Even though I told him to do exactly what Maria just described, it still feels like I’ve been punched in the gut. “Guess that didn’t take him long to move on.”
“Bea, he’s a total idiot if he really went out with her, like, five minutes after you broke up.”
“It’s fine,” I say, not feeling fine at all. “We weren’t serious.”
“Well if you want to make an excuse not to be at free swim today, I can cover for you.”
I force a small smile. “Thanks, but I’ll be okay. I’m the one that broke up with him, right?”
She gives me a look that tells me she thinks otherwise, but I ignore it. I knew there would be fallout from this “break-up” at some point. I just thought I’d be done with camp and it would be more mutual, not a drama-fest.
By lunch, it’s clear that word has spread through The Club, with the basic staff giving me sympathetic looks. I’m still not used to a lot of attention, so by the time we walk across the pool deck to the pavilion for free swim, I’m raw and edgy. Katherine gives me an encouraging smile from the lifeguard chair.
“Is there some reason everyone seems to know about this? How big of a gossip is Sam, anyway?” I mutter, sitting on the picnic table.
Maria sighs. “I hate to be the one to break another bit of bad news, but pictures of the two of them from the bonfire are all over ChattySnap.”
“Of course they are.”
Carter definitely knows how to pour salt in the wound. I look up and see him strolling around the pool with a dark scowl on his face. I’m not sure why he should feel bitter. He’s not the one that looks like a fool. I glance around and notice something strange. Sabrina and her friends are nowhere to be seen.
“That’s weird,” Maria says, looking over by the deep end. “They’re always here.”
“Maybe she’s resting up from her late night,” I say, feeling a little relieved. The camp kids come back over, drop their towels, and head to the pool.
“I can’t believe we only have a week left,” Maria says. “You’re coming to the Fourth of July party next Friday, right?”
I shrug. “I was, but now I’m not sure.”
She grabs my hand. “Please come! I think Hippie Sam is finally going to ask me out, but I don’t want to just hang around alone like a dork if he doesn’t get up the nerve.”
“Why don’t you just ask him out?” I say, glancing toward the snack bar. Sam hands a customer a plate of fries and leans over the counter, smiling our way. I wave and he waves back.
“I don’t know,” she confesses. “I really like him. He’s fun and easy to be around. I just don’t want to mess that up.”
“Right.” I understand that.
Across the pool, the gate opens and Sabrina walks in. She’s not in a bathing suit, though, she’s in regular clothes, and she’s also not with her friends. A man about my dad’s age follows her across the pool deck. Sabrina gives Carter a small smirk before walking into Erin’s office.
“What’s that about?” Maria asks.
“I don’t know.”
Across the pool, Katherine watches with interest, too. Carter paces the deep end, looking agitated. Our eyes meet for a brief moment before his dart away.
The two of us watch what happens next like a movie unfolding before our eyes. Sabrina and her father reemerge a few minutes later, Sabrina wiping crocodile tears from her eyes, her father’s arm around her shoulder. When no one is looking she flashes a dark, smug glare my way. It’s not long before Erin appears in the doorway of the office and calls Carter’s name. He doesn’t seem surprised, just agitated, clenching his strong jaw tight before walking across the deck. With one last look in my direction, he vanishes. My stomach is tight with fear. I know something’s wrong. Something’s off.
He’s going to get fired.
It doesn’t matter that I broke my heart trying to save him. It doesn’t matter that I let Sabrina have him and warned her about keeping her interest in him low key. It doesn’t matter that my best friend and brother think I’m pathetic by coming up with this stupid plan in the first place.
It was all a failure.
Carter’s going to get fired and sent to boarding school after all.
34
Carter
I walk into the office already knowing what’s about to happen. I knew it since the night before when Sabrina sat next to me on a log by the bonfire, face glowing yellow from the firelight and she touched my face, pulling me to her for a kiss.
And I rejected her.
Cold.
“Are you serious?” she said in a disbelieving whisper. Her breath smelled like rum and it made me nauseous.
“This isn’t happening,” I’d said, standing up, getting away from her.
“I know about you, Carter Haines,” she’d said suddenly. “I know about your mother, the foster homes, your dead-beat dad. I know about everything.”
I’d frowned. “How?”
“My father has known Coach Adams his whole life. He’s championed you as a swimmer but has always wondered if you really could shed your past. He’s warned me about you, told me your dark secrets.” She’d walked up to me, wobbly on her stupid heels. “I know about boarding school and the expectations on you this summer. One word from me about you trying to take advantage of me, and Daddy will have you fired so fast your head will spin.”
She’d linked her arms around my neck and tilted her chin up. “Want to reconsider that kiss?”
I’d looked down at her, thinking about how this could play out. The easy route. The expected choice. But green eyes and red hair kept fluttering through my mind, clenching my heart, and the simple fact one person out there knew I could be better made my decision for me.
“Do what you have to do,” I’d said, pushing her away, “I can handle the consequences.”
She’d reacted by barking out a bitter, offended laugh. “This is about her isn’t it? That mousy red-head you’ve been following around all summer like a puppy-dog.” She’d placed her hands on her hips. “You’re a fool, Carter. That girl was using you like everyone else.”
Her words had stung like a slap, but I’d walked away and gone home, waiting long enough for my dad to be in bed.
And here I am, facing the consequences, and as much as I’d meant it the night before, the last thing I wanted was to leave here. To start all over again. But that’s part of the problem when you grow up like I did. It’s tiring. Bone-achingly exhausting. You can fight or relent. And I’m tired of fighting.
“We need to talk,” Erin says, the disappointment on her face. Photos are visible from her computer—pictures of me and Sabrina from the night before—painting the picture of exactly the opposite of what really happened. I sit in the chair across from my boss, ready to take the heat like every other time. I’d created this narrative. I built the lies. I’m getting what I deserve. Or at least, that’s what I tell myself to make it all easier to swallow.
35
Bea
Three days later, the Mustang hasn’t moved in the Haines’ driveway. That more than anything makes me nervous. Carter has never stayed around his house much, coming in at all times of day and night, in an obvious attempt to avoid his father.
“Maybe you should go talk to him,” Katherine says. Atticus is at an all-day water polo training camp, giving us some much-needed friend time. “Just clear things up.”
“There’s nothing to clear up,” I say. “You and I both know this was inevitable. Carter Haines was on a one-way track to boarding school long before he met me. I just delayed the decision a little.”
We’re sitting on my bed, two copies of the Photobooth Society in front of us. I’d finally given her the copy from the book signing. She was a little bitter I didn’t invite her, but she let it go quickly. There’s no reason to rehash the dark days of our relationship.
“Are the rumors Sabrina’s spreading about him true?”
I’d heard them all since Carter stormed out of Erin’s office, bag
slung around his shoulder. A dozen times I wanted to say something when someone brought it up. Maria, Sam, and even a few kids whispered about it, but I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to betray his trust. But now with Katherine, I feel the weight of holding onto Carter’s secrets.
“He had a hard childhood and although he’s safe here, it isn’t really any easier. I can’t imagine what it’s like to always feel like your home could be taken out from underneath you.”
“He probably has a lot of trust issues.”
“A boatload,” I admit. “He just needs some stability, some consistency, I think. He needs to believe that people, including his dad, will like the real him.”
“Like you did?”
My eyes dart down. “Yeah, I think so.”
Katherine shifts on the bed and she runs her hand over the cover of the book. She sighs and it’s obvious she wants to say something. Finally I say, “Spit it out.”
“Promise you won’t get mad?”
I frown. “You know that’s a set up. It’s like a guarantee that I will get mad.”
“I know, but seriously, promise me.”
The unspoken comment here is that we’re both too raw from our falling out to have any kind of disagreement. That means whatever she wants to say must be big. I suck up my reservations, and agree, “Promise.”
She takes a deep breath and stares at her hands. “When you found out about me and Atticus, I totally understood your upset. I mean, I was kind of freaked out myself. It was a big, weird, crazy moment for me. I felt lost and unbalanced.” She glances up. “And I really, really needed my best friend.”
Defensiveness rolls through me but I squelch it as best as I can. “Yeah, I know.”
“You bailed on me when I needed you. Just completely shut me out. You didn’t give me a chance to talk to you about it, or work things through. You just ended it—Bea—ended us without giving me an option, and that wasn’t cool.”
Her voice wavers at the end and I feel a wave of emotion roll over me. All that anger and sadness from the last few months crashing like a wave. I don’t know what to say, but spit out, “I’m sorry.”
“I know and we’re good, or we will be.” She gives me a grin. “But this may be a pattern you have. Pushing aside people when things get scary. Making decisions about your relationship with them without giving them a voice.” There’s no doubt where this is going and my stomach twists nervously. “Go talk to him. Tell him how you feel. Find out how he feels. If you’re right about what you said before, about being someone that knows the real him, he really may need you right now.”
I lean back against my pillow and run my hands over my face. “You know admitting I’m wrong is like, something I’m super bad at.”
“I know, but we’re all growing up, I think. Getting more mature and dealing with things we never thought we would.”
I peek at her. “Please don’t tell me that’s a vague comment about you and Atticus. You know I still can’t take it.”
She laughs. “It’s a comment about you. Get dressed and go next door. You and I both know he hasn’t left the house since he got fired.”
The thing about my best friend is she got that role by being smart and amazing. She also got it because she’s always understood me, maybe even better than I understood myself. Back then, it was elephants. Now it’s Carter Haines.
Both big and scary, but also things I really care about.
36
Bea
I don’t think I’ve ever rung the Haines’ doorbell before, and when my finger releases the buzzer I have a moment of panic. My eyes dart back to the Mustang, thinking of my hiding place, but before I can move, the door opens. Mr. Haines fills the space.
“Beatrice. What a surprise,” he says, although the look on his face doesn’t seem exactly surprised. More tired than anything else.
“Hi,” I say, giving an awkward wave. “I figured after being neighbors for ten years, maybe I should stop in and say hello.”
He nods, not buying it. “Are you looking for Carter?”
“Yes, actually, I am. If, you know, he’s not grounded or something.”
He opens the door wider to let me in. “Nope, not grounded. Not happy but not grounded. He’s out back in the pool, but you’re welcome to wait for him to finish his workout.”
I follow him down the hallway, past the immaculate living room and spotless kitchen. You’d never know two men lived here—if anyone at all. It looks like a model house, like the ones on those TV decorating shows. The only thing out of place is a flat, blue brochure on the kitchen table. The Rivers School is printed across the top and a photo of attractive people standing before a red brick building is on the front.
“Are you really sending him away?” I ask, skimming my fingers over the glossy paper.
“It was a long time coming,” Mr. Haines says. “I think he’ll do better with a more structured environment.”
He says it so genuinely—with such conviction--that I have no doubt he believes it. I look out the expanse of windows that overlooks the backyard and patio—the pool just beyond. The ripple of water and the occasional movement of a tan arm the only proof Carter’s back there. That he lives here.
“With all due respect, Mr. Haines, structure isn’t really one of Carter’s issues. He practices every day, never missed work.”
He watches me closely with dark eyes similar to his son’s. “Then why does he keep getting in trouble?”
“Because you expect him to?” I shrug, then ask. “How well do you know your son?”
“Not as much as I’d like—the way he came to me…things were complicated. His mother never told me he existed—never told me I had a son. I felt guilty about not being there for her during all of that and then I felt worse for not being there for him when he needed me.”
“Have you ever told him that?”
Guilt tugs at his eyes. “Carter doesn’t give me much of a chance.”
“Well, you’re rarely home, right? When is he supposed to talk to you? Do you really think things will get better if you send him away?”
“I just want him to be safe, Beatrice, successful, and not blow his chance for the future. So far I haven’t been able to provide that for him. Maybe Rivers will.”
Movement outside catches my attention and I watch Carter pull himself out of the pool. Water rushes down his magnificent body. Just seeing him prompts me to say, “It’s hard to look at Carter and not see the champion. It’s obvious, but it forces you and everyone else to look past what’s really there. A kid with a lot of baggage that just needs his dad. That just needs a friend. He needs stability. Security. Love. I made the mistake of pushing him away for his own good—and I’m here to try to fix it.”
I walk past Mr. Haines, my hands shaking from saying all of that out loud, and step out on the patio. Carter stands by the pool drying off and my knees weaken at the sight of him.
I may have convinced myself to fight for Carter, but from the hurt in his eyes and the set of his jaw, I know for certain I have my work cut out for me if I think I'm going to convince him of the same.
He wipes the water off his face and shakes his hair out.
“Hi,” I say.
“What are you doing here.”
“I thought maybe we could talk.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t have anything to say.”
“I’m sure you don’t,” I reply, feeling the rise he ignites in me. Talk about stubborn. Part of me wants to turn and walk away, forgetting this and him forever. Then I remember what Katherine said about my pattern of shutting people out. I ball my fists with resolution. “But I do.”
He crosses his muscular arms across his chest and my eyes linger. A knowing smirk appears on his mouth. “Fine, I’ll listen.”
“I did what I did the other day at the pool to help you. I’d overheard Sabrina talking about you and how she was going to get you fired if you kept rejecting her. I thought by breaking up with you like that she’d get h
er way, you’d keep your job and not have to go to boarding school.”
“That plan didn’t work.”
I laugh darkly. “Yeah, no, total failure. All I did was hurt you.”
His expression tenses. “And in return I hurt you by going out with Sabrina.”
I nod, not wanting to admit it but I know now is the time for truth. “I’ve never had a boyfriend before, Carter. I mean, I barely had one with you. We were on the edge of something—something that scared me. I’ve never liked someone like this before and the thought of you risking everything for me? I didn’t want that responsibility.”
He takes a step forward and I freeze as his hand reaches out and he tucks a piece of hair behind my ear. “I’d do it anyway,” he says, quietly. “Risk it all for you.”
That brings up a swell of emotions, all of them accumulating in my chest. “You shouldn’t have to. You never did anything wrong.”
“My dad won’t listen, Bea. The decision’s been made.”
I shake my head. “Talk to him. Take the chance you took with me the night you told me the truth. Take it with him.”
“What if I tell him and he doesn’t listen to me? What if he sends me away anyway? I can handle going because it’s my fault, but I don’t know if I can handle an outright rejection.” His voice is small, scared. I want to reach for him but we’re not there yet. He’s got to work this out first.
“Here’s the thing, Carter.” I feel my heart falling apart as I speak. “I really care about you. Like for real, but I don’t know if any relationship is going to work unless you sort through all this stuff with your dad, because it’s keeping you from living your best life.”
“And what if I can’t?”
“That’s the kicker. I’m sure you can. And I’ll be here for you, as your friend that knows all your truths and secrets, to help you through it.”
Part of me hates this speech. I don’t want to be Carter’s friend—I want to be his girlfriend. I want to hug him and kiss him and feel his heartbeat next to mine, but that’s not what he needs from me. Not now. Maybe not ever.
Bea and the Bad Boy: Young Adult Sweet Romance (Love in Ocean Grove Book 3) Page 16
