The minute Jen opened the door, his eyes narrowed.
“What’s wrong?” Charlotte said.
“Can you keep an eye on things for a bit?” Jen asked Dean.
He immediately walked over to her. “Everything okay?”
“No, but … yes. I mean, I just need to make a phone call. Please.”
“Sure, no problem.”
“Jen, what’s wrong?” Charlotte asked, standing up. “Is it your mom?”
“Yes, actually. Do you guys mind if I make a call in here?” Jen asked, pulling her phone from her back pocket.
“Of course not. Do you need some privacy?” Lauren asked.
“No, no. You’re fine.” At this point Jen really didn’t even care. When she looked down at her phone she had a message from TJ. It was a selfie of him and the cactus plant they’d bought together a few weeks ago for the patio. He was pointing to a tiny nub on the plant. The woman at the nursery had explained to them how cactuses could sprout babies.
His message said, We became parents today!
Jen briefly smiled but then closed out her message app and pulled up her mom’s number. The minute it started ringing, Jen felt sick to her stomach.
“Hello,” Diane said upon answering.
“Mom, hi.” Jen felt flustered and angry, suddenly not sure how she was going to ask this question. Then it just came blurting out. “You didn’t qualify for the clinical trial.”
There was silence on the other end. Finally, her mother quietly replied, “No. I didn’t.”
Jen felt like she’d been punched in the gut. “Mom,” she cried. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I knew you’d be upset, Jen. You would have and you know it.”
“Of course I would have. But I also would have known it wasn’t your fault. We’d have just made a new plan. Done chemo.”
“And that’s exactly what I didn’t want. Do you remember what hell that was? Probably not, Jen, because you weren’t the one going through it. I was, and it was awful.”
“I don’t understand how you didn’t qualify.”
“My prognosis was too advanced.”
Jen shook her head. “You’re telling me you are too sick with cancer to qualify for a trial that treats cancer.”
“Apparently so.”
A long silence followed. Jen could hear her mother breathing. Finally, Diane spoke. “I promised him I’d tell you when I was ready. I don’t know why he had to do it.”
Jen’s stomach bottomed out. “What? Who?”
“TJ, who else?” Diane cried.
Jen wobbled on her feet. She turned—stunned—to find Charlotte and Lauren watching her. The minute she began to walk, Charlotte got up and took her hand to lead her to the sofa.
She sat down, her thoughts reeling. “When did you tell TJ, Mom?”
“Are you telling me he’s not the one who told you?” her mother asked quietly.
“No. Terri did. Now tell me when you told him.” Jen knew her voice was beyond stern when Charlotte and Lauren began to look at each other.
Diane sighed. “It was the weekend I stayed there with you guys.”
Jen shut her eyes. Weeks ago. Over a month.
“Jen, it’s not his fault. I asked him not to say anything,” her mother went on quietly.
“Yeah, that was wrong of you. But it was more wrong of him to agree.” Jen ended the call, and she felt her body begin to shake.
She wasn’t sure what had upset her more. That her mother wasn’t being treated in any way. Or that TJ had kept this from her.
“Jen. Talk to me,” Charlotte said.
“My mom is getting no treatment for her cancer. And TJ knew it.”
Charlotte’s brow furrowed. “From what it sounds like, your mom put him into a really tough position.”
“But who is he loyal to? Me … or my mother?”
She stood up. “Please tell Dean I’m so sorry. But I have to go.”
Charlotte nodded. “He’ll understand.”
Her demeanor and the odd look on her face had Jen turning back to Charlotte. “You knew … didn’t you?”
Charlotte’s lips parted as she stepped forward. “Jen, I’m so sorry. TJ told Dean and obviously Dean told me. If it makes any difference … TJ loves you so much. You have to know that. He has for a long time.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
Charlotte sighed. “Because it wasn’t my place, Jen. On the flip side I also told Dean about your job offer, and he didn’t tell TJ that. Those conversations have to happen between the two of you.”
That sort of made sense.
“I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me,” Charlotte said.
Tears suddenly burned Jen’s eyes. “Of course I can. You’ve forgiven me something much worse.”
“No,” Charlotte shook her head, stepped forward, and wrapped her arms around Jen. The feel of that almost caused Jen to break down fully. “Don’t think that way. That had nothing to do with me. I know that.”
When they stepped apart, Jen nodded. “I’m gonna go. I’ll speak with Elaine on my way out.”
Twenty-Three
TJ looked at the time on the TV. Jen still wouldn’t be home for two or three more hours. Which sucked. He hated wedding nights where she worked and he didn’t. Now he understood all the times Dean manipulated the schedule so he could be the one on duty when Charlotte was there.
A car coming down the driveway got his attention, and he stood up and walked over to the front window. It was Jen’s truck, which had his heart pounding. Walking over to the kitchen, TJ picked up his cell phone off the island and looked at the screen. No calls from her but a text from Dean. So sorry, man. She knows.
Shit. What did she know? Then it hit him.
Diane.
He set the phone back down the minute the front door opened, and then she was standing in the kitchen doorway. Her eyes were rimmed red, and she looked furious.
“Why?”
“Jen, listen,” TJ said, taking a tentative step toward her.
“Listen?” she cried. Stepping forward, she reached out and shoved him in the chest. “I would have listened to you tell me my mother was choosing to die, if you’d told me a month ago. Now? I’m not sure I want to listen to you.”
TJ grabbed a hold of her wrists and held his ground because he’d seen the second push coming. His teeth grit together. “Jen. Stop. Talk to me.”
“There is nothing to talk about.” She spat out. “Fuck you and your ‘I love you.’ When people love each other they don’t lie.”
She pulled away from him and headed for the pantry, where she grabbed a bottle of Stag Forkhorn White Vodka.
“Jen, don’t.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, is this a trigger for you? Does this make you afraid that I’m going to be an alcoholic like our mothers?” she said in a snotty voice. “Because you know what my trigger is? Looking like an idiot, and that’s exactly how I looked tonight when I realized everyone knew about my mom but me. The person who’d been taking care of her for the last year.”
TJ sucked in a breath and stared back at her. It felt like there was a vice on his heart, clamping down the blood flow, making his brain foggy. “Jen, please. I told you I love you and I meant it. Even if you never love me back, I still love you.”
She stopped pouring her drink and gently set the bottle down on the counter. For a long moment, she stared at him, her eyes watery, her mouth swollen. Finally, she tilted her head to the side. “I don’t know what to do with that.”
And then she picked up her drink and left him standing there. He heard her footsteps on the stairs and then the bedroom door slam. He stood there listening to her move around above him. When the bathtub turned on, he waited for a bit, and then went up the stairs.
He was surprised to find the door unlocked and went inside. Slowly he walked toward the master bathroom and leaned against the door frame. Seeing her leaning back in his vintage-style tub, eyes closed, bubbles brushing agai
nst her breasts, nearly undid him. It was painful, knowing he may never see her like this again. This was where she belonged. In his house, in his bed, in his life.
“I didn’t invite you up here,” she said, eyes still closed.
He pushed off the doorframe and walked over to the bathtub. “No, you didn’t. Can I sit down anyway?”
Jen shrugged. “Can’t stop you, can I? This is your house.” She still didn’t look at him.
“This is now your house too, Jen.”
She opened her eyes just to roll them. “No, it’s not. How can you say that?”
“Because it’s true.”
“We’ve discussed our issues so many times jokingly, but clearly they’re very real,” she said quietly. “Maybe this is more trouble than it’s worth. We can’t even keep from lying to each other.”
“There is a difference between withholding information and lying. You know that, Jen.”
“Is there? I’m not so sure anymore. These past few weeks have been confusing for me. Amazing, but almost not even real. Like I’ve been playing house, waiting for this kind of bomb to drop.”
“I know what you’re doing. You’re afraid. Afraid that this is all meant to be. You, here with me. You’re afraid that you love me back.”
She shook her head. “Don’t psychoanalyze me,” she said quietly.
He stood up, frustrated by her quiet and apparent acceptance that this was a failed relationship. “Then prove me wrong. You know just as well as I do that sometimes people keep things from their partners to spare them pain. I did it. I’m sorry. I’m sure there were some selfish motives wrapped in there somewhere, but don’t tell me you’ve never done the same thing.”
Her lips began to quiver and she sucked in a breath. He kneeled down beside the tub. “Jen, talk to me. Don’t let this ruin what we have.”
“You’re right. I am afraid. And I’m also just as much of an asshole.”
His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve kept things from you, too. You’re right. To protect you. But more … to protect myself. I’ve been offered a job teaching voice in Chicago,” she whispered. Every nerve in TJ’s body went on alert. He felt dizzy. She swallowed. “And you should also know that I had sex with Dean three years ago.”
His mouth dropped open, stomach clenching in pain.
Then he stood up. “What?”
“It happened. It was stupid … and we were drunk. And … it never happened again.”
Turning, TJ glanced around the bathroom, his eyes unable to focus on anything. Had he heard her correctly? Job? Sex? Dean? What the hell had just happened?
“TJ,” she said behind him. “Look at me.”
He heard the water fall from her body as she sat up. But he couldn’t look at her. It had been bad enough to know she was sleeping with other men over the years. It had never even occurred to him that one of them was his friend.
He walked out.
* * *
TJ had been driving for hours. As soon as he’d left the house, he’d headed toward downtown Kansas City. Just gotten on the highway without a destination in mind. He needed to get away. After driving as far as Preston, twenty minutes north of downtown, he’d turned around and come back.
It was almost eleven. He’d been sitting in his car in the alley behind the Stag for nearly two hours. Waiting. Thinking. Trying not to cry, or vandalize something.
He’d still had enough sense to wait until this evening’s wedding had died down. And then he sent a text. “Can you come outside? In the alley.”
He waited for a reply. After about ten minutes, the back door opened, and Dean stepped out. TJ got out of his Camaro and leaned against the door as Dean walked down the concrete steps next to the loading dock on the back of their building.
“What’s going on, man?” Dean’s tone was light, but TJ knew the guy well enough to see that he was tense.
“Not much.”
The floodlight near the back door gave them plenty of light to see each other.
Dean stopped about six feet away from TJ and put his hands in his pockets. “Everything okay?”
TJ shook his head, trying to decide where to start without losing his shit. “Not really, no.”
Dean nodded, glancing at the ground for a minute. “Do I know what this is about?”
TJ inhaled deeply and blew it out. “I’m pretty sure you do.”
This time Dean’s nod was knowing. He looked at TJ. “I’m sorry. It was a long, long time ago. At that time … I had no idea how you felt about her. None.”
TJ looked up at the sky, swallowed. “How’d it happen?”
“Come on, man, no. You don’t want to do this,” Dean said.
“Actually, I do.” TJ’s voice got a little louder. “How’d it happen?”
“It was after a wedding. One of our early ones, and it was … a hell of a night. She’d gotten her ass kicked behind the bar, and shit, we just decided to open a bottle of vodka. We were here alone. That was that.”
“That was that? Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What do you want me to say?” Dean said, throwing his hands out to his sides. “We drank. We were grown-ups. It happened. We hadn’t flirted our way into that situation. We didn’t flirt after that either. Hell, we never even really talked about it again.”
They were both silent, long enough for a group of wedding guests to walk through the alley to where they’d parked. Must have been a big one.
Once they were alone again, Dean kicked at the concrete, sending a chunk flying into a fence. “You want to punch me?” he asked, shocking TJ.
“Hell yeah, I want to punch you.”
“Then let’s get it over with.”
TJ shook his head and turned away, hands on his hips. “What fucking kills me is there is nothing I can do to change it. My mind … goddamn I can’t stop imagining it.”
“Don’t do that to yourself,” Dean said.
“That’s easy for you to say!” TJ yelled.
“You’re right. I’m sorry, man. You have no idea how sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, and as soon as I started to realize how you felt, it gutted me. I knew finding out would destroy you.”
TJ pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezed shut. God, he wanted to beat the shit out of something. Turning back around, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Does Charlotte know?”
“Yes.”
“How’d she take it?”
Dean shrugged. “How do you think? But I’ve gotta give her credit, she didn’t confront Jen. Never has.”
TJ glared at him. “What the hell does that mean? You think I shouldn’t be here right now?”
“No, no. I shouldn’t have said that. It’s not the same. I expected this if you ever found out.” Dean pointed back and forth between the two of them. “The minute I got your text, I knew. Men don’t respond to news like this the way women do. I guess I’m just impressed by the fact that it didn’t occur to her to stop being friends with Jen because of it. She knew it had nothing to do with her. Just like what happened had nothing to do with you.”
TJ inhaled, nodding. “Jen said she got a job offer. In Chicago.”
He hadn’t intended to share that, but suddenly he needed to get it out. For the past several hours he hadn’t wanted to face the reality of what she’d said, so instead he’d poured all of his emotions into his fury at finding out about her and Dean.
“Charlotte told me about that,” Dean said.
“Goddamn! You’ve got to be kidding me,” TJ said. “Charlotte knew that, too?”
Dean groaned. “Jen told her. What do you want from me, man? Sounds like the problem is that you two don’t talk.”
TJ leaned against the car once again. “Apparently not. And here I thought things were going so well. Fuck me.”
“You’ve got to remember, you and Jen, you’re still new. This situation you two have found yourselves in—with her moving in and shit—it’s a little insane. You need to cut yours
elves a break. Both of you. But the communication channels need to open immediately.”
TJ knew he was right. They’d gone from zero to sixty in a short amount of time. It wasn’t natural. But all he could think was that he’d loved Jen forever, so it felt like an eternity.
“She gonna take it?” Dean asked. “Because earlier today I told her that Tara and Ben informed me that Tara wants to be a stay-at-home mom.”
“Seriously?” he asked, thinking it was the first bit of good news he’d heard all evening.
“Yeah, I told Jen. Told her to tell you. But seeing as you two don’t communicate…” Dean raised an eyebrow. TJ just shook his head.
“What did she say?”
Dean shrugged. “Not much. She seemed surprised. I told her she needed to consider if taking over Tara’s job was something she truly wanted. That was it. Sounds like you need to go home and discuss a few things with her. Or a whole lot of things.”
TJ pushed off the car. “I’m not ready to do that. Think I’m gonna sleep in my office.”
“Do you really want to do that? You’ve got a woman at home alone trying to decide if she wants to move away from you.” Dean raised both his eyebrows. “If it was me, I’d get my ass back there right now.”
Twenty-Four
For the thousandth time, Jen glanced at her phone. It was midnight. She rolled over and looked at the empty space beside her. She kept freezing, thinking she’d heard something, but it was just her mind playing tricks.
He wasn’t going to come home. She could feel it.
Maybe that was for the best, because in the many hours since he’d stormed out, all she’d done was think. About her life. Her passions. The time she’d spent taking care of her mother. Jen loved nothing more than singing and acting, and her previous job had brought her more joy than anything else. She knew in her heart that she owed it to herself to give that a shot. Opportunities like the one Erin had granted her didn’t come around every day. If she didn’t at least try, she’d regret it for the rest of her life. She knew that in her soul.
But the other half of her was devastated by the look on his face when she’d told him what she’d found out earlier. But the minute he’d turned the tables on her, she’d known he was right. Finding out about her mother from Terri had been heartbreaking. And infuriating. That had been the worst part. Finding out about TJ gave her someone to blame, but it wasn’t his fault.
Maybe This Time--A Whiskey and Weddings Novel Page 23
