearing the cutoff jeans and a borrowed T-shirt. Maybe tomorrow they'd get to do some shopping as Jared had suggested.
Offering to secure the table, Jared left while Kyle aimed to gain the attention of Jacob once again. He ordered two T-bone steaks with the lot, and then shuffled over to where Jared waited. Halfway across the room, Kyle spotted the two girls who had been at the bar making a beeline for the same booth Jared occupied. They beat him to it, and just as he reached the table, he heard Jared agree to let them share.
Amazed, Kyle watched as one of the girls sidled up to Jared and started batting her eyelashes, literally. Holding back a bark of laughter, he sat down on the other side of Jared. With the four of them ringing the small table, the booth was now crowded, and Kyle had no choice but to press himself close to his lover. Even then half of his ass was hanging off the edge of the seat. He was tempted to ask Jared to move over a bit more, but the young woman was wedged nearly as close, and he doubted if Jared wanted to get any closer.
Jared led the introductions. "Kyle, this is Tammy and Rachael. Girls, this is my...Kyle." The slip had been unconscious. Kyle realized Jared had been thinking the word lover and had only recovered just in time. He hoped the girls wouldn't pick up on it, but his fears were realized when Tammy giggled.
"Your Kyle?" Tammy said, nudging Rachael, who moved a little away from Jared.
Kyle tensed and felt Jared's matching discomfort. Shit, they weren't ready for this; then Jared glanced at him, and something sparked deep within his eyes. He smiled.
"It's okay," he whispered. "You are my Kyle."
Warmed more by the look in Jared's eyes than his statement, Kyle started to relax. They were just two men out to have a meal. He'd done it plenty of times and had never felt uncomfortable or out of place, and in retrospect there was no reason for him to feel it here. It also seemed Jared was putting aside his anxiety of being outed, and Kyle was fully aware that Jared was doing it for him. Kyle smiled. Effectively this was a date, their first if you discounted the truck stop where they'd met.
Shifting his weight a little to allow him to stretch out his leg brought Kyle closer to Jared. Jared, whether intentionally or not, placed a hand on his thigh. Shocked, Kyle froze, unwilling to do anything that might attract attention but hoping Jared would realize what he'd done and remove his hand before Kyle's body reacted instinctively.
No such luck. Jared continued to chat with the girls while Kyle was feeling the effects of warm fingers pressing into his leg. Heat flared in two places--at the place where Jared's hand touched him, and a little farther to the left where his cock stirred, seeking, wanting, demanding the same contact. Kyle had to fight not to moan in pleasure.
When the meals arrived, Jared removed his hand and Kyle sighed in relief, but it was short-lived when a round of drinks appeared at the same time and the young men who had been gathered around the booth started in on the alcohol. That in itself wasn't the problem; it was the sudden rise in the level of testosterone when they spotted the two girls sitting alongside Kyle and Jared. Up until then, Kyle noted, they'd been happily talking football, but as they noticed the pretty young women, their interest changed and the air became charged with an unhealthy concentration of sexual awareness.
One of the young men leaned in close, his attention on Tammy. By the look of things, Tammy was quite happy to return his interest, with Rachael gazing at the man's friend. Within minutes the atmosphere around them became electric as both girls started flirting shamelessly. It would have been entertaining if Jared hadn't chosen that moment to put his hand on Kyle's thigh again and move it in slow, lazy circles, each sweep of the firm fingers bringing them closer and closer to Kyle's now straining cock.
Kyle thought he moaned, he wasn't sure, but the look in Jared's eyes said maybe he had.
Jared leaned in so close his hot breath washed over Kyle's neck. "I want to fuck your brains out," he growled.
Kyle jerked back, shocked Jared would say something like that in a crowded pub. He stared into Jared's deeply aroused eyes. "Jared, we need to go. Let's say our good-byes to the girls."
"I don't think they'll notice," Jared countered with a bemused smile.
Biting back a groan of both frustration and need, Kyle slid out of the tight confines of the booth with Jared closely following on his heels, and as they did so, the vacated space was quickly filled with the two teenagers who had been heavily engaging the girls' interest.
No one seemed to notice them leaving, and for that Kyle was grateful. Jared's erection was covered by his shirt, but Kyle's was plain to see for anyone who cared to look. Luckily no one was, except the man who walked by his side.
The spring evening air was cooler, but in these climes was still warm enough not to need anything more than what they were wearing. Kyle didn't say anything as they made their way to Jared's truck, but as soon as they climbed in and the door closed behind him, he turned to Jared.
"What was all that about?"
The color-flecked eyes that stared back at him were defiant. "I have no fucking idea."
Kyle raised an eyebrow, but it was probably lost in the darkened cab. "You came on to me like some randy teenager. It was bad enough having two of them on one side of me. I didn't need you on the other." Kyle tried to keep the amusement out of his voice.
"Yeah, well, around you I feel like one." Jared's lips twitched, and Kyle could see he was trying not to laugh.
"If anything comes out of this, I'm not taking the blame," Kyle said as Jared started the engine and put the truck in gear.
"Okay, but maybe we shouldn't go out in public for a while."
"You're the one who suggested it."
"Didn't think I was going to want to slam you up against a wall and stuff your ass with my cock."
"You didn't?"
Jared laughed outright, and Kyle grinned. "Think anyone noticed?"
"Too late now."
"You don't sound too fazed."
The lingering look Jared gave him held everything Kyle wanted to see and more. "I'm not. You mean more to me than some reputation, Kyle."
Kyle believed him; it was impossible not to with the assurance that shone out of Jared's beautiful eyes. Fuck, if Jared could do this, then there was absolutely no way he couldn't as well. Calm certainty entered him, giving him the confidence he'd lost and the will to do something with it.
"Let's go home."
Chapter Ten
Jared felt unreasonably relaxed. His actions in the pub showed he wasn't able to control himself around Kyle, but for some reason he no longer cared. For too long he'd listened to caution, had tried to do the right thing, had tried to show others he was just a regular guy. Most of the time it didn't bother him; he'd had no reason to be or do otherwise. That had changed.
With Kyle he didn't want to hide who he was, who they were. He'd told Kyle they didn't have to, and though he hadn't been sure if he could do it, he'd proved tonight that he didn't have any choice. The way he felt about Kyle surpassed anything he'd thought possible, and it had been difficult not to show it. He just hoped Kyle felt the same way about him and could o
vercome his prejudices against the town. In the meantime, Jared had an idea how he could help Kyle along, or at least give him something else to think about. He flicked the indicator on as they came to a side road.
"Aren't we supposed to go straight ahead?"
"We're taking a detour." After a few more turns that brought them through a zigzag pattern, he pulled to a stop and jumped out to open a gate that led into a field. After closing the gate behind him, he climbed back into the truck.
"Where are we going?"
"That rise over there." He indicated the small hill studded with Australian gum lit up against the black velvet sky by the full moon rising behind them.
Kyle gave him a searching look as Jared put the car in gear. "Are we going to do what I think we're going to do?"
Jared didn't hide his grin. There was no point. "Do you want to?"
Kyle's lecherous smirk was his answer.
When they stopped again, they were parked just below the tree line that marked the top of the hill. Jared opened his door and waited for Kyle to join him.
"Where are we?"
"On the border of my land and the acreage I want to buy. You can just about see the river that runs through it. Look." He pointed to a dark ribbon that threaded for miles along the valley floor. Occasional diamonds reflected off the surface when the moon crept from behind the clouded and star-studded sky.
"I'll be able to break it up into pastures and get some more cows to breed with the bulls I hope to pull from Felix's calves."
Kyle stood still beside him, the overcast sky shadowing his expression. Jared would have liked Kyle's opinion, but he wasn't going to press him for it. Just because his grandfather had bred cows didn't mean Kyle was interested in them. Disappointed but loathe to say anything, Jared suddenly realized how selfish he'd been bringing Kyle up here. Everything around Kyle reminded him of what he'd lost, what he'd had to leave behind. Jared knew he wasn't being fair to Kyle, but he wanted Kyle here, and if he wanted to keep him here, he had to make sure Kyle was happy, but how the hell was he supposed to do that?
Bringing Him Home Page 16
