Hope

by A. American

  John returned almost giddy with excitement. “I almost forgot I had these,” he said, holding up a large family-sized bag of Cool Ranch Doritos.

  “No wayyyy!” She squealed like a kid.

  “Yes, way.”

  “They’re, like, my favorite.”

  “Mine too.” He laughed.

  “You, my friend, are definitely not a fucking idiot, you’re the man!” she said loudly, barely able to restrain her excitement.

  “And if you don’t like that flavor, I also have…” He pulled a bag of regular nacho from behind his back.

  “I’m not even high and I think I can eat a whole bag myself,” Lexi excitedly said.

  “Help yourself,” John said as he opened both bags and placed them on the bar.

  Lexi dove right into the chips. The texture and crispiness of the chips was still there. She only imagined they were past due, but she couldn’t tell if the quality was inferior. Maybe it was because she hadn’t had one in so long or she had forgotten how they tasted before.

  “If you pull a Twinkie or HoHo out of your ass, I think I might have sex with you,” Lexi joked.

  “As a matter of fact…”

  “No shit?” she muttered, pieces of chips falling out of her open mouth.

  John turned to leave, stopped, turned back around and said, “Joking.”

  “I was joking too. I wouldn’t have sex with you, sorry. You’re just a bit too old for me,” Lexi said, stuffing a handful of chips into her mouth.

  “Ha, sorry, sweetie, I look at you as the daughter type.”

  “Since you want to talk about who we are, you go first,” Lexi urged.

  “Nope, you go; I’m providing the feast and refreshments.”

  Filling her mouth with a few more chips, she began.

  “I was born and raised in a not-so-shitty little town called La Jolla to a bitch of a mother who cared more about her next dinner party or socialite function than taking care of me or my sister. I have to laugh now; we were more like props for her. We were raised by a series of nannies over the years.”

  John just watched Lexi talk and all he could think was how someone could not love their children. He didn’t have the experience, but he felt deep down that if he and his ex had had children, he would have loved them so deeply and given them everything.

  “My mom was such a bitch she drove my dad away when I was six; my sister was a baby. He couldn’t take her shit anymore.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “I am too, I loved my dad. He won custody of us, but was killed in a small plane crash not two weeks later.” She hesitated as she dreamt about the life she could have had. “Who dies in plane crashes? I mean, the odds are so slim that it was like fate said I was fucked from birth. God wasn’t about to let me and Carey have a normal life.”

  “I don’t think God—”

  Lexi interrupted him, “No preaching, okay. I don’t care if you believe in God, but any God that would allow children to be mistreated and this shit to happen can’t be the nicest guy.”

  John cracked a grin and said, “Fair enough.”

  “Pour me another shot.”

  John obliged and listened through two more shots as she described her school days. He just looked at her and thought that deep down was a little girl who had been hurt tremendously throughout life. She had grown up relatively wealthy, but a child didn’t really care about those things. A child values time and attention above all else. There she lived a life of poverty, one void of the love and nurturing a child needs from a parent. From what he gathered, she and her sister, Carey, had a very close relationship. Not wanting to leave her sister, she went to college locally. Then as if following a script of disappointment, her sister graduated high school and moved away to go to college. This deeply disappointed Lexi, but like a parent, she accepted it and decided that Carey was now old enough to take care of herself.

  After her sister left, Lexi’s life fell into a shallow and rhythmic repetition of work and partying with friends. With no goals or aspirations, all she had to look forward to was the next party. The relationship with her mother was estranged, they’d see each other for holidays, but Lexi couldn’t wait to get to the bar and forget her life. Intimate relationships were nonexistent for her, with men coming in and out of her life quickly. When a man would show any sincere interest in her, she’d get rid of him. It wasn’t that she didn’t trust them, she didn’t trust fate. Putting faith in love meant that she’d have to be vulnerable, and like other things in life, what happiness she’d experience would be wiped out by the pain of when that person would leave or disappoint her. Lacking any real connection other than Carey, she’d count the days until Carey would come into town.

  John just listened. After first making a brief comment and seeing Lexi’s irritated response, he just sat and didn’t say another word. He filled her glass every now and then, but after a couple more, she slowed her drinking as she lost herself in telling her own story.

  Her long diatribe stopped when she mentioned her sister’s last visit. Shortly after that, the lights went out and the world changed forever. She sat, looked at her glass and drank it down swiftly.

  John went to pour another, but she said, “I’ll be right back.” She abruptly stood, steadied herself from the alcohol-induced vertigo and marched towards the bathroom.

  Lexi couldn’t get to the bathroom quick enough; it was if she was having an anxiety attack. She hadn’t told anyone so much. Opening up and being honest about who she was and where she came from was not a strong suit for her. She never had friends who took that type of interest. In fact, she liked them for that very reason. She had discovered it was easier to keep people at a distance because if she got to truly know someone, she would find herself not liking them.

  When she walked back into the bar, John wasn’t there. She looked around but couldn’t find him. A loud clanging from the kitchen drew her attention; there she found him cracking eggs into a large skillet.

  “Hey, you took a while in there.”

  She leaned up against the wall and joked, “Must have been those Doritos.”

  “You like fried eggs? I thought you could use some protein,” he said as he looked over the eggs cooking.

  “Love eggs, thanks. So, what’s your story?”

  “Not much to tell. Born just a few miles away, went to the local high school, married my high school sweetheart, got a job working for a lumber company but always wanted a place like this. My wife had other plans for her life; living in a small town became too much for her. She left me years ago, and instead of remarrying, I got this place. This here and all the loyal patrons have been my family since then.”

  “No kids?”

  “Nope, never was lucky enough.”

  “Count your blessings. Believe me, we’re pains in the asses.”

  “Oh, I don’t believe that,” he said as he gently slid a couple eggs on a plate.

  She took the plate from him and smiled when she saw they were perfectly cooked sunny-side up.

  He walked back and was cracking a couple more eggs for himself when she said, “Thanks, John.”

  “You’re welcome, sweetie.”

  Lexi watched him work diligently. His large wrinkled hands firmly holding the spatula and the stained white apron tied around his waist made him look like a professional short-order cook, which in many ways he was, being the owner of a bar and grill.

  “Anyone work for you?”

  “Yeah, but I haven’t seen them for weeks now. I heard they went to Portland.”

  With so much horror and cruelty in the world, here was a man who was gentle, sweet and generous. It was refreshing to meet someone like him.

  Her journey since the EMP attack had destroyed the power grid and brought society to its knees had shown her extreme examples of good and bad. It was as if when the rule of law and the blanket of legal consequences were ripped away, those who were deeply flawed or evil people exposed themselves. They were always there, but with
out the threat of arrest, they took to the streets. This also played out on the opposite side as well, with many good people willing to risk and sacrifice. Even though she had experienced both, Lexi kept her guard up.

  She looked down at the eggs again. The special attention and consideration to not just make eggs for her but to make them sunny-side up said a lot about John. She liked him.

  “You better go eat those before they get cold. Utensils are just to the left of the cash register.”

  Lexi left the kitchen, grabbed a fork and sat down. She went to poke the yolks but again looked at them. Never could she remember her mother doing this for her, but early memories of her father popped into her head. Her father was a busy man and was typically gone by the time she woke during the week, but her weekends were always special occasions. Not a Saturday would go by where she didn’t have something special cooked for her; pancakes, French toast or sunny-side up eggs was the typical fare on the menu. When her father moved out, she still got to experience this but less, as he only had her and Carey every other weekend. She resented her mother for driving her father away then denying him full access. It wasn’t that she cared, it was done more out of spite and so she could get more money. However, her father was clever and, of course, had a great attorney. He eventually won full custody, but then life showed up and he was lost forever. When the thought of her father dying came to mind, she dashed it while simultaneously slashing the yolks with the fork.

  John came out from the kitchen and said, “Good?”

  “Yeah, they’re great, thanks,” she said, grabbing the bottle and pouring another shot.

  “You’re quite the drinker. How old are you?”

  “Just turned twenty-nine, but I feel like I’ve lived three lives.”

  “Tell me about it,” John said, tossing the apron on the bar and walking around to the front of the bar and taking a seat on a stool next to her.

  She liked him, but when he sat not two feet from her, she reacted by scooting down a few inches.

  John noticed and said, “Sorry.”

  Brushing off his apology, she asked, “So that’s it for you, this place?”

  “Ha, well, don’t put it like that! That sounds so negative.”

  “Sorry, that didn’t come off the way I was intending.”

  “So you meet anyone as great as me on your journey?” he jokingly asked.

  “No one as great as you, John! You’re one of a kind.”

  “I wouldn’t think so,” he said, winking at her.

  “You’re a good guy and I have met other good people too, but they come and go.”

  “People just passing or you just passing through?”

  “Both, but some just die. I’m fucking cursed, I think. I’ve been lucky. Had some good people help me and Carey, but shit just happens out there. You know, I can’t believe shit hasn’t gone down here.”

  “We’ve had some troubles but probably nothing to compare to what you’ve seen.”

  Lexi only nodded and continued to eat her eggs.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Oh shit, here it comes.”

  “Where’s your sister? You talked so highly of her and mentioned she was with you before the attack.”

  Lexi turned and looked at him hard. “Some motherfucker murdered her. He thrust a knife deep into her chest.”

  John choked down his food and felt awkward about asking. “I, ah…”

  “You asked and that’s what happened. So you want to know why I’m here, sitting at your bar, eating your eggs and drinking your booze? This is a pit stop on my way to go kill that piece of shit.”

  “Is he nearby?”

  “He’s somewhere in Oregon, I know that.”

  “What’s his name?”

  “I doubt you know him, but his name is Rahab. He’s the leader of a cult that Carey and I ran into in the California desert.”

  John thought for a moment to see if that name rang a bell, but it didn’t.

  “What happened?” John asked, knowing the question would elicit a charged response, but now he was curious as to what happened to this young woman.

  “My sister had always been, I hate to say it, but the dumb one in the family. She always looked at life through rose-tinted glasses and went around without a damn care. It’s so strange to think that we both came from the same DNA. She was always hurting herself. You know that person, the one that shit always happens to, not bad, but she was the one who always spilled her drink or made a mess. That was her.”

  John went back to listening as he slowly ate his eggs.

  “She was always the one bringing lost dogs home, shit like that. But something changed in her after we were taken by Rahab and his people. She, for once, didn’t just let things happen to her without thought. She decided then to take a stand, but that wasn’t the time,” Lexi said, pausing. She looked off in thought. “Her timing was always the worst.” This comment was more of a thought expressed out loud. Her mind now swam with thoughts of her little sister. “Do you know that type of person, the one that shit always happens to?”

  John nodded.

  “She managed to get two weeks off for Thanksgiving. Of course, her luggage gets lost the moment she arrives and other assorted BS happens when she’s in town. I have to laugh now, but I wasn’t laughing then,” she said, looking down, her mind going over the situations that frustrated her then. She longed for those moments, no matter how difficult or annoying they were. “You know, I’d do anything to have my sister and all her klutziness. I miss her, a lot.”

  John poured her another shot and slid it over.

  Lexi grabbed it but stopped short of tossing it back. “For all her faults, my sister had a good heart and occasionally gave good advice.” Lexi drank the shot and pushed the glass away from her.

  “I know it doesn’t mean much, but I’m sorry for your loss.”

  Lexi cocked her head and said, “I am too, but I have purpose now.”

  “Oh yeah, what’s that?”

  “Finding Rahab and his people and stopping them.”

  “Any other family?” John asked, shifting the conversation to something he hoped was less emotional.

  Lexi paused and grunted. “Nope, some cousins sprinkled here and there, but I was never close with them.”

  “Friends?”

  “Nope…well, I wouldn’t call them friends, but they helped me escape from Rahab. They even invited me to go to Idaho; apparently they have a safe haven up there.”

  “Why not go?”

  “Maybe, they were really nice people. Who knows, one day, we’ll see,” Lexi said, putting her head in her hands and slowly running her fingers through her hair. “Timing really is everything in life.”

  “I guess so.”

  “No, it is. Timing put me on the road outside of town so those Marines could help me. It also put me on the road headed to Vegas when we encountered Rahab’s people. It’s everything in life. Just take a minute away here or there and it changes the outcome.”

  John nodded as he thought about it.

  “Carey was supposed to fly back on the fourth, but she stayed because of me. She still might be alive if it wasn’t for me.”

  “Or not,” John said.

  “Or might still be,” Lexi countered sternly, not wanting John to deviate from the story she had told herself.

  “You can’t blame yourself.”

  “Of course I can and I always will. I was such an idiot then,” Lexi said, slurring.

  “Why did she stay?” John asked.

  “She stayed to celebrate or at least that’s what I called it,” Lexi said. She gave John a look and grinned. “I know it might be hard to believe, but I used to be a big partier.”

  John raised his eyebrows and chuckled. “You don’t say.”

  “I have a reason to drink now, it helps me forget, but back then I drank to just have fun.”

  He knew that wasn’t true one bit.

  “Are you sure you want me to continue
my sad story?”

  “It can’t be all sad.”

  “Trust me, it is. This isn’t directed at you per se, but why do men think they can take advantage of women?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Just that men think women are objects to be fondled, fucked and discarded. It sickens me, and you know what, it was a man, a sick, depraved and perverted fuck that started this roller coaster for me. In fact, this man set me and Carey on the path that led to me sitting right here.”

  “Rahab was his name, right?”

  “No, no, this was before Rahab. The piece of shit I’m referring to was my old boss.”

  John poured her another drink and pushed it towards her.

  Lexi only looked at the glistening shot glass. The clear liquid looked inviting, but she withheld the temptation to drink. “You look at me and think you might know me, but I was a different woman not long ago. I was the typical Southern California blonde party girl with no real ambition or goals unless it led me to a rave, bar or house party. Looking back now, I wish I had prepared more. My life before was pointless and a massive waste of time. Anytime I encountered someone talking about being prepared, I gave them the standard eye roll. How could I have ever thought this whole fucking world would fall apart? Who knows this shit?”

  “A few did.”

  Lexi shook her head and lamented, “I really wish I was more prepared; maybe I could have saved Carey. And I made so many stupid mistakes and then there’s the bad luck,” she said, holding her head low. She pressed her eyes closed and exhaled heavily.

  John felt sorry for her. He hadn’t lost anyone and his knowledge of the outside world was limited.

  She lifted her head, grabbed the shot and poured it down her throat. Holding the glass in her left hand, she pointed it at John and said, “I can tell you this, I will never ever allow anyone, man or woman, to take advantage of me or any other innocent again.”

  “That’s honorable.”

  She shot John a look and snapped, “Honor has nothing to do with it.”