“You need me as much as I need you.”
I know he’s only trying to fool himself more than he is me, but for a moment, I allow the moment to stay as it is. Trapped in the confines of this apartment, I can take comfort in the fact he is mine. Outside of these walls, strolling the city, everything I dream of becomes threatened.
I know Eden had some profound effect on him, but I also know he has one on me.
That’s what causes me to become a masochist and stay here, knowing full well Eden holds all of the power.
Biting my lip, I look down between us, taking in the length of his cock and I bite a little harder.
“We’ll see if you still want me after the evening’s over,” I say, stepping out of his hold.
“Ashley,” he says, the disappointment brutalizing my name.
“If we’re going out, she’ll be sure to follow,” I state, hardening myself. “We’ll see if I’m still able to get a reaction out of you after that.”
While he looks ready to argue, he refuses. He backs down from the idea and settles
Walking in, I look around, taking in the waitresses dressed in very little. Their slender bodies work the crowd with not a single sliver of inhibition.
“I fuckin’ love this bar!” Frazer declares as we walk in.
“I wonder why,” I speak bluntly, looking at Frazer.
“No lesbian inhibitions in you then?” he asks, sarcastically, putting his arm around me.
“Enough,” Lawson stops me before I can bite. “You are goin’ to sit with the boys and Tess,” Lawson orders, his tone harsh. “There’s no disregardin’ that either. I have to settle this job for myself, and I can’t do that if you’re runnin’ all around the club.”
“Okay,” I say, allowing Liam to pull me away from Lawson’s side.
I watch Lawson walk across the club, heading for the booths on the far wall. He didn’t even say goodbye or give me an idea how long I’d have to play nice. He just left, buttoning up his suit jacket as he went.
“C’mon, Princess,” Liam says, putting his arm around my shoulder. “He’ll be a while.”
Liam leads the way to where the others sit, and he waits for me to take my spot. I sit in the booth, squashed between Tess and Liam. Nate and Frazer took off to get a round of drinks in and I just find myself staring at Lawson, wondering what deal could be happening.
“Jay Anderson has a lot of property,” Liam remarks, looking over at Lawson before looking at me. “He’s got some events comin’ up and wants to know if Lawson can make them secure.”
“Lawson?” I ask furrowing my brow at him.
“Yeah, the guy you’re infatuated with,” he quips sarcastically. “We’re not just pretty faces and seekin’ the next kill shot.”
“So, what are you?” I ask, finding myself wanting to sink further into the lucrative life of Lawson and his men. “What else do you do?”
“Nothin’ interestin’,” Liam adds, drawing this out unnecessarily. “Lawson decided to dabble in security jobs. He loans us out to work functions and gives us all a big cut of the money he makes. On top of that, he deals with high security on big properties, helpin’ companies equip their properties.”
“So, you’re the good and the bad guys.”
“Depends on who you ask,” Liam quips. “Some would call us the good guys all round for the men we knock off. Others just think we’re trying out luck to get extra surveillance.”
“And do you?”
“Nope,” Liam replies, smiling. “Lawson makes sure his business never treads closely to Leo’s.” He leans in, his eyes becoming hooded. “You got yourself a real clever man this time, Ashley. Which is why I’m extra hard on you. I don’t plan to lighten up anytime soon.”
“I mean no harm,” I tell him, forcing a sweetness into my words. “Regardless of what anyone thinks.”
“We never play nice with a new toy,” Liam remarks, smirking.
“Leave the girl alone,” Tess berates, leaning in. “I think she’s doing an outstandin’ job living with you lot.”
“Thanks,” I say, tucking my hair behind my ear. “I’d be lost if I didn’t have you.”
“Don’t sweat it, girlie!” Tess says, waving off my gratitude. “I grew up with this ugly bunch … I have some power.”
“Who are you callin’ ugly?” Nate asks, nudging her. His mirthful look drops when he looks away from Tess. “Done so soon, boss?” Nate calls out, pulling from the chat.
“He’s gone to make some calls,” Lawson comments, dryly. “Drink?” he asks, looking directly at me, ignoring everyone else.
Liam moves, and I notice how no one even muttered a comment. I can almost feel the tension radiating off Lawson the moment I’m standing beside him. I don’t acknowledge, instead allow him to guide the way to the bar. It’s here. However, I find his stiffness to be uncomfortable.
“I’m guessing it’s not going too well,” I comment, keeping my tone even.
“They rarely do,” he says, offering a small, yet tight smile. “Hey Steve, can I get a scotch on the rocks and a …” he trails off and looks at me.
“Make that two,” I comment, changing the order.
“Two scotch on the rocks,” he confirms, holding two fingers up. “Make a tab as well.”
“Is he not wantin’ the job?” I ask, breaking the silence that falls.
“No, he does. He just wants some things in return,” he tells me, grousing over the point.
“What?” I ask, my mouth drying. “What does he want?”
“Nothin’ he can have,” Lawson tells me, reaching out to push some of my hair out of my face. “He’s just gone to decide if he can deal without.”
“Hopefully he can,” I reply, softly.
“We both know Jay Anderson won’t compromise.”
The sound of that voice causes my heart to stop. In that second I peer around Lawson with bated breath and now see Eden sitting at the bar, martini in hand.
“What are you doin’ here?” Lawson asks her, not looking away from the bar.
“I hear things,” she remarks, giving a slow shrug. “Heard this was the place to be.”
She gives a smile, baring her perfect white teeth and I take in how truly beautiful she is. No wonder Lawson fell hard for her.
“Of course, you did,” Lawson replies, bitterly. “Heard it from who?”
“No one in particular … just heard it around.” She takes a sip of her martini, placing it down onto the bar and twists to face us more. “We share contacts, Lawson. What’s yours is mine … that was how it always used to be.”
“Used to be,” Lawson tells her, applying emphasis on what she said. “Even you’re able to talk in past tense.”
“Didn’t comment how any of that had changed, though,” Eden states, merrily. “Who you know and who I know will never change when we built a lot of our contacts up together.” She smiles, her eyes looking away from Lawson to narrow on me. “Now, if you’ll excuse me,” she says, hopping down from her seat. “If you’re getting a round in, Baby, I’m on the apple martinis. Shaken, not stirred.”
“Get your own drink, Eden,” Lawson says, turning his back to her.
“Suit yourself, Handsome.”
He ignores Eden completely as she saunters off. He picks his scotch up, taking a deep gulp and his eyes fall on me. He swallows the drink and sets the glass down.
“Are you enjoyin’ yourself?”
I settle for a moment, asking myself internally if I am. I could say that Eden ruined the mood, but I never had a good feeling about this evening, and I knew she would be near. However, Lawson’s lack of attention on Eden proved I’ve stolen enough of his attention, for now, to feel secure.
“Well?” he asks, reaching out to touch my jaw, bringing me back to earth. “Are you enjoyin’ yourself?”
“I am now,” I admit, confident in that comment.
“Only now?”
“Yeah,” I say, looking over my shoulder. “You didn’t go running after her.”
>
“It’s not fair on you to blur the lines, so I’m forcing myself not to.”
“For yourself or for me?” I dare ask.
“You,” he replies, no second of hesitation. “I know it’s happenin’ fast, but I apologize for usin’ you, for not knowin’ what I want.”
“Don’t,” I say, stopping him. “Don’t apologize for being you.”
“I'm not me, though,” he tells me, his admittance strong. “I'm the man that she left. I fought hard to forget him, but it’s like no time passed at all.”
“Don’t concern yourself with her,” I tell him, soothingly. “Just worry about this Jay guy, and we’ll go from there.”
In all honesty, I know it won’t be easy. I’ll bounce between watching Lawson know exactly what he wants to not having a fucking clue, but I said I would fight. I’ve never backed down from anything in my life, and I’m not about to do so because one of Lawson’s skeletons fell from the closet.
Looking over at the table, I find myself needing air before I go and deal with them. I slip through the crowds, working my way back to the door until I can feel the light breeze against my slightly clammy skin. I move passed the security at the door, and I stand against the wall, close enough to avoid harm, far enough to find sanity.
I gaze down the road until I spot movement in the alleyway across the small walkway. It’s when they step into the light I notice Eden. I hadn’t noticed she’d even left the bar. I walk to the right, trying to get a better look without being spotted and I watch as Eden falls against the wall dragging her oversized clutch bag from under her arm, she opens it, and I half expect her to pull out a cigarette, but instead she starts to manically dig into the bag. Quickly, she turns the bag over and allows everything to clatter to the ground.
She sinks as if in relief, regardless of the entire contents of her back being scattered across the ground. Quickly she digs through her belongings, snatching up an orange pill bottle. Snapping the lid off, she pours some out and is quick to down them.
She curls the pot into her chest, her head falls backward, and she sits, crouched down in the shadows, unmoved for a moment.
Apparently, the golden girl holds secrets bigger than anyone knows.
I barely watch her tidy up before I make my way back into the club. I have to find Lawson and tell him that his precious girl isn’t quite as perfect as she makes out. Relief filters through me when I see Lawson standing at the bar, looking happier than when I left. I make a beeline for him, uncaring of anything he’s up to.
“Lawson!” I say, tugging on his arm the moment I’m close enough. “You need to check on Eden.”
“What? Why?” he asks, frowning. “What’s she up to now?”
I bite my lip, wondering if I should do this, but remind myself this is the leverage I need. She’s not perfect, far from it, but this soils her reputation just a little more. I'm the jealous girl that he hated, but he needs to know the girl he loved is long gone.
“I saw her outside,” I say, my tone clipped. “I went out for some fresh air; she must have already headed out. I watched her pour her bag out onto the floor and take some pills.”
“Eden? Taking pills?” Lawson questions, a mirthless tone battering the idea. “You’re crazy.”
“I’m not lying!” I argue, frustration showing quicker than I wanted it to. Of course, he’d take her side. “You can check her bag!” I tell him, hoping he will. “She’s got a pot of pills, and she didn’t look too happy when she couldn’t find them just now.”
“Eden’s not some junkie,” Liam jumps in, defending her.
“I’m not saying she is … all I’m saying is she was little too desperate to down some and all too relieved when she finally did.” I watch him, the worrisome expression that takes over makes me feel guilty, but I know he had a right to know. “Just check her bag if you don’t believe me.”
“I do believe you,” he says, more to appease me.
“Just check,” I say, offering a concerned tone. “She’s clearly up to something.”
Lawson nods in agreement and then points her out. She walks back in, looking around before heading toward the end of the bar she had occupied earlier. Lawson reacts quickly, striding over to her before she can take a seat back at the bar.
“Hey, Eden!” Lawson calls out as she goes to sit down.
It doesn’t take a second glance to see how dilated her pupils are and just how much happier she is to see Lawson.
“Hey, Baby!” she declares, a bright, wide smile braces her lips.
“What’s in the bag?” Lawson asks, pointing to the clutch in her hands.
“Nothin’,” Eden defends, her fingers clutching the material harsher as her smile shatters. “Why?”
“Ashley saw you taking pills outside,” he states, his jaw clenching.
“Yeah, pain killers,” she defends, her tone getting tight. “You’re all giving me a killer headache! Especially dear old Ashley.”
“Show me,” Lawson orders, his words brutal.
“No,” Eden remarks, chuckling at the obscenity. “You’ve made it more than a little clear that I’m none of your business and now on the say so of some little tramp you’re suddenly playin’ the hero.”
“If you’ve got nothing to hide, Eden, then you won’t have an issue with showing him,” I say, feeling this moment magnifying my bravado.
“What’s it to do with you?” she asks me, her words each their own a bitter pill. “Why are you suddenly on some moral high ground?”
“Eden,” Lawson starts, his voice softer than before. “If you’ve got nothin’ to hide then show us.”
Fury smothers her expression, but she’s quick to relent.
“Fine,” she says, slamming her bag into Lawson’s chest.
He’s quick to react, all on my say so. He opens the bag, digs amongst her makeup and money until he finds the pills buried at the bottom.
“Vicodin,” Lawson says, reading the label with disappointment.
“Yeah, a widely-prescribed painkiller,” Eden counters, snatching the pot and her bag back. “Now, can we kill the witch hunt?” She stuffs it’s back into her back, closing it up. “Sorry I don’t have some huge secret you can air to the world.” She laughs disbelievingly. “I’ve got some loose Xanax in here as well,” she says, delving into the bag. “Well somewhere … I have so much shit in here everything gets lost when I need it!”
“Why are you downin’ pills?” Lawson asks, his brow furrowed.
“Like I said … I have a headache,” she tells him, unmoved from that excuse.
“Then take some standard painkillers, not the strong stuff,” he tells her.
“Fine, it’s for a migraine,” she tells him. She then steps closer to him, lowering her tone as she speaks. “If I were you, Lawson, I’d decide who you care for because this back and forth bullshit isn’t very becomin’ of you. You either love me, or you don’t. If you don’t, you have zero right to play the concerned man.”
“We’re only at this point because you left,” Lawson spits out.
“So, you keep remindin’ me,” she remarks, hurt. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, looks like your pet needs some attention.” She looks at me, a deathly look. “Better watch yourself. I have all the orchids ready for you. I wouldn’t be dead against giving you them all at once.”
“Why don’t you then?” I ask, trying to keep my voice strong. “Get it over and done with.”
“That’s not how I play the game,” she alerts me, a small, sweet smile growing on her face. “Watchin’ you squirm is far too much fun.”
“C’mon,” Lawson says, placing a hand on my lower back.
I allow him to lead me, taking one last look at Eden, I notice her eyes stay on the positioning of his hand, and the envy is rife in her depression. As her eyes meet mine, I notice the heartbreak, but as quick as it appears, she suppresses it and takes her seat at the bar.
I slip back into the booth, saddling along to allow Lawson to sit down and Lia
m to sit on the end. Conversation is easy, Lawson is more relaxed, but the look I last saw on Eden has me haunted. I keep watching her, noticing how she deliberately keeps her focus forward, joking with the bar staff and the few people she knows in the bar.
“You keep staring,” I mention to Lawson, catching him with his eyes stuck firmly onto the bar. “She hasn’t moved.”
“I know,” he replies, his voice small. “It’s just not right that she’s on her own when she was as much a part of this group as I am.”
I feel like my spot by his side suddenly shrink to nothing. I will never have a chance when I live in Eden’s shadow.
“Don’t go quiet on me,” Lawson snaps, digging his elbow into my side. “This is an adjustment. We all need time to get used to it.”
“She knows you still care,” I admit, the empathy I have for Eden no longer spliced with bitter rage. “It’s why she is like she is. She knows that somewhere deep inside of you is the guy that loved her.”
“Yeah, well,” he says, trailing off only to shrug. “That is a moot point.”
“Not really,” I tell him, resting back.
He quickly follows my motion, leaning back.
“I never had a chance to live passed her,” he tells me, a hand coming up to graze against my face. “Now, I have a chance.”
“You do?” I ask the feel of his touch sensitizes me and the world around us melts away.
“I do,” he says and lowers his head to mine.
Before I can stop him, his lips meet mine in a tender embrace, and while I hear the boys and Tess whistling, nothing exists outside of this kiss. I moan as his tongue drags across my lips and allow him to pull me deeper.
“You’re my chance,” he tells me, breathless, as he pulls away. “And you lot can shut the fuck up!” he declares, smiling brightly.
“Well, fuck me, haven’t seen you smile like this in a long time, boss!” Frazer admits, slamming his hand onto the table. “I think that calls for a round of celebratory drinks.”
“Let me,” I say before anyone else can say a thing. “Is it the same all around?”
When everyone agrees, Liam and Lawson let me out of the booth.
There are moments where I immerse myself so deeply in Lawson and the world he holds at a standstill that I find I need to come up for air. He’s mesmerizing, and I’d willingly follow him anywhere, but sometimes I’m reminded I am no lovesick hopeless.
Sweet Venom (Crazy in Love #1) Page 23
