by Leah Brooke
Glancing up at him, she smiled, flashing dimples he hadn’t noticed before. “I don’t think lack of confidence is something you have to worry about.”
The fact that he hadn’t noticed her dimples before made him realize how little she smiled, and made him determined to make her smile more often.
It also made him wonder what else he’d missed.
Getting to know everything about her became his highest priority.
Only when he knew her as intimately as a man could know a woman would he be able to make her happy, and give her the security she needed.
Taking the ring of keys from her trembling hand, he unlocked the door and pushed it open, frowning when she hesitated.
Understanding, he went through the doorway ahead of her, surprised to find every light in the living room already turned on.
He turned to look at her as she closed and locked the door behind her, her obvious embarrassment keeping him quiet.
Now that they were in her apartment, she seemed even more nervous.
Watching her closely, he crossed to the sofa and sat, in the perfect position to watch her while not hovering in her way and making her even more nervous.
Setting her purse aside, she shifted restlessly, hugging the oversized cardigan close. “Would you like some coffee?”
“Sure.” Understanding that she needed something to do, he remained on the sofa, hoping that she’d settle and become more comfortable around him. “Just one cup. I’m sure you’re used to staying up until all hours, but I’ve got to get up early.”
Standing at the kitchen counter, she filled the coffee maker with water and turned it on with a shrug. “Not always. It depended on the job. Sometimes we’d fly halfway around the world and I didn’t know if it was day or night. I learned to catch sleep whenever I could.”
Fisting her hands on the counter, she lowered her head. “I used to be able to sleep anywhere. Anytime.”
J.W. doubted that she slept much now. The dark circles under her eyes and lethargy in her movements confirmed Daniel’s assumption that she didn’t sleep.
Still, he said nothing about it, choosing for now to watch and see for himself things she wouldn’t tell him.
The wild, giving woman who’d been in his bed an hour earlier seemed to have disappeared, replaced by frightened and jittery woman who looked as if she expected to be attacked at any moment.
If he thought he would leave her alone in her present condition, she could think again.
“No parties?” She didn’t seem like a party girl now, but he couldn’t help but wonder what she’d been like before the attack.
When she finished with the coffee, she came back into the living room, pausing to check the lock on the door. “Not really. I knew that my career would be short-lived, and I’d already made up my mind to work as much as I could and save like crazy.”
Frowning, he bent to remove his boots. “You locked that when we came in.”
Smiling, she blushed and nodded. “I forgot.”
She moved to the windows and closed the blinds and curtains. “I knew that there was only a short window of time that I could make the kind of money I was making modelling. Modelling jobs could dry up with no warning, so I scrimped and saved and took every job I could. I wanted to make sure I was set for the future. Thank God I got that contract with the perfume company. Because of that, I could walk away after…afterward.”
Without looking in his direction, she turned and started back to the kitchen, pausing to check the locks on the front door as she passed it. “I purposely didn’t take a lot of time off, and when I did have a day off, I usually slept.”
Rising to take the tray she carried into the living room, J.W. set it on the table. “It sounds like you didn’t have any fun at all. Is that why you were still a virgin?”
Blushing, Lana poured coffee, and if he hadn’t been watching for it, he might have missed the fact that her hands shook. “I had fun. I met a lot of interesting people and travelled all around the world.”
J.W. had never been the type to stay quiet for long and found it impossible to ignore the scars below the surface. “If you’re not going back to modelling, there’s no reason to stay so skinny, is there?”
Her face turned red, as he’d expected, and she jumped up, her coffee cup rattling in the delicate saucer as she set it aside. “I think you should go.”
“Not a chance.” He set his own fragile cup aside in case he had to jump up and go after her. “You want to tell me why you’re constantly trying to get rid of me?”
Wrapping her arms around herself, she went back to the door and tried the locks again before moving to the window. “Because I’m not your responsibility. You’re here because Daniel asked you to watch over me, and because of what happened at your house. I told you before you…took me that I didn’t expect anything more than the moment.”
“What happened at my house?” Sitting back, J.W. crossed his arms over his chest and studied her. “We made love. I took your virginity, and I sure as hell wasn’t thinking about your brother when I did it. As a matter of fact, I’ve been cursing myself ever since.”
Lana spun, her eyes flashing. “Great! That’s just what a woman wants to hear after sex. Get out.”
“No.” Getting to his feet, he moved slowly toward her, poised to stop her if she tried to get past him. “I’ve been cursing myself for not going more slowly with you. If I’d known you were a virgin, I would have done things differently.”
Lana blushed, shrugging and looking away. “It was fine.”
“Fine?” J.W. wanted to be insulted, but the memory of the look on her face as she came and the cries of pleasure still ringing in his ears made it impossible. Snagging her around the waist when she would have walked past him, he pulled her close, brushing her hair back from her face. “I would have taken my time and gone much slower. As long as I live, I’ll never forget the flash of vulnerability in your eyes when I took you or the look of stunned pleasure on your face when you came.”
Lana’s shy smile made his cock stir. “If you’d taken any more time, it probably would have killed me.”
* * * *
Throwing his head back, he laughed, cuddling her closer. “We’ll work on your stamina.” Leaning back, he stared down at her, his eyes glittering with emotion. “In the meantime, we have something else to talk about.”
His thumb moved over her bottom lip, making it tingle and sparking the memory of the first time he’d kissed her. “I didn’t use a condom when I took you, baby. It’s the first time in my life I’ve done that. I get hard every time I think about it.”
Lifting her chin, he pushed her hair back. “I’m safe, but I may have made you pregnant.”
Stunned at the possibility that she might be pregnant, Lana gasped, her hand going automatically to her abdomen.
She could be carrying J.W.’s child.
The dream of having a child, a dream she’d given up on after the attack, seemed possible again.
Staring into his eyes and seeing the raw emotion glittering in them, she knew he would be a terrific father.
Even if it was from a distance.
His eyes narrowed suddenly, a muscle working in his jaw. “Don’t look at me like that!” Lifting her to her toes, he bent from his great height until his face was only inches from hers. “You get that look on your face again and I’ll make damned sure you’re pregnant before I leave here in the morning.”
J.W. released her abruptly and turned away with a curse. “Son of a bitch, you get to me.”
Amused, Lana went back to her seat and picked up her cup again. “Would you like more coffee?”
Whipping around, he glared at her. “No. What I really want is a whiskey—and a cold shower.”
Hiding a smile behind her cup, Lana nodded. “My father likes whiskey. I keep a bottle in the kitchen for him.”
Gathering the cups and filling the tray again, she made her way back to the kitchen with J.W. close behind her, his prese
nce making her small kitchen feel even smaller. She pointed to one of the smaller cabinets. “The whiskey’s in there. The glasses are there.” She pointed to the cabinet next to it.
After pouring himself a whiskey, J.W. stared at her while he sipped it and leaned back against the counter. “I want to know if you’re pregnant or not as soon as you know.”
Lana washed the cups and saucers, trembling under his intense gaze. “I’ll let you know because I think you have the right, but if I am, I’m perfectly capable of taking care of the baby on my own. I told you, I’ve saved and invested over the years, preparing for the time when I wouldn’t be able to model anymore. I’m sorry that I must have seemed so needy earlier, but I meant what I said. I expect nothing else from you.”
J.W. slammed his glass on the counter and straightened. “My child is my responsibility.”
Turning to glance at him, she smiled sadly, her stomach clenching. “I’m just one responsibility after another for you, aren’t I? I know you’re not the type to walk away from your responsibilities, but I’m not one of them.”
He stepped closer, his sigh one of frustration. “Lana, I already told you that I didn’t make love to you because I felt responsible for you.” Pressing against her back, he bent to nuzzle her ear. “If you’re pregnant, that is my responsibility, and one I don’t take lightly.”
Fisting her hands in the water, she dropped her head back against him, biting back a moan when he found a particularly sensitive spot. “There’s no point in arguing about something that hasn’t even happened yet.”
She forced herself to straighten and begin washing the dishes again, fighting not to turn and throw herself in his arms.
He had such a strength about him, a strength that went far beyond physical.
It was the kind of strength a woman could rely on, a strength a woman could lean on when she needed it.
It would be so easy to fall into his arms and let him make everything all right, but she’d never been that type of woman, and she hated that she even considered it.
If she let him take over, she’d never be more than the scared, insecure woman she’d become since the attack.
A woman who couldn’t eat without getting nauseated.
A woman who couldn’t sleep without nightmares.
“Are you trying to wash the pattern off that cup?”
Startled, Lana dropped the delicate cup she’d been washing, stiffening when J.W. closed his arms around her from behind and pulled her back against him. “Damn it, J.W.!”
Bracing a hand on either side of the sink, he leaned over her and nuzzled her neck. “What were you thinking about so hard?”
Thankful that it had fallen into the water and hadn’t broken, she rinsed the cup and set it on the board to drain.
Turning slightly when he moved away, she fisted her hands on the edge of the counter to keep from reaching for him. “Nothing. I’m just tired.”
Smiling, J.W. finished his whiskey and set his glass aside. “Come on. Let’s go to bed. And don’t look at me that way. I’m not taking you again. You’d be too sore. Why don’t you go soak in the tub awhile?”
Lana stilled. It had been such a long time since she’d been comfortable enough to allow herself such a luxury that she couldn’t resist. She’d rushed through showers with the curtain partially open ever since the attack, uncomfortable at being naked and vulnerable. “You wouldn’t mind?”
* * * *
J.W.’s jaw clenched. “Lana, you don’t need to sit here and entertain me. I’ll have another whiskey and watch the news while you’re bathing. I won’t bother you.”
He wanted her to soak and ease the soreness she had to be feeling, and he wanted her to relax.
Taking her hand in his, he reached out to turn off the kitchen light, knowing that the one above the stove would be more than enough for him to see to fix himself another drink.
To his surprise, Lana gasped and reached past him to turn it on again. “No!”
Shifting her feet, she looked away and shrugged, her face red. “I leave the kitchen light on.”
Noting the flare of panic in her eyes, J.W. nodded and said nothing, not wanting to upset her.
Turning to lead her down the hallway, he stilled when she broke free of his hold and went to the front door again. No longer able to keep silent, he watched her with narrowed eyes. “It’s locked, Lana. Go take your bath. I’ll take care of making sure everything’s locked up before I go to bed.”
The tense silence told him she knew what he was asking—for her to trust him.
After several seconds, she nodded, clearly torn.
Clearly agitated and embarrassed, she followed him, turning on the living room lights he’d just turned off. “I keep these on, too. I sometimes get up in the middle of the night for a glass of water, and they light the hallway.”
Straightening from where he’d bent to turn off another lamp, he turned. “I see.”
J.W. did. He saw clearly. Very clearly.
Lana feared the dark—feared not being able to see something hiding in the darkness.
Her features had become even more pinched with tension and fatigue.
He went to her, gathering her against him. “When you were attacked in your apartment, he was already there, wasn’t he? He was hiding somewhere in your apartment when you got home. That’s why you’ve been afraid to take a bath. You’re afraid to be vulnerable, even in your apartment.”
Nodding, Lana turned away, something he allowed only because he suspected she needed the space. “Yes. He was in the closet. He jumped out at me while I was undressing.”
Fighting his rage, J.W. forced a calm into his voice that he knew she needed. “Did he try to rape you?”
“Yes.” Her sob tore at him. “He was angry because he’d seen a layout in a magazine of me with another model holding me, and the man who attacked me kept telling me that I belonged to him. He’s twisted. Deranged. He had a knife.”
J.W. gathered her close again when another sob broke free, a sob that sounded as if it had come from her soul. “And he cut you when you fought him.”
His flat tone cost him dearly.
He wanted to throw something and scream his rage, but she needed something else from him.
She needed his tenderness and his strength, and he would use all he had of both to make her feel safe again.
“Yes.” Another sob against his chest had him pulling her closer.
Running his hands firmly up and down her back, he couldn’t help but notice that she shivered. Holding her face against his chest, he fought back his fury. “You fought hard, baby. I’m proud of you.”
He’d give a lot to come face to face with the man who’d attacked her.
Lana shook her head, fisting her hands against his chest. “He was too strong for me. I was so scared. That knife was huge. I was so damned scared. I’ve never been so scared in my life.”
“I know, baby.” He couldn’t even imagine the horror she’d gone through.
Pushing away from him, she turned away. “I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I hate thinking about it, but it’s always there. I don’t want to think tonight.”
“Okay.” Realizing that he’d have to get her to talk bit by bit, he wrapped an arm around her waist and headed for the back of the apartment. “You’re safe now.”
“I thought I was safe then.” The forlorn emptiness in her voice ripped his insides to shreds.
Stopping just outside the bedroom doorway, he turned her to face him, running a hand over her hair. “You’re safe now.” He doubted she’d gotten a good night’s sleep since the attack.
Lifting her chin, he gave her a small smile to reassure her. “I’m sleeping with you tonight, and I sleep light. Do you really think anyone could get through me to get to you?”
Lana’s faint smile made him feel ten feet tall. “No. You’re as big as a mountain.”
“I’m afraid so. Makes buying boots and jeans a chore.” He smiled again to ease t
he tension, promising himself that he’d get her to talk a little more each day.
But for tonight, she needed to relax and get some sleep.
“Go take your bath. Leave the door unlocked. I won’t come in, but I want to be able to get to you if you need me.”
Lana stiffened again. “What would I need you for? You’re not leaving, are you?”
J.W. shook his head, noticing the television in the corner. “I’m only going as far as the kitchen to fix myself another whiskey, and then I’m going to come back in here to watch a little television while I wait for you.”
Noticing her sigh of relief, J.W. pulled her back against him, hoping that teasing her would make her forget about the attack for a while so she could relax. “Of course if you need me to help you wash or dry you…”
Lana giggled, making his chest swell. “I think I can do that for myself.”
Sliding his hands around her, he cupped her breasts. “I could wash your back.” Nuzzling the spot that drew a moan from her, J.W. smiled against her neck. “I could put lotion on you. Your mound’s already trimmed, but one day soon, I’m going to want it completely bare. Do you want me to take you to get it waxed, or would you like me to just shave you for now?”
Lana stilled, sucking in a breath. “What?”
“You heard me. I’ve already told you that I’m very possessive toward you. That means taking care of you—”
Lana pushed out of his arms, and he allowed it. For now.
“I told you that my brother had no right—”
Partially because he wanted her to think about something other than the attack, and partially because he wanted her to see his other side, a side he seldom showed to anyone, he eased her out of her cardigan before ripping the ill-fitting dress from collar to hem.
He smiled reassuringly at her gasp, running his hands down her sides to calm her. “Why do you look so shocked? I told you that I was rough, and I have a primitive streak a mile wide. I’ve also recently discovered that I’m very possessive. Now let’s get something straight. My taking care of you has absolutely nothing to do with your brother—or anyone else. You’re mine, Lana. For the first time in my life, I’ve found the woman who’s everything I want. I need to take care of you and possess you in ways you can’t even imagine.”
