I was absolutely without understanding anything. What did she mean with “all the secrets that destroy the life of Mat” and stuff?
- You know Emily, Mathew has always been a great son. The guy who did everything for the family and, to protect his father, gave up his life several times. The fact that we moved sometimes is not because of health problems of Mathew, quite the contrary, he is a healthy as a bull. The problem is with another person.
CHAPTER 14
This is that moment when you stop and imagine yourself thinking of thousands of crazy hypotheses. It seemed that the words of Mrs. Peterson went in one ear and went out the other. I could not quite understand what she meant with all that. I was just curious to unravel the mystery around it. To find out whom she was talking about.
- Who is the problem with then? - I was not able to understand where she was going. I was happy to know that Mat had no health problem, but at the same time, was confused without knowing what she was talking about.
- The problem is with my husband Emily. With Lucas, the father of Matthew - She told me, and I realized that her voice was a bit loaded, as if she was holding the crying. - My husband is bipolar. I think you have heard about it, haven’t you? You are a teacher, educated, you must know cases.
To tell the truth I knew virtually nothing about bipolarity. I never had bipolar students, at least not that I know, and also I never studied about it. I've always been more attached to things in the world of blindness and ended shutting myself to important things such as that.
- I don’t know much about the subject, Mrs. Julia - I said, showing in my voice that I was actually new on the subject - but I know it is something about the very drastic change of mood. In a moment the person is happy, in the other is sad, something fickle. Isn’t it?
- Not so, darling. People think that being bipolar is to be happy in the morning, become more or less later at night and very sad. Things don’t work that way, depending on the clinical case is all much more complicated. In some cases patients have to be put in a hospital to not cause harm to themselves.
- I still quite don’t understand what you mean. - I was still confused. What the bipolarity of Mr. Peterson had to do with me or Mat’s disease?
- I'll be more direct, darling. The bipolarity is a form of mood disorder that has as main characteristic the mood swings of a person who can go through different stages. The maniac is the one which is more physically and mentally overactive, and depressive is what makes you most inhibited, slow, sad and with no desire to do anything. Even eating or brushing teeth for example. It is common for the disease to truly appear when the person is around 30 years, but it is not unusual to appear in children or adolescents. But it is easier to be seen in adults. And that's what happened with Lucas. When he was 32 years old we noticed some strong traits in his personality. Until then we thought it would be something normal. He constantly changed his mood, but these changes were for weeks, sometimes months. His initial attacks, at least the ones we remember, were spaced in a way that we almost could not tell the difference between his real mood and the disease running.
- So your husband is sick, and the bipolarity is something that affects your entire family. Doesn’t it have a treatment? Medicines?
- Yes, it has. But this is the problem. Bipolar mood disorder, which is also known as bipolar disorder can be caused by repetitive episodes of both mania as Depression. As I was trying to explain earlier, the mania is when he shows extreme joy, much euphoria, an excessively elevated mood. He loses track of what might be hurting someone with his excessive happiness, if we can call it that, and also becomes more vulnerable to believing in people, including losing property, money, and whatever is at his disposal. On the day of the dinner Lucas was going through one of those crises.
As she was explaining to me what happened with Mr. Lucas I was putting together a puzzle in my mind. Then that depressing episode dinner, where he talked all that crap was a crisis of bipolarity of Mr. Peterson. It was as if I saw every scene she explained. Of my way, but I saw it.
- In this phase of bipolar, mania, bipolar is seen with a super inflated self-esteem, he has a sense of grandeur that allows him wanting to be superior to all. Say what he wants to say without having the slightest idea of hurting. He does not discern whether he’s doing well or bad to the others, he just does what he wants. He also has a more enthusiastic speech, has a need to express what he thinks, putting more pressure to speak, as happened at dinner.
It was amazing, but now I was getting to understand. That’s why Mat said the problem was not with me, but with his father. I was not able to understand at the time, but now with the Mrs. Julia explaining so clearly, it was simple to understand. This man was a madman who deserved treatment. He was disrupting the lives of everyone, especially his son.
- Is he a mad man, then? – I asked without measuring my words, only after realizing I had expressed myself badly.
- No, darling, he is not crazy - she replied with a sad voice - he has a disorder that can be treated and can be used positively. He can live in the ordinary way with society, progress at work, do very well, different from a madman who will never be able to get along in society. In this phase of mania he has many ideas coming to his mind, everything is faster, it is common for bipolar people to have an attachment for the arts, for a career in this area. So I brought you into Lucas’ studio, so you can understand better. He is an artist. He paints, writes, and creates works of art. When he is at the peak of his crisis, he comes in here and makes numerous articles in a single day. He sleeps only 3 or 4 hours a day and feels perfect. But, if this phase change to the Depression he can come in here and destroy everything, claiming that he cannot do anything right, that is imperfect, doesn’t deserve the family he has, that nothing is good, and so on.
Ms. Peterson explained to me and gave examples. I was able to understand what she meant to me and realized that it was no one’s fault. Not mine, not hers, nor Mat’s, nor Mr. Lucas’ himself. She told me that at that stage that doctors call Mania, is normal bipolar engage in fights because they think they are the owners of reason, just as he would at dinner if I decided to go up against him.
- It is more common to have the manic phase than Depression. And in these delusions of grandeur he ends up putting us in various bad situations. He spends money, thinks he’s the lucky one, bet in roulette and gambling houses. This is one of the reasons we moved from some cities. He left home in crisis and got some debts that we had to pay. In one of them we lose our house. It's really complicated to deal with him, mainly because he needs to take medications correctly, and once or twice he is caught ingesting alcohol, which is totally wrong.
- I understand, Mrs. Julia. Thanks for telling me all this, but I think that deep inside all that your husband said on that table is justified. I am really blind. He may have spoken in the middle of a crisis, but he spoke the truth. In the background a lot of people think that way, they just don’t have the courage to say.
- My son doesn’t think that way, and I think it is with his opinion you should care. We did everything to protect Lucas from himself, so we got to this point. He should have been hospitalized for some time. We’ve already lost the house, car, got into debt. Each city we moved into we leave behind anything wrong. He is a great artist. His paintings and his works are sold at a great value. I have a friend who takes care of that part, and that is what sustains us. But he has also been having a crisis of depression and destroyed an entire collection that would be exposed in the following week. I don’t want you to do anything against your will, I just want you to understand that if it wasn’t for that day you and Mathew would be together and happy now, and he really likes you. Embrace it. Make my son happy as you were doing lately.
We spent almost the entire afternoon in the studio of Mr. Peterson. The conversation was long. Mat's mother explained to me all the points about bipolarity, manias and depression. Just let me out after I had understood absolutely everything and was prepared to face
Mr. Lucas in another crisis, in case it happened. This was one of the reasons why Mat was being so weird the day before the dinner, he was afraid that his father’s crises ruined everything. He was afraid that happened what happened. He should have gone through this before.
- You may have heard of psychological pregnancy. - Said Matthew’s mother as she led me to his room.
- Yes, I've heard.
- There are also people who feel psychological headaches. These pains have no physical basis to explain them. They are caused by stress, pressure, psychological things.
- Yes, I've heard that too.
- It was basically what happened to Matt - She told me stopping. I think we were at the door of Mat’s bedroom, which was also at the top of the house because we have climbed about 20 steps. - Emotional fever, as an explanation of Dr. Elias is one of those problems that only happen in the mind and the body find a way to present the problem, causing the fever. He explained that in most cases it is caused by family problems or stress, leaving his body tense by changing the rates of blood cells. When he said we realized what was happening, and so I asked for you to come. Dr. Elias said the best way to get rid of emotional fever is practicing exercises or having a hobby and we both know what Mathew's medicine is: it's you.
I blushed, not knowing what to say. Then Mrs. Peterson opened the bedroom door and announced me to Matthew.
- Someone came to see you, son.
- I don’t want to see anyone. - He spoke in a sad voice. Surely lying in his bed and curled.
- I'll bring something for you to try to make him eat. Even if it's a sandwich and a juice. - She told me quietly, letting me come to find Mat’s bed, right after she put me in the direction, where I would just have to follow a straight line.
- Not even me? - I asked, right after feeling that I had reached his bed and touched him, who was covered by the sheet.
He just turned in my direction without believing it was me who was really there. I touched him and realized that he was really hot. His voice was tired, but seemed a little happier to see me. I wish I could hug him, and didn’t think twice about falling on him in bed with a long hug.
- I’m so glad you came! - He said weak. – Aren’t I hallucinating?
- Do you want me to pinch you? - I said laughing.
- I do. - He answered me taking my hand and kissing her fondly.
- What a fright you gave us, boy.
- Why did you do this to me? Why were you ignoring me?
- I just wanted some time to think, but I didn’t know you were going to do this whole scene. - I giggled as I caressed his body burning with fever. - You are very hot. The medications that you are taking aren’t making any effect?
- My medicine has now arrived. - He replied, unable to lose the joke. - You're my disease, you're my cure.
Mrs. Julia burst into the room with a tray bearing the snack that had promised to Matt.
- I want to see now that our nurse has arrived if you will eat something. – She said being friendly. – Here are two sandwiches with white cheese and two glasses of juice for the two of you. Enjoy it.
I felt her footsteps leaving the room and heard a noise like she was letting the door slightly open. It was about 18 h. The night was coming and I was still there serving as a nanny for Matt.
- You will eat this whole snack, otherwise your mother will fire me.
- I don’t want to eat. - He said, and I felt that he should be very weak. The voice was slow and low.
I forced him to eat the whole sandwich with the excuse that if he didn’t obey me, I would leave. Then Jason knocked on the door, entered, came to check on him. The three of us chatted a bit, and my beloved brother said I was hired by the Peterson family to be the official nurse for Matt.
- He's almost asleep. - I spoke softly, not to wake him. - In a little while I'm going home.
- I already told Mom and Dad that you were here taking care of Mathew. They said there’s no problem and we could stay as long as it was necessary, if you need anything just let me know.
The hours ran. Mat slept soon after Jason left and I sat on the bed caressing his smooth hair. When I realized and checked my sound clock, it was nearly 22 pm, and his fever was disappearing. I went out for a moment and found Suzan in the living room watching something. I informed that Mat was improving and I thought I should go home.
- Don’t worry. If you want to spend the night to be closer to him I put a mattress in the room. My mother must have gone to sleep. She was responsible for giving to dad the medicine today. We found out that he was hiding under the tongue and then throwing away. She left the thermometer here if he needed.
- Then I'll accept. Could you tell in my house that I will spend the night taking care of Mat?
- Sure, no problem. I think you've learned the way of things. My room is down the hall, just head to the right when exiting the Mathew’s bedroom and you'll find my door. Anything you need, you can just call.
Then she followed me back to Matt’s room and put a mattress beside his bed. They had a guest room, but I didn’t want to stay away from my favorite annoying guy. I realized she closed the door when she left and wished me good night.
I sat on the bed, beside him and realized that the fever was really leaving. He was sweating. That was a good sign. Mathew was improving.
He turned slowly, and even slower he spoke my name.
- Ems. Is it really you?
I laughed. I think he must have thought he was dreaming. I didn’t know if he was joking again or really thought he was hallucinating.
- No. It's your imagination. You are dreaming. You have a fever and is delirious. - I said laughing, as I touched his face and waited for his reaction.
- Am I really dreaming?
- Yes, you are. Why do you ask?
- If I'm dreaming, then I can do this ... - He approached my face and kissed me. A hot kiss. His lips were sweaty, but were still warm. Very hot. It was a good kiss, with a taste of past, or better, ending with that missing of the past. I couldn’t stop him from kissing me, I also wanted that kiss. I put my hands on his neck and gave back the kiss with the same ease as he kissed me.
- I think I'm actually dreaming - he said pulling me closer to him, lying next to me and hugging me - just a dream for me to have you here with me, so close.
- It’s your fever that is leaving. It is normal for you to have delusions after such a high fever. And if I was the cause of your fever it was only natural that your delusions were about me.
We kissed again and then I went down my hand a bit to his chest. Strong, manly. It was hot, hotter than normal. I felt his hand down my back and his lips moving toward my ear. He gave a naughty bite and whispered something softly.
- I need to tell you something. - Biting again and passing the hot hand behind my back that were already completely with goosebumps.
- You can tell. - I whispered in return, without knowing how those words were coming out. - This is your dream, what you say will stay between us. - I was in his hands, delivered. Without any reaction. How was that possible? He was sick with fever, and still had all that power over me.
- It’s that I love you! - He said softly, in a way almost inaudible.
I felt my body shiver from head to toe. All this time he still had not told me that. He said just at that moment, the moment that he should not have said. I was helpless, without any reservation. I was delivered in the lion's den without knowing what to do.
- I didn’t understand what you said. - It was the only phrase I could answer.
Still speaking slowly, as he was recovering slowly from all that he had been through, he repeated, but now with more strength.
- Emily Mondini, I LOVE YOU! - And gave me soft kisses then.
I could not deny, I could not run. I did not want to escape. He deserved to know, and I would not be a child running away from my destination. I hugged him, kissed passionately, letting him feel all my desire, trying to copy the way he did to me I said softly.
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- I love you too, Mathew Peterson!
CAPÍTULO 15
On the next morning I woke up next to Matt when he was still asleep, with a light breath as a baby. That's when I remembered the events of last night and recalled the magical thing that had happened.
After Mat said he loves me and I couldn’t resist his voice so sexy in my ear, I ended up also confessing my love and we exchanged kisses much warmer than usual. His body was still warm, but the fever was leaving. He looked a bit tired because of everything that happened to him, but his hands on my body said otherwise.
We began to embrace ourselves with even more desire, while his lips, hotter and hotter, fun through regions my neck that I would never imagine being so pleasurable.
- I can’t resist you no more, Mathew. - I said, as his hands ran my body lovingly, and I did the same thing, reaching his chest, that had a great skin to be felt.
- So we're even - he told me, squeezing me with even more passion - because when I think of you I can’t stop my mind from wanting you even more, in all forms.
My hands ran through his shirt, and gradually, as who wants nothing, began to lift it. He was wearing fluffy cotton pajamas which didn’t hide how much he was excited at that moment so intimate between us. It was inevitable that moment to happen. We were in love, more than that, we loved each other. Sooner or later this would happen. And that night happened. We had our first night of love.
We knew what we wanted. We knew it would happen and should happen. It had to be that night. I wanted as much as he and it was the perfect opportunity to deliver ourselves to each other. My hands were my eyes. I touched every part of his body. Ran my hands down his legs and realized they were not skinny, quite the contrary, they were shapely. I felt his warm hands touching my body.
Shooting Stars Don't Say Goodbye Page 15
