by C. M. Owens
I hadn't said anything like that, but I kept forgetting that she could read my emotions, which was essentially like reading my mind. I just chuckled lightly.
The guys heard my laughing, and I almost pouted when the good stuff ended and they started jogging our way. But, with the competitive spirits high, the light jog turned into a sprinting race. Henry won, though I was sure Tallis had let him.
Tallis strutted toward me, causing me to giggle as he playfully poked his chest out. This was the Tallis I missed.
My eyes drifted down his shirtless body. I might have been ogling.
He grabbed his shirt and slid it on. His eyes burned into mine as he smirked, knowing what I had just been doing. Then he said something that almost disappointed me.
"Des said that they would have your house ready in about five or six more days. Several covens heard about the attack and they rushed out to help. No bodyguards, besides Chris, are allowed in the house until Amelia checks them out."
I tried not to frown, but I didn't want to leave. Reality was suspended here. I wanted to stay like this. Here, things were different. He couldn't run away from me—at least not far away. I could see him every moment I wanted to. I could feel his touch. He couldn't fight his feelings as easily when I was always around.
I just knew in a month, we would be back to the way it was before the kiss that was damned by hell. I would give anything to have back what we once had. It was so much easier then.
Last night he slept beside me, with his arms wrapped around me, and it felt so good to wake up embraced by him. Now things were going to end sooner than I had anticipated, and there might not be any chance of us ever getting back to the way it was.
He tilted his head to the side as he studied me. I wasn't sure what his look meant, but he seemed to notice my disappointment that I was trying to hide behind a fake, brittle smile. He almost seemed to wince. Then he tried to shake it off.
"I need coffee," he muttered while walking away.
Henry walked over to the doorway as he said, "Yeah, I could use a pick me up as well. It's pretty exhausting dodging explosions." He chuckled, and Amelia laughed as well.
"At least I know why the pool house looked so bad now," she added.
I laughed, too, but it was weighted. Amelia could feel my true emotions, reading me like a book. "It will be okay, I promise. Eventually, he'll have to see."
I just winked at her and put one finger to my lips while whispering, "Shh." Then I pointed to my ear to remind of their super hearing.
She nodded and tightened her lips, glancing toward the doorway.
I was going to turn eighteen in just five weeks. I had hoped to spend my birthday alone in the cabin with my friends and Tallis. So much for that idea, I thought.
Tallis walked back out with a cup of coffee and sat down beside me. Henry held his cup in one hand and Amelia's hand with the other. They walked off to get some fresh air, and some alone time I'm sure.
Tallis put his arm across my shoulders as we sat on the small porch swing. I curled into him as he let out pained groan.
"Sorry. Did I hurt you," I asked, frowning as I looked up.
"Not physically, but you're killing me in every other way." His voice was quiet with a touch of playfulness, as he winked at me.
"What do you mean?"
I backed away and scooted over on the swing. His arm fell off my shoulders as a ragged breath was sucked in. He took a long sip of coffee, making me worry that he was stalling.
"This is hard for me, Aria," he finally said, his voice soft but serious. "Being so close to you for so long is fueling every feeling I have for you at every moment. Amelia isn't helping things, either." He smiled at me, but his eyes held proof of his inner battle.
I wasn't smiling. Not at all. "What do you mean? What is Amelia doing?"
He laughed, a deep throaty laugh that made so many chills spread over my skin. "She isn't doing anything on purpose. She's connected to you—forever. With most people, she has to be in close contact with them to feel their emotions, but you could be a hundred miles away and she would still feel what you feel. She isn't meaning to project it, but she is—constantly. And in close quarters like this, well, it's hard not to get a big dose of the projection."
Now I felt my face burning with humiliation. None of my emotions had been a secret this whole time. I frowned deeper as I spoke with exaggerated irritation.
"Well that sucks." He chuckled lightly as I added, "So you and Henry have been dealing with my emotional rollercoaster, too?"
"Not Henry, just me."
He tightened his lips and studied the woods around us, avoiding my gaze. At least that explained some of his mood swings and hot-and-cold moments. It also explained why he looked so torn all the time. He was fighting his feelings for me and feeling the pain that it put me through.
"Why just you?"
I regretted that question the second his eyes turned from thoughtful to guilty.
"Because I'm the reason you're on an emotional rollercoaster." He paused for a new breath. "Aria, I'm trying so hard not to let myself hurt you, but this is impossibly difficult for me. I've been trying not to play with your heart, but it's so hard to not let myself be in love with you. Being here, in this intimate sort of setting, well, it's making it that much harder. Then Amelia magnifies everything that I'm already feeling by projecting your feelings that are the same as mine. Very vicious cycle.
"Henry can't even be practical around her. A century of practicing against linking has proven worthless against her. She projects her emotions onto him, and it just magnifies what he already feels. It's not something that we've ever been able to prepare for. I just keep thinking of how I hurt you, and it gives me strength for a few minutes. It wears off quickly when I feel you hurting from my trying to pull away. See? Vicious.
"Then before I know it, I'm touching you again. When you desire me, when you want to touch me, I feel that. When you want to cry because you feel like I don't care, I feel that. It's absolutely killing me. I just want you to know that I am only trying to keep you safe. I need you just like you need me. But I can't give in. Not until I can figure out a way to not hurt you. Please understand."
It was a plea, a cry for mercy, and a confession all in one. How much more could I take?
I nodded slowly, thinking hard about what to say next. "Can we just pretend that kiss didn't happen and go back to the way things were? Just the cuddling and closeness? I promise I won't make any sudden moves."
He laughed, which prompted my smile to form. I loved that sound.
"We can for now. Just don't get carried away and forget that I can hurt you."
I took my first painless breath in months. "I promise I won't."
Then he chuckled lightly. "Don't try sleeping on the couch again either."
I grinned and blushed, looking down bashfully. "I was trying to be respectful to you. I thought you wouldn't want to be in the bed with me, and I wasn't going to make you sleep on the couch."
"I wouldn't have let you be alone for even a second. I told you that. I can protect you better when I'm right beside you. Your safety means everything to me. You mean everything to me."
Yeah. I was a puddle now.
I slid back in to him, ignoring the flurry of excitement that budded deep inside me. "Just tell me when I get too close."
He grumbled while shifting beneath me. "Yeah, this is going to be difficult." He raised his eyebrows questioningly as my hands slid around his waist. Then I felt his arms pulling me in closer.
"I do love you, Aria."
"I love you, too." I couldn't have been happier in that moment, well, unless we could have kissed, of course. But who was I to be so greedy?
Then I decided to take my mind off how badly I wanted him. I didn't want Amelia projecting that onto him. "Tell me about the committee."
Amelia and Henry walked back up, eyeing us. "What's going on?" she asked, fighting back her knowing grin.
Deciding to stick with
the topic I had just shifted us to, I answered, "I was asking about the committee. I want to know what they do exactly."
"Ah. Well, I've been curious about this as well. So spill it, magic boys."
Henry chuckled while sitting down in one of the porch chairs, pulling Amelia to his lap.
"They do a lot actually. From casting, to protection spells, to creating new crests for families of weaker magical descent. It's a wide range of things actually," Henry answered, shrugging.
I rolled my eyes at his vague answer as I smiled at him. "Wow, that really cleared things up for me."
Tallis chuckled. "It's really crazy complicated, but the committee has a lot to do with the strength of our magic. It was originally called the Table of Isis.
"They help the weaker families with cresting—like Henry said. They also help to keep the mortals safe. They make it to where mortals are blind to the magical world. Like the whole Brazilian incident for instance. The entire committee had to work hard to erase those memories.
"Fortunately, Graven isn't focused on the mortals right now. If he were to extinguish all of the followers of the light, as he plans to do, then they would rid the world of its mortals as well. Right now, magic keeps mortals safe from the knowledge of the true magic all around them.
"There are loopholes in every cast, and the committee tries to safely find a way to use them to their advantages. They've also created spells for trap nets, and they are able to assemble groups to see to smaller threats. They call in the light militia and meet with them regularly about strategies and new casts."
The mention of the light militia made me think of Jared. I quickly tried to get him out of my mind before Amelia projected that onto Tallis as well.
Amelia narrowed her eyes, seeming intrigued and confused, but not because of me. "What is a trap net? And when is there ever a small threat?"
Henry smiled as he answered, "Sometimes, smaller groups of the dark followers rally together to form their own militia. Sometimes Graven sends out small groups of his personal militia. That's what he means by a 'smaller threat.'
"Our militia sets up trap nets with heavy cresting and casting. No magic can get out once inside the trap net. You can walk in without realizing it. Once inside the trap, you can't get out without someone breaking the crests, and your magic can't escape the barrier. However, people outside the crests can still use magic on you. It's like shooting fish in a barrel. It is something that Iris came up with actually. It's pretty ingenious.
"It's a technique used most often when intercepting these small groups. If they use their magic while inside the trap, it just ricochets around. Sometimes they're even hit by their own magic. It certainly comes in handy."
I nodded, actually a little impressed. "So, do they have their meetings at my grandma's house all the time?"
Tallis was the one to answer. "Not always. They've had a lot of meetings there lately because they wanted to be close to you. They usually alternate their meeting spots. It's safer to not be in the same place all the time. The only ones allowed to go to the meeting spots are the witches and washers. No guard has ever gone to a committee meeting. Personally, I like that rule." He winked at me, ignoring Henry's frown.
Then Henry interjected, "Until Edmond, no changer had ever been allowed to go. It's amazing at the difference his power has made to the committee as a whole. Iris plans to bring Chris on board one day as the first bodyguard."
Amelia and I exchanged the same confused look.
"Why no changers or guards? And why Chris?" she asked, saving me the trouble.
Tallis said, "Because they have no light—no aura. After the betrayal of the changers, it was a rule made while Isis was still alive. No magical being can enter a committee site without knowing with absolute certainty they are pure and loyal. No one that can be tainted with out one's knowledge can be present during any meeting. Iris would never ignore her mother's cautious rule. I agree with her. I feel safer about my mother being there when I know everyone has to be on our side."
Then Henry added, "Chris is a guard that is bonded to Aster—and her light is unmistakably pure. He's the only guard they can be certain is on our side. Just as Edmond is bonded to Allaysia. They want the added power of Chris."
"Why do they have to be so cautious all the time?" Amelia asked, edging forward in her seat.
Tallis answered, "The number one objective for Graven is to destroy our committee."
I sucked in a sharp breath, my eyes moving to Amelia as I worried my bottom lip. "Why?" I asked in a rasp.
"If you destroy the committee, then you weaken all of our crests. All of us—followers of Isis and purity—are linked. Not only do they weaken the crests, but you also lose the leaders. People tend to panic when the strongest fall and leave them to lead themselves. If they weaken the crests, then they can see better, and they can most likely break through the crests. They would also be able to start finding Guardian sites.
"Most all homes have a failsafe. If their house is breached, they have a spell that has been cast which will burn any and all documents that would lead to the guardians that have protected their family witches. If the crests are too weak, however, the spells will also be weaker. There is a good chance that the failsafe wouldn't work."
I was starting to regret asking about this. It was so not a morning coffee conversation. I also worried about so many of my family members being so deeply involved with the committee. Then Tallis interrupted my worries. "Let's go shoot some pool."
Amelia tilted her head, confused. "How did I miss a pool table in this small cabin?"
Tallis laughed. "We don't have one yet. Just give me a minute, though."
Amelia clapped her hands together as she looked at Henry with fascination. Her excitement bubbled out as she squealed, "Hey, you can make stuff? I want a hot tub, too."
Everyone laughed as we headed back in, and my heavy breaths grew exhausting. What a messy world I was living in.
Time to leave came far too soon. Desmond had come by to tell us that my house was safe. Five wonderful days had flown by. Everyday had been as it had before the kiss we never spoke of anymore.
I was happy he was mine again—well, as much as possible. I had read every book I could get my hands on, trying to find the solution to our no-kissing problem. Nothing. Not one time in the history of magic had something like this been recorded. Everyday I was ready to burn another book that had left me with more questions than answers.
Amelia had been working hard with Henry to control her power, especially after I told her about what Tallis had said about her projecting without even knowing she was doing it. But last night with Tallis was unbelievably amazing even with her projecting.
We had entwined our bodies so close that it felt like we were one person. Our lips had brushed each other's accidentally twice. He never backed away, though. We were unable to keep our hands off of each other, and it had been fantastic. Every fiery touch was so craved, needed. His eyes had stayed locked on mine for hours, and he had kissed my neck and shoulders so many times.
My lips had only touched his chest and neck, and it was exquisite torture. It was so incredibly hard not to just say to heck with the burning and kiss him anyways, but I knew he would disappear again if I did.
We packed up all of our stuff and loaded up in Tallis's car. I dreaded each step made away from the cabin. I wasn't ready to risk losing him to the spacious outside world.
Amelia must have been projecting my emotions again, because Tallis reached across and took my hand as we made our way down the driveway, and gave it a comforting squeeze.
"I know. I feel the same way," he said quietly, his beautiful blue eyes soft and reluctant, just like mine.
Like an idiot, that made me grin.
It took longer to get home than it had taken to get there, since we weren't going warp speed this time. It was less urgent to get back, and I was glad. I was still living in our world of fantasy. Reality seemed dull by comparison.
We
pulled up to my house, and Tallis carried my stuff to my room. I followed him, plotting my plan of attack. The second his hands were free, I reached over to hug him, not giving him any warning.
He hugged me so tightly, picking me up off the floor, and I smiled against his shoulder as we got lost in our moment. The sweet taste of his neck was at my lips when I turned my head. I didn't kiss it, though. I couldn't make things harder on him.
He pulled me back and set me down on my feet.
"I have to get home. I've got some things I have to take care of."
His smile wasn't the real one I had seen all night. It was forced, back to looking guilty and weary again.
"You'll be back, right?" I felt a twinge of worry trying to spread through me.
He didn't say anything. He just kissed my cheek—dangerously close to my lips—and flashed out of the room.
I just smiled as I thought of the incredible week we had just spent together. My insecurities weren't going to sour this moment. I was going to relive the past five days for as long as I could.
I thought of how wonderful his body had felt when it had been pressed tightly against mine, and how perfect his lips felt against my skin. I thought of how ridiculously good he smelled all the time. I could smell him on my clothes and in my hair. Do not sniff yourself!
I had been dying to get back to this, and now we were here. It was heaven and hell in one screwed-up, forbidden, impossible relationship, but it was the best thing in my life.
The white corner of a piece of paper that was sticking out from the suitcase caught my eye. Curious, I pulled it out and opened in, never bothering to check to see if it was even mine. The second I learned that it was mine, I went pale as a wave of nausea passed over me, leaving an aching emptiness in its wake.
Chapter 11
Lost and Found Love
It's hard to give up on something you love. It's even harder to give up on someone. But sometimes the mind, heart, and body can only take so much before it becomes numb.
