by Blaine Hicks
Radley didn’t have clothes. He realized it was the weakest point of his otherwise weak story. He considered wrapping the snakeskin around his waist like a stiff bath towel but decided against it. Claiming to be a fashion revolutionary was just as likely to cause problems as it was to fix them.
“Look at me,” Radley finally said as if appalled by the suggestion, “I’m filthy. I won't dress until I've had a bath.” If you require me to cover myself, you must lend me some clothes.”
Ruckus stuttered without a response at the suggestion of generosity and the goblins began to chatter again. Radley couldn’t tell if they were angry or confused, but one thing was clear, they weren’t happy.
Finally, a smaller goblin at the back of the group pulled a tattered cloak off his back revealing a quiver of arrows and a bow underneath. The goblin must have been some type of scout or ranger because the cloak was clearly meant as camouflage and was covered in mud and twigs. The cloak was passed forward like a bucket of water in a fire brigade, and eventually tossed to Radley by Ruckus. “For you, the cloak is for you.” As disgusting as the goblin’s hygiene was, wandering around naked was apparently a line they didn’t cross. The cloak was threadbare and too short to make him truly modest. It covered him to just below his waist. Despite the poor fit, it gave Radley a vague appearance of civility that he hadn’t realized he’d been missing. If he’d had boy parts, they would have still been flashing all over the place but without them, he felt less like a neighborhood pervert and more like Benjamin Rabbit.
In addition to the questionable improvement in his appearance, the cloak also radiated a less than pleasant smell. It had not been washed in a long while, if ever. Radley could detect a medley of competing aromas including urine, blood, feces, and vomit. His naga sense of smell was becoming a major weakness among his growing network of companions and he had to close his eyes for a moment to prevent himself from retching.
Ruckus misunderstood this pose as an indication that Radley was done with his preparations and gave the order for the group to move out. “We go” he said simply.
CH 31 The Kingdom of Kem Toan
Several goblins took up positions behind Radley and Cinderella, with the rest of the goblin platoon at their front as they marched briskly together along the dim forest trail. Radley didn’t trust them, not any farther than he could throw them and with his weak naga arms; that wasn’t very far at all. He was following them willingly, but probably didn’t have a choice in the matter.
Everything he knew of goblins told him they would kill him the first chance they got, but no attack came. The goblins simply marched through the forest as the scent of woodsmoke grew stronger. It only took ten minutes before they exited the trees into a clearing.
The goblin settlement appeared abruptly. It was the exact location marked by Radley’s virtual beacon which was both satisfying and terrifying. This place was now his only known option for finding help. The settlement was large but most of it was blocked by a large curtain wall that surrounded it entirely. The wall was made using the same jigsaw junk construction as the bridge he had crossed but with even more precision, if such a thing was possible. Radley stopped to admire the craftsmanship. The goblins behind him stopped too but the main group followed the path as it turned westward along the wall and headed towards a small gatehouse. Radley ran his hand over the tightly fitted trash finding the outline of AC vents, a garage door and even the profile of a massive steel beam that might have come from a skyscraper or bridge. Besides being tightly packed, it was also coated in a translucent shell. It was very hard and sealed the many seams in the construction like a transparent paint. With his claws and a rock climber’s grace he probably could have climbed the wall, but it would stop an invading army quite effectively.
The main group of goblins reached a gatehouse by the time Radley finished inspecting the wall. He considered briefly running away but several goblins still stood behind him with their weapons ready. From the gatehouse, Ruckus called for him to hurry so he did. Let’s see where this goes, he thought, and jogged to catch up.
At the gate, a new goblin appeared who stood a few inches taller than Ruckus and wore a heavy robe instead of armor. Radley identified him:
Copper Axe Goblin: Captain
Knobbs Swordstealer - 520 HP
Copper Axe Goblins are a small clan of elite goblin fighters. Like many creatures of darkness, they are driven by a lust for wealth and riches. The Copper Axe Goblin clan lives in Eventide Forest. They are known for their commitment in battle and are fearsome fighters.
Battle consideration: This goblin is level 42. The laws of Red Thorn prohibit killing under penalty of death.
When Radley stopped in front of them, Ruckus introduced the captain. “Presenting Captain Knobbs of the city guard, and prime edge of the night watch.” The words flowed easily like the goblin was reciting a poem and lacked the odd repetition Ruckus typically used. Either he had introduced the captain a lot, or he had been trained specifically how to do it.
“Captain,” Ruckus continued “This is Rad Fabulous, this is.”
Captain Knobbs stepped forward. He was still shorter than Radley but stared at him condescendingly like he didn’t believe whatever Ruckus had told him. “Welcome snake.” he said with venom in his tone. His voice was deep and eerily clear. “You have come to claim Settri’s bounty and can offer a knife as proof of the deed?” he asked skeptically.
“I can.” Radley answered cautiously.
The goblins guarding Radley were still positioned behind him and two more guards in rusty chainmail came from inside the gate and stood beside him. The soldiers moved casually but kept their weapons ready in tight grips.
“Show me the blade” The goblin captain ordered with a sneer.
Radley didn’t like being ordered around by Knobbs, but these goblins were all more than double his level and his chance of winning a fight was getting worse by the minute, so he kept playing nice. He leaned his walking staff against the column of the gate and pulled the rolled hide from under his arm to retrieve the knife from its open end.
The blade appeared to dance with reflected torchlight. It wasn’t a big or powerful weapon, but it looked well made. Radley couldn’t help but appreciate it as he offered it to the captain. The goblin reached out but didn’t touch the weapon. Instead, it held one hand above and one hand below the thick blade and a dim glow appeared along the length of the knife. After a moment the glow faded, and the captain spoke. “The knife confirms your story. You took it from Settri’s grasp...”
The goblin kept talking but as usual Radley’s attention began to wander. There was too much to see to stay focused or maybe naga just had naturally severe ADHD. Either way, Radley had noticed a plaque lining the support arch of the town’s portcullis, facing outward. His thermal vision prevented him from reading it because the plaque was all one temperature, so he flicked the augmented vision off. Night had fallen but torches lit the area well and he was able to make out the writing:
ZONE: Red Thorn Fief
Boss: King Kem Toan Iron Fist
Skill Recommendations:
Solo Exp: Level: Solo killing is not recommended.
Boss Raid Group: Level 90
Zone Info: Red Thorn Fief is a goblin settlement and the military center of Eventide Forest. The fief and all of Eventide are ruled by King Toan, a great-goblin of some renown. He demands subservience from all his citizens and crushes any who do not submit. Despite King Toan’s firm management, Red Thorn has become a thriving cultural center among goblin tribes. This settlement is a dark zone of order. Any unsanctioned violence will sound an alarm and call the city guards.
Points of interest in this zone:
Red Thorn Citadel
Bloody Bazaar
Gardens of Toan
Red Thorn was another zone. Radley wondered if it was the kind of place where he’d have to fight for his life like in Elderwood, or maybe it was a new kind of zone where everyone would be nice to him. He d
oubted it and returned his attention to Knobbs who was praising Settri’s death.
“...is a mighty victory and certainly worthy of reward. King Toan’s bounty has been called on and His Greatness always honors his debts. We must go to him at once. It is still early but for this, King Toan may receive you.”
Once again Radley was getting swept away against his will. He just wanted some answers, not an audience with a goblin king. He needed to learn to measure his RP backstory a bit because drawing this much attention couldn’t be good for his health. He tried to stall, “I’m sure the king is very busy...”
Captain Knobbs wasn’t interested and repeated “We must go to him now.” Radley was reaching for his walking stick when the Captain added with a snarl, “…but your feted grendel will wait for you here.”
There was something about Captain Knobbs that irritated Radley. Maybe it was the tone of conceit when he spoke or maybe the way he ordered everyone around, but it wasn’t easy to ignore. His willpower saved him again and he simply nodded politely. He didn’t really have a choice. He had to follow the goblins to their stronghold and Cinderella would have to stay behind. He didn’t like the idea of being alone again, especially since he had just promised the grendel they would face the dangers of the world together. Also, the grendel was his most powerful weapon, and without the familiar he was much more likely to die again.
Cinderella was still close by. The familiar was calmly waiting for Radley’s response. The grendel’s face gave nothing away as Radley turned to face it. “Will you be okay if I leave you here?”
The grendel snorted. It must not have been expecting genuine concern. I have survived many years without your help little bird. I think can survive one more night on my own.
Radley tried to ignore the sarcasm, but his next command still came out more bluntly than he intended, “Wait here and try to stay out of trouble. I’ll be back for you one way or another by tomorrow.”
Cinderella snorted a second time louder than the first. It didn’t like Radley’s tone but obediently settled down against the city wall. When Radley turned to go, the grendel finally spoke. That really is a nice cloak you found, little bird but you smell like a skunk married some roadkill and vomited stink babies.
Radley was facing the other way so his familiar couldn’t see the slow grin that spread across his face at the description. It was the same insult he’d given the grendel after they’d first bonded together. The goblin cloak was a cesspool of stink that now mingled with his own potent body odor and boggy mud aroma. The irony wasn’t lost on him, so he took the verbal jab in stride. “Maybe I could use a bath?’ he questioned back.
The grendel snuffled intentionally, Yes. Go find some water. I can’t even breathe when you are this close to me.
Radley nodded in agreement without looking back. His familiar was a brute. It was foul, bad tempered, and crass. Despite all of that, Cinderella was growing on him. There was something refreshingly genuine about the grendel that Radley was starting to appreciate. Maybe bonding with the beast had been the right choice.
CH. 32 Meeting a King
“Ruckus! Be a good mule. Collect his things and follow us to the tower. Keep them ‘til we finish with His Greatness.” Knobbs said as he turned to enter the city.
Ruckus blanched briefly but said nothing and reached out for Radley’s bundle like a terrified child asking for a hug. The small goblin lieutenant had acted pretty tough in the woods but now he was just a laboring grunt. Radley guessed it was some type of pecking order that had reduced him to subservience. Knobbs was a captain and demeaning the goblins below him was apparently an accepted part of goblin life. Radley didn’t want to part with his meager possessions but he felt that acting unconcerned was the most appropriate response. His backstory had included a boast that he was a very powerful mage. By handing his bundle over willingly he maintained the image of control. In truth, he didn’t have a choice. He had lost control when he allowed himself to be surrounded. If the goblins wanted his things, they could just take them by force.
The captain turned without another word and passed under the portcullis into the shadows beyond. As he disappeared, the two larger guards stepped closer to Radley and pushed him forward, implying that following wasn’t a request. Ruckus jogged along beside them as Radley followed.
Despite the zone’s description, Radley was unprepared for what awaited him within the wall. Red Thorn was a bustling settlement and a sea of goblins moved along the streets within its wall. They were less disgusting than he had expected after his run-in with the patrol. Red Thorn was relatively civilized. There were shops of all kinds and carts selling even more. The high castle wall that circled the settlement on the outside was actually the back side of the buildings that now faced Radley on the inside. These buildings were segmented but tall giving them a haphazard appearance like stacked boxes. At street level, every building was a store front, tavern, or some other public facility. These were occasionally divided by rickety staircases that led to the levels above. The higher structures seemed to be domestic spaces but calling them houses would have been a stretch. They were connected with ladders and walkways, so each was accessible, but no order seemed to have guided the construction.
Captain Knobbs spit curses at passing goblins as he pushed his way through the busy throng of greasy bodies. Radley did his best to keep up without stepping on too many green toes with his own green toes. There were goblin soldiers in ring mail, goblin peasants in tattered clothes, goblin tradesmen, and goblin businessmen in gold-buttoned outfits like old-fashioned suits. She-goblins bustled through the crowd with several baby goblins clinging to their backs. There were a few taller creatures in the crowd too, but Radley couldn’t tell what they were and didn’t bother trying to identify them.
Radley was overwhelmed by so much to see after spending so long in Elderwood. Their procession passed several smaller walls and gates until they came to an identical stack of buildings mirroring those that formed the outer wall. It meant that there was a second curtain wall facing inward. It seemed like a very curious design to Radley who couldn’t figure out the benefit of it. The entire settlement appeared to be a few streets with giant walls of buildings on each side. It made a long circle around a central point like an iron donut. At the top of the tall curtain walls ran catwalks patrolled by heavily armed goblins outfitted with more ring mail. Whether they protected the townsfolk or kept them in line, Radley couldn’t tell.
Captain Knobbs hadn’t noticed the delay as Radley stood and gawked, until the surley goblin was almost to the tall inner wall. He turned back with a look of impatience. “Let’s go, let’s go” he groaned and motioned for Radley to follow. The guards behind him gave another shove and Radley was forced forward. They continued walking through another gate that led under the inner wall and the Gardens of Toan came into view. The expansive foliage filled most of the central expanse of Red Thorn’s donut center. The Citadel of Red Thorn towered over the gardens. The blood red fortress sat atop a steep hill and rose three stories. From a distance, it looked fat and squat except for a single spire that rose many times higher than the rest of the building like a sharp flagpole. This was no doubt the reason they called the settlement Red Thorn.
The Gardens of Toan surrounded the citadel but this name was a misnomer since there was no sign of any cultivated foliage. The entire expanse between the inner wall and citadel was choked with overgrown plants, shrubs, tangles of vines, and weeds; these all competed for the real estate.
Radley was led along a series of elevated stone archways capped by flagstones that led over the plants toward an open gate. The path appeared to be the only route into the central fortification. Lining this path on both sides were tall iron posts at regular intervals. From these hung rusty oversized bird cages.
Ruckus saw Radley looking at them and explained, “The crow’s cages are for bad goblins, oh yes...very bad goblins.”
Radley craned his neck as he passed each one to see what it held.
He wondered how evil a goblin had to act to be a “bad goblin.” Most of the cages were empty but some held pitiful looking goblins that either whimpered or slept. They didn’t look to him like bad goblins and were too frail and weak to cause much trouble if they were let out. A few held goblin skeletons; the normal dead kind, not the kind that attack.
The final cage held something different. It was a strange creature that looked like a large pale jellyfish with human eyes and tentacles like an octopus with suckers along them. The creature had settled against the bottom of the crow’s cage like a deflated tire. Two tentacles hung limply through the bars, but the creature wasn’t dead. As Radley passed, one tentacle twitched then seemed to wave hello. Radley tried to identify the creature, but Captain Knobbs grabbed his wrist and pulled him forward breaking his concentration. “Stop gawking at everything or I'll put you in one; let’s go!” Radley fumed silently at the captain’s urgency and promised himself he would inspect the strange creature later.
At the gate to the citadel, more goblins guarded the entrance. These goblin fighters were larger like Captain Knobbs and outfitted in full suits of chainmail with matching leather belts and boots. The mail suits had various spots of rust but were a big step up from what Ruckus wore or the other members of the ragtag platoon that he had seen in the forest.
Ruckus broke away from their entourage and stood next to one of the guards. The taller goblin eyed him but didn’t alter its stiff pose. Radley stopped too, unsure if he should continue but the captain waved him forward. Ruckus sheepishly nodded as if to confirm he would wait outside.
“Watch my stuff.” Radley said firmly poking a finger towards Ruckus. “I’ll be back for it soon!” Then he turned and followed the captain inside.
Torches lined the entryway to the citadel and soiled the short hallway with stains of black soot. The floor was hard-packed dirt but had been swept clean. The walls and ceiling were made from dull red bricks. The masonry wasn’t superb, but it wasn’t awful either and the citadel maintained a presence of strength. The hallway opened into a single large room. It would have looked like a boss room except it was crowded with goblins that were standing around talking. At the far end of the hall was a throne on a small dais but the king was not holding court and was nowhere to be seen.
