She’s repeating herself, caught on a loop about the foundations of the contract.
“Lawson,” Tess murmurs softly in my ear, forcing me to look at her as a gentle hand press against my jaw line. “We will find a way out of this.”
“There isn’t a way,” I tell her. “Not like there was for you.” I take an inhale, drawing the breath right into the bottom of my lungs before exhaling heavily. “Dad made sure she’s to be a part of this life,” I admit to her. “We’re not allowed to shelter her from it. I can’t keep her safe like I can you.”
“I’m not asking you to keep me safe,” Ashley comments, drawing my attention. “Lawson, I knew what you were when I saw you kill Bryce. I saw it again with Randall and a third time with Kelvin. I know I can trust you to look out for me when it’s important, but I’ve learned a lot in life to go it alone.”
“See,” Tess utters. “You don’t have to worry. I’m sure the guys will help where needed. They’ve kept you alive long enough regardless of what dad throws at us.”
“I just tried to kill you,” I say, training my eyes onto Asley’s.
“I knew you had it in you,” she muses, honesty slipping away so freely from her lips. “I knew you had the ability to kill anymore.”
Even though we’re bound – for now – by some old debt, she isn’t denying the life she’s ended up in. She’s a part of something much bigger than how it outwardly looks, and I see now she knows exactly what that is.
There’s a readiness to her, set in stone by how closely death’s breath brushed her skin.
“Then that’s it,” I say, sobering up on my anger. “You play the game until one of us dies, Princess.”
I don’t need paperwork and signatures to officiate that statement.
I’m a man of my word.
And I’m immortal.
I haven’t left the room all morning.
I heard movement beyond the walls, just outside the door, voices traveled through the loft, laughter paired with it all and I feel more of an outsider than ever.
Waking up this morning I felt disorientated, but it all came back to me where I was and what happened before we all went to bed. Every time I close my eyes I see the barrel of the gun, hear Lawson’s twisted, anguished-filled voice, and feel that relief pulsates in my heart the moment Tess came in and saved me.
It's in the sobering silence of the room that I look around, reminding myself I have nothing to my name – again. I’m back at square one, back where it began on that fateful birthday.
This is like groundhog day.
I push myself up the mattress, forcing the pillows to squish behind me. One by one I draw my legs up to my chest and sit, staring blankly out across the room. There’s no character in here, not zest of life, nothing to show someone slept here before me.
A knock at the door wakes me from my reverie, and I swallow hard before telling whoever it is that they can come in. Almost hesitantly, the door opens, light pours into the room, and I immediately notice the silhouette of Lawson.
“Peace offering,” he offers, bringing the tray over. He sets it down in front of me and sits on the edge at the end of the bed. “I reacted badly. I just flipped.”
“It’s how they all react,” I tell him, letting him know he’s no different.
“Look … yesterday … I …” he pauses and sighs, setting the tray down before me. “I told you I wasn’t a good man.”
“And I knew you were a killer,” I add, almost in agreement with him. “Should’ve seen it coming,” I comment, pushing the sarcasm out as I reach to grab a blueberry. “You’re not the first bastard to see death as the first escape.”
“Then why did you look so scared if it’s not the first time?” he asks stupidly.
“Because I don’t particularly like looking down the barrel of a gun,” I muse, meeting his gaze. “I thought you were different.”
“Clearly not,” he utters almost immediately. “We’re all alike.”
“No,” I tell him, giving a quick shake of my head, popping the blueberry into my mouth. “There’s something different about you. I can’t quite work it out, but it sets you apart from the others.”
“Don’t get your hopes up too high,” he warns me, reaching for a piece of fruit. “I’ll turn out like all the bastards before me.”
“What?” I ask, sitting up and allowing my legs to cross, opening my body language a little more. “Dead?”
He gives me the saddest smile in reaction to that comment. There’s some semblance of truth in my words that resonates true with him and it pains me to realize he’s apparently a man who’s thought about his own death on more than one occasion.
“What I did yesterday, Ashley, it was unforgivable,” he starts to tell me.
“But you can’t promise to never do it again,” I state, meeting his gaze once more.
“No,” he replies, somewhat solemnly. I can see the apology all over his face as he sits before me, but I can tell he can barely bear the weight of his actions. “You need to eat,” he says, pointing to the food. “Me and the guys have to go out, so it’ll be just you, Tess, and one of my men here.”
“Where are you going?”
“Just out,” he says, not giving anything away. “Just need some time to decompress.”
“Thought you father said that where you go, I go,” I state, my brow furrowing. “Doesn’t that go against him?”
A small smile tugs at the corners of his mouth. “I’m a rebel.” He leans in, pushing the tray further toward me. “I don’t always do what daddy wants me to do.”
He doesn’t leave me a second to answer before he’s standing up, walking away and leaving me as quickly as he arrives. He does turn back to face me, offering me a small smile as he reaches for the door handle. As he closes the door softly behind him, I’m left to pick at my food. It’s in a moment like this that I reflect most on my life. The silence and loneliness once against invading my system, witling me down to the vulnerable being circumstance have created of me.
I used to be normal.
I used to be a normal eighteen-year-old girl with dreams and aspirations.
Now, I’m heading for hell riding on someone else’s sins.
Now, I’m twenty-four with zero prospects in life and no hope of reprisal.
There’s another knock at the door, and it opens, not leaving me time to tell the person to leave. My heart starts to race, believing Lawson has come back for me, even though I know the softness shows it’s someone else. When the door opens, I see that it’s not Lawson but his sister. She gives me a friendly smile.
“Lawson said you were awake,” she says, slipping into the room with a handful of clothes.
“I should hope so,” I muse, looking at the clock on the nightstand. “It’s afternoon.”
“Well good,” she says, leaning against the doorframe completely undeterred by me. “Think you’ve been stuck inside for too long,” Tess comments, catching onto my thoughtful expression.
“Less than twelve hours,” I mock, rolling my eyes. “Doesn’t seem like too long.”
“Ashley,” Tess starts, putting a hand on her hip. “I don’t care what you say, but I think we need some fun.
“How do you propose we do that?”
“Easy,” she says, giving me a wicked smile. “We go shoppin’, and then we go and gate crash the boy’s day.”
“I don’t think that will go down well,” I say, already seeing the issue.
“I do,” she says, finally throwing the clothes that are in her hands at me. “So get showered, get dressed and we’ll head out. The boys have left, so it’s just us left not having fun.”
“Tess,” I warn, unsure of this plan.
“He thinks you’re not strong,” Tess counters, looking at her nails as she changes the subject and becomes weighted by her seriousness. “Show him different.” Her eyes flick up, looking at me tenderly. “So … we’ll go shoppin’, get our nails done maybe our hair too, and go to O’Reilly’s �
� how much liquor can you hold?”
I think for a moment, musing over the situation I’m in.
Unlike before, I was never given an ally, never given a life within the confines of the contract. I never got given freedom, and I expected every new master to run the show as before, but this time, with Lawson, it’s beyond anything I could have imagined.
So, I meet Tess with a determined gaze, a small, deliciously wicked smile grows on my lips and I can’t withhold the excitement that is threatening to consume me.
“How about we find out?” I ask, giving into a larger grin. “I think I could drink Liam under any table.”
“Deal,” Tess says clapping her hands together. “Show my brother what he has sat in the room next door to him, okay?”
“Okay,” I reply, looking at the clothes. “Thanks for these … I travel lightly in these circumstances.”
“So it seems,” Tess muses looking around. “Do you have any money?”
I feel a blush paint onto my cheeks, and I find the embarrassment too extreme.
She covers my hand tenderly. “Don’t worry… I’ll pay, and you can pay me back.”
As she gets up to leave, I wait for the empty void to explode and captivate me, but it doesn’t happen.
Finally, I feel like I’ve found a place I could fit.
“Bryce Rainey, huh?”
“You know him?” I ask, pulling a top from the rack I’m looking through.
Tess gives me a perplexed look. “Everyone knows about Bryce Rainey. The creep he was.”
“Yeah, well, I thought that creep was going to give me it all,” I say, moving along the railing, absentmindedly flicking clothes out of the way. “He played me.”
“You didn’t love him, did you?”
“Thought I could,” I say, giving a tiny shrug as I tell myself not to care too much. “Right up until the moment he stood me on a stage to be bought.” I meet her gaze across the clothes. “Don’t even know how much he was paying out for me to be moved on.”
“Seems my brother stepped in at the right time,” Tess comments, moving forward. “You know, he’s not all bad. Just has his moments.”
“I guessed,” I grouse, giving a tight smile. “I suppose I’m going to have to get used to it, huh?”
“Afraid so,” Tess says, apologetically. “But remember … he’s not all bad.”
“When it comes to you,” I comment, letting her know I notice how tender he can be with her.
“He has his moments with me, too … don’t be fooled,” she admits, giving me a playful look. “But I moved away, stayed away, and don’t get involved until I’m home.” She has a sad smile. “Then he hates that I’m involved, but I’m not blind, I know what we come from, what he is, what my dad is. I also know that my mom can play oblivious very well.”
“I haven’t met your mom,” I say, stating the obvious with the small talk.
“And you probably won’t,” Tess confirms. “She doesn’t get involved much, and we usually have to go to her if we want her.” Her eyes lighten up suddenly, and I can tell she’s going to steer the conversation. “Anyway, you’ve met more than most people who have been in The Firm for years! You’ve gotten a status already.”
“Only because of your brother,” I admonish, waving her.
She tilts her head thoughtfully. “Maybe … but it’s a status no less, but you can’t be so timid with this life, Ashley.”
I look back at the clothes, reeling from the information Tess is giving me. She’s giving me an insight I wouldn’t ordinarily have. She’s acting as a friend, and I’m skeptical to believe in it. I can’t bring myself to act as if I have anyone on my side and I’m worried that will trip me up along the way.
“Why are you so kind to me?” I ask, changing the subject smoothly.
“Because I don’t want you to be swallowed whole by this life,” she admits, coming around to face me. “If he ever raises a gun at you again … fuck, if anyone ever pulls a gun on you, you step up to it and you press that barrel so hard into your forehead you’re begging that bullet to come at you.”
“That’s your advice?” I ask, my sarcasm met with a raise of the eyebrow.
“Always,” she affirms. “If you’re going to run with the big guys, you have to behave like them,” she lowers her voice to tell me that advice. “Even if that means getting’ your hands dirty. Are you prepared for that?”
I bite my lip, not knowing what I am prepared for. I don’t know what to expect in life as it is, but Lawson is a completely different game changer. He makes me feel something, forces me to remember I’m still alive.
Tess grabs me by the elbow, leading me from the room. We leave the shop, head down the street a little until we’re alone, settling by an empty alleyway.
“Ashley, what’s happened to you while you’ve been caught up in that contract?” she asks, almost rhetorically. “How much anger have you buried deep inside of you because you’ve had no other outlets? How many times have you wanted to hit someone and scream because you’re caught up in a life you never wanted or asked for?”
“Too many times,” I reply, grousing over the thought.
“Now’s your opportunity to unleash it all,” she tells and rolls her eyes a little as she straightens up on the spot. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this,” Tess says and looks up to the sky as if to send off a silent litany. Slowly, her eyes draw away from the sky to look at me. “Now, is the time for you to get an outlet, to get revenge, to fight for what you want. Yeah, okay, you’re bound to my brother, but have a life.”
“So … you want me to let loose?” I ask dubiously, slowing myself as I take in her words.
“Basically,” she says in agreement. “My brother and dad will allow you that, believe me. My brother took me away from that life because he knew I couldn’t handle it, but I never had a reason to be angry or unforgivin’.”
“You want me to be a killer?” I ask, looking around for any spectators.
“Not quite,” she states, looking frustrated at herself. “Damnit, this is the worst advice I’ve given to anyone in the history of advice givin’,” Tess says, stamping her foot in frustration. “The girl that cowered to the gun last night isn’t the girl my brother will fight for.”
“He fights for you, and you’re not cut out for this life,” I announce, crossing my arms over my chest.
“I’m blood.” Tess’s statement is dripped with somber seriousness. “It was me or him or us both together. He chose himself twice over to save me. You don’t get that. He doesn’t get to make the sacrifice for you.”
“But the blood on my hands will?” I ask, dubious to the fact. “It’s not that clear cut.”
“It is,” she tells me, shrugging as she speaks with a blasé tone. “When you’re in The Firm.”
It’s happening quicker than I thought – realizing just what it would take for a man like Lawson to open his eyes wide to a girl like me. I now know what it would take for him to realize how serious I am and how much potential the contract holds for us.
He has a right-hand man, but he doesn’t have a woman to love him and all his dark thoughts.
He needs a queen to let loose with, a woman to reign with, a lover to rule the world by his side with.
“I say we go and find the guys and we’ll see what I can do,” I state, meeting her gaze with a fierce intent. “Lawson isn’t like the others; I know that already.”
“Then I have one final piece of advice for you,” Tess states, finality blanches her words.
“What’s that?” I ask, feeling the readiness to see Lawson.
“Don’t treat him like the others that came before him.”
“So, this is O’Reilly’s?” I say, looking up at the brown brickwork pub with green signs. “Not much to it.”
“It’s got character,” Tess says, her tone showing she’s in agreement with me. “Had my first beer here … at fourteen ... against daddy’s wishes.” She giggles and looks at me. “It’s not
about how it looks, but the people inside. The O’Reilly’s have been family friends for years.”
“Who’s going to be in there?” I ask, looking at the building, but with the dark glass, it’s hard to depict anything but my own reflection. “And look at me,” I state, pulling the skirt of my dress down.
“Stop it,” Tess orders with a swipe of her hand against my mine to move it from the hem. “You look hot.”
“I look underdressed,” I mutter taking in the reflection of me in a tight black dress that barely meets the middle of my thigh with a leather jacket thrown over. “And I’m cold.”
“New Orleans’ will heat up,” she tells me, looking at herself in the windows. “You’re just not used to it. By the time Mardi Gras hits it’ll be perfect weather, and if not, the alcohol will warm your blood.”
Opening up her bag, Tess draws out the Mac lipstick she applied no more than thirty minutes ago and reapplies a new layer. She smacks her lips together, puckering them and then replaces the lipstick back into her bag and looks more than prepared to take on the world.
“Now,” she starts, a small excited lilt in her voice. “Scotch or whiskey?”
“For this?” I quip, raising a brow. “Scotch.”
“Good choice!” she exclaims, through the bag under her arm. “And remember … you show my brother who he has in his life. If you’re going to be around, you make sure his eyes are wide open to her.”
She makes it seem so easy, but we’re about to enter the lion’s den, and I’m anything but excited. I let Tess take the lead, moving this day forward by taking over Lawson’s chance to unwind from the stress I’ve caused. Pushing her way into the bar, I’m instantly hit with the smell of cigar smoke and beer, the intoxicating smell draws me in, luring me in with its addictiveness.
I notice how she doesn’t scope the room but makes a beeline for the bar, and I trail behind her, making sure I don’t look like some lost puppy.
“Well, hot mama!” A man calls out in a drool of a New Orleans accent. “Look at those legs!”
I’m being objectified, and all I want to know is where Lawson is. I’m beginning to feel anxious, second guessing his sister’s motive, but I know I can’t turn and run now. The option is long gone.
Sweet Venom (Crazy in Love #1) Page 10
