Vivian’s lips tightened. Her eyes narrowed to their corners, sneaking a look at Dr. Marshall, who’d gone curiously silent, before moving her gleaming eyes back to Veda.
Veda drew in a breath. “You made a joke of it all. You said, ‘if a woman really didn’t want it, she’d do anything in her power to stop it.’ You said you’d rather fight to the death than let any man do something like that to you, and that since you raised me, I wasn’t the kind of cowardly woman who wouldn’t fight to the death too. That I’d never allow any man to do that to me—let alone ten. You told me I was lying because you didn’t raise a woman who could be so weak. So cowardly. So powerless.” Veda’s eyes fell, still watery, tears popping out and hitting the couch cushion even as a soft smile crossed her lips. “And I believed you…” she said, her voice soaked in disbelief. “I believed that because I’d been too scared to fight—to fight to the death instead of letting them rape me—it meant I was… at fault. I believed you when you said any woman who would let that happen was a coward. Weak. Powerless.” Her eyes rose back up to Vivian and grew heated. “You have no idea what that did to me, Mom. You have no idea the lengths I’ve gone… to prove those words wrong. Words I believed so much back then but that I’m now realizing… weren’t real. Words that I almost let destroy me, and everything I love, beyond all recognition.” A wave of knowing crossed over Veda’s face and dried her tears in an instant, her voice calming. “But now I see what’s real. I see that you’re the coward. You’re the weakling. You’re the one who feels powerless, which is why you’re always working overtime to steal everything good you see in me.”
Vivian’s mouth fell open, a little wider with every word that left Veda’s mouth, her entire body turned toward her with one hand cradled on the couch and the other over her heart. Their eyes remained locked across the space, and Vivian didn’t even realize she’d been slowly sliding her hand across the couch, toward Veda, until Dr. Marshall suddenly cleared her throat, causing her to freeze.
“Vivian—” Dr. Marshall’s voice broke, forcing her to clear her throat again, her blue eyes soaked with just as much stunned emotion as theirs. “Vivian, are you hearing Veda’s pain?”
“Veda.” Vivian didn’t move her wide, watery eyes from Veda even after Dr. Marshall whispered the question. Her eyes remained locked to Veda’s as she continued sliding her hand slowly across the couch, only stopping when she’d covered Veda’s hand with her own. “I suppose…I suppose I had to believe it was all a lie, in order to deal with it myself. Because the thought of it was so… so heartbreaking—so infuriating—I didn’t want to believe it could ever really happen to my baby.”
Veda’s eyes fell to their hands and widened. Then she lifted them back up to Vivian.
Vivian wrapped her trembling fingers around Veda’s hand and opened her mouth to speak.
But no words came.
Veda damp eyelashes fluttered. “You hurt me. Really badly, Mom.”
This time, it was Vivian’s eyes that overflowed with tears, so rapidly she could no longer keep them at bay, letting them fall down both her trembling cheeks. She tried to speak, but nothing came.
“Vivian?” Dr. Marshall filled the silence again. “Do you hear what Veda is saying?”
Vivian tightened her fingers around Veda’s hand, and only when Veda tentatively turned her hand so their palms were facing, and interlinked their fingers, did Vivian draw in the breath she hadn’t realize she’d been holding.
As their fingers intertwined, they both squeezed tight, and the squeeze seemed to send something blasting through Vivian. Something that stilled her heaving chest, relaxed her widened eyes, and calmed her quick tongue.
Something that moved her so deeply, the only word she could form was a whispered, heartfelt, “Yes.”
Epilogue
The strum of an acoustic guitar ascended into the starry night air, as well as the angelic voice of the young, blonde surfer who’d abandoned his board in the black sand of the beach and replaced it with an old guitar strapped around his deeply tanned, muscular shoulders. The gentle evening breeze blew his shaggy blond hair into his closed eyes, the lyrics to Bruno Mars’ “Count on Me” rising from his smiling lips to accompany the slow burn of the guitar. Its tropical, folksy sound ebbed across the crowded beach. Another surfer had left his board stranded as well, crouched down in the dark sand with a set of bongos before him, tapping at the rawhide head in time with the strum of the guitar.
The bonfire they’d built in the sand raged on, flames licking the air, surrounded by friends and family who’d opted to join them on the beach that evening at the stroke of midnight. Saccharine, but at the same time, bittersweet, the music seemed to enliven every other bonfire that raged on that night. And there were many, stretching down the endless beach for miles, dotting the darkness with sharp wisps of yellow and orange as the flames reached for the sky. Residents of each bonfire, moved by the feel-good tune, rose from their seats in the sand to dance to the slow, easy beat, welcoming in the new year with the sway of their bikini and swim trunk clad bodies. Even the full moon shining from the peak of the sky did its work to join in on the effortless charm of the night, painting the horizon a purple hue that ebbed into hot pink, allotting the beach’s inhabitants a beautiful sight to behold for the last time that year.
Even Veda couldn’t help a gentle smile as the song reached all the way to her end of the beach, where all the people she loved most had also started their own bonfire in the sand. Her eyes fluttered slowly closed as she let the music enter her, joining in with the gentle trickle of waves as they tickled her feet, mixed with the sand, and got trapped between her wiggling toes. The warm evening breeze made her flowy yellow nursing dress dance against her thighs, swaying in time with the wind along with the palm trees that lined the beach, their tall stalks and sharp leaves dark, but still visible against the navy sky, moving as if they too were grooving along to the beat of the music.
Her eyes traveled the beach as she took a deep breath, letting her flared nostrils drink in the ocean mist. She took in silhouettes of surfers with the courage to brave the rolling waves in the dark, riding glow-in-the-dark boards. The multiple bonfires that stretched along the ebony sand as far as the eye could see. The jagged black rocks that shot out of that dark sand at various intervals. She took it all in as slowly as she could before her eyes landed on the bonfire directly behind her.
She couldn’t help the slow smile that spread across her lips as she drank in the wooden lounge chairs that surrounded the fire, its roaring flames licking at the dozens of wood logs that had been stacked high to keep it alive, and it’s pointed ends reaching for the sky. Wine bottles and plastic glasses were propped up in the sand all around—there seemed to be a bottle of wine for every chair at the fire, proving her crew the heaviest drinkers on the beach by a long shot. Space heaters shot up from the sand as well, the promise of their existence being the only reason Celeste Blackwater—who’d decided wearing a form fitting Marc Jacobs dress to the beach was a good idea—had graced them with her presence that evening. Reclining in a wooden chair with her long legs crossed, head thrown back and eyes closed, a small smile touching her red lips as she bopped her head to the music. Her long black hair blew in the breeze and pointed the way to the chair next to her, where Grace Hill sat in a pair of cut-off jean shorts and a t-shirt, also leaning back deep in her chair. Grace’s eyes weren’t fluttered serenely closed like Celeste’s, however, but instead were wide open, staring off into space with an emptiness at their depths.
An emptiness Veda knew only one person could fill.
Veda took a deep breath and let her gaze leave Grace, only because looking at her was making the strings of the guitar that had once sounded syrupy sweet suddenly sound sad, inspiring hot tears to prick the back of Veda’s eyes. When her orbs landed on Lincoln, however, wiggling happily in the arms of her grandmother, Pearl, who cooed down at him adoringly while whispering loving words Veda couldn’t hear, the tears slowed. Her ey
es moved to the chair next to Pearl, where her father was giving the arm of his chair all of his weight to lean toward them, staring at Lincoln with as much adoration as his mother, and the tears vanished.
Veda’s eyes continued to shift, locked onto her mother, and she wondered how the tears had come at all. At first, Vivian didn’t notice her gaze, too enthralled with the long stick in her hand with a marshmallow stuck to its end, concentrating on keeping the fluffy white gelatin from burning as she rotated it slowly against the flame. A half-eaten pack of Jet-Puffed marshmallows, Hersey’s chocolate, and Graham crackers sat in the sand next to her chair.
Veda didn’t realize how long she’d been staring until a deep voice warmed her ear from behind, causing her to jolt and swivel on her heel, her already huge smile growing bigger as she did.
Gage caught her smiling lips in a long kiss before she could even finish turning. The softness of his lips and the loveliness of his aroma move her the rest of the way, making her body operate only under the command of his lips until her arms were around his neck, her fingers in his silky black hair, and every inch of her body was pressed to his before she even realized it.
They lived in the kiss for several deep breaths until their heavy gasps were almost loud enough to overpower the acoustic music still floating through the air as the guitar played the first strings of Jason Mraz’s “I’m Yours”.
Gage pulled his lips back with a smack, his hooded eyes opening just a pinch to meet hers as he locked his hands at the small of her back, rocking them gently to the music. They took a deep breath together as they swayed, chests swelling in time.
“Looks like we survived,” he whispered.
“Surviving another year is an accomplishment in itself, but this year? Good god, man. How we’re still standing is completely beyond me.”
He chuckled softly. “No, I didn’t mean we survived the year. I meant we survived Vivian.” He did a little shimmy while nodding over his shoulder toward the fire. “Dropping her off at the airport tomorrow morning with all of her teeth still intact, and yours too? Gotta be honest, baby, I wasn’t so sure early on. I had my doubts.” He popped another kiss on her lips. “And you said therapy was a waste of money. My god, is there anything in the world I love more than proving you wrong?” He looked off into the distance as if trying to think of something before smacking his lips. “Nope. You know what? I don’t think there is.”
Veda trapped the corner of her bottom lip under her teeth, eyes narrowing. “Right. That.”
His face fell as if he could already see the words on the verge of spilling from her lips.
Veda tightened her arms around his neck, smiling with all her teeth. “I invited them to stay for another two weeks.”
Gage froze in mid-sway, every inch of color draining from his face. “I think my heart just stopped.”
Veda laughed, using her hold on his neck to pull him closer until her breasts were squished against his chest and her belly against the hardness of his abs. “You were right. Therapy isn’t a total waste. That session you paid ten times the going rate to get us into? It was… illuminating.”
“Illuminating?”
“She and I had a serious breakthrough. She actually apologized, which is something I’ve literally never seen her do.”
“You’ve never seen your own mother apologize?”
“Not once. But this time, she did. And it seemed genuine. That session was something I think both of us really needed. She’s not the perfect mother. Not by a long shot. And God knows I haven’t always been the perfect daughter, but…” Her voice trailed off, her gaze narrowing past him just in time to lock eyes with Vivian.
Vivian shifted and blushed as if embarrassed that Veda had caught her staring at them. Then, her chest rose in a deep breath, making the neckline of the red midi dress she’d borrowed from Veda’s closet that evening lift high. She tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, gave a shy smile, and then lifted her hand in a wave.
Veda smiled and waved back, unable to stop her own cheeks from heating up.
Gage followed Veda’s eyes over his shoulder to Vivian, and whatever he saw in Vivian at that moment seemed to defuse him because when he looked back at Veda, he was exhaling deeply, as if it was the first breath he’d taken in months.
“All right,” he whispered. “If you really feel it’s a good idea.”
“I do. I think it’s something we both need. Something we’ve needed for a long time. Something I’ve needed for a long time, even if I didn’t always know it…” Her words trailed away when her gaze traveled over Gage’s shoulder once more. This time toward the parking lot that sat several hundred feet away.
And a sight that met her made her mouth fall open wide.
“Oh my God, Coco!” Veda cried, pushing past Gage and racing toward Coco, who was waving at her from where she was making her way out of the parking lot and down to the beach, following the makeshift pathway someone had built out of paper bag lanterns.
Coco had barely made it to the end of the paper bag walkway, glowing yellow, before Veda made it to her, throwing her arms around her neck in a hug so tight it bordered on violent.
Coco hugged her back with just as much fervor, her hoarse voice laced with laughter as she spoke into Veda’s shoulder. “Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year. Holy crap.” Veda beamed, taking hold of Coco’s shoulders and pulling back, letting her eyes run over her body. “Let me look at you. Why do you seem taller? And buffer? Have you been working out? How dare you make it through a semester as a biology major without gaining the freshman fifteen! How dare you, Ms. Lockwood.”
Coco giggled while pushing a piece of her black hair behind her ear, immediately tugging the long sleeves of her white dress down over her hands after. “It’s totally stressful, but it’ll be so worth it in the end when I’m graduating med school.”
Veda cupped her cheeks. “I’m so proud of you, babe.”
Coco waved her hands rapidly. “Enough about me. I want to see Lincoln. I’ve been obsessing over his pictures on Instagram for months, and I’m over it! I wanna see the real thing!”
Veda took her hand without another word and turned toward the fire. When she saw that her grandmother no longer had Lincoln, she froze, shifted, and then realized that Gage had taken him, cradling him in his arms while making his way toward Veda and Coco.
“Babe, look who’s here,” Veda said.
“I saw.” Gage smiled warmly as he approached. “Coco Puffs,” he breathed, leaning down and kissing Coco’s cheek when he was close enough. “Happy New Year.”
“Happy New Year, Gage.”
“How’s Stanford?”
“Okay.”
“How your grades doing?”
“Good.”
“You keeping up?”
“Yes.”
“Got a boyfriend?”
“No!” Coco cried, drawing a deep belly laugh from him, and rolling her eyes softly at his fatherly tone as she bopped on her toes, her big brown eyes shining down at Lincoln, who Gage had wrapped tightly in a swaddle in his arms. “Who cares about me? Let’s get a look at this little monster…” Coco came closer to Lincoln, gently moving aside the white cotton swaddle so she could see his face. The moment she did, her entire being collapsed, her voice falling to a purr the way it often did when people looked upon Lincoln’s precious face. “Aww, he’s not a monster, at all.”
“Well, that’s definitely up for debate.”
Veda swiveled on her heel at the new voice behind her, already knowing who it belonged to before she’d even finished turning.
Hope cringed at Coco. “You haven’t gotten a look at his shitty diapers yet. That’s a monstrous sight if I ever saw one. You have no idea what that kid is capable of.”
Gage and Coco both smirked at Hope before turning their attention back to Lincoln, just as Veda gave Hope a playful push.
Hope accepted the shove Veda sent into her shoulder, grabbing hold of Veda’s forearm to
keep from stumbling backward, her heavily lined hazel eyes shrinking in amusement. “Aw, come on, man. You know I love the little shit machine.”
Veda’s eyes grew desperate. “You love him so much, how about babysitting every once in a while?”
“Let’s not go crazy,” Hope jumped in before she could finish.
Veda gave her another soft push, chortling when Hope pushed her back. The smile vanished from Hope’s face, however, when another voice rang in from the distance.
“Veda! Happy New Year!”
Veda’s mouth fell into a smile after she followed the voice down the beach and caught sight of a blonde woman on the sand several feet away, walking along with her own family and friends, while giving Veda an excited wave.
Veda waved back, nodding her head up with a smile. “Happy New Year, Lauren!”
Hope watched Lauren go by, waiting until she’d turned away and given all her attention back to her friends and family before she cut a look at Veda. The corner of Hope’s top lip, painted in black lipstick, curled up high. She jammed a thumb toward Lauren’s retreating crew, the black nail polish on her fingers chipped as always.
“Who the fuck was that?” Hope spat.
Veda cocked her head back, squinting one eye at her sudden change in tone. “That’s Lauren.”
“Who the fuck is Lauren?”
Veda’s stunned eyes searched Hope’s, but in the next instant, they eased, a knowing look washing over her face like a tidal wave. “Oh Lord, here we go…”
Confirming Veda’s suspicious, Hope seized her arm and pulled her away from Gage and Coco, kicking up sand as she did, only stopping when they were several feet away from everyone, out of earshot.
Rouse (Revenge Book 7) Page 26
