“Didn’t you know?” I ask, offering a wicked smile. “I’m a hopeless romantic. Regardless, of the life we came from, I was always naïve enough to believe true love would prevail.” I laugh, wincing immediately at that wrong decision. “She made me doubt that.”
Pain lances through my chest and I force myself to look. All I see is Leo’s hand clamped against my chest; a hooded jacket screwed up underneath it. Between this and the beating James issued, I’m dying for a hit, anything to make this easier, but the last thing I want to do is make someone like Leo realize how much of an addict I’ve become.
I never wanted Lawson to see me fall from grace; I certainly don’t want Leo either.
“Fuck,” I grind out, closing my eyes shut.
“You’re okay,” he says, noticing what I’m doing. “It looks like it went all the way through.”
I now understand why he has his other hand on my back.
“You’re going to be okay,” he reminds me, not letting anyone else near me to help. “We’re going to get you out of here just as soon as I know it’s safe to move.”
“Lawson,” I breathe, letting myself fight him, trying to get up. “She’s still got to be here. She can’t have gone far.”
In reality, I have no idea how long I was laying there counting my every breath, wondering which would be my last. I allowed all sense of time to elude me, forgiving myself for giving up so quickly.
“Let me in!”
The voice rips through the warehouse, echoing from the open space. Birds that had settled onto the rafters above fly away, and Leo looks warily over the doorway.
“Let him in,” Leo orders.
The moment I see who’s entering, my breathing becomes ragged, and I start to fight Leo. I haven’t the strength to deal with this, and as my heart starts to race, I can feel the pain in my shoulder pulsating louder and harsher.
“Eden, stay still,” Leo orders, fighting to keep me still. “I told you to stay outside.”
“As if I would when I heard she was hurt,” Liam says, sinking beside me. “Again.”
“You’re dead,” I say, flaring my nostrils as distress causes my chest to heave. I watch him, eying up his entire body, looking at where the bullet wound was, and I can’t stop myself from panicking. “You died!” I declare, becoming agitated. “I watched you die!”
He doesn’t say a word to me. Instead, he sits beside me, a careful gap between us
“You’ve got to calm down,” Leo coos from beside me.
“I can’t!” I say, panic overriding everything else in my system.
My breathing is still sharp, cut into short, and shallow inhales. It doesn’t help me, I struggle to calm, wishing I’d wake up.
“Hey, Sweethawt,” Liam says, and suddenly I feel him closer, his fingers hardly touching mine. He did this when I was in the hospital and suffering. He stole every ounce of my panic and fear while he was there with me. “I know this is hard to wrap your head around … and I know it doesn’t seem plausible.”
“You died,” I repeat myself, shuddering at the thought.
Part of me wonders if I’ve died, and this is the savior I wish for, but the pain I’m in tells me I’m still very much alive. So, I look at Liam, the man who saved me when I refused to let Lawson and I look at Leo, the father who betrayed his son.
“You killed him,” I say, losing my short burst of energy.
Leo starts to shake his head. “It was faked.”
And just like that, I fall apart.
I feel like I’m going crazy, driven there once more by the actions of our own. My heart cramps at the thought of Lawson finding out. The way he lay on that bed so silent and insentient in the aftermath will forever cut me to shreds. Death made a weak man out of the strongest one I know.
“We learned how dangerous Ashley was and we saw no other way to stop the situation,” Leo admits as Liam shrinks into the background.
“This isn’t stoppin’ the situation,” I say, unsuccessfully biting down the sobs that threaten to overcome me. “The pain we felt,” I say, hanging my head, unwilling to let them see me breakdown., but I realize it doesn’t matter. I don’t need to be that Eden anymore. She died and from it came a new woman – one who did feel absolutely everything. “We all died a little that day,” I say, looking away from Leo and straight at Liam’s shamefaced expression, “Lawson allowed himself to become darker because you died!”
“I know,” Liam admits, his eyes sadder than ever. “I vowed to do whatever I could to protect him. Ashley was always wary of me. If I went, it gave her the perfect ground to lure him in and become the girl Seamus found out she was.”
“He will hate you,” I administer the cold truth.
“And I will take that,” he says, finally taking my hand. “I will take whatever hate he has because I know I deserve it, but we needed you all to crack. You loved Lawson enough not to let him go so quickly, and she loved the game too much to let you win. Lawson had to bend and break, and no one else would’ve made it so apart from you or his dad.”
“Makin’ my son hate me more than ever is not somethin’ I took lightly,” Leo adds, a grave tone in his voice. “I had to use everythin’.”
The dread that thought causes is enough to make me sick. I suppress the urge, remembering every emotion that Lawson burned through in the few minutes those videos played.
“Those videos,” I say, glancing between them before settling onto Leo. “They killed Lawson more. You filmed me in the hospital,” I add, looking at Liam.
He shakes his head, his eyes watering. “I just thought that if there ever came a day you’d come home, he deserved to see that your actions weren’t all yours.”
“But they were,” I argue, not letting that truth become gospel.
“You were broken, Eden,” he tells me, and I forgot he was one of few who lived more of that time in my life than anyone. “Not by that attack, but by your mom disownin’ you and torturin’ you over and over for your father’s death.”
“I deserved that,” I say, looking away as I feel the vice around my chest tighten. “She has every right to forget about me.”
“No, she doesn’t,” he replies, placing a gentle hand under my chin, lifting my head back up. “Never believe that. She was the final nail in your decision. You would’ve come home and told him had your mom not have done that.”
“It’s done,” I say, unwilling to rehash this. “It doesn’t matter when Ashley has Lawson.”
Hearing footsteps, I look up to see Harrison and Frazer, both looking worse for wear. They eye me up and looked worried, so I give them both a smile, feigning health. They both sport their own war wounds, but neither seems more disturbed than Liam’s reappearance in their lives.
“It’s clear,” Harrison declares, gazing at Liam with contempt. “We have the area cleared.”
“And Ashley and my son?” Leo asks, sitting up more.
“There’s still a car out the back,” Frazer adds, edging forward. “We can only assume they’re still here.”
“It’s a big place, but there aren’t any places to hide,” Leo announces, and I can hear his tone changing. He’s becoming the boss, losing every ounce of empathy he applied to caring for me. “We’re going to find them. We end this tonight.”
I look at this man, he’s mercurial in every way and while he might be heartless to some, most of the time his heart is in the right place. He just often forgets that when dealing with his own family. I can only hope after this, after seeing the danger his lifestyle has put his son, he’ll rethink all of his mistakes and choose family over business.
“Someone needs to stay here and keep the pressure on her wound,” Leo orders, already moving. “And bring her a blanket and some water.” He narrows his gaze directly onto Harrison and Frazer. “One of you get here … don’t let her sleep. Just keep talkin’ to her and keep the pressure on the front and back of this wound.”
“Let me come,” I declare, forgetting how weak and tired I’m
feeling.
“No,” Leo argues straight away. “You need to rest until we can get you out of here,” Leo orders, giving me a stern look. “You’re going to stay here.”
“I need to help,” I say, forcing my way but nausea washes over me and I close my eyes. “Let me help.”
“How about survivin’?” Liam asks, and I realize I’ve missed the sarcasm that sits behind his tone. “I mean … who is going to whoop my ass later?”
“Don’t worry,” I start, keeping my tone low while my gaze is deadly. “When I can I’ll do more than whoop your ass, you fucker.”
“I look forward to it,” he replies, grinning at me. I know he’s putting on a bravado, trying to distract me away from the fact that he has a lot of making up to do. “For now, I’m going to do what I can before it’s too late,” Liam announces, already leaving my side. “I’m going to do my job.”
I grab Liam’s hand, it’s weak, but he reacts, gripping it back.
“Eden …” he starts.
“Save him.”
It’s all I can ask of him. I have a million and one requests, but that one is the only one that matters, the others pale in comparison. I know, without a doubt, he’ll do everything to make sure Lawson sees another day.
He doesn’t reply straight away, he just dots a kiss to the top of my head, before releasing my hand and standing to full height. “With my life.”
“Stop.”
I begrudgingly listen to Ashley’s order once more. I halt in the spot, feeling my muscles becoming like stone in reluctance to listen to her any more than I have already.
“I can hear people,” she murmurs as she moves.
I listen out, hearing the noises and I don’t let my hope spark.
“So, what now?” I ask, my voice dry and indifferent. “Do we sit and wait just to make sure your cronies are lurkin’?”
“Maybe,” she says, walking over to the door and looks through the open spaces. “No one’s comin’ this way, so I think we’re good.”
Watching her closely, I take in the way she struts toward me. The girl we found in the shadows and let run with us no longer exists in the woman she’s become. I wonder how hard it was for her to keep up the act.
“Was it all a lie?” I ask, forcing her to stop directly in front of me. “Everythin’ you said, was it all a lie?”
“It was as truthful as the things you said to me,” she remarks, curling her lip in disgust.
“That’s the thing,” I start, rubbing my hand against my jaw, trying to force sense into the situation. “I meant what I said when I told you I could learn to love you. I was prepared to try for you, Ashley, but all along you were waitin’ for the perfect moment to strike.”
“And you expect me to believe that?” she asks, cocking a brow as she looks at me incredulously. “You have to be kidding.” She starts to chortle, shaking her head as she continues walking across the room. “You know, when you kissed me on that balcony, I thought that maybe I could stop what it is I do and go on the straight and narrow. I thought I could confess everything and join you and love every single minute of it.”
“What changed?” I ask, wondering when the turning point for her came. I want to know when feelings died and lies began. “What was it that changed everythin’?”
“I got that stupid fucking flower,” she spits, bitterly. “I watched each and every one of you treat me like I was an enemy. You all knew what that stupid orchid meant, but you kept me in the dark until we got to O’Reilly’s.” While her tone is hard, her eyes are lost in the emotions we created that evening. “Then I saw her there, and no one really stood up for me. Liam mocked me while you followed her into the restroom.”
“I didn’t do anythin’ in there,” I defend myself, knowing that the most we did was kiss. “I wanted answers. That’s all I ever wanted.”
“And you couldn’t have waited for her to come back out?”
“No,” I say, unable to give her justification.
“Of course not,” she chuckles, rolling her eyes. “And you wonder why I am like I am. You men are all the same … either greedy, fucked up, or broken by love.”
I wonder if we’d have stood a chance had Eden not come back or hadn’t come back when she had. If Ashley and I had a little more time to learn more about one another would she still have followed through with her master plan? Would I still have been just another man to get her what she wanted?
I’ll never know because there’s no alternative to this outcome. It is what it is.
“I decided you were as good as any other candidate,” she tells me, shrugging nonchalantly about her actions. I knew the remorse would dwindle sooner rather than later. “And it seems a lot of people would be on my side deciding you deserve everything you and that bitch are getting.”
Maybe she’s right.
I lived in purgatory alone while Eden was gone. I went along with life, seeking penance, but my real punishment wasn’t obvious until I watched Ashley spew every drop of hatred she had.
I deserved to be fooled for all of the sins I enjoyed creating.
I lived so free of any penalty that I knew it would catch up to me – Eden got hers, now was my turn.
And while I accept a punishable fate, I have to wonder what drew Ashley to me. I knew little about her, found out very little when the contract arrived, and Seamus looked in it, but I now know there are answers and truths.
“Why me?” I ask, looking at her without raising my head to her. “Why did you pick me?”
“I didn’t,” she replies, giving me a sweet look. “Fate brought me you.”
I chortled, disbelievingly. “Fate,” I scoff. “Sure.”
“It did,” she argues, her voice bright, almost like the Ashley I had grown close to in such a short time. “You were a real-life hero that night, Lawson. Whatever you say, your heroics set a brand-new chain reaction going that I could never have anticipated.”
“So, I was never part of your grand plan?” I ask, and she shakes her head. “Who was?”
“Some guy called Ian Summers … he and Bryce were never pally, but he took a shine to me, and we had chemistry. He was willing to do anything to get me away from Bryce. I was going to run to him one evening, use his emotions to get the ball rolling.”
“And get him to kill Bryce?” I ask, finalizing the plan.
“Exactly,” she affirms, nodding gently. “But Bryce opted to throw me a curveball and sell me … which brought us to this point.”
“Yeah,” I murmur, scratching the back of my head. “It did.”
“Things could’ve been so different,” she tells me, coming toward me and the statement rattles my slow-burning anger. She keeps stating it, but she’s ignoring the fact I agree. “Why couldn’t you have just loved me?” she asks, and there’s a break in her mentality. She’s looking at me like Eden has before, imitating that heartache and brokenness. “I was willing,” she murmurs, playing to my compassionate side. “I was so willing … I didn’t want to do this to you.”
“Ashley,” I say, taking a step forward as I notice the way she moves the gun at her side, twisting it as her finger cradles the trigger. I know she’s becoming volatile and the emotions I’ve pushed her into feeling as meddling with the coldness she’s entered every one of her games with. “We don’t have to do this. You don’t have to do this.”
“Don’t I?” she asks, giving me a perplexing look. “My men call me a black widow because I get men to such a point they either love me or hate me … and thentha I get someone else to do the dirty work without ever being caught.” She rolls her eyes again, laughing at me. “I was willing to change my every plan for you once, Lawson, don’t think I won’t change them again. I will be the one to kill you.”
“And then who do you move onto next?” I ask her, catching onto her plan. “Who comes after me if you kill me? There is no one! If you kill me, there isn’t some other guy waitin’ to be your next master. You kill me, and the game ends.”
“Then
why are we waiting?” she asks barely a moment’s hesitation later.
Her hand starts to move and I know it’s do or die, and if I’m honest, I’m not even remotely done with Ashley quite yet.
Reacting before she can raise the gun, I grab her, forcing her to look at me and nowhere else. My hands wrap around either bicep, keeping her in place, frozen to the spot. I allow my nostrils to flare as my anger beseeches me and I struggle to keep restraint on myself.
“Regardless of what you think, Ashley, I was willin’ to love you!” I say, holding her with a hold that could bruise. “I was throwin’ out my every rule for you!”
She shakes her head. “You keep saying that, but you were just a guy hung up on a girl!” she argues but doesn’t fight for freedom.
“And I was willin’ to get over her … and finally give myself a shot at happiness.” I can taste the unpleasantness when I talk to her about this now. “I was willin’ to give it all up because I thought you deserved it.”
“I would have been your rebound,” she admonishes, looking away with disdain.
“Don’t hurt yourself with that claim,” I argue, releasing my grip a little. “I had enough rebounds. You were never going to be one.”
Finally, she turns her head back, her eyes meet mine, and I can see for a millisecond the girl I let sleep in my bed, but as soon as I see her, she disappears.
Yes, I love Eden. To deny that would be a lie, but I was willing to give it a shot with Ashley because I felt I deserved more than the limbo I had committed myself to waiting for Eden to come home to me. After all, at the time I met Ashley, Eden was just the girl who ran away with no just cause.
But love was never the end game. There was no hope of recovery when Ashley was never playing for keeps, and that is a betrayal I can’t forgive.
“But that doesn’t really matter, does it?” I ask, drawing her closer. “Love means nothing to you because you’ve got nothin’ left of a heart. Years of usin’ and abusin’ men have slowly stolen what possibility you had of a future, leavin’ you with nothin’ but callousness.”
I throw her, watching her stumble backward, tripping and landing hard on her ass. She watches me, a sliver of fear thrown at me is quickly smothered by her cockiness, and she tries to act as if she’s unfazed by me. Her derision is quick to mask anything else she could feel.
Sweet Venom (Crazy in Love #1) Page 45
