and I know you have nothing to do with this.
However, I cannot say the same for the rest of my family.
For this reason, I ask that you please keep
your distance until they can get some sort of healing.
Closure, the word so many people like to use,
is something I don’t know we will ever get.
Thanks again.
Sally
Receiving that from her meant the world to me. However, it appears that I have an uphill climb with the rest of his family. I hope I will never have to prove my innocence in court. However, should I have to, I hope that the evidence the investigators have uncovered will be enough for them to believe in me. Some have asked why I should care what they think. But I do. I care what everybody thinks. My reputation is not something I can simply ignore. That said, I realize that I will never be able to get everyone to see things through my eyes, and that is something I am learning to work through every day.
Since Jonathan dropped me off at my penthouse all those months ago, I have only seen him probably two or three times on the streets of Lake Tahoe driving. I did run into him and his brother one day at lunch at a downtown café, but we kept our conversation to “hello” and “how are you?”
I have thought about him at times. If I’m being honest, I think about him all the time, and one day, I realized that I no longer refer to him as Mr. Asshole in my head. I’m trying to remember when that changed, but so much time has gone by since we’ve had any meaningful exchange, it’s hard to remember.
I admit that, at times, when I go out, I keep hoping that I’ll see him—even if only for a minute. After all these months, I realize my brother was right. I do like him. There are so many issues with that, though. He’s the DA, I’m still fresh out of a relationship, I’m a suspect in a high profile murder case, and… he’s the DA…
Beyond that, I have gone through moments where I feel extremely guilty for being attracted to another man within days of my ex’s death. I don’t understand how that’s possible. I thought I was so deeply in love with Richard. It’s possible that the hurt he caused me forced me to see him in a new light. I know all the new information I’ve found out since then definitely has.
It’s nearing Christmas and I am not looking forward to it. It’s been almost three months that I’ve been alone. Solitude has become my closest companion. Being alone at Thanksgiving was difficult enough. A part of me wants to invite Bobby and possibly my mom for the holidays, but I don’t want to intrude on their lives or possible plans. I’ll think about it over the next few days… I’m afraid to let my mother come up here. She might realize what serious trouble I’m in. Lake Tahoe is a ways away, though… Perhaps she will return home none the wiser.
Weeks later, I prepare for the arrival of my mom, Bobby, and Val. They arrive later this afternoon and will be spending a couple days for Christmas. I can’t wait to see them.
I am ten minutes early when I arrive at the airport. I am so excited, I can barely contain myself.
My mind drifts back to the last time I was here. That day I saw a different side to Jonathan, the sweet side, the caring side. Unfortunately, he saw a side of me that only my family has seen. I hate being vulnerable… and I especially hated being that way in front of him.
I vividly remember him caressing my cheek and kissing me lightly. I also remember how much I wanted to kiss him back. It bothers me that I can’t seem to shake this man out of my mind. I need to get him out of my system because there is no way that anything will go any further than it already has. The problem is, there is a big part of me that doesn’t want to.
“Hey, Sis.”
I hear my brother’s voice. Although they’re walking straight toward me, I was too preoccupied to notice.
“Hey. I’m so excited to see you guys,” I say as I hug my mom.
“Really? Because I called you three times before you noticed,” Bobby says as he hugs me.
“Shut up,” I whisper, kissing him on the cheek. “Now introduce me to your lovely girlfriend.”
“Val, meet my favorite sister Jada. Jada, Val.”
“It’s an absolute pleasure,” says Val then she kisses me on my cheek. She’s even more beautiful in person. Her jet-black hair trails down her back, and many women would be envious of her perfect figure. I’m not sure what it is, but something about her reminds me of that actor Roselyn Sánchez.
“I’m so happy to meet you in person,” I reply, hugging her gently. “Now come on, peoples. Who’s hungry?”
“You cooked?” Mommy asks.
“No. But I did order us a great late lunch. The Christmas tree arrived this morning, and the refrigerator is stocked with everyone’s favorites.”
I’m so happy to see my mom. It’s been about a year since we last saw each other. I swear she doesn’t age at all. She had Bobby at the age of twenty-three and then me at twenty-seven. I’m almost certain that thirty something years later, she’s managed to maintain her beauty, poise, and elegance. I have been told that I’m my mother’s child. Any positive attributes I have, I am thankful to her for. The one thing both Bobby and I got from my dad was his eyes.
Later that evening, Bobby makes eggnog while Mommy, Val, and I decorate the tree. I am joyful my family surrounds me, and getting to know the woman who has made my brother so happy is an added bonus.
Bobby decides he wants cake. I go help him bake in the kitchen while my mom and Val continue with the tree.
“So you want to tell me what’s been going on? You’ve been MIA the last few weeks,” Bobby asks.
“Nothing…” I reply. “I want to give you your space.”
“What do you mean?”
“Bobby, you just got engaged. You’re starting a new life. I don’t want to always burden you with my problems.”
“You could never do that.”
I remain silent. Because the truth is, I know I could. The way that I’ve been feeling of late, I’d be on the phone with him all the time if I didn’t control myself.
“You lost two of the people closest to you. I understand how that feels. I expect you to call me if you’re going through a hard time.”
“Can we not talk about me? Did you set a wedding date yet?”
He ignores me completely.
“So tell me… when was the last time you spoke to Mr. Asshole?”
It’s hard to contain my smile.
“I ran into him and his brother at lunch a few weeks ago. We said hi, that’s all.”
“No… cute exchange?” He winks at me. “No… tête à tête?”
“No.”
“There’s something you’re not telling me.”
“What makes you say that?”
“I know you better than you know yourself.”
“Then if you know me that well, I shouldn’t have to tell you anything.”
“You’ve been seeing him, haven’t you?”
“No,” I reply, but I can feel the warmth encroaching all over my body, and I know must be red.
“I’m a lawyer. You really think I can’t tell when you’re lying to me?”
“I haven’t been seeing him… we’ve had a few moments together.”
“I want to know.”
“Why?”
“Jada.”
“The day I dropped you off at the airport, he drove me home.”
“How come?”
“It was difficult. I was in the car and he saw me. According to him, I was in no condition to be left alone. So my choices were either he drove me or he’d call the police… you know how I feel about the police these days.”
“I’m sorry… I didn’t think that it would have been so hard.”
“Neither did I.”
He hugs me. I tell him about the other occasions, but I keep the kiss and my wanting to kiss him back to myself.
By the end of the night, the tree is up and all presents are underneath. Bobby and Val cuddle on the sofa, watching the images on the TV as they fly b
y. Honestly, they look like they’re dying to be alone with each other. He’s never been like this, and I take pleasure in seeing my former man-whore brother smitten and in love.
It’s Christmas morning and we all converge around the kitchen island while my mother makes her famous fabulous scrambled eggs. Bobby works on the French toast. Val handles the bacon and sausages, and I fix the coffee, tea, and juice.
After a Thanksgiving spent alone, I appreciate my family flying all this way to spend the holidays with me.
We enjoy breakfast together. It would have been nice to sit out on the terrace, but with below freezing temperatures and the snow coming down outside, it’s impossible. We’ve been blessed with a white Christmas. When we’re done with breakfast, we open presents.
Later in the day, I call Charles to wish him a Merry Christmas. He has become such an integral part of my day-to-day life. What we share has become so much more than a lawyer-client relationship, and I will forever be thankful for that. In many ways, because I’m so isolated, he’s become a confidant. He’s come to know some of the most intimate details of my life.
Dinner is another team effort, and after we spend the afternoon hard at work, we gather round the dining table while it’s snowing outside and enjoy the fruits of our labor. After dinner, Mommy’s tired. She heads to bed. Val and I clean the kitchen, and Bobby… well, he’s fallen asleep on the couch.
He’s worked hard, and I can see Val’s tired. I tell them I’ll handle the rest, and they say goodnight.
My phone rings as I put the last of the pots in the dishwasher. It’s Charles calling.
“Hey, Charles. Please don’t tell me that you’ve found out some horrible news you had to tell me on Christmas.”
“Actually, no. This is not Charles. It’s Jonathan.”
Well, this is unexpected.
“Hi… Merry Christmas,” I wish him.
“To you too. How are you? It’s been a while.”
“I’m good. Thanks.”
“Your name came up in conversation a few times today.”
“These days, that’s never a good thing.”
“It wasn’t nearly as bad as you think. You have a lot more support than you realize.”
“Let’s not go there… I assume there’s a reason you’re calling?”
“I hope you aren’t alone. Someone told me you were at Thanksgiving.”
Charles.
“No, I’m not. My mom is visiting, along with my brother and his fiancée, so there is no need for concern. Thank you.”
“What about your dad?”
I hesitate, surprised by his audacity. “My dad died when I was twenty-one,” I reply curtly.
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
“I was thinking about you. You’ve been on my mind quite a bit today, and I wanted to wish you Happy Holidays.”
I feel guilty that I snapped. “That was kind of you,” I reply softly.
“I hope you had a great day.”
“I did. I’m tidying up after dinner.”
“Jada?”
I feel like he wants to ask me something.
“Yes?”
After some hesitation, he finally replies. “It’s nothing. I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening… I’ll be thinking about you.”
You will?
“Thanks, Jonathan. Have a good night,” I politely reply, and then I hang up.
I stare at my phone in silence. Why was he really calling? Then I hear footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Was that the Jonathan?” Bobby asks.
“I thought you went to bed. What are you doing up?”
“I came to get some water.”
“That was him. I’m not sure why he was really calling, though.”
“What did he say?”
“That he was thinking of me, and he wanted to wish me Happy Holidays.”
“Then that’s why he was calling. We men usually mean what we say. We mostly don’t have a hidden agenda.”
“Right. That’s why he told me his sister was his fiancée when we first met.”
“I think we’ve figured out since then what that agenda was,” he replies, pouring the glass of water.
“I don’t know… On two separate occasions, I felt like he wanted to ask me something then didn’t.”
“Maybe he’s been gearing up the courage to ask you out.”
“I don’t understand how that would even be a consideration for him. It would be career suicide on a position he’s held for just a year.”
“Maybe he likes you a lot more than you realize.”
I take a deep breath and think about Bobby’s statement. Even if that were true and he did ask, could I accept?
“You really like him, don’t you?”
“I feel so guilty… this all started days after Richard and I ended.”
“Sweetie, if there’s one thing I know, it’s you can’t plan with whom and when you fall in love…”
“Who said anything about being in love?”
His face lights up as he looks at me. “Sweetie, the heart wants what it wants, and it has no regard for who, when, where, or how.”
I exhale. “This is overwhelming. I need my bed.”
He hugs me then replies, “Things will all work out. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
I wake the next day excited about a sleigh ride I’ve planned for us. My family leaves tonight. I thought this is something we would all enjoy before they depart. Especially Mom.
After breakfast, we head out. Today is still very cold. We huddle together wrapped in thick blankets as the beautiful black Percheron horses lead the way through the white skirted forest.
It is a perfect day for a sleigh ride. Everything is in white, and as we venture through the trail, large evergreens tower above. We make it through the forest, and the magnificent Sierra Mountains look over us throughout our ride.
Mom holds my hand tightly. I can tell that she is happy that we are spending this time together. Once the tour is over, we head to my favorite café by the water. We huddle around the fireplace and enjoy several cups of hot cocoa.
After some time snacking and chatting, while my mom leaves for the washroom, a man approaches me.
“Jada McLean, do you care to comment on the impending murder charges against you?”
“No comment. Please let me have my privacy,” I say calmly, although inside, I’m getting angrier by the moment. I stand to leave, but he blocks my path.
“Not until you answer my question,” he replies.
Before I know it, Bobby approaches the man. “If you don’t move out of her way, I’ll have False Imprisonment charges brought against you. Now please, move.”
“Who the hell are you?” the man shouts.
By then, Bobby is holding my hand, and Val is leading Mom out of the café. A scene is starting to develop, and that’s the last thing I need. I’m afraid that Bobby is going to explode and revert to the methods of his past to get this situation solved.
“Bobby, let’s leave,” I say.
He stares at the man angrily then leaves with me. On the way out, he hands a bill to the server but doesn’t bother to wait for the change. We get into the car, and he drives. Mom and Val sit in the back.
“Jada, what was that about?” my mother asks.
I don’t want to tell her the truth, but I’ve never lied to my mother.
I look at Bobby, and he briefly looks at me.
“Mom, it was just an unruly reporter,” he says.
“Both of you are lying to me. I don’t know what that was, but I know you well enough, Bobby, to know you wouldn’t be this upset over some reporter.”
“Mom, I don’t want you to worry,” I say, looking at her over my shoulder.
“Tell me what’s going on,” she replies softly.
“I am under investigation for Richard’s murder. The police think I have something to do with his death.”
“That’s absurd.”
> “Exactly,” Bobby retorts. “So there is no need for you to worry.”
“Have you told them you have nothing to do with this?”
“I have the best lawyers dealing with this. They hired investigators to conduct their own thorough investigation.”
“But have you told the police?”
“Her lawyers do the talking for her. Both her lawyer and I have advised her not to say a word to the police. Anything she says to them can be used against her,” Bobby says.
“Are you all sure?”
“Mom, you and Daddy didn’t spend hundreds of thousands of dollars to send me to law school so I can be unsure. I made sure I got her the best lawyer in the state. He knows what he’s doing. In addition, I confer with him on a regular basis. We have to trust him to do his job.”
“Sweetie, why didn’t you tell me about this sooner?” Mommy asks.
“I didn’t want you to worry. I still don’t want you to worry.”
“You’re my daughter; how can I not?”
“Now you understand why we haven’t said anything?” Bobby responds.
We arrive at the house. As I get out of the car, my mother holds me in a warm embrace.
“Mom, please don’t worry. I’m going to be fine.”
At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself.
“I love you so much. I can stay here if you like… give you some support.”
“Absolutely not. I don’t need a babysitter. I know you may not believe me, but when I really need you, I do call,” I say as we walk into the house. “You all being here, for example. I really needed to be around my family, so I called. Now you all are here. You have to believe that. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” she asks.
“I promise.”
The anxiety dies down a bit, and I help my family pack in preparation for their exit tonight. I know Bobby is really angry, but I also know him well enough to know that when he’s like this, I should leave him alone. I notice Val has done the same. She knows my brother well.
The sun sets. I am surprised when Bobby comes out of the room and says he’d like us to all go out for an early dinner. I’m a little unsure because of the run-in today with the reporter, but I think if we have no interruptions, it’s how I’d like to spend the night. Twice in one day is rather unlikely. We get ready, pack the luggage in the car, and we are off.
Love, Lies & The D.A. Page 10
