by K. M. Scott
Olivia softly kissed my lips and whispered, “For family. It’s why all three of you brothers do nearly everything.”
“Ironic, isn’t it? We come from the world’s worst father, yet we all value family enough to risk everything for it.”
“Your father may have been the world’s worst, but your mother is pretty damn terrific. You get your love of family from her, Cash, not from your father. Alexandria deserves all the credit.”
I nodded and thought about how much my mother had been through because of my father, and yet still she considered Kane her son like Stefan and me. And I knew if Kane became close to Sebastian, she’d accept him eventually too. She’d probably even push for me to come around about him.
No matter how I felt about Sebastian, I hoped Kane had the chance to try to convince me too.
My cell rang, and I saw it was my mother calling. Answering, I heard panic in her voice. “Cassian, you need to get back to the hospital.”
“Why? Did something happen?” Fear tore through me at the thought that Kane had taken a turn for the worse.
“They had to take Kane back into surgery. He went into cardiac arrest. Abbi needs you and Stefan. Tell Olivia I’ll watch the baby so she and Shay can get there too.”
I ended the call, feeling like the world had begun spinning out of control. Olivia hurried to get Cassian ready to go to my mother’s as I prayed to God I got to my brother in time.
Chapter Fourteen
Kane
The touch of Abbi’s hand on mine told me I was still okay. At least I wanted to believe I was, but the sound of beeping machines and people yelling made me think things were anything but okay.
As long as I felt Abbi’s hand holding mine, I didn’t worry.
I tried to remember what happened, but my thoughts were hazy, like my brain was disconnected. I was at Sebastian’s trying to convince him to give up stealing for a living. Some guy busted in demanding money from him. I wanted to give him what I had to at least give Sebastian some time.
After that, everything went dark. I remembered a popping sound and a smell I hadn’t experienced in years. Then nothing, other than the feel of Abbi’s hand touching mine as she talked about Annalea and Liam. I wanted to open my eyes and tell her I loved her, but I couldn’t do either.
I knew by the sound of her voice that something was wrong. I always knew when she was unhappy, even if I couldn’t see her face. I hated hearing her sound like that because it was always from something I’d done. No one else in the world made her sad like I did.
It wasn’t something I ever wanted to do. I never set out to hurt her, but I was so fucked up even now that sometimes I made the wrong decisions or said the wrong thing. Or I lied to her, although I knew she hated when I did that. But I lied to protect her, never to make her sad.
Suddenly, I felt her hand drift away, leaving me cold and alone. I wanted to scream, “Don’t go! Stay. No matter what I did, I’ll fix it, Abbi. I promise I will!”
But I couldn’t cry out. I couldn’t move. All the yelling and beeping grew louder and louder. Who were these people and what were they saying? Everything sounded frantic and garbled.
Was I dreaming? Was that why I couldn’t speak or see?
My heart raced as I tried to wake up, pounding harder than it ever had before. I felt like my chest might explode. I had to calm down or I’d have a damn heart attack. Was I dreaming all of this? What was that thing I heard once about dying in a dream meant you died in real life? Or was it falling?
Fuck! And then there was nothing. No sound. No beeping or screaming. Nothing.
I opened my eyes, and before me I saw a beautiful sunny day. I stood in the dirt near second base on a baseball field, just off the perfectly green grass. No one else was there with me. No players, no spectators. Nobody.
Just me.
Where was I? I looked around and wondered if I was still dreaming.
“This isn’t a dream. Well, not technically,” a deep voice said, answering my unspoken question.
I spun around to see him standing there like we belonged together on a baseball diamond. Since I’d never even seen a game with him, much less played baseball together, I had to wonder why I was there with him at all.
“Because this is what you wanted when you were seven. To play baseball and have your father there to see you.”
The memory of me begging my mother to let me play on the local team flashed through my mind as vividly as if it had happened just seconds before. I wanted to play more than anything, but she said no. I never told her I wanted my father to see me play. I knew better.
A feeling of sadness filled me at the memory. “I never did get to play.”
My father nodded, a frown etched into his features. “I wouldn’t have come to see you anyway, if that means anything.”
I looked around as my chest began to ache. “If this is a dream, it sucks. Nothing like being told the one person you desperately wanted to love you wouldn’t have given a damn.”
“This isn’t a dream, Kane.”
“Okay, Cassian. What is it then?” I asked as I headed toward the outfield to lie down in that green grass that looked so inviting.
He followed me, but probably not for the same reason. “It’s sort of a dream but more of a vision.”
Looking back at him, I grimaced at the thought that my father had chosen now to visit me. “So now I’m now having visions? Why?”
“Because you can.”
I sat down on that perfect green grass, loving the feel of its coolness against my palms, and looked up at him. “And why’s that?”
“Because you’re dead.”
He said those words like they weren’t supposed to scare the hell out of me. “What? No! I’m not dead. Why would you say that?”
“Well, not exactly. We don’t have a lot of time, so listen to me. I want to tell you something. I’ve wanted to tell you for a long time, and since you’re here now, let me say this.”
I jumped to my feet, looking for a way out of this fucking nightmare. “Say whatever you want, but I’m going home.”
My father touched my arm, stopping me cold. “Then let me say this before you go wherever you’re off to.”
I didn’t like the way this was sounding. Why wasn’t I going home?
“Okay.” Maybe listening to what he had to say was how I could get out of there.
He took a deep breath and shook his head like he didn’t want to say what was on his mind. “Of all my kids, you got the worst of it, Kane. I know a big part of that was my fault, but you got a double negative in your parents. All the others had mothers who made up for what I lacked. You had the bad luck to have one who didn’t.”
I choked back emotion, not even sure why what he was saying bothered me. It wasn’t like any of this was news to me.
“What I tried to do when you had to go to jail was to make up for all that I’d done wrong, but I know it wasn’t enough. I’ve had a lot of time to figure that out.”
“Here in heaven?”
As soon as the words left my mouth, the baseball field and beautiful day full of blue skies disappeared and suddenly we were standing in a white room. I spun around to figure out what had happened, but my father stood as still as a statue, unfazed by the change.
“Not exactly heaven.”
“Stop saying not exactly, damnit! What’s happening?”
He screwed his face into an expression like he’d just eaten something terrible. “You’re in cardiac arrest. Whether you die now or not isn’t in your hands anymore, so I better finish what I was saying.”
I felt my chest tighten. “Cardiac arrest? How?”
My father took hold of my arm and instantly calmed me. “Listen to what I have to say. You’ve gotten past what your mother and I did to you. You’ve got a beautiful wife you love and two wonderful kids. I know why you wanted to find Sebastian, but don’t jeopardize your happiness to make up for my failures. He didn’t have the childhood you did. He’ll be okay.
Don’t make a mistake you won’t be able to come back from, even if it’s for the right reasons.”
“I didn’t want him to go through life not knowing he had brothers,” I explained. “I just thought he should know.”
Cassian shook his head. “He’s not like you, Kane. I knew when he was born that he’d be okay. He had a mother and father who loved him. He never went without because I wasn’t around, like you did.”
A light began to flood the room, and slowly I began to lose sight of him. “What’s happening now?” I asked. “Am I dying?”
I didn’t want to die. I wanted to go back to my life with Abbi and our children. To working with Cash at the restaurant. To everything I hadn’t accomplished yet.
As he faded away, he said, “I don’t know. I just know our time is up now. Remember what I said, Kane. I’m sorry for never being there for you. I’m sorry you didn’t get to play baseball or see the mountains or hear me say I was proud of you. I am, though.”
I didn’t know how he knew that I had wished for all those things when I was a growing up. I didn’t know what was happening or how I had gotten to speak to my father again.
All I knew was I wanted to return to Abbi and feel the touch of her hand on mine. I wanted to see my kids again and hold them in my arms.
I wanted to live.
Chapter Fifteen
Kane
Slowly, I opened my eyes to see Abbi staring at me and smiling, her beautiful blue eyes wide with concern. She did that a lot these days since I came home from the hospital. For the first couple months, I don’t think she slept a night all the way through. I’d wake up and see her watching me, afraid that I might stop breathing at some point as I slept.
It wasn’t until right around Christmas that she trusted I’d be okay if she closed her eyes. I hated that she worried about me. She didn’t have to. The doctor had told her that over and over, but it didn’t seem to matter.
“Good morning,” she said sweetly.
“Good morning. Did you get a full night’s sleep?” I asked, hoping to hear she had.
She kissed me softly on the lips and nodded. “I have to take care of the kids. We have a big day ahead of us today. Cash’s party begins at noon, so there’s no rest for the wicked.”
I knew what that answer meant. She hadn’t slept much. Again.
As she turned to slip out of bed, I slid my arm around her waist and pulled her back toward me. “Where are you going in such a hurry? I don’t hear either of the kids making any noise yet.”
She smiled in that way that never failed to make my heart flutter and said, “I figured I’d get a jump on the day.”
“I’d rather you get a jump on me,” I said with a wink.
Lifting her so she sat on top of me, I ran my hands down her sides until I reached her hips. After months of waiting because of my injury, I was done being a patient. I wanted to be a husband and a man again.
She gently balanced herself on me, awkwardly placing her hands on my chest. Her right palm covered the scar from where the bullet entered my body, but when she realized where her hand was, she quickly pulled it away.
“I really have to get this day started, Kane.”
I lifted my hips to let her feel my hard on ready to go. “Feel that? He’s ready to get back into the game.”
“You say that like it’s cute. I’ve never been worried about that part of you. It’s the other parts that concern me.”
Squeezing her ass in my hands, I joked, “Do you mean my tongue? Because if you do, don’t worry. He’s ready to go too, and I haven’t forgotten how to make your thighs quiver.”
Her expression grew dark. “Stop joking about this, Kane. I don’t want to do anything that would make me lose you. You know that.”
I cradled her face and pulled her mouth to mine to kiss her long and deep. “You’re not going to lose me if we have sex. My heart is fine. The doctor told you that. I had a heart attack because I’d been shot, not because I have a bad heart. I have a great heart, and I’m as healthy as a horse. So climb on and giddy up!”
From down the hallway, I heard Liam cry, “Mommy!” No sex for me this morning.
“Looks like this cowgirl is going to have to take a rain check,” Abbi said as she climbed off me.
As she trotted toward the door, I folded my arms behind my head. “I’ll be back here tonight, so be ready.”
She stopped and looked at me. “You make it sound like something I need to prepare for.”
“It’s been months since we were together, Abbi. I’m like a man dying of thirst who’s getting his first drink in ages. I don’t plan on holding back.”
A sly smile formed on her beautiful mouth. “Well, then. I guess I better be ready.”
*
Everyone had gotten to Alexandria’s house before we arrived since getting both kids ready, fed, and into the car had taken far longer than expected, so Abbi and Annalea hurried up the sidewalk to her front door as Liam and I followed behind. As was tradition, Cash’s birthday was always celebrated at his mother’s, so I expected something big for his thirty-fifth.
“Where are those beautiful babies?” Alexandria asked as she came through the front door with her arms open wide.
Annalea tore up the porch stairs to hug her. “Grandma! We’re here for the party.”
“We got a chocolate cake for all you chocolate lovers this year,” Alexandria announced, much to her granddaughter’s delight.
As Annalea ran inside with Abbi, I handed Liam to his grandmother, who eagerly waited to say hello to her youngest grandchild. “The chocolate lovers seem to be happy.”
Alexandria squeezed the baby to her and smiled up at me. “I made sure to get a yellow cake for this special little boy since I know he can’t have anything chocolate. I think Shay isn’t a chocolate lover either, if I’m not mistaken.”
“I’ll eat the yellow cake too, so you won’t have to worry about much in the way of leftovers, Mom.”
She studied me for a long moment before saying, “You look good, Kane. It’s like the whole thing never happened.”
“I’m as healthy as a horse. Now if I could just convince Abbi of that.”
We walked into the house and Alexandria quietly said, “She had a very hard time when she thought she might lose you. You can’t blame her for being scared.”
“I don’t blame her, but she has to stop worrying. I’ve returned to work and returned to everything I used to do before the shooting. I’m not going anywhere anytime soon.”
Patting me on the arm, she smiled. “Well, you’re just going to have to convince her of that then. I’m sure it will happen eventually. Just give her time.”
I wasn’t going to tell her that I’d given it more than enough time and planned to put an end to all this worry that night.
While she took Liam into the kitchen to join his sister and mother, I spied Stefan and Shay outside in the yard. Happy to see them, I made my way out to the porch.
“What’s up with you two? Avoiding all the kids inside?”
Shay turned around and smiled. “You know us. We don’t want to get too close or we might want one of our own.”
“How the hell are you?” Stefan asked as I walked down the stairs to meet them on the grass.
“I’m fine. You’re not going to ask me how I’m feeling now too, are you?” I joked.
Slapping me on the shoulder, he laughed. “Not really my style, you know? I’m going to assume you feel fine until I hear otherwise.”
That’s what I liked about Stefan and Cash. They didn’t hover, even though I knew they were worried about me when everything happened.
“Thank God.”
Shay opened her arms and gave me a hug. “Well, forget that manly nonsense. I want to know how you’re doing, Kane. I haven’t seen you since you were in the hospital.”
She squeezed me like she was afraid I’d run away if she loosened her hold and then stepped back quickly, like she’d remembered how much Abbi didn’t l
ike when she showed me any kind of attention, nice or not.
“I’m fine. I was just telling Alexandria that I’m as healthy as a horse. Now if I could just get everyone to believe me.”
Studying me for a moment, Shay seemed to doubt that was the truth for a second, but then she nodded. “You look great. I’m so happy you’re okay, Kane.”
“Always.”
Behind me, Cash yelled from the porch, “It’s my birthday and you don’t even bother to say hi when you get here? No respect for the birthday boy.”
I turned to see him smiling and knew he wasn’t angry. “You looked pretty busy with the kids, so I figured I’d let you be the man of the hour. Anything to take the focus off me for once.”
“Well, I expect you guys to be in here for the cake in a few minutes, and Stefan, Mom wants you in the kitchen to help her.”
Stefan chuckled. “Duty calls.”
He ran off toward the house, leaving Shay and me alone for one of the first times in years. Shay instantly seemed awkward, but after a few seconds she asked, “Are you going to continue getting to know Sebastian? Stefan told me he’s started contacting you guys again.”
Sebastian had called once or twice since I got out of the hospital, but I hadn’t spoken to him yet because I didn’t know what I wanted to say. I didn’t blame him for what happened, but I knew Abbi did. More worry about me was the last thing she needed right now.
“I don’t know. Is Stefan?”
Shay nodded, but I saw a sadness come over her face. “I think so. He’s all about the idea that he has a younger brother out there.”
“You don’t look happy about that.”
She pressed her lips together to stop herself from speaking for a long moment and turned away. Finally, she turned to face me and said, “Do you mind if I give you some unsolicited advice, Kane?”
We hadn’t talked like this since that night in my apartment over Club X, so I was intrigued about what she would say. “Feel free. Say what’s on your mind.”
“Forget Sebastian. Your wife blames him for what happened to you, so spending any time with him is going to upset her. Do what you did with me. Forget whatever you want to do and never look back because whatever friendship will give you can’t trump the happiness you have with Abbi.”
