by C. M. Owens
I opened my mouth to speak, but he stopped me again. "Don't argue with me. Just let me keep my hope. I'll miss you. Stay safe."
I warred with all the different things that needed to be said in that moment. In the end, I played it neutral.
"I'll be safe. You need to stay safe."
He laughed. "Don't worry about me, love. I can handle my own."
He leaned down and kissed my forehead. His lips were gentle and his body was much cooler to the touch than it had been the previous night. I hugged him, soaking in his scent. His lips brushed mine, and he kissed me before I could object. It was a softer and more controlled kiss than the ones we had shared the night before.
He smiled against my lips before pulling back. "I couldn't help but get a good-bye kiss."
I just smiled at him, not denying him that little bit. He walked away slowly, and I stared at his back. I could tell he was reluctant to leave, but everyone needed him to be on that mission. I think he knew deep down that nothing would change even if he stayed. I loved Tallis. That was all there was to it.
Jared pulled down the drive and joined the convoy that had already started leaving. Everyone had a part to play in our world. I'd kissed a bodyguard/witch and survived. I'd kissed a burning-up blazer and survived. I'd be damned if I was going to let Tallis go without trying at least once more.
Maybe it was a fluke. Maybe something else interfered with our kiss and it had nothing to do with us. We'd never know if we didn't risk it, and after last night, I was tired of playing it safe.
Jared reminded me of who I was when I came here. I wasn't going to be defeated in my first short year of magic.
I couldn't just sit and wait on Tallis to come to me—mostly because I was pretty sure he had eternity looped into that time frame. I had to do something myself.
I didn't care if no one in the world believed me, I knew I was right. If I couldn't love Jared, then that meant something powerful—more powerful than anyone else believed—was holding me to Tallis.
I had to go see him. I decided it would be better to wait until everyone took a break for lunch, and then I could drive out unnoticed. Nervous and excited, I ran inside and changed into something nice. I fixed my hair and put on makeup quickly.
He hadn't even called to tell me happy birthday. Desmond had said that he hadn't talked to him in weeks, so it was possible that he didn't even know about my birthday. Desmond had been pretty much living with Ash lately. They weren't at her house today, though, so I thought that maybe she would be at his house. I could use that as an excuse to just show up. I would get his attention somehow.
I heard everyone coming in, and Gear yelled up the stairs to me.
“Aria? You hungry?" They were all laughing at their fun practice match.
"No. But thanks, Gear."
I knew they wouldn't think about my car cranking. People were always coming and going. I knew Amelia would know what was going on, so I had to swear her to secrecy.
"Amelia?" I called timidly, hoping to get her away from everyone.
"Yeah?" she asked warily, her tone telling me she already knew what I was up to. Stupid empathic abilities and bonds.
"Hey, can you come talk to me for a moment?"
I heard her heavy, reluctant footsteps coming up the stairs as soon I finished my question. I went to turn the music on to muffle any whispers. I wanted to be thorough, considering the party of immortals with super-hearing.
She walked in with wide eyes. "Aria, don't even think about it," she hissed.
Yep, she definitely knew what I was planning. "I have to see him, Amelia. What would you do if this were you and Henry?"
She sighed before groaning, "Probably something stupid, like you're about to do." She plopped down on my bed and put her head in her hands as she relented.
"You have two hours to check in with me, or I'm telling someone. Two hours is all I'm covering for you. If anything goes wrong, I'll never forgive myself."
I summoned up a great amount of willpower not to do a happy dance.
"Nothing will go wrong," I assured her. "I promise I'll be back before you know it. I'm just going to his house. I have to make him talk to me. I love him. I can't just sit around waiting on him to figure it out. There's a way for us to be together, but we can't figure it out if we stay apart."
I grabbed my stuff and threw it out the window.
"Be careful. Two hours," she reminded, keeping her words a whisper that I hope was lost in the loud music.
I climbed down the shaky lattice. This time I wasn't bested by my makeshift ladder. Already this plan was working out.
I ran to my car, ducking like a pathetic excuse for a spy every time I heard a noise. The new crests had been put in, so it wasn't like anyone could track my scent, and I wore a couple of talismans to help mask the slight trail I would leave behind.
I would be safe once I reached Tallis's house anyway.
I crept out of the driveway unnoticed, and I accelerated once I hit the road, feeling a tinge of victory for my small escape. On the way, I went over what I was going to say in my head. I had the perfect speech prepared by the time I pulled up to his house.
My stomach flipped over as my nervousness steadily grew. Suddenly, all the courage I had was gone. Now I didn't remember a single bit of the speech I had prepared. Pathetic. Absolutely pathetic.
I got out of the car and walked to the front door, hoping my brilliant speech returned before I saw Tallis. I took a deep breath and knocked, wringing my hands as I waited.
Desmond opened the door with surprised eyes. That same surprise carried over in his tone.
"Aria? What are you doing here?"
He looked around, trying to find someone that had escorted me. Then he stepped outside and led me to a chair that was on the front porch.
I started feeling tears fall ever so quickly, and like a madwoman, the sobs came unbidden. In front of a horrified Desmond, I fell apart as the dam burst open. The onslaught of tears only multiplied as they viciously attacked my cheeks, making my attempts to wipe them away futile. The more I tried to speak, the more I cried.
Desperation overtook my original plan. Instead of the masterful speech, I bared my soul. "I have to see him, Desmond. Please, just make him talk to me. I know you don't owe me anything, but I'm begging you to help me."
Desmond gave me a look that was reserved for someone standing on a ledge. He was genuinely concerned for me, which was understandable, considering my breakdown.
"Aria, he's not here. I'm not supposed to tell you anything, because he wants to tell you himself."
My eyes lit up. It was probably stupid, but I allowed myself to feel hope. "What is he going to tell me?" I asked, a pathetic lilt to my voice.
"Aria, he's going to come home tomorrow. He's got some pretty good news. I don't want to ruin it for him. Just wait until tomorrow."
His voice was upbeat, but I couldn't stand the suspense. I was tired of waiting.
I wiped my face as my excitement continued. "Desmond, just tell me something," I pleaded. "Please."
"I don't have all the details to tell you. All I know is that, right now, he's still making sure he's right. He said he would be home either tomorrow or the day after at the latest. But I'm almost certain it'll be tomorrow." Desmond's vagueness now gave me doubts.
Frustrated, I punched the side of the house, and I didn't flinch. Not even when my fist split open from the violent impact.
"I've waited for too long. Just tell me something!" I demanded, barely keeping my words from sounding like an unintelligible ramble.
Desmond frowned, his eyes wide with worry.
"Aria, he's been in Kaleman for a while."
Now I felt like we were getting somewhere.
"Where's that?"
"It's about a two hour drive from here. There're several covens there that he heard about. He found a girl there. She's helped him to understand a lot, and I promise he's going to tell you everything. Just wait until he gets back to ex
plain everything. I promised him I wouldn't say anything."
Waves of nausea crashed down around me. This wasn't good news. At least not for me. That would explain why he hadn't called, or checked in, or come to see me on my birthday. Just like Jay and Selesha, his feelings had vanished for me.
Desmond continued to speak, as I felt the world around me spinning out of control. I was getting dizzy. Sounds turned to echoes and my heart thudded heavily in my ears. The next part I managed to hear snapped me out of my trance, but only because it was the most searing shot of pain.
"She's half changer, half witch—just like us. She gave him exactly what he was looking for. Her family has been hiding just like ours had to—because of the changer situation. That's why we haven't heard of them before."
Desmond had just breathed life into my worst fears. I couldn't hear any more of this. I had bared my soul, and the life had been sucked clean from it. Until that moment, I only thought I had met misery.
I ran to my car, vomiting as I did so. Desmond called after me, "Aria, don't go. Please!" He sounded worried, but I had to go. He continued when I didn't respond. "Aria, I'm coming over in a while. We can talk more then. Please don't over think this. It's good news. I promise. You'll see."
Don't over think this? Seriously, that was what he said? Unbelievable. The love of my life had found his soul mate, and forgotten all about me, and Desmond's advice was to not over think this. Apparently he didn't know how much I felt for Tallis, or he wouldn't think it was such good news.
I threw my car in reverse and turned around, barely tapping the brakes. Desmond never actually said that she was his soul mate, but it was painfully obvious. There wouldn't be any other reason that Tallis would want to tell me himself.
He wanted to let me down gently, but hearing him break my heart for good wouldn't lessen the blow. My mind's road to sanity became a jumbled up pile of mayhem, and a suffocating strain on my heart begged me for mercy.
There was no logic, no hope, and no reason left to breathe.
Chapter 13
Broken
When you hear the voice inside your head telling you not to do something and you don't want to listen, remember what happened the last time you ignored it.
I drove around until I found the road that had led to the woods—the place I was attacked the first time. I parked in the same place I had that day, slowly recounting my every step.
I knew Amelia would be feeling the pain I was in. I had only been gone for an hour, though. She wouldn't understand. None of them would. But I wasn't as strong as Selesha.
My heart pounded so hard that it felt like it was trying to escape from my chest. Panic was overriding every other emotion, and my breathing was too erratic, causing me to lose more oxygen than I was taking in.
I got out of my car and ran into the woods, stumbling and staggering as though I was drunk. But I managed to find the spot. The same spot where Tallis saved me the first time.
I knew what I had to do, and maybe I could save everyone. They wanted me, not my family—me. And now there was nothing keeping me from the fate I've denied for too long.
I had to die while I was still easy to kill. I had to die while I still had something they wanted. My life would end this game of madness between the two sides, and everyone could relax. My life would save Amelia's, because they'd never look for her if they're not looking for me anymore.
Over and over, I justified this decision in my head, reconciling it even as my head throbbed with pain. Everything made sense. This was what was best. I'd save many by sacrificing myself.
"Here I am! Come get me!"
More tears fell, exposing me, telling everyone the pain I was in. And I let them fall without interruption and without wiping them away. I ignored the burn from the hot tears on my raw cheeks. It felt like lava streaming down in a relentless flow, but the pain it caused was a reprieve from the pain within.
I was a rock sinking to the bottom of the ocean, unable to swim up. My chest was too heavy to rise for a new breath. I could barely breathe. I was drained already. I just needed it to be official.
"Take my damn essence! Take whatever you want! Just make it stop."
My arms and legs were slowly turning to rubber, making it hard to move or even stand.
"Come get me! You want me so badly! I'm giving myself to you. No fight. Just take me! Please!" My voice tapered off quieter as I collapsed, pulling my knees to my chest. I buried my head between my knees as I sobbed, "Please, please, please kill me."
I rocked back and forth, unable to form any more words as my sobs worsened. Something was trying to burrow out of my chest using a dull spoon, or at least that's what it felt like.
Then I smelled it. The strong, putrid smell that promised me peace by offering death. And it was close.
I stood to my feet shakily, slowly finding composure. I had been trying for so long to stay alive. Now I was ready to concede to death. They could have me. I was done being the object of their desire.
The crunching of leaves drew nearer, and I awaited my fate. Maybe this was my destiny all along, and loving Tallis was just my gift before my death.
Standing thirty feet away, there was now a man. Long black hair brushed his waist. His eyes were blacker than midnight, and his lips were etched into an eerie grin.
"Well, isn't this nice. A sweet little Coldwell mortal. Your essence is just delightful."
He had a hissing tone like I had heard before, as if I was talking to a serpent.
"Finally," I grumbled.
Warily he strode toward me, keeping his eyes trained and ready for anything.
"What are you doing unattended?" he hissed as he looked around skeptically, like he was expecting someone to jump in and save me.
"There's no one here, and you can skip the creepy monologue. I've heard it all before. My essence smells wonderful. I shouldn't be all alone. You are supposed to take me to Graven, but you can't resist taking me for yourself. Blah, blah, blah." He cocked an eyebrow as I glared at him. "Just kill me. Do whatever you want to with my essence, just kill me. Get it over with."
He cocked his head to the side in surprise. "So you are just offering to die?" he asked, suspicious.
"Just do it already!" I screamed, and that was all the encouragement he needed.
In a blink, he was in front of me, grabbing me by the throat and pulling my mouth close to his. He began inhaling, and I felt myself weakening every second as death promised to free me from the pain.
But just as I relinquished myself to death, footsteps barreled toward us, and saved me against my will as a body plowed into my attacker, forcing him to drop his hold on me.
He staggered around, searching the woods around us as I lay on the ground, staring blankly.
"I knew it was a trap!" he snapped.
But there was nothing but silence around us. Just as the foul-smelling man started stalking toward me again, ready to make it quicker now that he had a fight, a body flew at him, tackling him to the ground.
Lokan.
I groaned as I dropped my head into my hands. Of all the soul suckers to show up, it had to be the one bound to protect me.
He grabbed the other man by the throat, lifting him from the ground with barely any exerted effort. The black smoke Jaslene had spoken of ran from his body and into the man's mouth, consuming him like a foggy plague.
The man's veins turned black as his body began to sink in on itself. The best way to describe it was rapid dehydration, because it looked like the smoke was devouring all the fluids from the inside. With a loud cry and a bloodcurdling scream, he was turned to nothing but dust.
The black smoke returned to Lokan and disappeared from sight. Lokan dusted his hands off, pleased with himself as he walked over to me. But his eyes were scolding me before his mouth.
"Aria, what were you thinking? You know your family would be crushed."
You have got to be kidding me.
"Don't act like you're concerned about my family. Ou
r death is on your to-do list the second I transform," I whimpered, cursing the tears this time instead of welcoming them.
"Don't cry, little mortal."
He sighed heavily as he came to sit beside me on the ground, leaving at least two feet between us. "I suppose my secret is out. Don't worry, I have a soft spot for you, so I'll make it swift when the time comes. If you want to join me in my quest, you don't have to die at all. Although, it appears that death is something you desire. Sane people tend to fear death. You're a peculiar little witch."
My sanity was being questioned by a killer. Great.
"I don't want to live anymore," I said in a whisper. "Can you break the rules and kill me?" I looked up at him, and he regarded me intently, studying my face as I added, "I know you want to."
He laughed and twitched his finger at me. "Heartbreak is all that could drive someone to beg for their death. I'm assuming it's that Craymon boy. He seemed like a sweet talker."
His jaw clenched, and his anger took place of his amusement. "That soul mate thing isn't so great when it doesn't work out for you, is it? For all you know, your soul mate has been dead for a hundred years or more. It's very bleak when you look at it from that perspective. It's euphoric when you only see the romanticized version."
I cringed, thinking back to the story of Malachi's love for Isis. It drove him mad, and he ended up right where I am—begging for death. The links... Malachi had somehow linked with Isis's through her magical pull. Magic really was a cruel thing.
"I'm sorry about your father. I know what he went through was horrible. I only wish you hadn't seen it."
I was comforting a psychotic killer. My life had hit an all time level of crazy that I couldn't understand.
His head dropped, and a flicker of humanity crossed his eyes. For a moment, he wasn't a ruthless, immortal killer; he was a man with painful memories of heartbreak and loss.
"He was a selfish man. When my mother died, he drowned himself in alcohol every night. When Isis came along, she never cared for him, but he fell in love with her anyways. He didn't worry how killing himself would affect anyone else."
