Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye

by Marcos, J. A.

  - They really didn’t. - He replied, with a smile that came from the corner of his mouth - until today.

  - What do you mean “until today”? - I asked, hoping that he would give me a plausible explanation.

  - Well, I talked to your mother two days ago. I opened the game to her about what I was feeling for you. I said I wanted to take you for lunch, to talk and try to convince you of what I feel. I needed to talk to someone, ask for some help. You acted in a way that I thought I really could not conquer you. Your mother told me to be calm and understand your world. She said that you were a great girl, who had a strong genius and yet a stronger dramatic vein. I found it funny when she said, it didn’t sound like no surprise. She was willing to prepare a lunch with something you liked and help me with the date. But I went further. I told her that I wanted to take you somewhere different, away from home, away from the looks, where it was just you and me.

  - And then she gave you the idea to bring me in a restaurant? – I asked confused - she knows I don’t like restaurants.

  - That’s exactly what she told me, that you don’t like restaurants. And she explained that you hate that people read the menu for you, that none of them had the Braille service that helped the blind to interact with the environment and feel like part of the society, in a certain way.

  - Yes, But how did we get here then? In this restaurant with a menu in Braille?

  - After I talked to her, and understood your reasons, I had this idea of looking for a restaurant, talk to the manager and make a deal. He would give me the menu and I would look for someone to make a version in Braille. This would help the restaurant owner himself, because he could use for customers who also had a vision problem.

  - So that's what you've been doing those two days? You were organizing it?

  - Yes, and no. Yes, because I was looking for someone who could do the job of creating the menu in Braille. I didn’t know anyone, didn’t know where to start. But then your mother had told me about the Blind Association, of which you were part of and I decided to start from them. Anyway, that was it. I spent those days working on this menu. And no, it was not just that, I tried to keep myself away a bit to try to make you miss me. To see if you would miss me.

  - And do you think you could make me miss you? – I asked trying to keep an ironical voice.

  - Your smile when you heard my voice was enough for me to know that you did. - He said smiling - but now enjoy your special menu and choose what to eat.

  I groped around the menu. It was an exciting feeling. I felt satisfied, happy, and complete. I was in a common restaurant, being treated as an ordinary person. Without anyone reading anything to me, or choosing, or relying on the famous recipe of the house.

  - Well, I think I've earned points instead of losing. - He said smiling.

  That lunch was very nice. We talked about many things, about our lives, our dreams. We took the opportunity to know us better, even though we were not even realizing it.

  - I have moved to many cities - he told me - my father is an artist, so he is always having an absurd idea and deciding to move. Lately we're just living small cities, where you can have a clean air because of my breathing problem.

  Mat told me about the various cities he had ever known. About the tough way of his father, who despite being an artist had neither appearance nor delicacy. He qualified himself as a star who is always wandering the universe without fixed place, lost, and never knowing where his next stop will be.

  - But I think now I became a shooting star - he said smiling - because I feel right on your way, and don’t want to leave that route.

  - It's more like a collision course - I said laughing.

  I opted to try the duck stew. I had never eaten anything like this before. But since I could choose for myself, I found interesting the description that came beside the plate. He asked for a beef stroganoff. I drank soda and he drank water.

  When we finished it was time for dessert and I was dying to try something very sweet.

  - What about my lips? - He said giving a very amused laugh, as anyone who has imagined the answer I would give.

  - I don’t know if your lips fit in the sweet profile. - I laughed - they are more for a steak, soft but just meat.

  We laughed at our jokes and he tried to grab my hand. Discreetly I pulled to not seem rude. The conversation now flowed into our dreams. About what we expected for the future.

  - The future is so uncertain - he told me - we are here today, tomorrow we may not be. If we are afraid to enjoy the time we have, we can simply leave without offering what we do best, or lose the company of those who could have done much more for our life.

  I was just listening, and in part he was right. Being afraid to live is to cage yourself in a dungeon. You miss opportunities. It’s let happiness knock on your door and don’t open for fear of what might be behind it. Life is full of surprises, good times, bad times, but there are always surprises. And it is up to us, just us, to decide how to act in every situation.

  - You know, when I was younger I wanted to be a rock star. Play in a famous band, be guitarist. I learned to play guitar just to understand this world of chords and melodies.

  - Do you play guitar? - I asked, surprising myself again with him.

  - I can play a bit, but I don’t play it for some time.

  - Since we're telling our secrets, I'll tell you mine. I always wanted to be a singer. Sing to crowds, record a CD. Sounds silly, does not it? - I laughed ashamed of what I had just revealed.

  - So you sing? - He asked –we could make a team. I play and you sing. - And he gave a delicious laugh.

  - I sang in the church choir as a child. Modesty aside, I sang very well. But as I grew older I ended up leaving these small dreams behind. I wouldn’t be a star or be successful. If this life is hard for ordinary people, imagine then for a blind one.

  - I want to hear you sing - he told me - I insist.

  - No, no way. I promised myself I would leave it alone, that I would never sing again in my life. Unless the in bathroom, of course.

  - I want to hear you sing. If you promise to sing to me I promise to follow you with the guitar.

  I was surprised by the proposal. He had awakened in me the desire to hear him playing guitar, but even though I still insisted on not accepting the proposal.

  - No, no. I don’t sing anymore. I left it in my past. It’s no longer part of me.

  - I have a secret I can tell you. A secret about me, I die of shame and don’t tell anyone. I'll tell you if you promise to sing to me.

  - A secret? - He had spoken the magic word to make a woman curious. Secret. Now I was dying to know what this secret was.

  - If you promise to sing I will tell you. - He told me and then I heard a noise as if it was kissing. - I swear - he said, and I understood that he had crossed his fingers and kissed, making the oath.

  - Okay, I sing a song for you, but only one. Now tell me your secret.

  - Only after you sing. - He said, laughing.

  - That's not fair. - I said. - You can’t let me curious. I want to know your secret.

  - How about tomorrow? - We'll make a deal that you’ll sing for me tomorrow. After you sing I’ll tell you.

  - I can’t make it tomorrow. I have a meeting on the afternoon and by the evening I’ll be tired. Leave it to Sunday, then.

  - Meeting? With who? - He asked. His voice was different. This time worried.

  - Did you really go to the association? To make the menu in Braille?

  - Yes, I did. I met Veronica, she was very friendly with me. But you didn’t answer me. Who is your date?

  - At the association we learned many things, including living like a blind person. We have tiflologia courses, for example, play sports. We get along with others who have the same problem.

  - Tiflo what? - He asked, not understanding what I was talking about.

  - Tiflologia. It is a different word, but is nothing more than a study about blind people. They are ins
tructions for us to learn more about our world. We have lessons to learn the Braille system, orientation and mobility, applied information to blind people, the laws and rights for blind people and a lot of other topics.

  - So you are telling me that there is a course for someone to be graduate as blind?

  - It's sort of like this - I answered laughing at his comment - normally these associations have psychological support. Not only for the blind but also for families. I can’t just teach the blind how to behave in an environment, but also have to teach the family. They need to learn what the limits of each one of them are. This course can be given to anyone who is blind and to who is not. Even for the people to know how to treat a blind, know to work with him and everything.

  - Oh, I see. But what does this have to do with your meeting tomorrow?

  - Well, there in the association we have a lot of activities, beyond the tiflologia course. I did my course, like everyone else. I've been a long time volunteer and always show up there to kill the homesickness and to practice some Goalball. That's what I'll do tomorrow there. I’ll practice Goalball.

  - I'm really lost. - He told me, his voice who was confused - what is it? Golbol? It is a sport? I've never heard.

  - Goalball, not golbol. Yes, it's a sport. While many other sports suffer adjustments so that disabled people can practice, Goalball is one of the few in the world designed exclusively for people with visual disabilities. It is played on a court, the same size of a volleyball court, and has some rules that there will be no use in trying to explain to you now, because you will not understand.

  - I think I understand. You are a lazy one that practice sport.

  - Are you calling me lazy?

  - Your mother told me that she and your father every day have to leave and take you at work, you’re just too lazy to take a few steps back to the house. We talked a lot, I know more things about you than you think.

  My mom and her big tongue to speak what she shouldn’t. Surely she must have talked wonders about me. Saying that despite the blindness I'm active , I walk the streets without difficulty , I can cook, wash, iron , make a good foot massage and even dance very well, but that I am accommodated, lazy, I like to enjoy modern conveniences, as the family car and blah, blah, blah . Apparently my mother wants to force me down the aisle anyway.

  Despite these small details, the lunch was very cool and I kind of inadvertently I ended up inviting the Mat to get to know the club of the association on the next day, where he would see closely how Goalball works.

  CHAPTER 7

  When I got home after having lunch with Mat – lunch that lasted longer than expected because we spent hours talking - my mother was all smiling waiting for me, sitting there in the living room, next to my father, who slept more than watched the TV programs.

  - And, honey? - She yelled from the room as I went through the door, already driving me to go upstairs to my room. - Anything new to tell me?

  Again, that old talk of wanting to know about the news. I don’t know if I should be angry with her. In the background I shouldn’t, she is my mother and it is a big sin to be angry at your mother. I was happy, very happy. Mat had surprised me once again, and not these common surprises that all lovers can make. A special surprise that completed me. One detail that made me realize that he thought about me, and in a caring way. By the steps I realized that my mother should have given a deadly double pike jump off the couch and was already approaching me.

  - How was it, honey? Tell me.

  - I'm tired, mother. – I said hugging her, since she was talking in front of me. – I love you.

  She smiled. A sweet and happy smile. She realized that I had liked what had happened. Sometimes we need to not use words to describe what is going on, simply a gesture, breathing deeper, and a different smile. My mother knew me, she knew I was happy and knew the reason for that happiness. It was him.

  In my room, I fell on the bed and I was thinking about every detail of what we had talked. He didn’t try to kiss me at any time of the conversation, although he left in the air that this was his will, I won’t lie that it was not mine. I felt that something was bothering my back, it was a piece of paper, looked like it was there waiting for me. I turned in bed, ready to pick up and throw it out. I wasn’t going to read it and if it was thrown there was something worthless.

  One more surprise. I tapped the paper and realized that he was different. That was not just any paper, was a ticket, a huge ticket in Braille.

  I was scared, I was thrilled! It was the first letter I had received in life. Another one of the first things that were happening for the first time since I met Matt.

  My fingers were sliding fondly, as my eyes filled with tears for living that modern fairy tale. Where a blind girl falls in love for a motorcycle rider.

  Ems,

  I hope that from now on I can call you like that. I am prepared to make you new surprises every day, to show that life can be better than we can imagine. That's what life waits from us, that we make it worth it. I am here to make ours worthwhile. Love ya!

  Yours, Matt

  It was impossible not to cry. There was no denying that he had come where no one else came. Every new gesture made me even more scared of what was happening. I had already been involved sometimes, I had my flirtations, but none of them in all the time we spent together, had such wonderful attitudes like that Mathew had had in so few days. Yes, I wanted to be treated like a normal girl. I wanted to feel normal, but I always knew I had my limitations and I never expected them to use such restrictions, in such a creative way to get to my heart. None of them ever did me a letter in Braille. Actually, none of them ever wrote me a letter. As I could not see, they thought there was no need to be romantic. If I could not read in the traditional way, they had no obligation to find a way to keep me enchanted by them. Somehow they had no obligation to be creative, but also didn’t Matt. He met me in one day and the next day managed to surprise me. He could understand that not having a sense was just a detail, because there were still all the others to be explored.

  I hugged that note. That day was magical, wonderful. Every moment I was even more touched, surrendering to his charms. A new phase was beginning in my life and I was changing all my thoughts. I was changing.

  ***

  Saturday came and I had another meeting, as used to happen at least twice a month with the staff of the Association for the Blind. It was day to talk, see friends, practice some sport, and spend an afternoon with those who go through the same problems as me. It is scientifically proven that live with people who go through the same difficulties that you contribute, in large part, on its way to handle the toughest situations.

  The meetings are always around 13:30, when we meet at the headquarters and begin our day's activities. First we talk a bit, we talk about our news and then we direct us to the court, to practice a bit of Goalball.

  Mat came to my house at 13h, punctual as always. I was waiting anxiously prepared to take another ride on his motorcycle and show a bit more of my world. I said goodbye to my mother, who took me to the door and grabbed Mat’s hand, which led me to his motorcycle.

  It was a nice ride. The Association for the Blind of the city was only four blocks from my house. I used to always go alone, with Adolfo, since there is a place for our dogs to wait for us, while we practice some sport and catch up. They also had fun enough, or rested a lot, had a few people taking care of them so they could run, play or just sleep.

  Mat proved to be friendlier than usual, befriending very fast and conquering all who were there. I presented all my friends, including Jeff, an ex-boyfriend, who had a 90 % loss of vision. We dated when I was 16, nothing too serious, we were still very young, after all, our relationship was more like high school, where you talk more than take advantage.

  We had a little snack while everyone told what was happening. Normally this space is only for those who have any kind of disability, it’s not allowed at this time someone who is not an effective memb
er of the association, however, after much insisting, we let him be part of our meeting.

  Mat demonstrated jealous of Jeff, whom he said that never took the eyes off me. It’s Kind of ironic to say this about someone who has only 10 % of the vision, but jealous boyfriend is complicated. Although he was not my boyfriend. Wow, even I complicate myself when I stop to talk about him. Jeff had not been my only boyfriend by those nearby, I already had dated another member of the association in a slightly more serious way.

  Marina, one of the youngest of the group, a beautiful 13 year old girl, told us she would undergo surgery to try to recover part of her vision. Currently she did not see anything at all like me, but after some tests it was found that her case had hope. She was born totally with vision, but lost her sight when she was 9 years old, the victim of an accident similar to what happened to the creator of the Braille method, Louis Braille.

  I don’t know if you know, but the Braille was created by a blind kid when he was about 15 years. Louis Braille is one of the most important men in the history of all the blind in the world, creator of the method that takes his name and that helps us to read and interact with society better through writing. If it wasn’t for him, now a blind man could never write a book, for example, or read one of them, if he wished so. Louis always saw very well, but with only three years old, when he played in his father's workshop, he took an awl with very thin tip, one of the instruments to carve leather, and tried to imitate the work of his father. When trying to pierce the piece of leather with the pointed and sharp awl, approached his face. The leather was stiff and he forced himself to cut. At one point the awl slipped and hit his left eye, causing severe bleeding. As he was the youngest son in a total of four children, his parents always had a great love for him, and went completely mad trying to heal the eye of the little boy. The poor Louis suffered much from the infection, which months later also hit the other eye. He went on to become totally blind since his two corneas had been destroyed. At 10 he went to study in the first school for the blind in the world, in the city of Paris, known as the Royal Institute for Blind Youth (Institut Royal des Jeunes Aveugles) Founded by Valentin Haüy. At 15 years old he invented the Braille alphabet, and soon wrote a book using the Braille system.