“So you saying you’re not coming to my wedding?” Dawn asked.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying,” I answered, getting up from the table and walking over to the island, needing to get away from her.
“Do all y’all feel like that?” Dawn addressed our other sisters, looking at each of them.
Vivian was the only one at the table with Dawn, but the other two were standing at the stove and sink while I glared at her from the center island.
“I’m just saying Shauna has a point. No matter how you try to make shit smell like roses, it’s still going to be shit,” Phoenix said.
Dawn giggled agitatedly and said, “Y’all jealous.”
“We jealous?” Phoenix asked.
Dawn held her hand up for her to shut up as she stood to her feet.
“You see. She hasn’t heard anything we said. That’s why I can’t talk to her,” I said, turning away.
Dawn looked at me first and said, “Shauna, you mad because you with a woman-beater who damn near killed your behind. But why should we be surprised when most of the times you pick men who don’t do anything for you anyway? They have no job, no money, and not a pot to piss in, but you run to them like something stupid.”
I turned to face her with my eyes stretched, but before I could say anything pertaining to what she said, Dawn turned her anger to Vivian.
“Vivian, you mad because you don’t have a man. You have booty calls, or I should shorten it to a booty call. You think you are the rock of this family, but you really not. If you were so strong, you wouldn’t let your ex-man use you when he’s good and ready to. But keep doing what you doing, because you might get a man one day.”
Dawn then turned her attention toward Serena and said, “You have a man, but you were dumb enough to have a child with him out of wedlock. Get used to playing wifeym because as long as you are with him, his son, and his baby mama, you and Nevaeh will always be second best.”
“Dawn has lost her ever-lovin’ mind,” Serena replied.
“And now to my baby sister, Phoenix. You’re nothing but a high-class whore. You walk around all the time dressed to kill, with money all in your pockets and living a lifestyle none of us understand, but we know you pimping yourself out. Ass for cash, right?” Dawn said, taking away that smirk Phoenix had had on her face most of the night. It was now replaced with a scowl.
Dawn continued to say to her, “No man wants to turn a whore into a housewife, so I understand why you have chosen to never marry. No man with common sense would want to marry a common whore.”
“Okay, that’s it. I’m going to kick her ass,” I said, snapping as I dropped the towel I was wrapping around my hand to relieve the anger bursting to release, but that was it. I was so done with Dawn’s mouth. I sprinted across the room so fast she didn’t see me coming. Vivian jumped up and stepped in my path to stop me as Dawn stepped back, knowing I was about to snatch her up.
“You want to talk truth? Here’s the truth,” I yelled.
“No, Shauna, don’t do this,” Vivian urged, but I ignored her as she continued to hold me back from putting my hands on Dawn.
“You settling just like our dad did when he chose to sleep with your mother and leave our mom for her. You’re calling Phoenix a whore. What was your mother?”
Silence fell upon the room as each of my sisters looked around at one another. Viv was the one breaking the awkward silence by yelling, “Shauna, that’s enough!”
But I was ticked off. Dawn wanted to take it there and hurt people’s feelings. She was about to get a dose of her own medicine.
“After all we have done for you. After our mom took you in as her own daughter when your mother committed suicide because she couldn’t handle the fact that our daddy wanted to come back home to us. She was too weak to want to live for you. You want to throw around jealousy.”
“Shauna, no!” Serena screamed with tears forming in her eyes.
“You are jealous of us. You can’t accept the fact our dad chose our mother and tossed yours to the side. You can’t turn a whore into a housewife; isn’t that what you said? She was a side whore who settled and would rather die than live for you, and now you are doing the same thing: settling. I guess you are going to die for this punk, too.”
“Stop it, Shauna,” Viv said, trying to cover my mouth, but my rage was stronger as I removed her hand and kept spewing the anger that had built up for years.
“We always treated you like you came from our mother, but you have always thought you were better than us, somehow, which I can’t understand, because you are the result of adultery. You sitting here talking about Serena’s baby being born out of wedlock. What about you? At least we were created in love and not lust.”
“Please, can somebody shut her up?” Serena begged.
Vivian tried to push me out of the room but couldn’t. She then tried to put her hand over my mouth again, but I moved her hand and continued my rant.
“You thought we were the enemy, but it was our father,” I said, moving my arms in a circular motion to include all of us, “and your mother,” I said, pointing at Dawn, “who tore this family apart. And, who was the rock that held us together and looked beyond blood to be the bigger person? Our mom. Who took you in? Our mom,” I said, beating my chest. “Who loved you regardless of how you were created? We have. And who has been there for you despite the bad circumstance? We have.”
Tears began to stream down Dawn’s face. I knew my words were cutting her deep as I hoped they would. The truth had been dormant for way too long. We all went on like things were great, never speaking of this, but today I was letting Dawn know how it really was. She needed to be reminded so she could get knocked down off that self-righteous pedestal of hers and see things the way they really were.
Serena, along with Vivian, was wiping tears now also.
“So that’s how y’all have felt about me?” Dawn asked glumly.
“No, Dawn,” Vivian answered.
Dawn was trying to hear what anybody had to say now. She reached down to pick up her purse, which was hanging off the back of the dining room chair she was sitting in. She wiped tears away as she pulled out her car keys, saying, “I don’t need none of y’all to show up to my wedding. As far as I’m concerned, our sisterly bond has officially been severed,” she said shamelessly as she exited the kitchen and stormed out of Vivian’s home.
Chapter 16
Shauna
Once I calmed down, I immediately regretted what I had said to Dawn. My sisters were looking at me like I’d done the worst thing imaginable. Vivian was so livid she didn’t say anything to me. She started clearing the table and putting things up like we weren’t in her house. In our commotion, little Nevaeh had woken up, so Serena was tending to her. She was sitting at the island on the barstool feeding her, and Phoenix was leaned against the wall, gaping at me.
“Y’all, I’m sorry,” I said sincerely.
“I can’t believe you, Shauna,” Vivian spat. “How could you do that to her?”
“She made me mad and I lost it.”
“You more than lost it. You destroyed Dawn in the process, and possibly this entire family. You know we have promised ourselves we would never speak on those events, especially in anger,” Phoenix reminded me.
“I know, and I can’t enough that I’m sorry,” I pleaded.
“The person you need to be saying sorry to is Dawn,” Vivian urged.
“Do you think she’s going to want to hear anything I have to say after what I just did?” I asked.
“Hell naw,” Phoenix said. “But you are still going to have to apologize. Call her now and see if you can get her. You shouldn’t go to sleep with this lingering in the air among us.”
I took Phoenix’s advice and pulled out my cell phone to call Dawn. Pulling her number up, I dialed it. The call was sent straight to voicemail. I tried again, only for the same thing to happen.
“She’s not accepting my calls,” I said dejectedly.
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br /> “Well, can you blame her?” Viv asked, putting the leftover pot of gumbo into the refrigerator and pulling out a bottle of Moscato. “Now she’s thinking this is how all of us feel, and it’s not that way at all.”
“Honestly, I’ve thought about telling Dawn the exact thing Shauna did,” Serena confessed, looking down at little Nevaeh drinking her bottle of milk.
“So you agree with how Shauna let Dawn know?” Vivian asked, looking in a drawer for the bottle opener.
“Yes,” Serena said, looking up and speaking matter-of-factly. “Dawn hit below the belt first, and Shauna returned the blows.”
“I can’t believe what you are saying right now,” Vivian retorted, finally finding the contraption that would get her closer to easing her stress with a glass of wine.
“For years I’ve had an issue with Dawn, but I embraced her because it wasn’t her fault she was brought into a situation of adultery, just like it wasn’t our fault our daddy created another sibling outside his relationship with our mother. It wasn’t Dawn’s fault her mom gave up on life. At the same time, we were supposed to go on like this happy little family, letting her come into the fold like everything was sunshine and rainbows. I’ve never understood that. Did anyone ever think how it would affect us?” Serena asked.
“Exactly,” I agreed, nodding to what Serena just said.
“Mom wanted it that way,” Phoenix reminded us.
“Did she, or did she feel sorry for a child who didn’t deserve the hand that was dealt to her?” Serena asked.
“Mama was good for helping people,” I agreed. “So why not help the very child her man created? She had already taken him back. What was she supposed to do, tell him, ‘I don’t want that child in my house’ after hearing Dawn’s mother blew her brains out?”
“Regardless of how things played out in our past, what happened tonight never should have happened. We have all come a long way,” Vivian argued.
“Dawn always starts stuff by running that mouth of hers, and she can’t ever take it when she’s on the losing end of the situation. Case in point, Paige. And let us not forget what she did to our dad.”
The room fell silent then.
“Our dad is in jail because of her,” Serena said, picking up Nevaeh and laying her over her lap to burp her as she bounced her leg gently. “Have you all forgiven her for putting him there? Because I haven’t. I love Dawn, don’t get me wrong, but it’s been difficult for me to pretend I don’t have a problem with her.”
“You’ve done an awesome job hiding your feelings,” Phoenix said.
“I didn’t have a choice. I didn’t want to be the one rocking the boat on us getting along,” Serena revealed.
“Don’t put this on us. You could have said something or brought it up before now,” Phoenix said.
“And then what, have y’all mad at me and talking to me about how I need to forgive and forget? Y’all know y’all would have done that,” Serena replied.
“You’re right,” Vivian agreed.
“Look, I went ballistic tonight. It brought things out that should have been brought to the forefront years ago. Now it’s time to deal with them,” I said.
“I’m not ready to deal,” Vivian countered, surprising us all.
“Why? You are always the one who wants to work things out,” I said.
“Things are not always what they appear to be,” Vivian responded.
“What does that mean?” Serena asked.
“Look, I’m done talking about this tonight. I’m ready to go to bed,” Vivian said, clicking off the light over the sink.
“I guess that’s our cue to leave,” Phoenix said, walking over to the table and grabbing her purse. “We Johnson sisters never fail to entertain, regardless of the outcome.”
“You ain’t never lied,” Serena agreed, picking up a now sleeping Nevaeh and hopping down off the stool carefully. She walked over to the carrier and placed little Nevaeh in it, strapping her down for the trip home.
“One day these issues are going to have to be dealt with for us to move on. We can’t keep pretending like they don’t exist. That’s all I’m saying,” I said, looking at Vivian, who was still holding her unopened bottle of Moscato. I guessed she was waiting to open it after we left, probably fearing we would want some, which I would. I wasn’t going to push it. She was ready for us to be gone, and I was ready to go home.
“Tonight doesn’t have to be the night to resolve our issues, so let’s sleep on it and figure out what to do later,” Vivian said, practically pushing us out of the door.
Yes, I had opened a can of worms, which had been created a long time ago, and now I was the one who turned the can over, making a mess of things. This was our elephant in the room that we had been ignoring for quite some time. We didn’t realize how the actions of our father would affect us in the long run. Tonight seemed to be filled with skeletons rolling out of the closet, and I couldn’t help but wonder what other remains were going to appear before all of this was over.
Chapter 17
Vivian
As much as I loved these dinners with my sisters, I was always glad when they were over, especially tonight. Like always, there was an argument and disagreements. Who knew tonight Dawn’s soon-to-be marriage would be the beginning of a squabble that caused issues from the past to spill out like red wine on white carpet? These issues were the tarnish we couldn’t get rid of. For Dawn to go off on us like she did was so uncalled for, but the response Shauna delivered was way worse than anything Dawn said. I wondered if our relationship could withstand some of the things that came out of her mouth tonight. I didn’t think so, and I wished things would have been left alone. As deep as the wounds were dug, I wasn’t sure this time was the right time to heal them.
Even in all of that commotion, I’m not going to lie, a part of me was a bit jealous of Dawn announcing her soon-to-be wedding. I was the oldest, so I felt like I should have been the first to get married. At the same time, how could I be jealous when I didn’t even have a man to tie the knot with? She was right about that. My career was my man. I was making money and buying my home and car and basically living a lucrative life, but all of this was done with no one to share it with.
As together as it seemed like I had it, no one knew the turmoil that brewed beneath my exterior. My hair stayed done, nails done, everything done. I sauntered like I owned the world. I looked like I had it together, but deep down inside I didn’t. I think the toll of trying to be this perfectionist was finally catching up to me. Around people I could fake it better than anybody, but once I was alone, the reality of everything always hit me like a ton of bricks. My mind became the devil’s playground, and some of the things he’d been telling me to do scared me.
After work, all I looked forward to was coming home, slipping out of my clothes, and crawling into bed. There had been days when I didn’t get up until the next morning without so much as a morsel of food consumed. My bed was my haven. One of the things that seemed to take my mind off my own issues was watching other peoples’ lives unfold on reality TV. I would watch it until sleep took over. This was when I was my happiest, in slumber land without having to do a thing but rest. It was the only time when my mind was in a state of peace.
Crawling into my refuge with my Tinker Bell sleepwear on, I turned on the TV, jumping quickly back into my routine. It was a little after 10:30 p.m. and I was surprised, after all the drama tonight, that I wasn’t sleepy. I guessed Dawn’s engagement and Shauna’s mudslinging were more than I could handle. I wished I could be happy for Dawn, but I couldn’t. How could I, when I felt like my life was somewhat over at the ripe age of thirty-four? I had become a hermit. The only drive I had was with my job. When it came to quality time with me, I shafted myself.
The bottle of wine I gripped earlier was sitting on my nightstand in a bucket of ice. I was waiting for my sisters to leave so I wouldn’t have to share any of it with them. Tonight, the entire bottle was mine. I reached over and grabbed it, a
long with the corkscrew to open it. Twisting it into the cork, I had the bottle opened in seconds. The popping sound was like music to my ears as a small cloud escaped the bottle. I reached over and put the corkscrew down and grabbed my wine glass. I was almost tempted to drink out of the bottle but thought a glass would be better.
Filling the glass halfway, I gulped down the cold, delicious liquid. I moaned with delight as the cool liquid made its way down my esophagus. I poured another glass, filling it to the rim. This time I sipped. I put the bottle with the remaining Moscato back in the bucket of ice on my nightstand and got cozy. Leaning back on my pillows, I was going to sip until I felt the wine do its magic and relax me.
My cell phone rang, breaking my tranquil moment. I reached over to my nightstand and answered it. “Hello.”
“Yo, open the door. I’m pulling up now.”
“What happened to your key, Sheldon?”
“Oh, I forgot you gave me one. I can’t get used to having it,” he said, giggling with the music blaring in the background. I was surprised he could hear me at all with the way his music was blaring in my ear and I wasn’t even in the car.
“Just come in. I’m in the bedroom.”
“Are you watching TV or reading a book?” he asked.
“I’m watching TV. There’s nothing else better to do.”
“I’ll be in there in a minute to perk you up.”
“Okay, and make sure you lock the door back when you come in. You are good for leaving it unlocked,” I told him.
“Like somebody is fool enough to come in there while I’m here.”
“A gun doesn’t know anybody, so lock it please. You can’t play hero if you’re dead.”
Sheldon laughed and hung up.
All my sisters thought I was a fool to not be with Sheldon. He was fine as hell, but I loved the six-year friendship we had developed, and I didn’t want to do anything to jeopardize it. We’d never had sex or even kissed one another. I mean, we kissed each other, but it was on the cheek with a hug. Nothing more than that. He was the fun part of my life, and a lot of times I lived through him. He did bring me joy. I honestly didn’t know if I could make it without him.
The Johnson Sisters Page 11
