I invited my mom to go with me. It is always good to have a second opinion when choosing a gift but she told me that unfortunately she couldn’t go and that I was absolutely capable of going all by myself. Some saleswomen were my friends and would help me with the choice, and more than that, they would not take advantage of my situation of darkness to try to fool me selling products at exorbitant prices just to gain profit over things without any value.
I went upstairs to my room, I chose a pair of jeans, I don’t know if it really was the color of the jeans, and I put a little T-shirt that left my body well designed. I tied my hair in a ponytail, put some lip gloss, and went down ready to rock. I'm blind, but there’s no need to be tacky or poorly dressed.
Adolfo was hidden in some part of the house, and as I love to walk with him I wanted to put the collar on him so he could accompany me. I could pretty much just go with my cane, but Adolfo was more than a guide dog, he was a friend. And as a friend, I love his company.
I opened the door quickly and ran into someone who was in front of me, someone who was about to knock on the door. Our faces met, forehead with forehead, and for a moment I felt a little ache, a result of that little accident.
- I'm sorry - Mathew said, rubbing his hand on my head instead of taking care of himself.
- What are you doing here? – I mumbled, my head aching.
- I came to return your plate. The pie was delicious. I'm sorry again.
- Oh, don’t worry. I'm leaving now, Could you put it in the kitchen? You can come in and then you close de door when you leave.
- Where are you going? Going alone?
- No, I'm not alone. I'm going with Adolfo. I’m buying a gift for a friend.
- I have a better idea. Leave Adolfo there and I give you a ride.
- There’s no need. I want a breath of fresh air.
- That’s even better. Leave Adolfo and come.
He grabbed my hand and put Adolfo into the house. Then he placed his arm next to mine, hoping that I’d crossed my arm next to him, and I was embarrassed to say no. He was cool, I was noticing that. But I still had to fight all the prejudices that existed within me, to think that someone younger and tattooed and with earring, was having some kind of interest.
- Do you like to ride a motorcycle? - He asked me as we crossed the street.
- Do you want to take me for a motorcycle riding?
- Do you like it or don’t you?
- Nothing against it, but I prefer cars. It's cozy.
- I'll take you for a ride on my motorcycle. Then we go downtown and you buy your stuffs.
I realized he was still with the plate that he had brought on his hands, because I felt it touching me from time to time, since we were idly.
We got somewhere and stopped. I understood that it would be his house because he left me waiting and I heard a noise as if the garage door was going up. His footsteps were receding. It was a sunny day, it should be a very beautiful sky, and I could hear the birds’ singing that spread through the trees of the street. The sun touched my face and I heard again a noise that sounded like the motorcycle.
Again I heard the noise of the garage door, this time it was closing. And at the same time I heard the motorcycle coming towards me, stopping almost on my feet. I felt his breath right next to my face, touching his helmet on me for me to hold and then taking my hand to help me get on the motorcycle.
I still don’t believe that I was accepting it. Go motorcycle riding with the guy I insisted on calling a child? He helped me, grabbing my hands and putting around his waist. I understood everything he wanted with that approach moment. He wanted to take advantage somehow. But I can’t deny that I liked, I felt safer as well, holding him by the waist.
- Are you ready? - He asked with that typical voice of sensuality, which now had a more perfect context. Tattooed, earring, young, motorcycle. Was there something missing? Maybe only he taking me to heavy metal concert, to pop my eardrums and made me blind and deaf.
- OK - I answered without having the slightest idea where I was getting into - we can go.
He speeded up the motorcycle and I grabbed tightly. Very tight. He knew what he was doing on that machine. I felt he was safe and that there was no reason to be afraid. The wind was beating stronger and stronger and I squeezed stronger too. He rode curves in a way that I thought the bike would skid on the road. We cut through cars. It was easy to notice that by the noise of horns and shouts of drivers cursing us.
- Are you all right? - He yelled and I realized that he turned his face a little so I could hear that he was talking to me. - Scared?
- No, it's okay - I replied. And actually everything was fine, I was enjoying that adrenaline. That was something new for me; that feeling was something I hadn’t proven yet. I was free, I was free and for a moment I felt an urge to raise my arms, feeling the wind hitting my body.
- Huhuuuuuu - I yelled, putting that pure adrenaline out.
He just laughed. I could feel the laughter lost in the wind and was also able to imagine how would be his smile. I was happy, happy as I hadn’t been for some time. Mathew gave me something I had not experienced. He gave me something new, an extra emotion. He made me lose a fear, fear of the unknown. And more than that, he made me realize that he really was very special.
We should be downtown by now. By my count we were a bit far, but I didn’t care, I wanted to enjoy that moment of freedom. He was now much more than a neighbor picking on me, he was now a friend.
After a while he slowed down and stopped the motorcycle.
- Come with me - he told me, holding my hand and helping me to get down - I want to show you something.
I just got off the motorcycle. I took off my helmet and handed to him. He took my hand and led me. I heard a sound of birds, it sounded like seagulls, but I wasn’t sure.
- Where are we? – I asked curiously.
- We are at Sunbeach - he told me - this is an area of the beach where the entry of tourists is not allowed. It is a preservation area. I brought you here so we could share something together. I know you can feel very alone at times, having that visual impairment...
- You can say it. Blindness... - I said interrupting him – I don’t mind. Blind is more practical and is not any offensive at all.
- All right - he continued - I know that sometimes you may feel isolated, feeling that nobody understands what you go through. But, as I said, I brought you here for us to share something together. I want you to know that I care about knowing how you feel and I want to feel with you.
- I still don’t get it - I told him - what do you mean by that?
- Just come with me you and will understand.
I kept on walking with him until we got to a certain place. I felt I had the fine beach sand on my feet and took off my sandals to feel more comfortable. We were still holding hands, and I hadn’t even noticed.
- Let’s sit here - he said, still holding my hand.
We lay on the sand, feeling the sea wind passing over us. It was past four, the sun was not strong, and it was a delicious weather. And the two of us there, lying and holding hands like lovers. For a moment I thought about letting it go, pulling back my hand, but I thought it was unfair to him. Mathew had given me a very good feeling with that walking and there was no big deal about what was happening, he just wanted me to feel safe knowing he was there.
- We are here and want to live a bit of your world - he told me, holding my hand, lying next to me. - I'm with my eyes closed and I want you to guide me, to show me how is to feel things, to live in this dark world. I want to have a bit of your experience.
- Do you want to know how it is to be blind? - I asked, sort of without understanding where he was going.
- I want to share something with you. - He replied – Pay attention. The sounds that we have around us, finding out what they are without seeing what they really are about.
- The sound of the sea - I told him, getting into the context of what he was proposing - liste
n to the waves. Do you notice that they come from far way, and go breaking, breaking, breaking, until they reach the beach? By the sound, we try to imagine what movement they make.
- And the smell of salt - he told me with a smile - I can feel a smell of salt, I'm trying to concentrate only on the sea and the softness of your voice. I feel a smell of salt. If I try harder I think I can even taste it.
- This is normal - I explained to him - if we feel the smell of something that we have already tasted, our subconscious will get the flavor of to make a connection. For many times, playing in the sea, you've tasted the water, even if unintentionally. So when you smell it your brain makes an association and you complement tasting it.
- You're hearing a distant noise as well - he continued, showing that he was in tune with the environment –I think it’s a bird, maybe two.
- Yes, I'm listening. But if you concentrate more, leaving your body more relaxed and be part of what you’re living, will find out what it is. I live in this dark world. I've already identified what it is. They are...
- ... They are two seagulls - he told me - and I think one is still young. The sound this one makes is different. It sounds to be learning to fly.
- That's right - I said smiling - I have the same impression as you. It must be an animal that learned to fly recently. That noise is so good, so peaceful. Nature can talk to us in a peculiar manner. From what I noticed, you would do very well as a blind. - I said laughing
- Yes, I would - he said, but this time I realized he was closer to me, I felt his hand on my waist, and I remained there, still. - I would do well if I had you by my side.
Again those chills took over my body. I had the impression that he was trying to kiss me. I didn’t want to get involved with him. A part of me wanted to, but the other tried to preserve me. I couldn’t understand me sometimes. At times so modern, at times so retrograde. But despite of that, what did Mathew want after all?
I felt his face getting closer and I realized that his lips were inches way from mine, I put my hands on his face. He was paralyzed.
- I was curious to know how you are – I said, running my hands on his beard. Low, the kind left to shave, just as my mother said. Soft and perfect.
- So is this how you create the images? By touching it? - He asked me smiling, but with an air of disappointment for not being able to kiss me.
- Yes, it is - I said, this time running my fingers through his lips, which seemed so soft like velvet, going through his nose of perfect shape, beautiful as a Greek work of art. Not that I've ever seen a Greek work of art, but people it’s so perfect that it was the only thing I found to compare. I continue towards his ears, the earrings I reneged so much, and I realized that in only one ear e had a small hole with a tiny piercing. But even so, it was there.
- You know you're special, don’t you? - He asked, almost with the body on top of mine while I was still touching his face.
- I suppose I am. Out of so many millions of people in the world, I was born blind.
- I'm not talking about that and you know it.
- THE GIFT! – I said scared trying to run away from the conversation - time is passing by and we still have to go downtown to buy the gift.
- Why do you do that? - He said, showing a strong position–You know that you want and as much as I do. I don’t see any obstacle. I don’t care if you can see or not. Life is too short for us to waste time with nonsense.
- We don’t match –I said, with my hand still on his lips - you're younger than me, you’re not my profile is my opposite.
- Opposites attract themselves. Haven’t you heard that?
I felt an urge to fall on his talk. There, on the beach. It was a perfect place, a perfect moment. A kiss there would be divine. He proved to be much more than I ever thought he was. Also, a kiss would not hurt anyone. But the problem is what would come after the kiss. If it would commit us, then he would want to propose a “regular date” I would be unable to fit in, or the opposite, I’d want to do a program, he would not fit. A kiss, is often not only a kiss, it can bring along an avalanche. And as I thought of all these opportunities, I felt his hand pressing on against my waist and I was caught by surprise with the taste of his lips leaning against mine.
He was kissing me and for a moment I considered not accepting it, ending it. But I couldn’t. He was a good kisser, very good. I felt that beard on my face, those soft lips on mine. I haven’t had that feeling for a long time. I climbed my hand across his neck, felt his soft hair, softer than mine. I grabbed his neck and kissed him with as much desire as he was kissing me. Just the sound of the sea as a witness. Many would say it was something rushed, we met just a few days ago and soon after we were kissing.
I don’t see anything wrong about it, I know girls who go to parties and kiss three, four guys in a single night, without knowing any of them.
Feeling his hand on my waist was something very good. But he was younger than me and I wouldn’t let that kiss persuade me. Nothing else would happen. We kissed, it was good. Very good by the way, but there would be anything more than that. Just that.
He kissed my forehead, and then held me tight. I didn’t know what to do. Hugging was as good as the kiss.
- We have to go - I said, without knowing what to do - we still have to buy a gift, remember?
- Yes, of course. - He said, standing up and pulling me by the arm – Let’s go.
Then what happened was strange. He hugged me from behind, around the waist, like a couple of lovers, kissed my neck and walked out with me, showing me the way. I felt awkward, not knowing what to say. We kissed and he was already acting as if we were dating. I don’t want to date him. I was rather shaken, but he was not my type.
- Hey, what's this? - I asked, taking his hands off my waist –we’ve just kissed. We're not dating.
- Yet - he said, like someone with a stopwatch waiting to confirm the dating.
- What do you mean, “Yet”? - I asked, trying to understand what he meant.
In one swift movement, worthy of a kung fu master, he spun me around the waist and kissed me again, this time squeezing me tightly and taking my breath away. I tried to free myself somehow or I think I tried, but it seemed like I was tied and the only place my hands could go was to the back of his head. That kid kisses really well.
We left and headed downtown. He smiled, made jokes, helped me choosing the gift and even received some moves from the saleswomen, who praised the beauty of the young man. One got all excited about Matt’s motorcycle rider style.
He was wearing a leather jacket, which was surely making him gorgeously handsome. For a minute I thought I was feeling a hint of jealousy, but that was impossible, because I’ve known him for such a few time to have some kind of feelings for him.
Carol’s party would be at eight o’clock at her father's farm. I thought about inviting invite Mat to go with me, but I was uncertain whether it could give him some shred of hope.
I jumped on the motorcycle, grabbed him tightly around the waist and we went back home. We were quieter now. It was nearly seven o'clock when we arrived. I’d hardly have time to get ready, but we all know that when it says that a party will start at a certain time, it only starts one or two hours later.
Mat left me on the doorstep, as the gentleman he is. Or should I say a motorcycle rider? Well, whatever, that was my impression of the earring I had touched in his ear. If the problem was just that he would just have to stop wearing it and that little hole would shut.
- You were delivered in your castle, princess - he said, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. This is one of the major problems in being blind. You get kissed when you least expect and not even get a chance to turn your face so the person can kiss you on the cheek instead.
- I think we need to talk, Mat –I told him, as soon after this tense moment on the doorstep.
- I know. I do too. What time do you want me to pick you up?
- What do you mean? Pick me up?
- Your
friend’s party, remember? Birthday, party, cake, people singing happy birthday to you and stuff. What time do you want me to come over?
- But you were not invited - I said, trying not to be rude, but already being.
- Yes, I know. I don’t even know who the person is. But you were invited and that means you need company. And I can be a great company.
- Mat Ok, I really need company. But let me make one thing quite clear: the kiss that happened was just a kiss and nothing more. We're not dating or anything like it. We're just friends. No surprise kisses, no stolen kisses, nothing of this sort, all right?
- Yes ma'am, Miss Emily - and I heard a noise like he was saluting.
- I don’t see you making a fool of yourself - I laughed - I'm blind, remember?
- You don’t see, but you know exactly what I did. And what time can I come?
- Come at nine-thirty. I'll be waiting. Don’t wear anything very social, all right?
CHAPTER 4
I went up to my room to rest a bit before getting ready for Carol’s party.
- What was that outsiiiiiide? - Shouted my mother in my room as I walked in quietly.
- What are you talking about =, Mom? – I asked to gain time. For sure, when she heard the sound of the motorcycle, she ran to a window to peek. I bet she saw when we left and was curious to know what would happen.
- That kiss down there. Are you getting along?
- No, mother. We are not getting along. And that was not a kiss, it was an accident. A detour. A mistake. But before you insist, yes mom, we kissed. But it was nothing. Nothing will happen.
- I knew from the beginning. You have chemistry, physics, geography, all subjects. He is a great guy, and he’s interested in you. Stop being grouchy and give a chance for your happiness. I don’t want to hear anything now. I know all the excuses you will give me. I'll leave you alone to think about the "meaningless" kiss, what happened between you.
Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye Page 4
