- I know. - He said, this time closer to me. - I'm used to your way, and that's what I always liked about you. - I noticed that he was sitting beside me. The bed gently lowered and his cane hit my foot.
- Yeah, I didn’t know, to be honest. I guess nobody likes much of my way. I am seriously thinking of looking for a therapist. Sometimes I'm actually quite thick.
- By me, you need no therapy. I like you that way, just the way you are.
That old talk "like you that way" was just taking me to a single direction. The direction that causes me to say those truths that often most women want to say, but don’t have the guts. I think the fact of not seeing helped me to compensate otherwise. I've always been the type who speaks what wants, what thinks, but on the other hand, I didn’t want to look like I care about what had happened in the past. I had to be superior and show that I really didn’t care, and it really was true. I had already turned that page, or rather, had already finished that book. And it was not a book I wanted to read again.
- Are you listening to me? - He continued. - If you want we can try again. I don’t think you need any therapy. You are perfect that way. Who likes you has to accept you, knowing your faults, your foibles, your way of speaking.
I felt a different smell in the air. Not so different, but already common. A smell that made me laugh suddenly.
- I agree with you friend - said a voice from the bedroom door - who like her have to accept her just the way she is. Like me, I met her and I see no need for any change.
Mat had just arrived. I don’t know exactly in which part of the conversation he arrived, as I said, he had no more ceremonies, just as if he was part of the family. And indeed he was.
- How you doing, Richard? - I felt him closer, and realized that he had shaken Richard’s hand.
- Everything’s fine. - Answered Rich - It's Math, isn’t it?
- That’s right, Mathew. But you can call me Mat, as you wish. I am Ems’ boyfriend.
The way he said my name left in the air an even greater impression of intimacy. The way he came, performed and acted, showed me that he was a perfect gentleman. He didn’t make a scandal, didn’t treat that evil Richard badly, or nothing of this sort. Richard stood up and said goodbye. I realized he was completely embarrassed. But I was completely satisfied. There's no denying about that and I think any woman in my situation would understand what I mean. It's what we call punch with feather gloves. Mat deserved congratulations, congratulations. I realized that the footsteps of Richard moved away, while the heat of Mat approached me.
- I think he wanted something from you. - Said Mat, who sat next to me and then immediately fell back, remaining laid.
- He had his chance and didn’t give the proper value.
- I'm glad for that. I mean, not that I'm glad you've suffered the end of a relationship, but I mean, not working with him, opened the way for me, right?
I remained seated, just listening to him curling up himself in his comment highly curled. I decided to drop once at his side, just as he had done before, and noticed that his arms were open, because my head was right on top of it, which at the same time he moved around my neck and pulled me closer to him.
- I just came here to warn you that our film is standing. I got tickets for the premiere of Man of Steel, as you wanted. - He spoke, his nose sniffing my hair. – I just didn’t expect to find you having a discussion about relationship with an ex.
- If you had come a little bit early you would catch us kissing, having a beautiful loving reconciliation.
I laughed. It was funny to live that. Mathew was jealous. Clearly jealous. And I was happy. Clearly happy. Even not knowing what moment he had arrived I knew he understood what I was dropping Richard. Also, he had gotten the tickets, which by that time I had requested, it would be impossible to obtain.
- You still have feelings for him? - He asked leaving me surprise.
- Yes - I replied sarcastically - I'm completely in love. I don’t know how I resisted jumping into his arms.
- I'm serious. Always remains something of an unfinished relationship. Do you still feel anything for him?
- Do you have any feelings towards your unfinished relationships? - I did what I knew best, I answered a question with another. Although my intention was not to hide anything, but try to leave him a little angry.
- You and your habit of responding with a question. - He said, showing that he already knew me well enough to know all my tricks.
- No, Mathew - I said, turning my head slightly and tucking me a little more on his neck - I don’t feel anything for Rich. Not anymore. For a long time I thought I would never get over him, or meet someone, but time has shown that things move forward. We should not move backwards. And that's what I did. That's what I'm doing.
- I'm more relaxed then. - Mathew said. - I know I have enough charisma, and I'm even a fox, but I could not compete with the athleticism and sportsmanship that young man. - He gave a shy and awkward laugh.
We stood there for a while, still. Just the two of us. Nothing more. Without the outside world without my work, without the problems of my blindness. No past, no defects, no nothing that could torment us. I felt an urge to turn around and kiss him once. But things were going too well, I was slowly getting to resist the charm of that conqueror. And that would be a major setback. I couldn’t deliver myself just like that to this feeling, this desire. And perhaps the visit of Richard had some use. Maybe I really should look for someone who has a more similar life to mine.
- I'd kiss you right now. - He said, with a tasty breath that smelled like strawberries. - But I will not do that, and you know why?
I was curious. And I wouldn’t be able to handle this curiosity.
- Why? - I asked without hesitation. - Not that I want you to kiss me, just curious to know why.
- For this reason you just mentioned. Because you don’t want it. I'll just kiss you at the exact moment you ask me. When you kiss me, otherwise nothing will happen. Now I'm leaving. The movie is scheduled for midnight, around 23 h I come to get you.
- Okay. - I replied, referring to the two questions he had just quoted. The issue of both kiss and movie.
He got up slowly, but before leaned his body over mine, making me feel his weight and the pressure that his body did. He rested his lips on my forehead and then kissed my neck. Slowly warm. I felt my body shake and heat take care of me, a desire to hold the back of his neck and pull him to kiss him. So this would be the way he’d play with me, he would tease me. It was a contest of strength, and I was sure it would be very difficult to beat him when he used such low tactics.
Mat went away and I was about to put the bed on fire. I can’t understand how that boy can leave me this way. I promptly ran to the bathroom and decided to take a shower. Thus I began to prepare myself for the movie.
I called my mother to help me to pick out an outfit, after all, she made sure to take care of my look, and also wanted to be part of my life. You know those things that mothers do, like wanting to help her daughter to apply makeup, choose the shoes, clothing, talk about sex, and all those things that make them feel more intimate? With my mom is equal. I think regardless of whether you have a disability or not, your mother will always treat you the same way, whether in any situation.
The only requirement I did was that I had something to protect me from the cold, like a cardigan or something, after all, come and go on Mat’s motorcycle at that that time would be quite complicated. I also prayed fervently asking for it not to rain.
As Mat enjoyed doing, like an English Lord, at exactly 23 h he knocked on my door. I was still finishing getting ready, which is normal with us women, we are always in doubt about what to wear, what accessory or purse. And while my mother put aside a particular outfit, I always found something to change. Or it as tight, loose or I didn’t like the shape, and so on.
Fifteen minutes later I went downstairs, accompanied by my mother who only knew to repeat the same words, praising my beauty and sa
ying that I would be the most beautiful girl at the movies. But who cared about that? I was going to the premiere of a movie and not a beauty contest, to want to be the most beautiful in the place.
- Wow! – I heard Mat saying when I got to the last steps. - You are stunning to someone who is only going to the movies.
There was nothing special about what I was wearing. I put a pair of jeans, a little tighter than usual, a turtleneck and a cashmere jacket over it, for the case to be cold. My hair was tied in a bun that left some loose curls.
- I would to say the same about you - I replied smiling.
He smiled back, like he got the joke.
- But I can confirm, honey. - Said my mother, who seemed about to leap into the arms of Mat and fill him with kisses. - As always, your boyfriend is gorgeous. You're a lucky girl.
I had already given up trying to explain that Mat and I were not dating. And he also didn’t have the slightest desire of undoing this misunderstanding. I took his hand, like a beautiful loving couple and left. I soon realized that he stopped and opened the car door, helping me to get in.
- But where is your motorcycle? - I asked, not understanding.
- Today we go by car. It's late and too cold to go on the motorcycle. The movie, of course, will end late, it’s over two hours length. It would be dangerous to return with the motorcycle at that time. And besides, the car is more comfortable.
- I didn’t know you had a car.
- And I don’t, I asked your parents and they borrowed. Actually I was going to ask my dad, but we fought. He didn’t lend it anyway.
I had forgotten that my parents were official fans of Matt. Surely they’d lend not only the car but also anything else he needed.
Along the way we were goofing off until Mat put a CD of a band I didn’t know.
- Have you ever heard it? - He asked me making reference to the sound that he had just turn on.
- No, never. Who is it?
- It's a new band, I figured you could not know. I'll switch it for something better.
- No need - I said - you talk so much about wanting to know my world, let me know some of yours. I think it's time to learn a little more about you.
He smiled a little and increased the volume. The band had a rock beat, but not that heavy thing, the kind that bursts your eardrums with a singer desperately yelling or imitating thousand voices that looks more like a Hollywood movie. The lyrics said something poetic, talking about an impossible love between a ray and a tree, which could never work without one of the two came out destroyed. It was sad music, but beautiful at the same time. I realized he was humming, I heard his voice softly, lost among the chords and it was a beautiful voice. Tuned.
- You sing well - I said, catching him by surprise - your voice is cool.
- Who told you? - He spoke like someone who has just had a secret opened.
- Don’t pretend or you'll annoy me. You should have noticed that the only sense that I don’t have is the vision, I dominate others very well. You were now humming softly. Your voice is beautiful.
- Thank you. But it's no big deal. It is a common voice. And speaking of voice, you owe me a song, remember?
- I remember, and you owe me a secret.
We continue the rest of the trip chatting about many things, and among conversations he asked me a curious question.
- Why did you want to watch this movie? It was an excuse for us to have some time alone? - This time his voice was calm, there seemed to be a joke.
- More time? We're together every day. We talk, walk, and do your super strenuous activities. Do you think we need more time together?
- With you I always want a little more time.
- Sorry to inform, but no, this was not the reason. I just want to show you a little of the reality of my world. How things really are. It’s not all flowers. And you, if you really want to get involved with a blind, you have to be prepared for whatever lies ahead.
After about 45 minutes we arrived at the Multiplex, which was a cinema in the center of Spring City. Mat already had tickets and went straight to the entering line. That was a strange environment for me, we can say different. Early on I stepped on the foot of two girls, who were in the same line as me. They mumbled something like "Is she blind or what?" and Mat didn’t like to hear their criticisms.
We walked in and searched for our seats. The film would be in 3D, and by the buzz I could noticed that the room was packed. Not just for the buzz, but also by the amount of people I bumped as we passed.
At midnight the lights went out, as Matt said, and it began to show some trailers of movies that would be released soon. I called him next to me and said what would be his mission:
- You will now have to narrate the entire film. Clothes, locations, expressions. Absolutely everything. This is the first test of "how to live with a blind."
The movie was two hours long, so he would soon get tired and realize just how boring was that life of narrating the events.
- The room is packed - he told me – There isn’t space not even to breathe.
- And we didn’t even buy the popcorn - I replied, already putting into practice my plan.
- Since the movie hasn’t started yet, I’ll buy us some. - He spoke very close to my ear.
- Of course not - I replied - if you do that who will tell me the events of the movie? No, I'll buy the popcorn. Then, you can tell me what is happening.
- But ... - He tried to retort.
- Do you really want to know if it will work to bond with a blind? Then you need to learn to trust her. I always walked alone, I am independent, I have my cane as you may have noticed since I left home, and now I'm going to buy popcorn.
- Okay. - He said with a different, very different voice from that I was accustomed to hearing.
That was the first problem when people refer to the visually impaired. To think that they are made of glass, that they will break something. That can’t walk alone or deal with situations by themselves in places. My cane helps me to go wherever I want. I confess that more than the cane, I got another companion that helps me a lot, Adolfo, but that was not time, place, or moment to be with him, despite a law that says that guide dog is allowed to be anywhere, since he is like the man's eyes.
I got out among complaints from people who were suffering from the little hits that my cane was giving. I counted the number of chairs that I was, and as I was leaving I was also counting the number of rows. I forgot to ask what the letter and number of the chair was.
Until I got to the popcorn I endured the jokes of dozens of people, when upon to realize that I was blind were wondering aloud what a blind girl would do in a movie theater. Keeping myself calm, and with the guidance of inspectors who are on the doors of the rooms, I was directed to the place of popcorn and soft drinks, the problem here was that I would have to go back holding a huge package of popcorn on one side, a giant cup of soda on the other, and still guiding me with my cane, I was sure that I would go out running into a lot of people.
Among leaps, bounds, giggles and bad taste jokes, I bought popcorn and returned to the room where the Man of Steel would start. Once again, I counted with the help of the staff that guided me to the entrance of the right room. As I had recorded the number of steps and chairs, I got back easily to the chair where Mathew seemed to already be anxious waiting. I think the amount of things he could have imagined, not trusting that I could come and go through the spaces of cinema. The path in the corridors of the seating is very tight. If for a person without a disability is hard enough to go through them, imagine then a blind holding a cane, a giant cup of soda and a bucket of popcorn. It was inevitable not to drop some popcorn over people. I only didn’t spill soda because it was covered, I would have to share with Matt.
- Was the line too big? – He asked unable to disguise the anxiety.
- A little. But I also stopped to chat with some cute guys who were buying popcorn to watch the movie in the other room. - I loved doing these bad pranks with
him.
The movie just started, and I threw the challenge to Mathew. This challenge that would cause him to had a lot of work, and get tired consequently.
- Now that the movie will start you will have to do your duty as escort.
- And what would it be? - He asked, passing one arm behind my neck. Something I know what should happen in any movies when the guy is trying to get closer to the girl.
- Describe the scenes, the scenarios, the characters. Be my eyes, to be clearer.
- That's it? Of course, my love - he said giving a kiss on my face, pulling my head a little closer to him - it will be a pleasure.
He began detailing each image that was being displayed, and the description was simply perfect. It was rich in detail and emotion. I felt his lips right next to my ear, almost leaning on me. It was a nice heat, his words sounded nice and made me close my eyes to hear the dialogue of the scene and his voice at the same time. When describing the main character, which was played by actor Henry Cavill, I was surprised to learn that the first time he appeared was quite different from the biotype we already knew. Strong, as I could expect, but with a scraggly beard, according to the guidelines passed by Captain Mathew. I realized he was trying to pass me an ugly image of the Man of Steel, when he still was Clark Kent, but being honest and faithful in his descriptions, I could imagine a tall, handsome man with a very attractive look and a body to leave girls hallucinated and men with envy. Somehow everything fit because the sighs of the girls also attended gave me this certainty, and the actor, extremely manly and sexy, completed the ensemble with his own voice, so I finally had an image of the new man of steel etched in my memory.
For every 10 words that Mat said I earned a kiss. It was one description and one affective gesture. Early in the movie, I realized that this was supposed to be one of the best ever in the history of the Man of Steel. My father was always a fan of the characters, both Marvel as DC Comics, in love with superheroes. He insisted on renting movies when we were still living at that time to go pick up rented VHS video tapes, and was narrating everything that was happening. Now it seemed that this role would be Mat’s, which as far as I was "seeing", was going very well.
Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye Page 9
