Felix’s arms moved to wrap around my waist and pull me closer to him. We were still kneeling on the ground but I ignore the pain in my knees and concentrated on the warmth of his body. He felt good pressed against me and he tasted even better.
We had only been kissing for a moment before Felix suddenly broke away, pulling out of our kiss, standing up and moving a few feet away in one fluid motion. It was so sudden that I was still staring at the spot he had just been and my arms were still in the air. I dropped them awkwardly and looked around in confusion.
Felix was standing on the other side of his bed. His eyes still held desire from the kiss and his breath was ragged. He was also visibly shaking.
"I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me. I think you should leave."
I was speechless. One moment, I was enjoying one of the best feelings I had ever felt and the next it was ripped away. I thought he wanted it? What made him change his mind so suddenly?
Before I had the chance to respond, Riley was standing in the door way.
"What’s going on?" she asked hesitantly.
I was still sitting on the ground and I looked at Felix for an answer. I wasn’t sure what was going on, myself.
"She had a run in with darkness," Felix said calmly. "I opened the door and she started attacking me. I had to influence her to help her get control of herself again."
Riley’s eyes widened and she fell down on the ground next to me. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly. She gently put her arm on my shoulder and looked at me with deep concern. I was still speechless, so all I could do was nod.
Felix left his spot from the other side of the bed and kneeled down next to Riley. He didn’t comfort me this time.
"Can she stay with you tonight?" Felix asked Riley. "I’ll take her to talk to Carson in the morning."
Riley nodded and started to help me up when I finally found my voice. "Why do I need to see Carson?"
I wobbled when I found my feet and Felix’s arms shot out to steady me. An electric heat shot through my body and by the way Felix tensed, I bet he felt the same. His voice was still calm when he spoke. "He's kind of like a school counselor. He studies a lot of psychology and opens his door to anyone in the facility that wants to talk about any problems they have. He's especially good at helping Lovac deal with the trauma of when darkness takes control."
There was still concern in his eyes but there was also something underlying it. It was either frustration or anger or a combination of both. I let Riley lead me away and did my best not to feel the pain of rejection from Felix.
Riley’s room was only a few doors down from Felix’s. All of the decorations indicated that she had lived in this room for a while, probably since she first started training. The major contrast from my room was the bunk bed pushed against the wall.
"Do you share this room with someone?" I asked, sitting down on the lower bunk.
Riley’s eyes had the familiar sadness in them. "Used to," she muttered. "I’m one of the few Lovac who were born as a twin. She was killed by a werewolf a few weeks after we graduated training."
"I’m so sorry," I immediately said. Having lost my only family member, I knew what she was going through. I always heard twins had a special bond though, and I wondered if that made the pain worse.
Riley shrugged and took a seat at the desk along the opposite wall. "The worst part about all of it was I tried to warn her. I had a vision of it but she wouldn’t listen to me. She was too eager to start fighting. You’re eagerness reminds me of her."
Guilt engulfed me and I stared at my hands in my lap.
"What really happened back there?" Riley asked, nodding her head in the direction of Felix’s room.
"What do you mean?" Had she seen a vision of the kiss and just wanted me to admit to her or was she just that intuitive?
"Felix didn’t tell me the whole story. I know him too well to know that he was keeping something from me."
I opened my mouth to pretend I didn’t have any idea about what she was talking about but changed my mind. So what is Felix had kissed me? It’s not like it was a crime. My anger at his sudden change in desire also had something to do with my decision to tell Riley.
"He kissed me. And not just an innocent kiss."
Riley didn’t look surprised. She just nodded her head in resignation. "I could tell Felix was attracted to you the moment I met you. Since most Lovac grow up together, we think of each other more as a brother or sister than someone we could be attracted to. But we still have hormones, so whenever we meet a Lovac we didn’t grow up with, it gets messy. Once a year, Lovac and Nesmyr from the other two regions in the Amazon and Ukraine, meet with us. We usually mess around with the Lovac that come. You’re kind of like one of those visiting Lovac. I’m sure a lot of other male Lovac are admiring you from a distance. Felix just can’t seem to control himself."
I sighed. Even though it was nice that I was being admired, it felt forced. Like the only reason I was attractive to any of these people was because I was something new and different that they didn’t consider family.
"So the only reason Felix is attracted to me is because I’m the only one around that he can be attracted to?" My voice gave away my disappointment and Riley instantly caught on.
"Don’t let it get to you too much. You and I and even Felix all know that a relationship between you two won’t end well. Besides, I told you that you would find your true Dimidium. I won’t hold it against you if you want to have some fun with Felix, but keep in mind that if you get too close, both of you will end up hurt when your Dimidium comes around."
I half sighed and half groaned as I threw myself back on the bed. Riley laughed at my frustration and crawled onto the top bunk.
"Why do boy problems suck?" I asked the mattress above me.
"You never had any human boys flirting after you back home?" The genuine shock in her voice boosted my bruised ego and I smiled to myself.
"No," I said. "My mom never let me get close enough to another boy to have feelings for them."
"That means Felix was probably your first kiss then. How was it?"
"Amazing." It wasn’t even close to how I really felt about it. It was beyond amazing but I didn’t think any word would be accurate. It was nice to have someone to talk about it. I had never had a close friend before either and I secretly hoped Riley and I would get closer.
Riley spent the next ten minutes telling me about her first kiss with a Lovac from the Ukraine. The way she spoke indicated that she hadn’t had anyone to talk girl talk with for a while either. After she finished, exhaustion had crept back up on both of us and we silently drifted off into sleep. The nightmares stayed away for the rest of the night but the traumatic feeling the darkness left with me didn’t disappear.
Chapter 12
"What a nice surprise," Carson said cheerfully the next morning when Felix took me to his office. "What can I do for you two?"
"Avery had her first major run in with darkness last night and I think she really needs to talk to you," Felix said. He was talking to Carson like I wasn't even there but I didn't mind. Even though I slept off the worst of the traumatic feeling, I still didn't feel back to normal and my mind kept wandering.
"Avery?" Carson said, snapping me out of my thoughts again. Felix had to do the same thing multiple times earlier in the morning.
"Sorry. I can't seem to stay focused on anything," I said.
"That tends to happen after the first couple of times," Carson said. "Why don't you and Felix come into my office and tell me what happened."
Felix and I sat down in some chairs in front of Carson's desk. His office looked like a typical psychologist's office, with book cases lining the wall, framed degrees hanging up and even a few fake plants. Like everywhere else in this facility, it smelled lightly of incense. I had come to the conclusion that they burned incense in the air ducts since the smell was everywhere.
Once again, I had lost myself in my thoug
hts and had to be prompted again by Carson to tell him what happened. I told him every detail I could remember, leaving off the stuff about Felix kissing me. Once I finished I could feel myself trembling again and my eyes were full of tears. Felix had taken my hand and was squeezing it gently, trying to calm me down.
"I don't want to alarm you, but it's very rare for darkness to take control of someone like that so soon after turning eighteen. My theory is that since Lucas was so old and powerful when your mother conceived you, he transferred more of his darkness to you then a young Zhulik normally would to a Lovac."
That wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear. "Does that mean I'm going to go crazy sooner?"
"Not necessarily," he said, in a matter-of-fact tone. "You seem to be able to block out the darkness a lot quicker than a normal Lovac too. I think you may have to fight with darkness more but I don't think it will completely take over sooner than it would for a normal Lovac."
"Great," was all I managed to say, though it didn't feel so great.
"I know it's going to be hard and I'm sorry you were forced into this life. Every night I pray that all of you Lovac will find your Dimidiums so that you don't have to fight with the darkness any longer. I just hope my prayers come true soon."
"Me too," Felix said, smiling sadly at me. I could see he was concerned about my future but I also saw fear in his eyes about his own fate. All of the Lovac I met put on a brave face about their future but deep down, I knew they were just as terrified as I was.
We left Carson's office shortly after. He didn't have as much advice on handling the darkness as I had hoped but he did make me feel better. He mentioned some simple techniques I could do before bed to try to keep the darkness at bay while I slept and mentioned that staying in the same room with another Lovac might help until I get better control. It looked like I would be moving in with Riley or at least staying in her room more often.
"Don’t think you’re getting out of training today," Felix said when I went to head back to my room. I paused in the stairwell and bit back a groan. My body was still sore and I was hoping for an R&R day.
I was secretly hoping that Felix had forgotten about training, at least for the day. He dragged me to the gym and we started off with the usual running. It actually helped clear my mind and by the end of the day all of the foggy thoughts were gone. I was back to being as close to normal as I could be.
Chapter 13
The rest of the week was pretty much the same routine, with the exception of my mother’s funeral. Her body had been buried earlier but there hadn’t been adequate time for a proper ceremony. I expected to cry a lot, but my tear ducts were dry. The pain in my heart was never dull though. I said a few words and promised out loud to take down her killer. Felix stood by me the entire time and comforted me afterwards. Even though the ceremony was far from peaceful, I felt more at peace that she had a proper burial and there were actually people to attend. Nearly every Lovac and a good portion of the Nesmyr at the facility were there.
The next day, the training continued like nothing had ever happened. I preferred it that way, too. I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life grieving and I didn’t want to hear the sympathy from others. I focused all my sorrow into the training.
We stuck with running and weight training in the morning, with yoga stretches in between, mental training in the afternoon with Rema and then took tours after dinner. Felix showed me a few important rooms on the main floor, like the hospital wing and the feeding room.
I was disgusted by both of them. The hospital was sectioned into two parts; a section like any other hospital, with beds for minor cases and a room for critical care, and another section for Lovac that were starting to lose their mind, that was basically a toned down insane asylum. Felix didn't want me to see the section specifically for crazy Lovac, but I insisted.
He introduced me to Daryn, who sat in the corner to his barred off room, scratching on the white walls the entire time we were there. The other Lovac that was in this section was Ashli. She seemed almost normal when I was introduced to her but as we were leaving, I heard her screaming and thrashing around her room.
The feeding room was just as traumatizing. There were humans set up in booths, with dazed looks on their faces and multiple bite marks in their necks. Felix explained that most of them were volunteers and were addicted to the hormones released by a Nesmyr bite but no explanation would ever make it okay in my mind. There were some things about this new world I was dragged in to that I would never accept.
Felix even offered to let me try the blood but I refused. I know it would make me stronger but the thought of actually tasting blood my stomach churn. He didn’t pressure me and said most Lovac preferred to stay away from blood, though there were a few who enjoyed it.
We continued with the rest of our tours throughout the week. I was easily able to locate places where people were using their power and Felix always found it fascinating. We even discovered that I could locate Nesmyr even when they weren’t using their power. They apparently always gave off a small radiance of power that I could sense if I concentrated hard enough.
My body started to adjust to the training and I could feel it getting leaner and stronger every day. My training with Rema always got more intense but I was able to handle it. Somehow, word of my abilities traveled around the facility and many of the Lovac and even some Nesmyr went out of their ways to meet me. I felt like a local celebrity.
I stayed in Riley’s room every night and our friendship increased every night. The sadness in her eyes never disappeared but it seemed to lessen when I was around. I would never fill the spot of her sister, but at least I could be there as a friend for her.
My feelings for Felix seemed to grow every day and Felix seemed to distance himself from me more but I knew he was having just as hard of a time getting his feelings closed off. There were moments when he would look at me with hungry eyes and times where he would reach for me, but he always stopped himself short. My longing for him to touch me increased and on more than one occasion, I contemplated taking action.
Nine days after the kissing incident, during one of our yoga stretches, was one of those occasions. We were sitting on the ground, stretching our legs. I had purposely sat closer to him than I knew he was comfortable with. Our legs kept bumping and when I made up my mind to just drag him into a kiss, the doors to the gym slammed open, startling both of us out of our thoughts.
"Have you started training her to do defensive and offensive moves yet?" Riley frantically asked Felix when she entered the gym and walked over to us.
Felix stood up and offered his hand to help me up, an action he rarely did anymore. "No. We were going to start them next week. She's doing really great at the--"
Riley cut him off. "You have to start training her now."
"What do you mean? What's going on?" I said when I was off the ground. Now that I was level with her, I could see her eyes were rimmed with splotches of blood. If Riley hadn’t explained that her eyes literally bled when she had visions, I would have panicked.
"You can fight. I've seen it. We're going to need to get you trained as quickly as possible. Something big is about to happen and we'll need all the Lovac we can get."
"What did you see, Riley?" Felix asked as he gently put his arms on her shoulders to try to calm her down.
"I... I can't say exactly. All I know is there are some clever Zhulik planning something big and we're going to need Avery's help." She was shaking now and her breaths were coming out in shallow gasps.
"I think we need to go see Rema. I don't mind starting training with Avery but Rema needs to hear what you have to say."
Riley nodded and nearly collapsed in Felix's arms. Whatever she had seen had taken a toll on her strength. Felix picked her up and carried her all the way to the Lovac council member’s floor. I felt guilty at the slight pang of jealousy in my chest that Felix was so willing to hold Riley close, despite knowing they thought of each other more like siblings
than anything else. I pushed the thoughts aside as we entered the little sitting area where Rema usually was.
Rema wasn't sitting in her usual spot but had just exited one of the rooms on the right. She was surprised to see us but worry crossed her face when she saw a limp Riley in Felix's arms.
"What happened?" she asked.
"Riley came running into the gym to tell me I needed to start training Avery immediately. She was also saying that something big was about to happen with the Zhulik and we would need Avery's help."
"Lay her down on the couch. When did she pass out?"
"Right after I said we needed to come see you."
"Did she mention anything else important?"
"No. That was it."
"Wait," I said. "She said something about her knowing I could fight. That she had seen it. What does that mean?"
"My guess is that she saw you fighting in whatever big event is about to happen but only if you start training now," Felix said.
"No," Riley muttered. Her voice was very quiet and she hadn't moved from the spot Felix had put her in. "She can fight now. The Zhulik attack will happen in less than two weeks if we don't stop it."
Rema and Felix both gave me questioningly looks. "I thought you said you haven't had any training before this?" Felix asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"I haven't," I said. I had never even thrown a punch at someone until the night darkness made me attack Felix. "I have no idea what she's talking about. Honestly. You saw me. I can barely run or lift weights. How can I know how to fight?"
They gave each other a quick glance and then Rema said, "Go back down to the gym and start training immediately. I'll take care of Riley and see what other information she has. I will come find you in an hour or so to see what happens."
"Come on." Felix gently grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the exit. I wanted to argue more but I didn't think anything I said would help my case. Felix didn't let go of my hand the entire way back to the gym and he wouldn’t look at me.
Avenging Amethyst (Immortal Eyes) Page 8
