by Mia Carson
“I’m happy to help. Seriously, it’s not an issue,” I offered.
I was hoping this would make Amy think I was less of a dick, but she still didn’t look at me. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I pulled out my phone and texted her.
Ashton: What is your issue? I thought you would be okay with what happened?
Amy’s phone vibrated. She looked down at it, then over at me, and sighed. She typed back.
Amy: Seriously, now that our parents are married, it’s over. Just stay out of my way the rest of the summer. Go hook up with one of your groupies I saw on your social media.
Women could be so crazy sometimes, I grumbled inwardly.
Ashton: Really? Wow. Okay. Consider yourself ignored.
We finally got home. I picked out my things from the trunk and saw Amy’s rather heavy purple suitcase and grabbed it as well. She looked for her luggage. When she saw me carrying her bag, she scoffed and followed me up the stairs.
“I could have carried that myself, you know,” she said with an icy voice, so different from her usual sweet, soft one.
“Whatever. I’m just leaving it outside your door.” I plopped her bag down and put mine in my room. I walked back out to see Amy walking out of her room with her shower caddy.
“You can take a damn shower up here. I’m not going to walk in on you, you know,” I said indignantly.
She rolled her eyes at me. “I’ll do what I want.” She stomped down the stairs with her nose in the air.
An ache came over me—the kind I hadn’t felt since my mother left. “Fuck her. Who cares what she thinks?” I mumbled to no one.
I needed to do something—to fix something. Tinkering with my car would work. I threw on an old tank top and some sweatpants, my work clothes. I trudged down the stairs, passed one of the main bathrooms where I knew Amy was fiddling around behind the closed door. The cool air of the garage hit me, and I found it soothing. I closed the door behind me, sealing myself from the world.
I rummaged through some of my tools and rolled myself partially under my car. I began fixing a leak. The leak. The one that had been evading me, the one I could fix. I liked machines and cars because they weren’t complicated. If you had the right parts and the right amount of work ethic, you could fix it. People were far more complex. If something was broken, sometimes you couldn’t fix it, even if you tried.
I didn’t think I could fix things with Amy.
A good hour went by. My phone vibrated. I rolled myself out from under the car and pulled off my gloves, which were covered in grease. Jen, a girl I had known from high school, had texted me. She always did have a crush on me.
Jen: Hey Ashton. Can’t wait for our date tonight. I thought you’d never ask.
Ashton: Hope you like smoking, because that’s what’s up. It’ll be fun.
Jen: Yeah. Wouldn’t smoke anywhere else. You always have the best shit. And that new bong you showed me a pic of looks amazing. We’ll get so high!
Ashton: See you here around eight. You need me to pick you up?
Jen: Yeah. Same place. See you then. Kisses!
I remembered the last party I went to with Jen. We had kissed but nothing else. She had blonde hair, and though I wasn’t usually into blondes, I had to admit she was smoking hot. Her blue eyes and curly hair certainly made up for the hair color. At the end of the day, hair was just hair, anyway. It was the body that really counted, and boy, did she have a nice body.
I looked at my car, deciding I’d had enough for today. I threw my gloves down and took a swig of water. I bounded up the steps. When I opened the door, I saw Amy sitting with her mom and Dad. They were having lunch. My eyes met hers for a moment, and she averted hers quickly. I felt a pang of annoyance; she still couldn’t look at me. What the hell was her problem?
“Hi Ashton! Would you like a sandwich?” Emma asked.
“I’ll take one to go. Have plans tonight I have to get ready for,” I replied, grabbing a salami and Swiss.
“With a girl?” Dad asked.
“Yeah, actually. Jen. She’s coming over. We’re going to play video games,” I said.
Amy’s head snapped up as soon as I said Jen’s name. She looked at me, pure hatred in her eyes. I was taken aback by her intense response. She really was shocked and hurt that I was going to hang out with another girl.
“Very nice,” Emma said, “have fun.”
“I...I will,” I stuttered nervously
No one had ever made me so nervous before, nervous in the sense that I couldn’t handle her negativity towards me. I turned and left, trying to get the image of her hurt expression out of my mind. She shouldn’t be hurt, anyway.
She’s the one who asked for this. It’s not my fucking fault.
I grabbed my coat off the coat rack and took my car keys. I needed to get the smoking stuff for tonight and get as far away from Amy as possible. It wasn’t fair of her to make me feel like I was doing something wrong. Besides, she didn’t even like to smoke! It’s not like I could invite her or anything. It was too awkward.
I would never love my Honda Civic as much as my old car, because my old car had too many perfect memories. This car was nice, though; it was red and had a powerful bass. I blasted my music, enjoying the hum of it. It rattled my eardrums as I shot down the driveway and into the afternoon. I rolled the windows down, feeling the air on my face. I felt free again, free from the pain of abandonment I promised myself I would never feel again. At the light downtown, I saw my friend Ryan walking across the street. I rolled the window down and beeped my horn.
“Hey, asshole!” I yelled.
Ryan took off his sunglasses and gave me the finger, smiling. At the green light, I made a left and pulled into a spot nearest him.
“What you doing?” I asked.
“Nothing. Just fucking around.”
“Wanna come to the smoke shop with me? I gotta get shit for a date tonight.”
“Sweet, bro. And fuck, yeah. Let’s head over,” Ryan said.
Ryan got in the passenger side. He was stoned, as usual. I wanted to be stoned, too. I sighed and looked at the mirror, waiting until I could back out of the parking spot.
“So what’s up, man? You never date,” he commented.
“Not usually, but I’m trying to get over this other girl I met. She’s really sweet, beautiful…But I can’t be with her.”
“Why?”
I pulled out of the spot and headed for the smoke shop. “It’s complicated,” I said honestly.
“That blows, man, but the only thing you can do is try to get it on with someone else. That’s the only way to get over it.”
“You think so, man?”
“No shit. Hook up with your date tonight, and you’ll be over it in no time.”
“I hope you’re right. I really do,” I said thoughtfully.
“Who is your date, by the way?” Ryan asked.
“Jen.”
“Ha!” Ryan said, slapping his thigh. “I knew she wanted you. And she’s a hottie. Nice one, man.”
I smiled, trying to convince myself I was happy and excited. My thoughts lingered on Amy a bit longer before my pride took over. I slammed on the gas to get to the smoke shop sooner. I hoped tonight would help me forget about her.
AMY
“A girl! He’s having a girl over,” I cried to Sarah, my shaking hand barely able to hold the phone.
“This is a good thing.”
“Good thing? How? The guy I lost my virginity to is having another girl over!” I bellowed.
“It’s good because you’re trying to get over him! What better way than him hanging out with someone! It’ll be fine,” she said, trying to comfort me.
“They’re playing ‘video games,’ or something. That basically means sex.”
“Not necessarily. They could be drinking or doing something else they’re not supposed to be doing. You can’t make assumptions,” Sarah pointed out, her logic making sense.
“I have to figure out who
she is.” I pulled out my computer and put Sarah on speaker so my hands would be free to pry into Ash’s personal life.
Sarah sighed. “You know that doesn’t make anything better.”
“Her name is Jen…I’m checking his social media,” I informed Sarah. I looked at his wall; recently, a girl named Jen H. had left a comment.
Jen H.: Can’t wait for 2night. Get the good stuff. Lol.
My eyes narrowed. I clicked on her profile. It was private, but I could see her picture. She was beautiful—freckles, blonde hair, and crystal-blue eyes. Some of her interests included movies and rock music. She also liked cars. Ash loved cars! She did seem pretty cool, dammit.
“Ugh. I found her. She’s really pretty and so his type,” I complained.
“Who cares? You aren’t going to date him, so it’s not a big deal,” Sarah said soothingly.
I took a deep breath and shut off my computer. I didn’t want to see any more. “You’re right. It doesn’t matter. I’m overreacting. He’s my stepbrother, for fuck’s sake. We already crossed the line, and now we need to take a step back.” I tried to convince myself of the truth of my own words. “I’ll just stay clear of the house tonight. I’m going out and having fun.”
“Yeah. Have fun, and tell me what happens,” she said.
“Will do. Bye.” I hung up and looked around my room. Whenever I felt crappy, doing my hair and nails always made me feel better. Though I had already taken a shower, taking two or three showers a day was not uncommon for me. I loved showers because they were relaxing and washed the day away.
I grabbed my towel and moisturizer and got in the shower. I put the water on, trying to let the noise of it drown out the noise in my head. I reached out to feel if the water was the right temperature, and once it was, I immersed myself in it, closing my eyes. It felt great—soothing. I squirted my nourishing shampoo into my palm and began massaging it into my scalp. I rubbed some lavender body wash over my tender pussy, which was still a bit sore from the friction of our tryst on the beach. I wished I could wash that action away, but some things happened way too late.
I tried not to look at his body wash and wash cloth, which he’d placed rudely near my stuff. He’d left some hair, too. I tried to convince myself he was a gross creature and that I would never want to see him again after this summer. I imagined him, hairy and muscular and handsome.
“Ugh! Stop it!” I scolded myself.
Evening was setting in by the time I finished using the hair dryer. My thick hair was notoriously difficult to manage, but it was pretty, at least. My hair was curled elegantly, and I put on a light pink dress and a long pink cardigan over that. My nails were painted with a nice pink polish, and I was perfectly shaved. My chunky pink heels looked great, I had to admit. I looked totally hot. I imagined what Ash would do if he saw me, inwardly scolding myself for being pathetic enough as to care.
I heard giggling coming from Ash’s room. I had been messing around with the hair dryer for forty minutes, so I hadn’t heard them come in. I heard deep laughter follow. A spike of annoyance raked through me. I dropped my purse on the bed and walked to his side of the bathroom door, pressing my ear to it. I heard soft moans and muffled sounds. Hurt washed over me, and I couldn’t help myself. I slammed opened the door to his room to see it clouded in smoke. He and the girl, Jen, were on his bed, making out.
“Nice,” I said, my face red with embarrassment and hurt. “You couldn’t…you couldn’t smoke somewhere else?” I yelled, not the least bit upset about the smoke, but really upset that he could hook up with another girl so close to my room.
“Amy!” he said and sat up on his bed. Jen looked smug as she placed her hand on his stomach.
“Oh. That’s your stepsister,” she said with a cool voice. She looked me over the way a cat does before they pounce on their competition.
Tears streamed down my face. “Fuck you, Ash. Fuck you,” I said, my voice shaking through my tears. I turned on my heel and grabbed my purse. I was going to go to the city, sneak into a bar, and forget his existence.
“Amy, wait!”
I heard him shout. I didn’t care. He’d already lost me. Fuck him. I went to my room, slamming the door to my room behind me. I stomped down the steps as fast as I could with my heels on.
“Going out?” I heard Gary say.
He was in the den by the door, reading a book on finance. I smiled and wiped my tears away, trying so hard not to show my pain.
“Yeah. To the city,” I said.
“You’ll need something, then,” he said with a warm smile. “I’ll be right back.”
I waited out of politeness. I really just wanted to run out of the house. The train station wasn’t too far away, and I planned to walk there even with my chunky heels. I’d hoped Ash would be the first one to go with me in the city, but screw him. I didn’t need him now.
Gary returned with a small black wallet. Inside were two credit cards. “These are for you—for any of your expenses,” he said. “I meant to give them to you earlier, but I wanted to wait for the right time.”
I shook my head. “Thank you so much, Gary, but I couldn’t possibly.”
“Please. Take it. You’re my stepdaughter now, and I want to make sure you are always safe and comfortable. Besides, I called you a cab to the train. It should be here in a couple of minutes,” he said with a warm, fatherly smile.
“Thanks,” I said softly, taking the wallet. “It would be nice to not have to walk there.”
I waited in the den with Gary, trying to hold back tears. My mother joined us, talking animatedly about her bed and breakfast. I saw lights flash as the cab pull into the driveway.
“My ride is here. Gotta go!”
“Be careful, sweetie, and have fun!” my mom replied.
I waved to Gary and left, feeling the cool night air hit me as I walked out of the house.
“Hello. Could you please take me to the Metro North station?” I asked the driver,
He nodded wordlessly, and we pulled away. I looked up at Ash’s room, seeing his strobe lights reflected in his window. He didn’t even chase me or come after me. How could he really care?
I put on my headphones and scrolled through my music, being careful to avoid rock music because it reminded me of him. I settled on a girl power ballad and looked at myself in the window. I looked pretty but sad. I needed to cheer up.
The driver stopped the car at the train station. I rummaged in my purse and pulled out a crisp twenty-dollar bill, always a generous tipper.
“Thank you,” I said, “have a good night.”
“No, thank you. Be careful on the train!”
I got out of the car into the cool night air. Summer evenings here were a tad colder than San Fran. I’d never taken the train before, so I was excited. I made my way up to the platform and looked at the ticket machines. It was easy enough to get a ticket, but thank goodness I had Gary’s card, because boy, was it expensive! I sighed to myself and took my printed ticket and wait on the cool platform for the train. When it arrived, I shivered with excitement.
“New York City, here I come!” I said cheerfully.
ASHTON
“Your room is even cooler than I remembered,” Jen said, looking around.
I’d hidden the photos of my mom so no one would see how emotional I could get over them. My bong was set up, ready to smoke. My strobe lights were on, and I had some rock music turned down low. I could hear the hair dryer in Amy’s room, and my heart sank.
Keep it together, Ash. Who cares if she’s around or not? She’s basically your sister now, so it doesn’t really matter.
Jen waved her hand in front of my face. “Hello? Are you there? It’s me,” she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek.
“Yeah. I’m here,” I jolted out of my stupor.
She giggled and pushed me onto my bed, pecking me again on the lips. Her firm breasts pushed against me. Damn, was she hot. I kissed her back somewhat reluctantly. I pulled my head away to stare at
the ceiling.
“What’s wrong?” Jen asked, sitting up and straddling me.
“Nothing. Let’s smoke first,” I said.
We took turns puffing, and soon, the room was filled with smoke. I was so much more relaxed. She came onto me again, and I returned her affections this time. Then I heard small footsteps at the bathroom door. The door slammed open.
I sat up, nearly knocking Jen over. Amy, looking gorgeous in pink, stood in the doorway. Her eyes were so sad, but her hands were clenched in anger and annoyance. She screamed something about smoking and stormed out of the room. I tried to call after her, but it was too late.
“Shit,” I said, collapsing back onto the bed. I closed my eyes and grumbled.
“Damn. Your stepsister is so uptight about smoking!” Jen said, not understanding the dynamic between Amy and me.
“Just forget it. Let’s pop in a movie,” I said.
“Oh! Goody!” Jen chortled cheerfully. “I’ll pick!”
My heart hammered from the shock, and my face was red from embarrassment. Now Amy would never talk to me again, and it really was over. Jen fumbled excitedly with the movies before picking an old Disney one. She cuddled beside me, and I felt terrible.
I tried to lose myself in the movie until I saw the lights of a car pulling into the driveway. I sat up and said, “Be right back,” to Jen before walking downstairs. My dad and Emma were relaxing with wine in the den.
“Did Amy leave?” I asked.
“Yeah, she’s heading to the city,” Emma said.
“Fuck…” I grumbled to myself. She was going to the city by herself? It wasn’t entirely safe if you weren’t street smart, and besides, I wanted to be the first one to show her around. I needed time to think about what I was going to do. I also had to be back early to help Emma with the bed and breakfast. I was so overwhelmed. I had never been this worried about anyone or anything in my entire life.
I stormed back upstairs; Jen was curled up on my bed. “You gotta go. Family emergency.”
