by Lina Langley
“I’m taking you back,” Salisei said. “I’m here to fetch you. We can return home. You have learned your lesson, brother, now it’s time to go back. The Mage didn’t know—she didn’t know if you were always in pain. You don’t have to be in pain anymore.”
“I’m not going back.”
“But brother—”
“If you’re here to get me to return, you have wasted a journey. I’m staying here.”
Jesse studied his nails intently. He didn’t want any part of this. Still, if Taln was telling the truth, and he did come from a magical realm, it wasn’t exactly like he could throw his sister out on the street.
And maybe she was right. Maybe he should leave. After all, he spent most of his time crying. That was no kind of life for anybody. He wouldn’t even wish that on Jon.
Salisei shook her head. “I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand?”
“Any—any of this.”
Tears filled her eyes.
Oh no, Jesse thought. Not another one.
He cleared his throat. “You know what we need?”
Taln and Salisei both at him, their expressions barely changing.
“Food,” Jesse continued. “We need some food.”
***
It was late. Too late to be sitting outside on the balcony, too late to still be visiting Rayne and Peter. Jesse should have gone home hours ago.
Rayne sighed. “You’re staying the night, I take it.”
“If that’s okay,” Jesse replied, rubbing the bridge of his nose.
“Of course it’s okay. How’s that even a question?”
“It’s not,” Jesse said, leaning back onto the chair and looking at the stars. “I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
“What do you mean?”
He took a sip of wine from his nearly empty glass before he spoke. “I can barely afford to look after myself, Rayne. When he kind of randomly dropped out of the sky, I told myself it was temporary. It was supposed to be temporary, anyway. Now I have to feed and look after three people?”
Rayne nodded. “You know, Jesse, we could just call CPS. We should just call CPS. I’m a mandated reporter and—”
“Not for this, you’re not,” he said quietly. “Please. I don’t think he would forgive me if I took her away from him. She’s... I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s not happy she’s here. But he seems a little relieved, at least. And relief is good.”
“Relief is good, yes. But at your expense?”
“It’s not like that,” Jesse replied. “It’s not like he’s trying to take advantage of me. This has all just kind of, I don’t know, happened.”
“Jesse,” Rayne said after serving herself more wine. “We really don’t mind helping you out.”
“I know that you don’t mind helping me out, but what about him? What about her?”
“If he’s going to be part of your life, we don’t mind helping you on a temporary basis. “We aren’t going to finance the rest of your life, obviously, but it’s only been a few weeks. As for his sister, I don’t know. If she’s staying, you’ll need to find proper care for her. You definitely can’t take care of a teenager.”
“Do you want her? I can pawn her off to you, if you want.”
Rayne laughed. “Do I want her? No.”
“Figured,” Jesse said. “Thought it was worth the ask.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, and Rayne refilled their glasses once they ran dry.
She was the one that finally broke the silence. “You know; you don’t have to take care of everybody. Your only responsibility is to take care of yourself. You don’t owe him, or us, or anyone, anything.”
“That’s such a lie.”
“It’s true, Jesse. You’re family,” she replied. “And you put this huge burden on yourself to do all sorts of things and to look after the rest of the world. Like that’s what makes you worthy of love.”
“It’s not that,” he said. She was probably right, to an extent, but admitting it felt wrong. “I just want to do something to contribute.”
“To contribute to what?”
“To contribute to society, I guess,” he replied, biting his lower lip.
“Society has fucked us over hard, Jesse,” she said. “We don’t owe it anything.”
Jesse sighed and looked up at the stars. The sky was starting to look blurry. “You can’t say that, Rayne. You help people all the time.”
“I help us all the time. I help us.”
“What about Peter? He isn’t part of this,” Jesse said, regretting it immediately. Of course Peter was part of it. He’d proved it, over and over again.
“Honey, he’s my husband. He’s definitely part of this,” Rayne said, tugging at her necklace.
“I’m sorry,” Jesse replied quietly. “I shouldn’t have said that.”
“It’s okay. I get it,” she said. “So what are you going to do?”
“I don’t know. “Figure it out later?”
“Yeah. That seems like a solid plan.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Taln and Salisei passed a glass of water between them. He took one sip, she took one sip, over, and over, and over again.
Jesse had already told them that there were more glasses in the cupboard, but they had insisted that it didn’t matter, that they only needed one.
It was hypnotizing.
Taln took one last gulp before setting the glass down. He looked at his sister. Neither one of them said anything. Jesse wondered how long it would take until they did, then decided it didn’t matter.
“It’s getting kind of late, guys,” he said.
“Is it time to sleep?” Salisei asked.
“Yes,” Taln replied. “That is what he means.”
“Rayne gave me some pajamas,” Jesse said. “They’ll be a little big on you, but they should be fine. Long, maybe?”
“Pajamas?”
“What they wear to sleep,” Taln replied.
They were so similar, it was scary. Up until Taln’s sister had arrived at his door, Jesse had only kind of believed Taln’s story. Now there was living, breathing proof, and he still found it weird to think about.
Maybe he was telling the truth about everything. Maybe he did have magical powers. If he did, why was he here at all? Even if he had disobeyed some rules, Jesse knew that he’d fight tooth and nail to get back to a place where he could have access to magic. He didn’t understand why Taln wouldn’t let his sister take him back to wherever it was that they both came from, especially when he had seemed upset all the time.
Salisei interrupted Jesse's thoughts. “Here?”
“No,” Taln replied and pointed towards the living room. “There.”
Jesse frowned. “Where did you two sleep last night?”
“The ground.”
“The… ground? The carpet? In the living room?”
Salisei shrugged. She averted her face, turning toward her brother.
“She didn’t want to be alone,” Taln said. “I slept on the couch.”
“I told you to sleep on my bed. I said she could take the couch.”
“I tried,” Taln said.
“But?”
“I don’t know. It just—it felt wrong to be there without you.”.
Jesse shook his head, smiling. “No one has to sleep on the floor here. You can sleep on the sofa, like I told you to yesterday, and you can sleep on the bed. It won’t be weird now that I’m there, right?”
“No,” Taln said, smiling back at him. “I don’t see why it would be.”
Salisei stared at her feet and for the first time since she had arrived in the strange realm, she wondered if she was supposed to be there after all.
* * *
As soon as Taln closed the bedroom door behind him, Jesse started to second guess himself. This wasn’t a good idea. He knew how much of a hard time he had controlling himself around Taln. Now he had to try to get to a night without having something
happen. At least he was still in some pain. That was somewhat of a deterrent. If something hurt—and everything still kind of hurt—he was much more likely to stop. Though it wasn’t like he even had to start anything.
“Jesse.”
“What?”
“What’s the matter?”
Jesse shook his head. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. You seemed upset.”
“I’m okay,” Jesse rubbed the bridge of his nose, which he immediately regretted. “I’m just—I don’t know. A little nervous, I guess?”
“I don’t understand,” Taln said.
“Yeah, don’t worry about it too much. Neither do I.”
Taln took a step towards the bed. “Do you not want me here? I can stay outside with my sister.”
“No, it’s not that,” Jesse replied. I really want you. Here. Everywhere else.
Taln waited. He wasn’t sure what to do. Jesse seemed uncertain himself, something he had rarely seen before. He always seemed to know everything.
Jesse sighed. “It’s no big deal. Just forget about it and let’s try to get some sleep, okay? Get in bed.”
Taln did as he was told. Jesse followed, turned off the lamp and closed his eyes.
* * *
Taln watched the light reflected on the closet door every time a car drove past.
It was the first night that he had had problems sleeping in his life. It had to be the light. He didn’t understand why the people in this realm didn’t do a better job at covering their windows. Everything was so light all time. He had been exhausted before, helped him with sleeping well.
He could hear Jesse’s breathing. He wondered if he could hear Jesse’s heart too, if he just got closer, then decided against it. That seemed wrong. Jesse had seemed reluctant to even let him sleep with him in the first place.
Taln didn’t really understand the problem. He guessed that someone of Jesse’s standing would be used to sleeping alone, whereas Taln was used to sleeping next to everyone in the Citadel.
Jesse was so kind.
Even though having to share his bed with someone of his standing was something he probably never did, he only seemed to hesitate for a moment before he welcomed Taln into his bed.
He was lost in his thoughts when Jesse rolled over and put his arm around him.
He had done this before, when he was sick, but it had been different then. Taln had been upset. It was comforting. This was weird, it was unsettling. He still liked it—he thought—but there was something else there that he couldn’t quite place. Maybe he should ask Jesse about it. That involved waking him, though, which he didn’t want to do.
He sighed. Jesse’s arm around him. If Taln did wake him, he would stop doing it. He already had before.
Taln just needed to be a little closer to him somehow. His hand hovered over Jesse’s arm before he placed a tentative finger on his skin. For a second, Taln marveled at how warm he actually was, before letting the rest of his hand fall upon and rest on Jesse’s forearm.
He closed his eyes and tried to keep his breathing steady. Why was it so difficult? Why was his heart beating so fast?
He sighed again, closed his eyes, and told himself to think about something else. Anything else. Nothing seemed to work.
“Hey,” Jesse said, quietly. “What’s wrong?”
Taln swallowed. “Did I wake you?”
He heard Jesse take a deep breath. “No. I wasn’t sleeping.”
“You weren’t?”
“No. I don’t think I can sleep. So, what’s wrong?”
“I don’t know.”
Jesse sighed. “Is it that you don’t know or that you don’t want to tell me? You know you can tell me anything.”
“I know,” Taln replied. “I don’t know how to tell you.”
“You could start by facing me,” Jesse replied.
Taln rolled over and studied Jesse’s face which was hidden in the shadows. His gaze fell on Jesse’s eyes. Jesse’s nose, his half-open mouth, his teeth, his chin. Jesse lifted his arm and brought it towards Taln’s face, stroking his cheek with his index finger. “Talk.”
“I told you, I don’t know how to talk,” Taln replied. “That’s what’s so—weird. It’s unsettling. I feel like I have so many things to say and I have no idea how to even start saying them. I don’t even know how to talk about this feeling, and that makes me feel like—well, I don’t know.”
“So you’re frustrated?”
“Am I?”
Jesse laughed. “Yes, it sounds like it.”
“Okay, so I’m frustrated. All the time.”
“That makes sense,” Jesse said while he played with a strand of Taln’s hair. “What else?”
“What do you mean?”
“You don’t just have one feeling. You have loads. So what else do you feel?”
Taln frowned. “Now? Or always?”
“Both,” Jesse said. “Start with now. What are you feeling right now?”
“I don’t know!”
“Don’t get upset. Just start with what you’re feeling physically,” Jesse said. “Like, what do you feel, right now, in your body?”
“What?”
“I’ve been to therapy a lot.”
“Therapy?”
“Just—forget about it. Answer the question.”
“Fine,” Taln replied. “I’m not sure. I have this feeling and it seems like it’s all over my body, but it’s not? It’s hard to explain. It’s like it starts from my chest and spreads everywhere. And it’s—I don’t know. It’s warm. Like when you wake up and you’re comfortable.”
“Like being in bed.”
“Yes. A bit like that, I think.”
“So do you feel it all the time?”
“No,” Taln replied. “Only when…”
Jesse smiled. “Relax. When what?”
“I don’t know. When you’re around, I think. The rest of the time, when you’re not there, I feel like—I don’t know, like there’s something missing.”
Jesse shook his head and tried to stop himself from smiling again. “That sounds kind of nice. Why are you so upset all the time, then?”
“Because, there are just—I guess I’ve just never had so many feelings before. Before I got here, I could do whatever I wanted. How it would affect me wasn’t a concern.”
“I thought you had lots of rules where you came from.”
“We do, which is the point. I knew exactly how everything I did, or didn’t do, would affect me. Now I have no idea. I couldn’t save you, you don’t want me and—”
“Whoa, what? Why do you think that?”
Taln sighed. “You don’t touch me. You never seem to want to touch me anymore. You say you like looking at me, but you won’t. Sometimes, I think you’re lying.”
“I’m not lying, Taln.”
“I know that.”
“You do?”
“Yes. Sometimes. Because you do touch me sometimes and I don’t know what to think about that.”
Jesse shook his head again. “I know this is hard for you to believe right now, but I’m trying to protect you.”
“Why? I have no need for your protection. What are you protecting me from?”
“Just—”
“No,” Taln replied, frowning. “Tell me. Tell me what you are meant to be protecting me from.”
Jesse sighed. “I don’t want to.”
“Why?”
“Because it’s dumb, okay? It’s really fucking stupid. You’re going to make me say it, aren’t you?”
“I would like it if you did,” Taln replied. “But you don’t have to. I thought that was part of being here.”
Jesse took a deep breath. “I don’t have to, no. But I don’t want you to feel like I’m rejecting you, because I’m not. If what you need is an explanation, then it’s something I have to give you.”
“Do you?”
“Yes,” Jesse replied. “I’m trying to protect you because—okay, when we first met
, I totally misinterpreted what happened. You didn’t want to sleep with me, you just needed somewhere to stay, you needed food. I took advantage of you. You have nowhere else to go. If we—if I touch you, you won’t have a choice. I need you to have a choice. I can’t do this if you don’t.”
“This?”
“This. You and me. In the same bed. Talking like this. Touching, having sex, kissing, any of this.”
“I do have a choice,” Taln replied. “What must I do to show you this?”
Jesse sighed. “I don’t know. I don’t know what you can do.”
Taln frowned, wrinkles appearing around his eyes. “Neither do I.”
“It’s not something we need to sort out tonight. We’re both tired. Do you think we can just go to sleep?”
“I suppose,” Taln replied.
Jesse nodded and took a deep breath. “You’re worried?”
“Yes.”
“Don’t be,” Jesse said. “We’ll sort it out.”
Taln sighed. Jesse smiled. “I promise. Okay?”
“Fine,” Taln said. “Okay.”
“Now roll over. I’m trying to get some sleep.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
“I trust her,” Taln said.
Jesse sat on the sofa and pretended to be on his phone. In reality, he concentrated the majority of his attention on listening to Taln talk to his sister on the other side of the room. Rayne was due to arrive at any minute. The plan was for her to take Salisei shopping. Rayne had suggested it last night, after a few drinks, before they had gone to sleep.
Salisei didn’t seem happy about it. Jesse wondered if Taln could just tell her she had to do it. He would be glad to not have the girl around for a little bit. He didn’t mind her. She seemed nice enough, but he didn’t want her being around all the time. It wasn’t nice to admit, but he wanted Taln to himself.
He liked seeing Taln slowly adapt to his world, to his apartment. His sister being there had been a complication. He liked that Taln seemed relieved when she had first appeared, but now, a couple of days later, neither one of them seemed to be sure what to make of it.
“Rayne’s great,” Jesse intervened, seeing the incredulous look on Salisei’s face. “You’ll like her a lot.”
Salisei narrowed her eyes. “Why should I trust you? You’ve only caused my brother pain. I came here to save him from you.”
