by Penny Wylder
Just then, the bell rings, and we both startle. A ping of regret sinks in my chest—I wish we had longer to linger here, stealing glances at each other, talking about our future dreams…
Then again, you’ll see him in no time at all, I remind myself, and then I’m blushing all over again at the thought of sharing a room with this sexy as hell guy—a guy with more depth than I imagined—all semester.
As I stuff my books into my backpack, pulling out my schedule and heading out the door, preparing to navigate to my next class, Vin rests a hand on my shoulder. I glance up at him, flushed again for no reason other than that his dark eyes are boring into mine, and he’s got that damn smirk on again. The one I can never resist.
“We should grab a drink sometime,” he says, grinning. “We can talk bio and career plans.” His smirk deepens. “If you need to borrow my notes, I don’t mind sharing.”
Dammit. Did he notice me staring at him for half of class? If I was blushing before, I’m a red-hot beacon now. But somewhere in the back of my mind, my brain is replaying the advice Nita gave me before I left home. Guys like it when you play hard to get. Be a little coyer. “Drinks would be nice…” I say, slowly, dragging it out. Then I let myself smile a little, imitating his grin. “But wouldn’t Anthony be jealous?”
To my surprise, Vin only laughs at that. “Of course not. He’d be coming along.”
I feel my smile drop away as I think about that. Crap. Did I just imagine him asking me out? Maybe he just meant friendly roommate drinks after all. Get ahold of yourself, Cassidy. “Oh…” I say, still trying to figure out what to think. That’s when I cast a sideways glance up the hallway and realize everyone else from our class has already filed past. We’re alone in here, the lights in the classroom flicking off behind us. It’s dark, secluded… And Vin seems to realize it at the same moment I do. He leans in, one hand resting on the wall behind me, towering over me. I try to take a step back, hit the wall, and find myself resting against the cool tile, gazing up at him. His eyes make it impossible to look away. I definitely did not imagine him hitting on me. He looks positively hungry, the way he’s eying me now.
“We told you, Anthony and I have known each other since we were kids,” he murmurs, and the line of confusion between my eyebrows deepens as I wonder what on earth that means. Why he’s leaning over me all sexily, smelling fucking amazing, gazing at me like he wants to devour me, and talking about his childhood best friend. He seems to enjoy my confusion, smiling wider. More dangerously. “We never fight. We always share, everything.” He tilts his head closer to mine, his lips just inches away. So close that I can feel his breath ghosting across my lips when he adds, “That includes women.”
Before I can help it, the image flashes in my mind. All three of us in our dorm room. Anthony and Vin both naked, me caught between them, light and dark, the all-American hunk and the smirking bad boy. What would it feel like to kiss both of them? To let Vin’s lips find mine now, taste me, and then Anthony’s next, softer, lighter, but every bit as hot…
I picture their hands on me, their naked bodies pressed against mine, hard cocks pinning me between them, and I can’t hide the hitch in my breath, the flush in my cheeks.
“I…” Snap out of it, Cassidy. Remember what you came here for. I shake my head and push away from the wall, breathing fast. “I can’t. I’d never—I couldn’t…” It’s hard to get words out with him still watching me the way he is.
Vin laughs softly, a low, dangerous sound. And that smile never leaves his perfectly curved lips. “You have no clue what you would do in the heat of the moment, Cassidy.”
Before I can reply, before I can deny it, he’s gone, vanishing up the dark hallway and leaving me alone, heart racing, in the empty space.
As I watch him round the corner, I realize, deep down, in a place that scares me to even admit it: he’s right. I don’t know what I would do, given the chance.
That scares me more than anything else that’s happened today.
3
By the time the bell rings for the end of my last class of the day, I can’t take this anymore. I’ve been texting Nita on and off, hinting at something going on. But text isn’t enough. I need to talk to her face-to-face, at least as much as that’s possible to do over a computer. I need her to talk me down, to tell me I’m being crazy, and not to lose my head over a boy on day one of college.
Well. Not a boy. Two boys.
Even worse.
So when I shoulder my way into the dorm room, I’m more than a little annoyed when I find it already occupied. Anthony is sprawled across the top bunk, half naked of course, and reading a book I can’t see from this angle. I freeze for a moment, flashing back to last night, watching him jerk off. I’m able to picture that dim scene all the better now that he’s lying in the same spot, and still with his bare chest on full display. Fucking hell, those abs…
I drop my bag on my bed, debating leaving and heading down the hall to try and find a quiet spot where I can call Nita. That’s when he seems to realize I’m there, and looks up from the book, laying the paperback down on his chest to smile at me.
“We have to stop meeting like this,” he says, with a pointed glance down at his naked chest. “I mean… Or not.” With that, he swings his legs over the bunk and jumps down, even though it’s the top bunk. He lands gracefully, already reaching up to put the book away. But not before I catch a glimpse of the cover, and feel my mouth drop even further.
I recognize the book. It’s one of my favorites, in fact. Jeanette Winterson, one of the best feminist authors of all time, not to mention a delicious poet with words.
Anthony follows my gaze and grins. “A bit nerdy, I know, but I just love her writing. Reading her books is like eating dark chocolate. Rich, bittersweet…”
“I know what you mean,” I blurt before I can help myself. “The way she talks about lost love makes you physically ache too, but in the best way.”
“Exactly.” He steps closer to me, being friendly probably. But I can’t help tilting my head to look up at him and remembering what just happened with Vin when we stood in the hallway at this same angle a few hours ago. Anthony looks completely different, blond and blue-eyed and all thick corded muscle. His scent is lighter than Vin’s, more cinnamon and spice, yet it makes me just as hungry to reach out and touch his warm skin, inches from mine. “Do you read a lot, Cass?” he asks, but his eyes are devouring me and I can feel that gaze on my skin, almost tangible with lust.
“I guess so,” I mumble, then shake my head, trying to clear it. “I mean, yeah. Yes. I love books.”
He grins and passes me, reaching for something over my head, on one of the shelves above his bed. “Have you read this one?”
I glance at the cover and shake my head. It’s an author I’ve never heard of, which is pretty rare considering how big a nerd I am.
“Trust me, you’ll like it.” He presses it into my hands with a grin and a wink.
I shiver and drop my gaze, unable to meet his eye. Not after what Vin suggested. Not after watching Anthony last night from my own bed, spying on him in that moment.
I duck my head and take a seat on my bed, trying to get some space. Unfortunately, Anthony drops onto the bed beside me, his blue eyes turned serious and searching. “Is everything okay?”
“Long first day,” I stammer, reaching around him for my bag. He catches my wrist, gently cupping his fingers around my hand. His hand is so much larger than mine, it swallows mine whole. I force myself to lift my eyes, meet his gaze.
He looks genuinely concerned, a frown creasing his otherwise perfectly sculpted brow. “You sure nothing’s wrong?”
“Very sure,” I say, holding his eyes this time. Willing him to believe me.
After a moment, he cracks a smile, allowing the moment to pass. “Let me guess, Vin did something awful, didn’t he? Only he can get a girl worked up this quickly.”
My mouth drops open before I can help myself. “How did you know?” I a
sk.
He blinks, eyebrows lifting. Oh, crap. “I was joking, actually…” he says, and I could kick myself. But he shakes his head, smirking. “I do know Vin pretty well by now, though. He has a tendency to… unsettle things. Girls especially.” He winks at me.
“I could imagine, if you guys share…” I stop myself dead, face flushing again. Damn. I wasn’t going to mention that. What if Vin was joking? He had to have been, right?
My stomach flutters with nerves, especially when Anthony leans in closer. “Ah. I see. So he mentioned our little fantasy.”
I swallow hard, mouth going dry. It’s hard to think with him this close. My pulse pounds in my ears, distracting me. “Not… in so many words,” I admit.
“He didn’t say that we’d like to have some fun together?” Anthony trails his hand up my arm to brush a strand of hair off my shoulder. A shiver runs through me, unstoppable. “More than fun,” he murmurs, his voice going low and serious as he leans closer. Closer, closer, until his lips are barely an inch from mine, and I can practically taste the mint on his breath. “We want you, Cassidy.”
My belly tightens with desire, and I feel a sharp pulse in my pussy, my thighs tightening as I try to control myself. But it’s impossible with Anthony this close, so focused on me. Especially when I think of Vin, too. Having both of them at once… I shake my head and lean away from Anthony, trying to catch my breath.
He leans back with another laugh, not an unkind one. “I’m surprised you’re so shy, Cass. You’re gorgeous, after all. Guys must flirt with you all the time.” His gaze drops over my body in a long, slow sweep. Savoring every inch of what he sees. It does make me feel hot as hell. Knowing that this gorgeous hunk of a man is as turned on by me as I am him.
But then his smile widens. “I bet you’re a real naughty girl in bed, too, aren’t you?”
Finally, something snaps inside me. He thinks he knows me—the same way I thought I knew him and Vin, admittedly. But still. It sets me on fire, thankfully pushing away the lust to make room for anger instead.
“Of course not!” I snap, jumping off the bed. “Nothing like that.”
Anthony’s eyes widen and his mouth parts, surprised by my sudden shift in attitude. “I wasn’t judging—there’s nothing wrong with enjoying your sexuality,” he protests, guessing that’s why I’m upset.
But I’m already grabbing my bag and heading for the door. “I know there isn’t,” I add over my shoulder, hoping it sounds convincing. Judging by the searching look on Anthony’s face, he doesn’t believe me. He’s starting to put the pieces together, trying to figure me out…
And I’m worried I just revealed way too much. He’ll figure out why I freaked out soon enough.
He’ll realize I’m still a virgin.
A fact I’m proud of, actually. So why does it feel so terrible to me that he might guess it?
I don’t stick around to find out. I shove open the door and run.
“I have boy trouble,” I announce to the camera.
On my screen, Nita positively lights up with a grin.
“You don’t have to look so smug about it,” I add, scowling.
She snorts. “I told you you’d finally find a guy to crush on this year!”
My face flushes. I’ve been blushing so much over the past couple days I’m surprised I don’t permanently turn red. I can only hope Nita thinks this blush is because I’m embarrassed to be harboring a crush already and not because she’s wrong. I haven’t found a guy. I’ve found two.
“I just don’t know if this is a good idea, y’know? So early in the school year… And I have classes to focus on…”
“So what? You don’t have to go from zero to serious, Cass. You can have a little fun.” Nita frowns at the screen, studying my expression. “I mean, you think he’s into you too, right?”
Anthony’s words race through my mind. We want you, Cassidy. “Um, yeah. He’s been pretty open about that.”
Nita grins. “So then, what’s the problem? Just try him out. Enjoy college life!”
I heave a sigh. Wrong response, apparently. Nita’s gaze zeroes in on me, razor-sharp. Like it or not, the girl knows me too well by now. Being best friends attached at the hip for our entire high school lives will do that, after all.
“What aren’t you saying?” She raises an eyebrow, adopting her stern Mom-voice. “Cassidy. Are you crushing on a professor or something?”
“What?!” I blurt, laughing. “No. God, no.”
She narrows her eyes. “Okay. Then why all the weird? He’s into you, you’re into him. Let him seduce you,” she adds, a smirk in her tone.
“It’s not that simple,” I reply. Then I wince, trying to figure out how to word this without going into too much detail. I love Nita, and normally I share everything with her. But something about this situation makes me wonder if even Nita would find it just too weird. I can’t make myself say it out loud. Not all of it. “There are two guys,” I add, in a mumble.
Nita snorts, her expression positively gleeful. “You slut, oh my god, I love it.” She practically squeals into the mic. “Tell me everything. What are they like?”
I describe Anthony first, his boy-next-door good looks and his sports career, not to mention his great taste in novels. Then I talk about Vin, the bad-boy counterpart, and his interest in bio. Not to mention his tendency to flirt with me, hardcore.
“And I don’t know what to do because they’ve known each other forever,” I add, sighing, “So it could get weird—”
“Wait, wait, they know each other?” Nita raises an eyebrow.
“Yeah, they grew up together, and they’re both on the lacrosse team—”
“Oh my god, you like two best friends?”
I bite my lip, stare down the camera.
Nita reaches out to wrap her hands around either side of the screen, pretending to strangle me.
“I didn’t mean to!” I protest.
I think I might have broken Nita. She doubles over for a minute, and I can’t tell if she’s hyperventilating or what.
“Hello? Need some advice here!” I admonish her.
When she straightens again, I realize she’s been doubled over with laughter. She wipes tears from her eyes, still shaking with silent giggle fits.
“It’s not that funny,” I huff.
“Yes, it definitely is, Cass.” She breathes in deeply, rubbing her eyes. “Shit. Ah, okay. That is more complicated, yes.” She shakes her head, studying me. “Look, Cass, it’s only the start of the semester. Give it some time. See which of the hot guys drooling after you you prefer more.” She sticks out her tongue. “Which, by the way, cry me a river.”
I snort, unable to help myself.
“But honestly, if you really want to do this, you just have to go for whichever one you like more. Just be real with them. They’ll understand. Especially if they’ve known each other forever and have similar taste in girls. I’m sure they’ve run into this situation before.”
You have no idea, I think, my lips firmly clamped shut while I nod. It’s good advice. Figure out which one I like best. Except, I don’t know either of them super well yet. From what I can tell, if I met either Vin or Anthony in another situation, I’d have liked them instantly. I can’t tell who I like more, because I like them both, at least from what I’ve seen so far.
But also… That’s kind of beyond the point. Because the boys don’t want me just for one of them. They want a ménage-à-trois. From a girl they don’t even know is a virgin. I’ve never slept with one guy, let alone two at once.
How could I possibly let this happen? How could I even be considering it?
And yet, Vin’s words echo in my mind, too. You have no clue what you would do in the heat of the moment.
I really, really don’t.
“Thanks, Nita, that helps,” I say, even though my mind is still racing, jam-packed with a confusing jumble of thoughts.
After I hang up and head back to the room, my stomach twisting itself
into knots as I worry about possibly finding Anthony there, or Vin half-naked instead, or even more terrifying, both at once.
But when I creak open the door to our room, it’s dark and quiet. Only when I flick on the light do I see the book on top of my bed. The newest Jeanette Winterson, one I haven’t read yet, the pages white and the spine unbroken. Brand new. From Anthony, I’m sure.
I sit on the bed and hold the book in my lap, tracing the cover as I try to wrap my mind around this mess I’m tangled up in.
4
The guys’ first lacrosse game of the season is that Friday. I finish my homework in time since I promised myself I would only go if I got that out of the way first. Then I dress in the sportiest outfit I have—basically the one school sweatshirt I own, paired with tight jeans and some boots since it’s finally fall for real.
I sit with a couple of girls I met in Chemistry, who seem nice enough, though we haven’t really talked about anything except for comparing notes after class and complaining about how fast our prof speeds through the slides.
As soon as the lacrosse game starts, though, I forget all about the girls beside me. I have eyes only for the field—and specifically, for numbers 9 and 11 on said field, one blond and one dark-haired, both sprinting every which way as they compete with the opposing team. They’re clearly two of the best on our team—constantly taking passes from other players and racing ahead of the pack down the field. When Anthony nears the net, I find myself on my feet cheering with only the most involved of our spectators.
Then Anthony whirls at the last second, faking out the goalkeeper, who dives to block him. But he wasn’t aiming for the net. He threw the ball high, in a graceful arc to Vin, who seems to catch it without even looking, and in a whip-fast move, hurls it toward the goal instead. It sinks into the back of the net, and the opposing goalkeeper curses as the boys whirl away to high-five before they’re buried in a crush of their teammates celebrating.
