He couldn’t stop the unexpected rage that filled him.
“What do you know, Cameron?” he growled. “What are you keeping from us?”
Kadlin stepped close to Matthew, her tone different…dangerous. “Take care how you talk to—”
She never had a chance to finish her sentence before Matthew saw red, wrapped his hand around her throat and slammed her back against the rock wall. “No, you take care how you talk to me, dragon.”
Kadlin could grind her jaw and glare all she liked, but she knew better than to shift on him. His eyes narrowed first on Kodran—warning him to stay back—before they whipped to Cameron, who was clearly concerned. There was no mistaking the fear the human felt for her.
“Tell me what you know, Cameron,” Matthew ground out, feeling less and less like himself as he flexed his hand around Kadlin’s throat. “Or nobody will like what happens next.”
From somewhere far away, he heard Shannon’s whisper. Her plea that he stop. That he wasn’t himself again. But it was hard to focus or care as his eyes stayed on Cameron. As he became more convinced by the moment that the man knew far more than he was saying. That he withheld crucial information.
“Matthew.” He felt a tug on his jerkin. “Will you look at me? Can you see me?”
Interestingly enough, though Emily’s words sounded far away the worry she felt for him was loud and clear.
“I’m right here, Matthew.” Emily tugged on his jerkin again. “You just have to look at me. Once you do, you’ll understand more.”
All it took was the desperation in her voice for his eyes to drop to hers. As soon as they made eye contact, his rage melted away, and he released Kadlin. He shook his head, unsure why he had become so mad, to begin with. Yes, Cameron kept secrets but accosting his cousin wasn’t the way to get them from him.
“You got so mad because they’re close,” Emily murmured to Matthew. “Everyone is close now.” Her eyes drifted in another direction. “See?”
His eyes followed hers, and he went still.
There they were.
Freydis and Sigrunn.
Neither was transparent but solid.
His jaw dropped, and he leaned back against the wall as their eyes connected. He looked at Sigrunn then Freydis then back again. Over and over. And they did the same.
“Brother,” Freydis finally said. “Is it really you?”
Matthew had no idea how to respond other than to nod. He just couldn’t find the words.
“Husband?” Sigrunn whispered, her eyes filling with tears. “Where have you been?”
“He’s been right here all along,” came Shannon’s soft, soothing and calm voice. “Just like I told you, Sigrunn. But now you can see him.”
Though Shannon stood beside him, Matthew didn’t dare look at her. What if Sigrunn knew what they had done? That he had lain with Shannon? What if that hurt her somehow?
“Stop thinking like that. She doesn’t know, and even if she did, her spirit wouldn’t care about the physical stuff. It’s all emotional now,” Shannon said into his mind. “What’s happening at the moment is far more than either of us could have ever hoped for.” When she hesitated, Matthew knew how hard it was for her to see Anthony again. Yet still, she put his needs before her own. “We’ve been given a chance to spend time with our loved ones in a whole new way.”
“What does that mean?” he managed, his eyes still locked with Sigrunn’s. “A whole new way?”
“They’re solid here, Matthew. They’re real,” she explained. “We can say goodbye. We’ve been given a second chance that no one gets once their loved ones pass on. Not like this.”
“But Håkon’s not here to say goodbye to his mother.” Matthew released a ragged breath. “He should be.” He shook his head. “Sigrunn will be upset.”
“No.” Shannon remained calm, her voice still soothing. “She’ll only be upset if she knows you are. Tell her that you’re on a journey to reconnect with Håkon. Tell her that he’s hanging with Kjar. Tell her whatever you need to in order to make this easier for her…and for you.” Her voice softened so much within his mind that he barely caught it. “Use this time to tell her everything you wished you could have told her before she died. Positive things. Don’t bring up the battle if she doesn’t. Just talk about your life together. Anything left unsaid.”
“Truly?” he said. “But won’t all this only confuse her further?”
“No,” she replied. “It will give her closure. And that, more than anything, is what she needs now.”
Matthew wasn’t so sure, but then what did he really know about any of this? He should listen to Shannon. This was her world, and she hadn’t steered him wrong thus far. So he nodded and finally moved.
The way he felt as he embraced Sigrunn and Freydis was indescribable. Surreal. He had imagined this moment so many times. What it would feel like to hold them again. To tell them how much he missed them.
Yet later, after he and Sigrunn spoke of the fond memories they had shared, his mind kept wandering back to Shannon. Who was taking care of her? Who was helping her cope with seeing Anthony again? He knew the pain she must be suffering. Not only that but the pain she likely felt for her daughter, because Emily would have to say goodbye to her father all over again. It was too much for a little girl to go through. But Emily wasn’t just any little girl. He had to keep reminding himself of that.
“You have changed, Matthew,” Sigrunn murmured as they strolled.
“I have been…” He wanted to say haunted but knew better. She wouldn’t understand. “Life has been difficult.”
“I know,” she murmured. “I remember flashes of the battle.” Her pained eyes met his. “While I cannot remember the details of my death, I know you have blamed yourself for it since.” She took his hand and shook her head. “Please do not do that anymore. Whatever happened, it was not your fault. We are warriors and go into battle knowing it might mean our end.”
Matthew nodded. While tempted to tell her what happened, he did not. She didn’t need to know about Hallstein or the threat to their people.
Though he was under the assumption she was entirely lucid, her next words made him realize he needed to be careful. There was a strange mix of confusion and clarity in her eyes as she looked at him. “Are you spending more time with Håkon now? Are you watching over him?” She shook her head. “He always seems so sad when I am with him.” She tilted her head. “Tell me he is no longer sad.”
“He is not,” Matthew lied and found the only words he could. The only ones that might make sense. “He is a young dragon trying to find his way in the world.”
“He is.” A smile blossomed and her eyes filled with moisture. “And you fly with him often, yes? Then you keep him close at night? That meant so much to him. Being close to you when he rested.”
His heart ripped in two as he stared at her. As she looked at him so expectantly. What was he supposed to say? He couldn’t keep lying. It didn’t feel right. Not when it came to their son. But he didn’t want to hurt her. So the moment stretched as she stared at him and waited.
“Håkon is always close to Matthew,” Emily confirmed, smiling up at Sigrunn as she joined them. “I know because Håkon’s my dragon friend and he’s always talking about how great his dad is.”
Sigrunn frowned. “What is a ‘dad’?”
“I meant ‘father,’” Emily corrected and kept beaming at Sigrunn. “You should be very proud of your son.”
“I am.” Sigrunn’s eyes warmed as they stayed on Emily. “So you are Håkon’s friend?”
“Yes.” Emily nodded. “We go way back.”
“But you are only a child.”
“I know, right,” Emily exclaimed, chuckling before she grew serious. “What I meant to say is that I know Håkon so well that it feels like I’ve known him forever.” Her eyes flickered to Matthew then back to Sigrunn before she said something that caught him completely off guard. “Matthew is an amazing father. You have nothing to worry abou
t. Håkon is very safe.”
Sigrunn stared at Emily before her eyes returned to Matthew and she whispered, “I think he’s a good father too.” A look of relief entered her eyes. “Why would I have ever thought Håkon wasn’t safe with you?” She wrapped her arms around him and pressed her cheek against his chest. “You have always been a very good father.” He heard the emotion in her voice. “I do not know why I worried so much.”
Matthew rested his chin on top of her head and closed his eyes. He should tell her the truth. He should tell her what was happening.
“No,” Shannon’s words whispered through his mind. “That would be selfish and only ease your conscience, not hers.”
She was right.
He knew she was.
Sigrunn pulled away and smiled. That’s when it occurred to him. There was nothing romantic in her gaze. She missed him but only as a friend. Nothing more. She was who she was always supposed to be when they were together.
Not lovers but friends. Close friends.
And that freed him in a way he never expected.
“Sigrunn.” He cupped her shoulders. “Are you happy now?” As their eyes held, he suddenly knew what to say. What he had wished he could have said if life hadn’t pushed them down the path it did. “Did you find what you were looking for?” He felt an unusual sense of peace fill him. “Did you find love?”
For some reason, he expected her answer to be vague and confused, but it was clear as their eyes held. “I did.” A small smile curled her lips. “The moment I met you and you allowed me to still love him. You were such a good friend.” Her eyes were wistful. “Then when Håkon was born, I learned that love runs so much deeper than I thought it did.”
Matthew nodded. “Håkon taught us much, yes?”
“I think he taught me a lot.” Her eyes stayed with his. “But he didn’t have to teach you, Matthew. You had it right from the beginning when it came to our son.”
“No,” he started to say, but she wrapped her arms around him and pressed her lips against his before he could stop her. It wasn’t romantic. Not anymore. It was nothing more than a last kiss to say thank you.
“Now I need to go see my son,” she murmured, her eyes lingering on his as she pulled back. “Can you help me do that?”
Matthew again felt adrift. What was he supposed to say?
“Yes, he can,” Emily declared, smiling at Sigrunn as she held out her hand. “But I’d like to walk with you first if you don’t mind. I have lots to share about Håkon.”
Sigrunn’s brows perked with interest. “You do?”
“Yes,” Emily confirmed, nodding. “I do.”
Matthew did not know what to make of Emily as she and Sigrunn walked off together. What was Shannon’s daughter up to? Was she fabricating stories to make Sigrunn feel better? How else could it be?
Yet as everyone headed in the direction of Mt. Galdhøpiggen’s sister mountain, all seemed very well between Emily and Sigrunn. More than that, Freydis seemed calmer than she had when he saw her before. She strode alongside Kadlin, catching up. Why hadn’t his sister confronted him yet about the battle? Because he got the sense, she remembered everything about it.
“Give it time,” Shannon murmured into his mind before she came alongside and gestured at her husband. “Matthew, meet Anthony.”
If he wasn’t already confused enough, Anthony made him more so. What was he supposed to say to him? I laid with your wife. And I love her…
Matthew stopped short at his thoughts. Not just figuratively but literally as he stopped walking and shook his head. Love wasn’t something he wanted. It wasn’t something he looked for with women. His heart belonged to Sigrunn. Or at least it had.
But now it didn’t.
Not anymore.
“It’s good to meet you, Matthew,” Anthony said. “You seem…capable.”
Capable? What did he mean by that? As their eyes held, he suddenly realized. Unlike Sigrunn and maybe even Freydis, Anthony was fully aware of what was happening. And Matthew wasted no time addressing him about it.
“How do you know so much?” He narrowed his eyes. “When my wife doesn’t?”
He could have never anticipated what the man said next.
“Because I lived a previous life with you,” Anthony said. “And Sigrunn did not.”
Matthew frowned. Impossible. Or was it? “How do you know that?”
When Anthony didn’t respond right away, unexpected anger filled him. Almost as if he was starting to remember something. Or someone. His eyes narrowed further on Anthony as he fingered the hilt of his dagger.
“Don’t do it, dragon.” Anthony’s eyes narrowed as well. “Don’t disappoint my daughter again.”
He could only be referring to when Anthony had manifested alongside Shannon days ago, appearing to be a lost, helpless spirit. Then how Emily had confronted Matthew when she heard his thoughts about wanting to battle her father.
“Who are you?” he bit out.
“It’s less about who he is,” Shannon said softly. “But about who he was.”
He never took his narrowed eyes off of Anthony. “Tell me, Shannon.”
“Maybe now’s not the best time since you’re so upset.”
“Now.” His irritation was only growing.
Suddenly, he knew he was being watched…tested. And he didn’t need to look around to know by who. Emily. She, above all, wanted to see how he would handle this. If he would keep his promise not to harm her father. It was that, her waiting to see what he would do next, that made him remove his hand from his dagger and try harder to remain calm.
“As you did in this life, you had everything in that one too, Matthew,” Anthony said, his voice soft. “Yet even if seers and dragons were allowed to mate back then, I couldn’t have had her because you already did.”
Matthew shook his head, confused.
“Eluf, the original and most powerful seer on Midgard, the old man who saw Maeva safely into the future, had apprentices,” Shannon murmured. “One was Cameron in another life. Another was Anthony. Brothers then just like they are now.”
“Loki’s balls,” he whispered before he could stop himself.
“Though Maeva was a dragon, she was my closest friend,” Anthony continued. “And Shannon was the woman I desired most.”
A strange jolt of warning made Matthew’s muscles tense. Something felt familiar about the look in Anthony’s eyes. As if he had seen it many times before.
“Don’t you remember me, dragon,” Anthony murmured. “Because I remember you.”
As he stared into the man’s eyes, images started to flicker through his mind. Another life. Another place. Anthony looked different back then, but there was no missing the robes of his calling or the power that was his. Matthew felt how strongly Anthony had desired Shannon. How much he had wanted her. But he was not allowed to be with her. Even if he wanted to break the rules, it would not have mattered because she already belonged to another.
Fire rushed through his blood as Shannon’s hand slid into his, and she murmured, “It was you, Matthew. Always you.”
“So it’s true.” His eyes shot to hers. “We were mates?”
“Yes. According to Cameron and Anthony.” Her eyes searched his. “Can’t you feel it?” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “The memories are slowly starting to return, but they’re scattered. Fleeting. Yet I know they’re all of you.” She shook her head. “And there’s more…but I just can’t see what…”
Cameron joined them and clasped Matthew’s shoulder as Anthony touched the small of her back.
“Now you can see, Shannon,” Cameron murmured. “Both of you can.”
That’s when it happened. Cameron and Anthony allowed them to see everything clearly.
All that they had forgotten.
She had been of Bjark’s line and Matthew of Einar’s. He remembered the first time he laid eyes on her. Not in human form but dragon. She couldn’t have been much older than Emily, and it seemed her daughter h
ad taken after her because she looked just like her. Even in that life.
They had become fast friends, spending all their time together. He remembered their first flight. Their first kiss. How sweet she had felt the first time they were intimate. How happy he was when she became his mate.
“Oh, Matthew,” she whispered as the memories intensified. “We had children.”
His chest tightened as he remembered how he felt when she told him she was pregnant with what turned out to be fraternal twins. The joy he experienced when his daughter was born. She was black with pale blue eyes…just like her mother. Images kept flashing as Matthew started to truly understand what he was being shown. After the girl, a boy came. Emerald green with piercing gold eyes…just like his father.
The girl had looked just like Emily.
And the boy? Just like Håkon.
When his eyes found Shannon’s, a tear slid down her cheek.
“They were ours,” he said, his voice hoarse, his emotions raw. “Emily and Håkon were our children in another life, weren’t they?”
She nodded and whispered, “So it seems.”
He tightened his jaw and struggled through the overwhelming feelings rushing through him. Now it all made sense. Why he felt so drawn to Emily and connected with her so quickly. Why Shannon had felt such a strong feeling of familiarity when she saw Håkon.
“Now you understand,” Emily murmured as she joined them, “why those four dragon spirits stood around us like that. They were us in another life hoping we’d remember them so that we’d be stronger.”
Matthew tore his eyes from Shannon and looked at Emily. Suddenly all he could remember were all the firsts he had shared with her. From when her little dragon eyes opened and locked with his to when she shifted.
“You helped me every step of the way. From testing the air with my dragon hands to spreading my wings.” Emily’s eyes were teary, but she stayed strong. “You might not be my real daddy now but thank you for taking such good care of me in that life.”
It took everything in him not to scoop her up and hold her close. He had found his dragon daughter again. His baby girl. But he wouldn’t. Not with Anthony watching. It didn’t seem right.
Fury of a Viking (The MacLomain Series: Viking Ancestors' Kin Book 4) Page 21
