by Ashlee Price
She hugged him tight. “Daddy, they already accepted me. But I don’t think I’m going. I honestly feel like I’ve made my decision. I don’t need to go all the way across the state for grad school when Pitt is only a couple of hours away.”
“Don’t let getting sick scare you into staying near home!” he warned her.
“It’s not. They have an amazing master’s program, and I’d get the opportunity to possibly work with the Steelers after I graduate.”
“Now that’s the way to win your old man over, bribe him with free football tickets. Are you sure you’re okay? Maybe you should go to the doctor.”
“Listen to me, Daddy, if I’m not feeling better by Tuesday I will go to the doctor. I promise.”
Jenna spent the next few days tethered to the bathroom. She was constantly nauseous. She could barely eat, couldn’t sleep, and couldn’t even think about leaving on her trip. While she wasn’t running a fever, everything her father brought her seemed to make her nauseous.
“That’s it! You promised!” he told her as she clutched the toilet yet again. “Let’s go.”
“Daddy, I can’t,” she whined. “Everything moves when I move.”
“That’s why you have to,” he told her. He put a bucket in her hand and picked her up off the floor, cradling her in his arms. After he put her in his truck, across the back seat of the cabin, he got in and floored it to her doctor. He drove the truck so fast that Jenna didn’t have a chance to get sick. He rushed her into the doctor’s office where a few people were already waiting.
Jenna sat down far away from everyone, keeping a kung fu grip on her bucket. The other patients contorted their faces in disgust as Paul spoke with the receptionist. Luckily for them, Jenna didn’t have to wait long; unbeknownst to her, Paul had made an appointment the previous day.
Jenna walked into the office by herself. While she wanted her father in there for support, he opted to stay outside. She sat there, looking as green as the ugly pastel walls, waiting for the doctor to come in.
A nurse was the first to enter. For some reason her white lab coat triggered Jenna’s nausea, and she reached hurriedly for the bucket.
The doctor walked in just as she began to vomit again. “My goodness, I hope that’s not because of my face,” he joked when she’d finished. “How ya doing, Jenna? I haven’t seen you since your physical last year. This doesn’t look good at all.”
“Yeah, you think?” she replied sarcastically.
“Nasty bug with a nasty attitude. Aren’t we lucky today, Nancy?” he laughed with the nurse.
“Please, I don’t mean to be rude, but I haven’t stopped throwing up since Saturday night. I just need to figure out what’s wrong with me so I can head to school. The semester starts in a few weeks.”
“Well, if this is anything contagious, a university campus is the last place I’d advise you to go… don’t want to start an epidemic and have the CDC quarantine the place, now do we? Ha-ha. Um, okay Nancy, let’s just run the gamut here. We’ll take blood, temp, fluids, everything, urine too just in case, and as soon as we get the results I’ll be back in.” He smiled and left, still chuckling to himself.
“Urine for what?” Jenna asked Nancy. “Since when do you need urine to tell me if I have a cold or the flu?”
“No, that’s to check if you’re pregnant,” the nurse laughed.
Jenna’s face dropped. She was mortified at the thought. “Nooooo, no, no, no, no, no. I can’t be. I’d better not be! I have so many plans and so many places to go and so many things to do.”
Jenna began sobbing into the bucket.
Nancy patted her on the back. “Let’s just calm down. Take a deep breath, outside of the vomit bucket so we don’t make ourselves throw up again. How about we get the urine and blood samples out of the way first and we’ll take it from there?”
“Okaaaaaayy,” Jenna sobbed. It wasn’t long before she was getting pricked, poked, prodded, and cuffed. While the nurse did everything she was supposed to, Jenna was wishing she’d done everything she was supposed to do—like making Tanner wear a condom.
As she sat there waiting for the doctor to come back she did the math. She started with trying to remember the first day of her last period. The summer flashed through her mind in a blur as she began running it down out loud. “Okay, I came home and threw a party. Brandy and Tanner broke up at that party. Tanner kissed me that night, but we didn’t…”
She took a few deep breaths to curb her nausea before continuing. “We kept going back and forth, yada, yada, yada. We did the thing in his office and the thing at his house. Ooh! His house was the first time. And that was how many weeks ago? And my last period was right after I got home in that first week of June, this is now August… Holy crap, I’m pregnant!”
“Congratulations, you’re pregnant!” the doctor announced as he entered the room.
“Stop it! Stop it now!”
“Um, you would have to go somewhere else to discuss that kind of procedure. There are several options available to you this early, but personally I recommend waiting. First, false positives aren’t unheard of, especially for the urine test, and we only have urine so far. We’re still waiting for blood, and then I want to schedule an ultrasound. But if it’s confirmed—and I expect it will be—you should really give this some thought. After the morning sickness passes. Sit down, talk it over with your partner and perhaps your father. Don’t make any rash decisions you may regret later. Because what you’re talking about is something that can’t be undone.”
They talked through every possible scenario, but the end result was still the same as when he’d walked in: She was pregnant. Jenna wanted to cry. She wanted to throw up. She wanted to run away to school and never see anyone ever again. But she settled on walking out of the doctor’s office with her dad.
“So what is it? The flu? You know where you caught it, or who gave it to you?” Paul posed question after question in the truck.
“Oh yeah,” Jenna laughed, “I know who gave it to me, alright.”
They drove around for a while with the windows open; the fresh air seemed to help, and it was as if the dark cloud of sea sickness had lifted away from her. Paul had to stop at The Wheel, but Jenna elected to wait outside, afraid that the nausea would return in the barroom fug. She didn’t want to stay in the car, though. She had far too much on her mind, and besides, it was the first time in days she’d been able to walk around without the bucket.
She found herself standing in front of Tanner’s building. Just as she was about to go inside to talk to him, out he walked with a familiar blonde who she really didn’t want to see. Jenna was frozen in her tracks, and her heart ripped into pieces when she saw them embrace. A soft kiss from Brandy too close to his mouth solidified her fears. Neither of them had seen her yet, and she didn’t want to be seen. She rounded the corner to hide before making her way back toward The Wheel.
Having Brandy as her child’s stepmother just didn’t have a good ring to it. Raising her child with a father who was constantly lying to her didn’t sound any better. She still didn’t know what to believe, but she knew when enough was enough. She was done with both of them.
Paul was perplexed as he watched Jenna slump towards the truck, get inside and slam the door behind her. “Daddy, can you just take me home?”
“Sure, Jenna, whatever you want.”
Once they got back, she sifted through her mother’s letters, looking for affirmation. Scattering the letters around her bed, she finally found the one she was searching for:
August 20th, 2014
Dearest Jenna-Marie,
The soft sobs coming from your room was a sound I’d hoped I’d never have to hear: the sound of my daughter’s heart breaking. I wish there was something I could do. But heartache is one of those guaranteed things in life. It’s right up there with mistakes, and breathing. When you find a love so pure that losing it does this to you, just know you’ve found one of the rarest things in life.
&n
bsp; It’s funny that way, isn’t it? Heartbreak is guaranteed, but a love worthy of it isn’t. I hate that you have to go through this right before you take off to school, but your father and I are both sure it’s the right decision. Tanner mentioned asking you to marry him. That didn’t go over well with Daddy. He was ready to strangle him, but I didn’t let him. I told him that I know you. You’re a good girl with a good head on your shoulders. You wouldn’t throw away your future for a love that was uncertain. And from the sounds emanating from your room, I have a feeling I was right.
I’m so sorry, Jenna. I know how much you two cared about each other, but marriage isn’t the answer. Cementing yourselves together in the hope that the other won’t move on while you’re apart is a recipe for disaster. If this love between you two is true, it will come back to you. It may not be anytime soon, or it could be tomorrow.
Just know that when it does come, with whomever you find it, it will be beautiful. It will mean hard work and compromise. You need to strive every day to love yourself as much as you love your significant other. And keep your love alive by trying to fall in love with him all over again with every passing day. Be sweet, be kind, and be stern with your love, because if it’s true it will be one of the most important treasures of your lifetime. Choose your happiness.
Love always and forever,
Mom
Chapter 21
Jenna sat in her apartment not too far off the main campus of the University of Pittsburgh. Almost everything was in walking distance, but her dad had let her take his truck in case she wanted to hit up the local Walmart or anything. He wanted to be sure that his daughter and his grandchild were safe on the road, and that meant driving his steady, reliable pickup truck. He’d kept her car back in Doveport.
The apartment wasn’t all that big, but because it wasn’t University housing she could stay there even if she decided not to finish school. That wasn’t the plan, though. Jenna had every intention of finishing what she started. As she sat back and watched Hannah paint swatches on her walls, she considered it all… from how the summer had begun to where she was now. She’d come a long way.
“Okay, so I was thinking we can paint this wall a really pretty pastel green,” Hannah said with a wide smile.
Jenna frowned, thinking of the walls in the doctor’s office. “Absolutely not. Besides, I’ll be taking the spring semester off and having the baby in Doveport, so I don’t need a real nursery here.”
“Right, so just pick a color and we’ll paint it in the extra bedroom at your dad’s house.” Hannah smiled even wider. She was smiling so much it was making Jenna’s cheeks hurt.
“What do you mean, at my dad’s house? There’s no spare bedroom. Oh my goodness, he’s not turning the living room into a nursery or anything like that, right? That would be crazy! Please tell him to stop. We can’t afford that.”
“I thought you were done telling him what he can and can’t afford?” Hannah eyed her curiously.
“I am, but that doesn’t mean I can’t say when he’s going overboard. We worked really hard this last month, partying four and five days a week to scrounge up all the money to pay Mr. Hannity off. I don’t want him falling back into old habits. And remodeling the house is a recipe for Hannity to worm his way back into our lives.”
“I get it,” Hannah said with her hands up. “I remember these past few weeks very well. Even more, I remember not seeing Tanner around. Have you told him yet?”
“Nope, and no one is! I told you and Dad already: I’m not going to share this baby—or Tanner, for that matter—with Brandy! So it’s better if he doesn’t know. I can do without the child support if it means there’s no chance of him getting custody or visitation or whatever.”
“First of all, are you sure him and Brandy are still together? I thought you saw her with another guy. And even if they’re still hooking up, don’t you think knowing he’s going to be a father might make him, you know, reevaluate his priorities?” Hannah reasoned.
Jenna let out a heavy sigh. “I know it sounds crazy, but I really do feel like I’m doing him a favor by keeping him out of this. It’s his life and he’s free to do what he wants. I should have been on the pill or something.”
“You two should have talked about this like two adults! You can’t make a life decision without the other parent. Believe me, that always ends badly. You have to give him the option to stay or walk away. Now if you tell me you spoke to Tanner and he said absolutely not, you’re on your own, then I’ll shut my mouth and you’ll never hear me bring it up again. But if you hide this from Tanner and from your kid, you will be the monster in this equation. Please just think about it. And honestly, we both know Tanner would never leave you as a single parent. He still loves you.”
Jenna sighed again. “I don’t think he ever stopped. Problem is, I don’t think he’s ever going to stop with Brandy, either.”
Chapter 22
The scent of cinnamon wafted through the Ferris house as Jenna sat in the living room with her feet perched on the coffee table and a plate of cookies resting on her budding baby bump. Her dad would smile every time he walked by, simply happy to have her home. If it were up to him, she’d quit school and move back to Doveport forever. It was a 180-degree turnaround from his summer rants a few months ago.
He was rushing around the house getting ready to head into The Wheel for the night. Jenna wanted to simply snuggle with him on the couch, drink some white hot chocolate from Mr. Donner’s and watch old movies on TV.
She feigned the whiniest voice she could muster. “Come on, Daddy, just put a sign on the door and tell them you’ll be back January 2nd.”
He bent down and kissed her on the forehead. “Now don’t be that way. I’ve been slaving away at the bar trying to stop the wannabe librarians and cobwebs from coming back. The least you can do is not make me feel guilty about it. And go upstairs to take a look at the work and let me know your choices for the floor and everything else the contractor left a sticky note on. We want to be sure all of this is ready come March.”
“I don’t want to do that. You bulldozed my room and yours, not to mention that loft space in the garage. It’s all too much, Daddy, and if you say you got that money from You-Know-Who I’ll never talk to you again!”
“I didn’t. Now relax, but go look at the sticky notes,” he told her again.
“I wanted to spend tonight with you! Forget it, I’m coming to work then.”
“Sit down, no you’re not!” he laughed.
“You can’t tell a pregnant woman no. It’s bad luck, Daddy,” she said with her hands on her hips.
“Fine, hurry up and get ready, but you’d better have a decision for Mark by tomorrow. I want this room done and over with before Christmas. It’s almost winter, and the longer we wait the longer it will take to get supplies and orders in. I don’t want there to be eight feet of snow on the ground while they’re trying to deliver changing tables and flooring.”
Jenna waved away her father’s chatter about design decisions as she grabbed her coat and threw some heavy boots on. Christmas was her favorite time of year, and she glowed under the lights of the tree and the festive decorations that hung around the living room. She snuggled in close to him as they made their way through the snowy Doveport streets to open up the bar for the night.
She volunteered to work the register while Paul sat at a table watching a TV that was installed in the corner. There weren’t a lot of people, but that was to be expected on a Wednesday night the week after Thanksgiving. She’d negotiated to take her finals early so she wouldn’t have to burn two weeks at school slaving away in the computer lab with the rest of the anxious, homesick students.
The quiet time at the bar was nice, as it gave her an opportunity to do some planning for the holiday party. It was going to be the week before Christmas and the last party before New Year’s Eve. In fact, her father had told her that if they pulled in enough money from the first event, he’d celebrate New Year’s at home wit
h her and Hannah, drinking sparkling apple cider and watching Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve. She was looking forward to that more than anything else.
The thought prompted her to send Hannah a text inviting her over to The Wheel. Having been cocooned in the house, she hadn’t seen her friend since she’d been back, and this would be a good chance to catch up in person. Hannah texted back right away: Be there in 15. Got news!
As Hannah walked up to the bar, Jenna tried to read her expression. She seemed pleased with herself but at the same time slightly nervous, as if she relished the thought of delivering her scoop but wasn’t sure how it would go over.
Jenna hazarded a guess. “Don’t tell me you’re pregnant too!” she giggled.
The joke fell flat as Hannah looked back at her sternly. “No chance of that, but we’re here to talk about your love life, not mine.”
“We are? And what love life?”
“The one with Tanner. Brandy’s gone for good. She moved out of Doveport with that hipster guy the day after Thanksgiving. I’m not exactly sure where they went, but it was out of state. I just found out today from Gary.”
Jenna was stunned. She’d assumed that, with her out of the picture, Tanner and Brandy had been enjoying an ‘on’ phase of their on again, off again relationship. But Brandy had obviously moved on, and Jenna couldn’t believe she would have done that unless Tanner had first.
“Why, is Tanner seeing someone else?”
“No! Gary said he’s just been working himself to death, taking extra shifts whenever he can get them, and not talking to anyone about anything except the job. Said he was getting kind of worried about him, actually. Jenna, he’s probably heartbroken over you. You have to tell him now!”
As if on cue, the door opened and Tanner walked into The Wheel.
“Um, I didn’t mean like now now, but—ooh, this is so exciting!” Hannah whispered gleefully as she backed off to give the pair some privacy.
