by Lauren Canan
The beast had come out. Right in front of Kelly.
Jace poured another shot, downed it the same way and headed for the bathroom. Turning on the shower, he shucked the remaining clothes and stepped under the warm spray. He was still angry. He knew Bret was a pompous ass, knew he screwed around on his wife, knew his reputation in Hollywood circles was that of a ruthless, pushy, conniving, hard-nosed son of a bitch. But Jace had never witnessed him in full assault mode before tonight. It made it a thousand times worse that he’d set his sights on Kelly. She’d been so hesitant to attend the ball, and then to be accosted by a degenerate like Bret had Jace wishing he’d pounded the guy harder than he did.
But what churned in his gut was the knowledge that Kelly had witnessed everything. The shocked look on her face when he’d met her gaze before he turned and walked from the room would haunt him forever. Her eyes had been as wide as saucers, her hands clenched tightly in front of her as if in fright. She’d looked away from him to stare at the man lying on the floor, his face blotchy, his white dress shirt covered in blood. Jace couldn’t be sure if it was shock or disbelief that froze her delicate features and made her skin lose some of its healthy color.
If there had ever been any hope he could keep Kelly in his life, hope that he wouldn’t turn into his old man, he now knew with absolute certainty he could toss that dream into the trash. Someday it might be Kelly on the floor, her face bruised and bloodied. Just the thought made him physically sick.
Trudging out of the shower, he wrapped a towel around his waist, walked toward the en suite bar and poured himself another.
“Hi, baby.” The sultry voice came from the general location of the bedroom. “We meet again so soon.”
Jace froze. Flipping on the lights, he walked to the doorway of the bedroom and glared at the partially clothed woman in his bed, her long red hair covering her bare shoulders.
“Lena. Goddammit. What in the hell are you doing in here? Who let you in?” But Jace knew it wasn’t the first time Lena had charmed her way into his private space, convincing an innocent employee it was her room. She and Bret, the two schemers, should get together. Or maybe they already had.
“Ah...come on, baby, don’t be mad.” The sound of her voice made him cold inside.
“This is not happening. You need to leave.”
He grabbed her clothes from the chair and tossed them in her direction. A contrived pout formed on her full lips as her brown eyes beseeched him to let her stay. Quite the actress.
“I can’t believe you’re going to throw me out. Why spend the night all by yourself?”
“Whether I do or don’t is none of your goddamn business. What happened to Jack? Weren’t you all into him?”
“Jack didn’t work out.” She sat up, not bothering to cover her bare chest. “I made a mistake, Jace. Can’t you forgive one little mistake?”
“I don’t care one way or the other, Lena.” He settled his hands on his waist. “Whatever we had, if anything, ended a long time ago. I told you two years ago when you came up with that insane idea of pretending to be married, that was it for me. No more. Get dressed. Now. Then get out.”
The pout still on her face, she grabbed her clothes and began to get dressed.
There was a persistent knocking at his door. What now? He glared at Lena. “If that’s the press, Lena, so help me...”
She shook her head, her hands palms up. “No. At least it’s nothing I had anything to do with.” Standing, she pulled on her gown and began to fasten the buttons that ran the full length of the sparkling black evening dress and headed into the bathroom.
Jace took in a deep breath and clenched his hands into fists, wanting badly to reshape a wall.
Looking through the peephole in the door, he all but cringed. It wasn’t reporters standing outside. It was Kelly. Running his hand over his face, he hesitated. He knew what she would think when she saw Lena. But after what she’d witnessed downstairs did it really make any difference? Swinging open the door, he stood back and she stepped inside the room.
“I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“Yeah. I’m good.” It was a sheer miracle he wasn’t sitting in a jail cell. Again. “Kelly, there’s something I need to tell you—”
“Jace, give me a call the next time you’re—”
He heard Kelly’s intake of breath as Lena walked back into the room, still buttoning her dress as she rounded the corner. The two women stared at each other.
“I’m...I’m sorry.” Kelly bolted for the door. Luckily, Jace got there first.
“No. This is not what you think.”
Lena smiled, her eyes sparkling in humorless amusement as she glided slowly toward the pair. “It never is.” She leaned over casually and picked up her clutch, and then tossed her hair back over her shoulders in a practiced manner.
“This must be Kelly.” She looked at Jace. “She is beautiful.” She turned to Kelly. “Don’t look so shocked, honey. Remember who you’re with. This is Jace Compton’s world. Better get used to it.”
Firmly holding Kelly’s wrist, he opened the door and Lena walked through it without a backward glance.
“Kelly, I did not invite her into this room. In fact, I’m not sure how the hell she got in.”
“It’s not really my business although you both being undressed was...convenient. Her timing is very good.”
She glanced around the room, as though looking for a secret portal that would transport her magically far away from this place.
“Kelly?”
She tilted her head and her eyes found his. “I believe you, Jace. But Lena was right. I appreciate the glimpse into Hollywood’s inner circles, but if it’s all the same, I think I’d better stick with the small-town country bumpkins. Your ranch hands have better manners than most of the people here tonight.” She shook her head as if in sad defeat. “There’s so much more to life than...this.” She attempted a small laugh that fell flat. “Is this usually the way your parties end? A few drinks, slugging it out, then a little bed-hopping with...whoever?”
Jace felt as if his heart had been hit by a meteorite. He’d probably frightened her so badly that even coming to his room had taken every grain of intestinal fortitude she possessed. But what brought him to his knees was the knowledge almost everything she said was true.
“No, not always. Sometimes the police get involved and jail cells are added to the mix. I’m sorry you had to see what happened downstairs.”
Jace didn’t know what else to say. There was nothing he could say.
And only one thing would make this right with Kelly.
He had to end this. Now. Before he hurt her.
Bile rose in the back of his throat and his entire body tightened. He closed his eyes, dropped his head and grimaced in pure self-disgust.
What an idiot he’d been to even think of a future with Kelly. She wouldn’t travel the globe with a newborn son. And she wasn’t one to stay at home for months at a time waiting for him to return. And even if she was willing, he wouldn’t ask that of her.
It would be an understatement to say she wouldn’t be comfortable with the droves of media that would surround and follow her. Kelly would not sit back and ignore the ridiculous headlines claiming he’d had yet another affair. It would cause her to relive what her own father had done and the consequences they’d all suffered.
But all that aside, even if he walked away from films, all she would have was the beast inside him and no way of knowing what would set it off. Or when. The same monster she’d gotten only a small glimpse of tonight. It was a no-win scenario.
The very last thing she needed was mistreatment by an abusive man. God, he wanted to be part of her life, to make her, Henry and Matt part of his. He wanted Kelly until his mind and heart threatened to explode and sparks of desperation lit the darkness. But he knew, in this moment, it could never happen. He had no right to pursue her with his father’s DNA running rampant through his veins.
“You
were right. This is no life for you. It’s no life for Henry.”
He watched her. It was past time she knew the truth.
He caught her gaze and held it. His nostrils flared with the pain of what he was about to say. “What you saw tonight is who I am.”
She stood in the doorway, the overhead lights making her an ethereal vision. He stepped back to the bar and poured another drink. It wouldn’t be his last before the sun rose tomorrow.
“Jace? I don’t understand.”
“I’m trying to tell you I can’t stop living this way because of who I am inside. I can’t change it.” He threw the amber liquid down his throat and turned to face her. “What I do for a living and all that goes with it provides an outlet. An escape from my own sick reality. It lets me drink myself into oblivion—” he held up the glass “—and the media just report a party. It lets me pound somebody—usually a professional but not always, like tonight—and release some of the rage. Makes for good headlines.” He gave a false laugh at the ridiculousness of it. “Hell, they even pay me to do it. The travel, the new film locations, memorizing scripts, it keeps me from thinking. From remembering what I am inside. It helps prevent me from doing what you saw me do tonight. It’s the only way I have to get through another day.
“I can’t offer you the man you want, Kelly. I can’t give you forever. I can’t provide the home and the life you and Henry need. I can’t be the husband you deserve. Ever.” He clenched his jaw, determined to make her leave while she could. “I’m not even sure I can love you.”
He watched her flinch as though she’d been shot. He stood helplessly as shock, then anguish, played across her fine features. Kelly bravely blinked back the tears that filled her eyes. He’d hurt her deeply, but she would be better off in the long run. Better off without him.
“After spending time with you, getting to really know you, any fool could see...” He clenched his jaw with a force that should have cracked teeth.
“See what, Jace?” Her voice was unsteady, barely a whisper. Her face had lost all of its color.
“That you don’t belong here. You don’t belong with me.”
Kelly was a person who lived life from the heart. She was a woman who would fight to the death to protect her son, who got back on her feet every time life knocked her down, who made a home for her brother when there was no one else and kept his dreams of a future alive even at the cost of her own. A stubborn, tenacious woman who scorned pity and would rather chop off her nose than accept what she though was charity. A beautiful woman who needed to be loved and cherished—not abused. “You were right that first night, Kelly. The night we talked outside your house. I should have left then. I just didn’t want to accept the inevitable.”
Kelly nodded. She miraculously managed a smile without allowing even one tear to fall even though they filled her eyes, a tribute to her strength.
A brittle stillness filled the space around them, so rigid and taut with emotion the slightest movement would cause it to crack and bring the walls surrounding them tumbling down.
She turned to leave and paused when he said, “I wish things could have been different.”
Without turning to face him she opened the door and walked out.
A rage filled Jace. A rage beyond anything he’d ever felt before and all directed inward, at himself. All hope turned to hopelessness. The monster had won. With a silent scream, he hurled the glass across the room into the mirror, shattering it into a million pieces. Like his heart.
* * *
A week later Jace sat in the meeting, wishing he were a thousand miles away. Anywhere would do. He absently twirled a pen in his fingers as producer Doug Hamrick went over the plans for filming his next big-budget blockbuster. Around the expansive conference table sat the director, assistant directors, five other actors, scriptwriters, technical advisers, and the attorneys and agents representing them all. Only Bret Goldman was noticeably absent. Jace had made sure of that, firing him before he’d ever left the ballroom.
Filming would last six to seven months with postproduction another four. The locations were some of the most exotic in the world. Hard as hell to reach, a challenge to film, but the ambiance couldn’t be beat.
In front of Jace on the shiny mahogany table was the contract awarding him the leading role. It would afford him the opportunity for another best actor nomination along with the possibility of best picture of the year.
The mood in the room was jovial, the excitement and anticipation obvious in the faces of everyone who sat around the table. But as Jace idly listened to the questions and answers, his thoughts were of Kelly. Seven months was a long time to be away. It had never seemed so long before. But what in the hell else did he have to do? Kelly and his mom had flown back to Texas the day after the ball. He’d stayed over in LA for this meeting, hiding out at his house in Malibu, wondering how long Kelly would stay at the ranch.
The rolling surf that used to calm him couldn’t touch the panic and utter devastation that festered inside. His mind scrambled to find a solution—any solution—that could keep Kelly in his life. But the same scenario bumped along, around and around, like a flat tire on a car going downhill, preventing him from catching a glimpse of hope.
He remembered the first time he ever saw Kelly, arguing with the guy in the feed store over the cost of a bag of oats. She’d won. No surprise there. Jace had carried the horse feed out to her truck, determined to find out her name and get a phone number before she disappeared. He remembered how her face radiated tenderness and natural beauty in the glow of the little candle on the table in the café later that evening.
Days later, when he’d taken her to the small motel, he’d immediately realized her inexperience. He’d been determined to show her what making love was really about, and that night would go down in the history books. She’d stripped him of every ounce of control he could find and made him wish for a lot more. She was so damn sexy yet so innocent in the ways of the world, so trusting of him, so eager to please. He was left speechless, shaken to his core and totally and completely enthralled.
And by the next morning, using a condom never entered his mind.
He’d asked her to dinner the following night. Partly to ensure she was okay and partly because she was so damned amazing he had to prove to himself she was for real. She accepted. And that night, after they’d eaten, he had taken her straight home to her grandfather’s ranch even though it was the last thing he wanted to do.
Later that night, he’d been awakened by a light tapping on his guest cabin door. He’d opened it to find Kelly standing on the other side. Neither said a word. Both knew why she was there. The attraction worked both ways; one was not whole without the other. He pulled her into his arms and they didn’t leave the hotel room for the next three days.
Later he’d secured the loan of two horses and together they roamed the hills and valleys of north Texas. They’d talked and laughed the day away, her naturally golden curls falling loose from the old brown hat she’d plopped on her head. They’d splashed in a pond surrounded by grass and cattails, fed each other olives they’d found tucked in one of the saddle bags, and made love under the shade of a willow tree on an old red blanket cushioned by thick native grasses. The memories were permanently etched in his mind.
It was in those moments when time hung suspended and his crazy world faded to nothing that he’d fallen in love with Kelly Michaels.
Kelly’s charm went beyond physical beauty. It was the sparkle in her eyes when she laughed. It was in the way she held their son with such love and tenderness. It was the praise she heaped on her brother, always keeping alive the promise of a bright future. It was the soft, melodic sound of her voice and her inner strength and fortitude. It was the sparks that shot from her eyes when she was angry. Her intelligence and quick wit that kept Jace on his toes. She made him glad to be alive. No one else had ever done that.
His entire life had been built around the fear that he would become like his father.
Despite his lifelong determination to remain detached, Kelly had found a way into his heart. She’d given him a child. A son. And he was still totally and completely in love with the mother of that child. But the reason they were not together—and never could be together—hadn’t changed.
The vibration of his cell phone jerked him out of his reflections. Looking at the screen, he saw it was his mother. His mom knew he had this meeting. She wouldn’t call unless it was important.
Jace excused himself from the conference room and stepped outside into the hall.
“Mom?”
“Jason.” He could hear the quiet anguish in that one word. He had his answer. “Kelly’s gone.”
* * *
It was dark by the time Jace walked into the house. His mom was sitting at the kitchen bar, a cup of coffee in one hand, a well-used tissue in the other. Her eyes red-rimmed, her nose pink from crying.
“When did she leave?”
“Around three.” His mother’s voice was hoarse from the many tears she’d shed.
“Do you know where she went?”
“She went back to her house.” Mona shook her head. “She promised she would stay in touch.”
Jace could only nod. He’d pursued her. He’d taken advantage of her feelings for him and taken her to his bed all the while knowing he could give her no promises. Then he’d figuratively slapped her in the face, possibly broken her heart and stood three feet away, presenting the appearance of a cold unfeeling bastard, while she crumbled and bravely tried to hold on to her emotions, her self-respect. It was because of him and the son of a bitch who fathered him that she was gone now. He’d wanted her to walk away, to hate him if it helped her, and never look back.
