by James Wolfe
I put it on my fork and brought it to my mouth while I thought of a way to exit this conversation.
“It’s been lovely speaking with you,” I told him. “But I must be going.”
He eyed me. “Really? And where will you be going?”
“I…” I didn’t have a real answer. “Home, I guess?”
“So, if you’re just going home, it doesn’t seem like you must be going then, right?” he asked.
“How do you mean?”
“I mean, I doubt there is anything particularly pressing at your home that needs your immediate attention.”
Ugh, there he went again, assuming things, acting like he knew everything about me.
“There is, actually. I have a lot of chores to do,” I lied, even though I shouldn’t have.
“You’re a curious man, Taylor,” he said.
“…How do you mean?” I asked, unsure of whether or not I wanted to know the answer.
“I can’t explain it. You are unlike anyone I’ve ever met.”
“Same to you,” I said. And it was true. It wasn’t a good thing, necessarily, but still true. Nobody had infuriated me like he did.
“Is that a good thing?”
“Of course,” I lied.
He narrowed his eyes. “Why can’t you just tell me the truth?”
“I am!” I argued, hearing my voice rise.
“No, you are not!”
I looked over at Joshua. Once again, I was starting a fight with an alpha leader in his bakery and once again he seemed totally upset with me. I had to get out of this situation and fast. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself further.
“I hope you have a fantastic day,” I said as I stood up and began to walk out the door, not even minding the fact that I’d left my plate on my table. It was rude, but it wasn’t nearly as rude as starting another fight with an alpha leader in front of Joshua.
To my dismay, Cole followed me, and grabbed my arm once we left the bakery.
“Hey!” I snapped, jerking my arm back.
“Why aren’t you being honest with me? You were honest the first day!” he said.
I looked around at the town square, relieved to find that nobody was currently outside. But he noticed me glancing around.
“What are you so afraid of?” he demanded to know.
“Of getting in trouble, obviously!” I finally snapped. “I don’t want to embarrass myself once again!”
“Is that what you are?” he asked. “Embarrassed of being honest? Embarrassed of finally being yourself?”
“Yes!” I told him.
“Well, you shouldn’t be. That’s the only thing you have, yourself. Who you are as a person. What is the point in living if you are going to constantly hide it?”
God damnit, he was doing it again! He was making me question everything! I didn’t want to hear more weird opinions that made me doubt the life I lived. I just wanted to go back to how I thought before he got here!
“Stop it, okay, just stop!” I snapped finally. “You want to hear my real opinion, then that’s it! I want you to stop!”
“Stop what?” he asked.
“Stop… talking to me!” God, I was once again saying a bunch of shit I shouldn’t say to an alpha leader. But I couldn’t help it! He was literally pushing me to say the thoughts on my mind. “You just get me in trouble! Everything you do gets me in trouble and makes me feel weird and—”
“Weird how?” he asked, completely ignoring the trouble part.
“Weird like you make me question my life, question things I never questioned before.”
He looked curious. “Why are you saying that like it’s a bad thing?”
“Because it is!” I told him. “You think I want to question my way of life?”
“You should want to,” he argued. “If your way of life is not that great. You should question things. You should enjoy people attempting to open up your mind.”
“Well, I don’t,” I told him. “It makes me uncomfortable.”
“There is your problem. There is nothing wrong with discomfort if it leads to growth. Perhaps staying in your comfort zone is what is holding you back in life.”
I gave him an incredulous look. “Why do you say that? What do you even mean, holding me back? Like, saying that I’m being held back is implying my life isn’t already good or something.”
“It doesn’t seem already good,” he commented.
“Why not? Who are you to make that judgement call?”
“Because you do not have a mate. You do not have someone you love more than yourself.”
“Finding a mate is not the measure of my life’s success,” I told him.
“No, it isn’t,” he agreed, for once, catching me by surprise. But he quickly followed it up with an argument. “It is the measure of your happiness. Nobody in our species can ever be truly happy without a mate, without a family. And in your heart, you know that. And that’s why you are pretending that your job and your pride in your tribe somehow give you that happiness, but they do not. The only thing that gives you that happiness is the people you love. And you don’t truly love anyone.”
There it went again, the pit in my stomach when he forced me to realize something I didn’t want to realize. He just couldn’t stop doing it.
“And how is being comfortable holding me back from that?” I asked. “Me not wanting to step out of my comfort zone has nothing to do with me not finding my mate. I’ve met everyone in my tribe. I know absolutely everyone. I simply don’t feel that kind of connection with anyone and it has nothing to do with whether or not I’m too comfortable.”
“I do believe that, that you’ve met everyone in your tribe. But what I’m wondering is, if you’ve met everyone in your tribe and felt no connection… Why haven’t you gone anywhere else? Why haven’t you explored other villages? A mate is out there for everyone.”
I narrowed my eyes. “That’s not even true. Plenty of men in our species stay single their entire lives and never find anyone. I may just be one of those men.”
“No,” he said seriously, “those men have a mate. They never found them because they never ventured to find them. They threw their lives away because they were too afraid to explore. And you’re going to do the same thing.”
God damnit, this was exactly what I didn’t want. I didn’t need a new idea in my head on how I could possibly make my life better. All I wanted to be was content.
“I’m done with this conversation,” I told him.
“Because it’s uncomfortable?” he asked.
“Yes,” I answered honestly.
“Very well,” he said as he turned to walk away. “But it truly isn’t a bad thing, being uncomfortable.”
If it wasn’t a bad thing, why was I so nauseated?
6
Over the next couple days I wondered if I’d get reprimanded for my argument with Cole. But if I was going to be reprimanded, it would’ve been at the next day at the latest and nobody was around to see us argue. And I suspected Cole himself wasn’t going to say anything.
For as annoying as he’d been, I believed he was truly telling the truth when he said that he just wanted me to be honest. I just didn’t understand why he wanted that.
I got called to Jameson’s house this morning and I was hoping that it was because Cole had finally found his mate and was now leaving. Hell, I hoped it was because Cole was leaving even if he didn’t find his mate.
I felt horrible thinking that. I should always put the needs of my tribe over the needs of myself but I couldn’t help it. Cole made me so damn uncomfortable. The stress I’d felt since his arrival was immense. I just wanted to feel like myself again and I didn’t think I was going to until he was gone.
Even though I hadn’t spoken to him in a few days, his words were still on my mind. They all made so much sense and that was the problem… I didn’t want it to make sense. I wanted to feel happy again.
I continued to think about him as I took the long way over to
Jameson’s house. It was a gorgeous day, in my opinion, anyway. I knew a lot of people appreciated the sunshine but not me. I loved a good, breezy overcast day. The sun wasn’t even currently visible and it made me so happy. This kind of weather energized me.
It almost made me want to shift into my wolf form and run in the wind. It was something I liked to do from time to time—you could only enjoy being a human so much before you felt the drive to become your primal animal self. But this was not the place or time to shift, not when Jameson required something of me.
When I arrived at Jameson’s house, it was his mate that let me in. I always liked his mate, Jeffrey. He was a cheerful, bubbly man who seemed to relax Jameson immensely.
But he didn’t look cheerful or bubbly today, he looked upset. Damnit, I knew what that must have meant… Cole didn’t find his mate.
I tried to hide my happiness, though, at the fact that he must be leaving.
“Come on in, Taylor.” Jeffrey motioned. “Jameson is waiting for you in his office.”
“Thank you,” I told him as I walked in and down the hall, where Jameson was at his desk. I knocked lightly on the door to let him know I arrived, as he was looking down at some papers.
“Come in, shut the door,” he asked me.
Okay, well, that definitely meant Cole didn’t find his mate. He never asked me to shut the door and I could hear the unhappiness in his voice.
“What do you need?” I asked.
“I wanted to update you on the business with Cole,” he told me.
I nodded. “I see, I take it he didn’t find his mate?” I asked.
He frowned. “No, actually, he did.”
I couldn’t understand, then, why he seemed so upset.
“That’s fantastic!” I said eagerly. I no longer had to hide my joy at the fact that Cole was leaving because it now looked like joy because the tribe would get the provisions it needed. Which I did appreciate too. But it was definitely more important to me that I never see him again.
“A deal hasn’t been struck,” he reminded me. “The mate that Cole has found has to agree to be with him, and I made that very clear to Cole. In fact, Cole himself agreed with me and said he would never want to take a mate who didn’t voluntarily choose to be with him.”
“Well, I’m sure it won’t be a problem,” I told him. “I know a lot of the men are afraid to join another tribe but Cole is still an alpha leader, and being his mate is the highest honor for an omega. I don’t think there are many men who are going to turn that down, not to mention what it will bring to the tribe. To mate with Cole means not only provisions for this season, but for all future seasons if we need it. It binds our tribes together with a loyalty that can’t be bought with anything else.”
“Those are my thoughts exactly,” he said. “But none of that matters if his chosen mate does not choose him.”
“Why are you so nervous about that?” I asked him. “Have you told the guy?”
“No. I was about to.”
“Well, no point in worrying until you ask him. Do you want me to go get him?”
He sighed. “Taylor…”
“What?” I asked, still not understanding his frustration.
“Taylor, you’re his chosen mate.”
7
I felt like my head was spinning. Like truly, actually spinning. The room was moving from side to side. My nausea was at an all time high. I must not have heard him correctly.
“No… that can’t be right.” I said softly. “He… he hates me. All I’ve done was yell at him, and—”
“He doesn’t hate you.” Jameson said. “He wants you to be his mate.”
His mate? I could barely stand the next few days with him. I had been counting down the seconds until he left and now he wanted to spend a lifetime with me?
“Taylor, as I said, I would never make someone in my tribe marry someone they did not want to.”
But I barely heard him. “I’m going to have to go live with the Turanu…” I muttered as I processed this. No more bakery with pumpkin pie, I’d be living under the strict rule of Cole.
“Not if you don’t want to,” Jameson reminded me. “You do not have to do this.”
I thought about this. I didn’t have to. This didn’t have to be my fate. I could say no.
But what if I did say no? For the rest of my life, I’d be the man who couldn’t make the sacrifice for my village to have the necessary food it needed. And as I said, it wouldn’t just be for this season, it would be for all seasons. Cole would be indebted to my tribe if I mated with him and that would guarantee us security forever.
But at what cost?
“If I don’t do it, we may not have enough provisions to get through the winter.”
“Or we may be just fine,” he said. “We may have to ration quite a bit but I imagine we will survive. And even if things turn catastrophic, it would not be you that was at fault.”
“It would be,” I said despondently.
“No, it wouldn’t,” he assured me. “Only do this if you want to do it.”
I didn’t want to do it, that much I knew. But I couldn’t say no. My entire life, I’d had such great pride in my tribe. I would do anything for my tribe to persevere. As I told Cole, my job and my tribe were my life, my source of happiness. I’d built my life around it, and what kind of person would I be if I abandoned them now?
“I’ll do it,” I said softly.
“Taylor…” Jameson said softly.
I shrugged. “I can’t not do it. I need to make sure we’re taken care of. I know you say it wouldn’t be my fault but I now I’d never be able to live with myself if anything happened to even a single person here because we didn’t have enough food, so… Yes, I’ll be his mate.”
Jameson looked hurt. He knew I didn’t want to but he also knew that he couldn’t change my mind. I was going to be Cole’s… no matter how miserable it made me.
“Very well… I will let you tell Cole the news yourself. You can visit him at the guest house whenever, take your time.”
I stood up solemnly. “I’ll go now.”
“Taylor, you do not have to, take some time before—”
I cut him off, something I never did because he was my alpha leader. Except I guess he wasn’t anymore… Cole was my new leader.
“Thank you but I’d prefer to go now,” I said.
He nodded. “Whatever you decide.”
I nodded back and left wordlessly. I wasn’t lying, though, I really did want to go now. I imagined the more I waited around, the more daunting all of this was going to feel. I just wanted to get it over with. I needed to make this commitment so I couldn’t back out.
Besides, what good would it do me to walk around the village and think about everything I was going to miss? It would only break my heart more to stick around here. This wasn’t my life anymore and I truly needed to move on.
After I’d made the choice, my nausea had subsided a bit. I still wasn’t happy about this but I also felt more in control of my fate than I had a little while ago. Ultimately, this was my decision, and I was making a choice I could be proud of, even if I couldn’t be happy about it.
I knew that even if the people of my tribe wouldn’t hate me if I chose not to mate with Cole, I still wouldn’t be able to live with myself. I believed that you sacrificed for the good of the tribe, always, no matter what the cost. This was the mantra of my life. I’d never been forced to sacrifice this much before but it changed nothing. This was still how I chose to live my life.
I knocked on the guest house door and heard somebody yell “Come in” from inside, so I nervously opened the door.
Cole was sitting on the couch in the living room, reading over something, when I walked in. When he looked up and saw me, his face got very serious and he put whatever he was reading down.
“You came to give me your answer,” he said softly.
“Yes,” I told him.
He paused. “And… What is your answer?”
The corners of his lips began to curve into a smile. Not a blip of a smile this time, not only a smile for a few seconds, but an actual smile. He was happy. This news brought him joy.
It was so weird to me. Why? Why would me being his mate make him so happy? For some reason, in my mind, he was still doing this all to torture me.
That was silly, I knew it was. Nobody mated with someone out of annoying revenge. He obviously wanted to mate with me because he had real feelings for me but I just didn’t understand how. How could he feel anything for me? I certainly didn’t feel anything for him…
“I am so glad to hear that,” he said cheerfully.
I forced a smile, but said nothing.
“Here, sit, we can talk about the plan for our future.”
I did as he asked, sitting down silently as he began to tell me about how he’d take me back to his tribe, how I’d come live with him in his large home, about what assistants he had and how I didn’t have to lift a finger.
It all would’ve been nice, I guess, if I actually wanted to do this but I didn’t. It took everything I had not to run to the door and get myself a comforting piece of pie. But Cole was clearly so excited he didn’t notice my lack of enthusiasm. At least, not right away.
But eventually, he did pick up on the fact that I wasn’t happy and asked me about it.
“What’s wrong?” he asked. “This is a joyous day.”
“Yes, it is,” I agreed in a monotone tone. “The day I found my mate.”
“But you don’t sound happy,” he said, confused.
“I am,” I lied.
He frowned that familiar frown. “Why are you doing this again? You are lying to me. I told you, I always want you to be honest. And you are to be my mate now, so you are supposed to be able to say anything to me. Any words, you should be able to say.”
I stayed silent, hoping he’d move on and go back to talking about what his life was like in his village and what I could expect, but he didn’t continue.
