by Jo Cotterill
After class, Miss Scott called me into the staff room and we had what they call a ‘conference’ with the Head, Mrs Gilby, who offered to phone my parents about it.
“It’s OK,” I said, “Mum and Dad would be disappointed if I don’t do it now.”
I think Miss Scott phoned Mum anyway because I got my favourite dinner that night – chicken nuggets, baked beans and potato waffles.
“I’m sorry if we pushed you into this, love,” Mum said, quite tearful.
“I’ll be fine,” I reassured her, but I didn’t feel that way inside.
*
The final Nativity rehearsal was the dress rehearsal. I must have been extra nervous because I ran outside to shout eight times. Luckily, nobody noticed because everybody was fussing around the very sad-looking donkey called Wilbur. Father Mitchell’s plan had worked.
“Stupid donkey,” Sean muttered. Maybe he was jealous because the donkey had longer eyelashes than he did. I wished that Wilbur would do a big poo all over Sean’s feet.
*
At last it was Christmas Eve. Mum fussed around me all afternoon, asking me over and over if I knew my lines.
“I only have one, Mum,” I told her, for the fifth time. “All I have to say is ‘Thank you for the blessing of this precious baby.’ I say it after Joseph says ‘God has sent a Miracle tonight.’”
“You’ll storm it, Evie,” said Luke, “and if you don’t, at least they’ve got a real donkey.”
“Thanks Luke, I think,” I said.
*
That night the church was packed. The cast of the Nativity gathered in a side room, in full costume. Sean stood apart. He was quiet and I wondered if he was nervous.
I stamped my feet a few times, then hummed, to calm myself down before I went up to him.
“You’ll be great,” I said, hoping that it would help. Despite all of his comments, I felt bad for him.
“I’m not worried about me,” Sean said angrily, “it’s your freak show I’m worried about, and the stupid donkey. Do you know what this is going to do for my credibility?”
“Oh,” I said, “your credibility.”
*
Maybe I was too angry with Sean to feel nervous, or perhaps I’d run outside so many times in rehearsal I’d got rid of it all.
Whatever the reason, for most of the Nativity my bubbling feeling simply wasn’t there. In fact, I was actually enjoying traipsing around in my long blue robes, being Mary. At one point I caught mum’s eye and saw that she was beaming from ear to ear.
If I ended up a famous actress, I wondered, would they let me accept my Oscar without having to make a speech?
It was all going fantastically. Brilliantly.
Until the final scene, in the stable.
Wilbur stood patiently to one side. Everybody did their bit perfectly and Father Mitchell’s big round face was all smiles as Sean said his final line: “God has sent a Miracle tonight.”
It was up to me now, to close the Nativity.
*
One line and it would all be over. Just one line, and I’d have managed the impossible.
A powerful, enormous bubble welled up, deep down but rising fast.
Sean sensed it. “Don’t you dare,” he hissed.
I thought about what I was meant to say: “Thank you for the blessing of this precious baby”.
Sean glared at me.
Suddenly I didn’t care anymore; he could stuff his credibility. I let the bubble burst and shouted, right in his face…
“BIG FAT WOBBLE NOSTRILS!”
*
There was a terrible silence. I felt sick, completely gutted. The nightmare I’d had for the past few nights had come true, but it was even worse than I’d imagined it would be. Everybody was staring at me.
Then a voice shouted, “CHEESY FEET!”
It was Charlie.
He was standing up in the back row, beside Miss Scott, Jack and Katie. I’d had no idea that they were coming. Charlie smiled round at everybody, as if shouting “CHEESY FEET” in church was the most normal thing in the world.
Miss Scott stood up beside him. “SILLY BONGO THUNDER PANTS!” she roared at the top of her voice, and gave a little bow. Several people laughed.
“GREAT BIG PILE OF POO!” This time it was Jack.
Katie was pressing a handkerchief to her mouth. She was half laughing and half crying.
The next bit made me want to cry too.
Mum stood up, took a deep breath, and did what was probably the bravest thing she’s ever done. “CUSTARD FLUBBER!” she cried out, as loud as she could manage, in a slightly wobbly voice. Her face was bright red. There was a cheer from the old ladies in the front row.
Dad jumped to his feet and boomed out, much louder, “FLABBY CHEEKS!”
Even Luke joined in. “NOT ON A TUESDAY!” he shouted, and he winked at me.
Everybody was laughing now.
*
Father Mitchell got to his feet.
“I have something very important to say, and I need you all to listen carefully,” he said with great authority, and he raised his hand. You could have heard a pin drop.
“SMELLY TROUT BOTTOM!”
The congregation roared its appreciation. It was amazing. Absolutely the best thing ever.
If I hadn’t been there, if somebody had told me about what happened at St Anthony’s this Christmas Eve, I would never have believed it in a million years.
Even Wilbur got in on the act, closing the Nativity with an extremely loud fart, which sent Sean running out of the church, losing any credibility he might have had left.
*
My name’s Evie Doyle, and you could say that I’m a little bit different. When you’re twelve years old that isn’t easy, believe me.
But it’s much easier to be different when everybody else is too.
We hope you’ve enjoyed reading our collection of stories! Read on to find out more about the authors…
Contributors
All of our anthology contributors are regular bloggers at girlsheartbooks.com
Luisa Plaja
Luisa Plaja was born in Glasgow, brought up in Sicily and London, and now lives in Devon. She loves reading and writing about friendship and relationships. Her latest novels are Kiss Date Love Hate, about a girl who can change her friends through the settings of a computer game, and Diary of a Mall Girl, about a girl who lives in a shopping centre. Luisa secretly quite likes sprouts - ssh!
http://www.luisaplaja.co.uk
Jo Cotterill
Jo’s first story was at the age of five, entitled Chismas, so she feels that writing a Christmas story has always been in her blood! She is the author of the Sweet Hearts series: six books about girls with different interests and first love, and the Carnegie-nominated Looking at the Stars, a book of war, grief, hope and the power of storytelling. She is the founder and general boss of Girls Heart Books and is passionate about reading.
http://jocotterill.com/
Joan Lennon
Joan Lennon lives in the Kingdom of Fife, which is said to be shaped like the head of a dog. If this is so, her flat is somewhere on the tip of the ear, and she writes looking out over the silvery Tay. She has a husband, four tall sons and one short cat. The cat's name is Katie, and she helps Joan write by sleeping and purring a lot. Joan’s latest books are The Slightly Jones Mysteries - you can read Slightly Jones’ Notebook at www.slightlyjones.co.uk
www.joanlennon.co.uk
Paula Harrison
Paula Harrison is the author of Red Moon Rising, a novel full of dark magic, to be published in spring 2015. The second book in the series, Dark Wood Shining, will be out later in the year. Paula’s also written The Rescue Princesses series for younger children, and has a younger book, Sophy and the Storm Dragon, out in 2015 too.
Paula loves being a writer as it’s one of the few jobs where it’s okay to have really strange ideas. She also loves popcorn and the seaside and dancing crazily when no one’s watching.
http://paulaharrison.jimdo.com/
Alex Campbell
Alex Campbell announced she was going to be a writer at eight years old. But no one took much notice. After a nomadic education daydreaming in back rows across the country - and one English degree later - Alex moved into the world of PR and copywriting. Here she worked on getting other people noticed instead.
Now, living near Bath with one husband, two children and an armful of untold stories, Alex's eight-year-old self's ambition has finally been realised with the publication of her debut YA novel, LAND. Her next, CLOUD 9, a conspiracy thriller, is due out September 2015.
www.alexcampbellwrites.wordpress.com
Julie Sykes
Julie Sykes has written over seventy books for children of all ages. Her first ever book was for small children and her most recent for teens. She hates wearing fancy dress but she’s a mistress of disguise and has many writing aliases, including Summer Waters and Chloe Ryder.
Julie loves cake, coffee, the sea, walking the family wolf and reading. She has a secret stash of notebooks and rarely goes anywhere without something to read or write with.
www.juliesykes.co.uk
S C Ransom
Sue Ransom started writing books by mistake – she wrote a story for her daughter Ellie’s birthday, and was really surprised that someone wanted to publish it. She was even more surprised when they asked her to write some more, and the Small Blue Thing series was born. Her latest book, The Beneath, will be in the shops in March 2015.
Sue writes books that her own daughter would like to read, and manages to sneak at least one of the family pets into each one. Her own dog, a midget chocolate Labrador, shows no interest in her books at all.
www.smallbluething.com
Deirdre Sullivan
Deirdre Sullivan is a YA writer from Galway. She has written three YA novels, Prim Improper, Improper Order and Primperfect. Her next book, Needlework will be published in 2016. She likes writing, reading, guinea-pigs and tea.
https://twitter.com/propermiss
Lynda Waterhouse
Ideas for stories form like ice crystals in Lynda’s brain. With a bit of luck the crystals fuse together into something that resembles a snowflake instead of a soggy heap of ice water. The Keys to the Ice Palace was inspired by a visit to Dungeness on England’s south coast on a cold winter’s day. Lynda had gone to visit the artist Derek Jarman’s garden but the nuclear power plant on the beach was mesmerising. She had also been working with the original photographs from Captain Scott’s doomed Antarctic expedition in 1911. Somewhere in the mix appeared her frustration when watching spy movies at how easy it seemed for people to remember instructions or memorise a code. Lynda is always a bag of nerves when asked to recall sequences.
http://www.piccadillypress.co.uk/children/sanddancers/
Jenny Smith
Jenny Smith was born and raised in Glasgow, but has lived in Oxfordshire and Buckinghamshire since she was 23. She worked for an aid organisation in Africa during the 1990s, then moved into educational publishing where she wrote newsletters for schools and met writers Nigel Hinton, Anne Fine and Dick King-Smith. Jenny lives with her husband, her two teenage sons and Angus, a slightly grumpy West Highland terrier. While Jenny likes to think that she is highly intellectual and sophisticated, she can laugh for up to 20 minutes when shown a photograph of a dog wearing sunglasses.
www.jennysmithonline.com
Cathy Brett
Cathy Brett began her career as a fashion and then graphic designer, specialising later as an illustrator in both fields. A move from the design studio into publishing led to commissions to illustrate numerous children’s and teen books and series, before deciding to write something herself. Her first teen book, Ember Fury (Headline 2009) was Borders’ Book of the Month and a finalist in the Young Minds Book Award, while her second, Scarlett Dedd (Headline 2010) was a Richard & Judy Book Club selection. All her books are heavily illustrated, the pictures created alongside the text and integrated throughout. Her latest, a poignant summertime story entwined with a WW1 mystery Everything Is Fine (And Other Lies I Tell Myself) (Headline 2013), was a finalist in the Portsmouth Book Award 2014. Cathy has a studio in the leafy Surrey Hills where she paints and grows tomatoes and giant peaches.
http://cathybrett.blogspot.co.uk/
