It was the first serious note in their conversations.
“I’m sorry.”
The waves rushed up on the beach, turning the powdery cream sand to a grayish-tan. The water chilled her toes and splashed her ankles.
“Thanks.” He gave her hand a squeeze.
He guided her up on the finer sand when the waves hit a little harder, and moved to block some of the wind with his larger frame.
“Scuba was one of the reasons I enlisted in the Navy instead of the Marines. I already had experience with it since I’d been diving since I was young. Swam like a fish and ran track in high school. And Dad used to take me out to the target range and let me shoot. I knew I wanted to be a SEAL before I enlisted, so I went in under the SEAL challenge program.”
“All of that had to help with the training.”
“Yeah, it did. Dad helped me get into the best physical shape I could.”
“And now?”
“I get up at five every morning and jog. Lift a few weights. Stay healthy even when I’m not training. It’s meant a lifetime commitment to staying in shape.”
She couldn’t say the same. She’d earned her curves with a job that kept her sitting much of the time. “My day is mostly spent doing paperwork, writing motions, studying financial background searches, writing up contracts, and talking on the phone or going to meetings. Or if we’re in litigation, going to court. I do walk quite a bit, and do yoga three times a week.”
“It fits your lifestyle, doesn’t it? That’s what’s important.”
“Yes.”
“You didn’t tell your friends what I do?” He paused to look down at her.
“No.”
“Why not?”
“I’d trust Bernie with my life, but I was worried that Sheryl would go all fangirl and want to spread it around. So I didn’t tell either of them.”
“Thanks, I appreciate it. I don’t normally tell anyone. And I certainly wouldn’t want any fangirls.”
To late. “Why did you tell me?” She reached to brush away the long strand of dark hair that blew across her face, but Connor’s fingers got there first and tucked it behind her ear. That small, brief touch made her breath to hitch.
“You trusted me when you got into my truck. I trusted you when I told you what purpose I fill in the Navy.”
He’d trusted her with a secret. But she couldn’t trust him with hers. Besides, there wasn’t really any need.
She’d be gone in two weeks, and he’d just view her as a temporary distraction while he was on leave.
And she’d view him as…the first man she’d slept with since Reed.
He would be the forth man she’d slept with…ever.
And she was going to sleep with him.
Not tonight, but when the time was right. When she felt comfortable.
God, she already felt comfortable with him. The way his large hand clasped hers, careful but firm. The way he used his body to shield her from the wind. The way he’d smoothed her hair back. The way his eyes, so dark, looked directly at her when he spoke to her. The way he smelled in the car, when they were close. Like soap, and something citrus, and him. It made her want to bury her nose in the curve of his neck and breath him in.
They wandered back up the beach, rinsed their feet under one of the spray showers, and slipped their shoes back on. As they took the winding path leading back to the main road and the condo, she both anticipated his kiss and dreaded saying goodnight.
She hadn’t felt nervous about a good night kiss since high school, but her breathing stuttered into choppy as they reached the steps. “You can come in for a drink or coffee.” They paused outside the door.
He shook his head. “Bernie and her sister will be eager to pump you about how our date went.”
“Yeah, they will. It’s been awhile.” A year.
“It has been for me, too. Deployments and trainings don’t leave much time.” He eased in close, slipped an arm around her and drew her lightly against him. “Since the first time I saw you, I’ve wanted this, Sloane.”
His lips hovered over hers brushing, tempting, tasting until need tumbled through her. She rose on tiptoe to increase the pressure of their lips, and he tilted his head to accommodate her, his mouth conforming to hers, urging her response with lips and tongue as his hand splayed against the small of her back, drawing her closer.
She gripped his shirt, holding on as the kiss grew hotter, deeper, desire like a ribbon of heat pulsing through her, challenging her heartbeat to match it.
By the time he broke the kiss they were both breathless. He pressed his forehead to hers, his hands moving restlessly up and down her back. “Jesus, Sloane…” His heart drummed against her palms.
Had she ever heard anything as sexy as his deep voice husky with frustrated desire?
She swallowed in an attempt to moisten a throat dry with need while fighting the urge to press closer. “It’ll ease off in a minute.”
His beard brushed her forehead as he pressed his lips there. “I’m not sure I want it to.”
She didn’t want it to either. And for the first time in her life she seriously considered having sex on the first date. She’d just met him, but if Bernie and Sheryl weren’t sharing the condo with her…
When she realized she was still clutching his shirt, she released it and smoothed the wrinkles, then rested her head against his shoulder, and his arm tightened to hold her. The gesture was so tellingly tender and protective, a knot tightened her throat.
His heartbeat eased to a more normal beat, but the way he released her showed a reluctance that made her smile.
She swallowed and said, “Be careful on the way home.”
“I will.” He brushed her lips with his once more.
She waited until he’d reached the base of the stairs before saying, “I had a wonderful time, Connor.”
The golden glow of the porch light illuminated his features and made his eyes look inky black. “Me, too. I’ll call you in the morning.”
*
Connor hit the key fob to unlock the car as he watched Sloane slip inside the condo. He got into the vehicle. “Jesus—” He’d been with more than his share of women, but he’d never wanted one like this. His heart was still pounding, and he was so hard it was painful. This was crazy. And a little over the top for him.
What if they had all this chemistry and the sex was a bust?
No way. He enjoyed being with her too much. And she was just as into him.
He started the car, backed out, and pulled out into the quiet street.
He’d have to make it clear that things would need to remain casual. A two-week hookup could not lead to anything more. If he decided to stay in the teams, he’d be better off staying single. Keeping a relationship going when you were gone three-quarters of the time was not realistic.
But it wasn’t the time apart that caused his and Cynthia’s breakup. He veered away from memories still too painful to visit and focused on the to-do list he’d need to take care of in the morning before he called Sloane.
It was nearly eleven when he pulled into the driveway. The two-story, vintage Lowcountry home had a tin roof, dark green shutters, and a dark red door. The dangling lantern lights on the wraparound porch were off, but a single lantern mounted on a pole at the base of the steps shone brightly enough for him to see his father sitting in one of the rockers.
He parked the car in the drive instead of pulling it into the garage and got out.
“How’d the date go?” his father asked as he climbed the steps.
“Good. She’s a lawyer from Charleston, with a wicked sense of humor and a quick mind.”
“Sounds like you like her.”
“Yeah. I do.”
“You never had any trouble reeling them in.”
He just couldn’t keep them. The muscles across his shoulders tightened. Damn the old man for bringing any of this up. “Is that a dig about the divorce?”
“No, Connor, it isn’t.” Toby leaned forward and r
ubbed his hands over his face. “Your mother and I never said anything to you about it because we realized the loss would either bring you closer together or tear you apart. We loved you both, and there was nothing we could do to help either of you get through any of it.”
Connor raked his fingers over his close-cropped hair. Five years had passed, and he still ached just acknowledging what had happened.
“Even after all this time, Cynthia still sends Christmas cards every year.”
“She does to me, too, Dad. We’re no longer together, but we still care about each other.”
“What about that woman you lived with for a time? Kate, was it?”
“That was nearly two years ago, Dad. She had to travel for her job, too, and got tired of coming home to an empty house. We called it quits after eighteen months.”
But he’d only been home about a third of that time. That final attempt at a long-term relationship had convinced him he needed to remain single.
Unless he decided to leave the teams.
But he loved what he did. Had developed lasting friendships with the guys he worked with. Was addicted to the adrenaline high he experienced when they jumped or went into action or did a million other things that would no longer be part of his life if he separated from the Navy.
And he needed the action, the constant activity, to hold other things at bay. Like the elephant of grief that sat on his chest if he had two minutes to rub together. Between a situation during their last deployment and his mother’s death, the old wounds seemed to be seeping again. He tried to stanch them, but nothing was working.
He ripped his thoughts away from brooding. He could use some of the skills he learned during training. He could do more than provide security or blow things up. And he had no interest at all in applying for a position at any of the privately-run security firms that deployed to places as dangerous as the ones he already visited.
He would either be a SEAL or something entirely different.
“You’re almost forty. Do you intend to remain alone until you retire?”
“I haven’t intended anything, Dad. It’s just turned out that way. But I do know I don’t want any more children.” His words came out sounding raw, which he hadn’t intended.
Tobias remained silent a long moment. “I understand your reasons, Connor, but you’re denying yourself and anyone you might come to love the opportunity to share all that you have to give.”
“I can’t, Dad.”
What the hell was wrong with his father? It was almost like he’d waited to ambush him with all this. It should have been him doing the prying into this woman he’d taken up with. He shoved to his feet. “I’m going to bed. I’ll call Sloane to come over tomorrow, and I’m going to give her some instruction in scuba in the pool. Do you still have Mom’s equipment?”
“Yeah, it’s in the garage. But the whole rig needs to be checked, and the tank probably needs to be filled.”
“I’ll do it. I’m just going to do some snorkeling with her tomorrow to get her familiar with using a mouthpiece, and to find out how strong a swimmer she is.”
“Good idea.”
“About the woman who was here.” He eased up on it, because he was still raw about his father finding a replacement for his mother after less than a year. He felt betrayed on her behalf. She was the one he’d call as soon as he got home. The one he did FaceTime with as soon as it became available.
He’d barely gotten to see her and tell her he loved her before she was gone. Had so infrequently been able to visit. But she’d been the only woman in his life he could depend on for unconditional love, and now she was gone. Every time he thought about it it hit him like a two-by-four.
“Dorothy.”
His father’s voice dragged him back from his thoughts and his grief. “I’ve been alone for longer than I’ve had someone waiting for me…for most of my SEAL career. I understand loneliness. And I understand the need for female companionship, sex. But don’t expect me to accept her with open arms. I’m not ready for that. All I can do is stay out of your way.”
“This might not be as big a deal as you’re making it.”
He’d never known Tobias Evans to waffle on anything, but he was doing it now. “If it wasn’t a big deal, you wouldn’t have made a point of introducing me to her.” He started into the house, then paused. “How many months was it, Dad? Three? Six? Or did it start before Mom died?”
“No. I was always faithful to your mother, Connor. But after she was gone… And after you were gone… The house was empty, and everywhere I looked was a reminder of what I had, what your mother and I had, and it was… I didn’t want to come home anymore.”
Just as it had been after Livy died. Then again when Cynthia left. He focused on his dad’s face. “You can’t screw yourself clear of it, drink yourself clear of it, or work yourself into exhausted oblivion. And you can’t replace what you’ve lost. It just doesn’t work.”
He went into the house and let the storm door shut behind him.
In his room he stripped down to his boxer briefs and lay atop the spread as grief and anger warred with guilt. He couldn’t control how he felt.
An abstract shadow of waving branches played across the ceiling, and he focused on that while he did deep breathing exercises to leach some of the tension out of his body.
By the time Cynthia left, he’d been near his breaking point. He’d thrown himself into his work because it was all he had. He took risks for which his command had cautioned him, and drank more than he’d ever done before, even as a BUD/S trainee. None of it had numbed the pain.
Finally he took every possession, picture, or trinket belonging to or reminding him of his ex-wife and his daughter and put them in storage.
Finally had to turn his emotions off to move forward. But he never truly healed. And his mother’s death ripped off the flimsy Band-Aid he put on the wound.
He hoped Sloane would distract him from some of it. He’d laughed more with her tonight than he had in a long time. She somehow eased the angry knot of grief and pain that had settled in his chest, and made the evening a pleasure.
And he could return the favor and give her some experiences she never had and some she’d had, but not with him. Thinking about her was easier than thinking about the situation with his father and the decision that still hung over him.
If only he’d brought her home with him.
CHAPTER 5
‡
While Bernie and Sheryl packed to leave, Sloane grated cheese into a bowl, then cracked eggs into another and beat them. When the two emerged from the bedroom and piled suitcases and other bags against the wall just inside the door of the condo, she said, “You need to eat before you go.”
“It’s only a two-hour drive, Sloane. We can survive for two hours.”
“I’ve already got everything ready, and just need to cook the eggs. Coffee is already fixed, the bacon’s already fried, and the toast is in the toaster.”
Bernie’s bruising was darkening, and she looked like she’d taken a severe beating. “You don’t have to feel guilty because we’re going home early, Sloane. You footed the bill for the condo and the rental car.”
“I feel guilty because you were hurt.”
“You weren’t the one who hit us and caused us to crash.”
“No. But I’m going to miss having you and Sheryl here with me.”
“You’ll appreciate the privacy when you and your hot sailor start doing the horizontal mambo. I believe he’s a keeper.”
“He’s not interested in being kept. Only in having a good time for the next two weeks.”
Bernie studied her face. “Not every relationship is meant to last forever.”
“I haven’t told him you two are leaving.”
She was discriminating in college and only slept with men she cared about. Her college sweetheart, Marcus Simpson. A fling with Robert Allen in law school that turned into a long-term friendship. And Reed. She’d really believed he would b
e her last lover.
She shook her head. Why she was being weird about this when she’d already made up her mind to sleep with Connor?
The answer slotted into her mind like a missing puzzle piece. She’d never had sex with someone just for the fun of it. And she didn’t know if she could do it.
Sheryl bounded down the stairs. “I’ll set the table.”
“I’ll fix the omelets.” Sloane turned back to the stove.
Forty-five minutes later she helped them load the car, both sorry to see them go and glad their absence would give her and Connor some privacy.
Bernie hugged her. “I’ll be calling to check on you.”
“I’ll be fine, but I’ll want to hear how you’re doing. If you need to take extra time off after this break, do it. You’ll need to be at your best when we go back.”
“I’ll be fine too. I’m a little sore is all.”
Bernie was lying through her teeth. She’d barely been able to chew her food without pain.
She turned to hug Sheryl and whispered in her ear. “Please take care of her. And if there’s any issue, please call me. I’ll come straight home.”
Sheryl gave her a squeeze. “She’s going to be okay. It’s just going to take some time.”
“I’m sorry you can’t stay.”
Sheryl grinned. “I’ll invite myself again next time.”
“You do that.”
“Have fun with Mr. Tall, Dark and Dangerously Hot.”
“He’s going to teach me to scuba dive. I’ll learn a new skill and have fun.”
“Sounds exciting. Be careful.”
“I will.”
She watched while Sheryl turned her car onto the main road and waved one last time, until she heard her cell phone ringing from the front walk. She rushed into the dining area and brushed her thumb across the screen to answer.
When she heard Connor’s voice, she smiled.
“I’ve dropped the tanks off to be filled, and decided to see if you’d like me to pick you up and take you to Dad’s to use the pool and do some snorkeling.”
“If you give me the address, I’ll drive over myself and save you a trip. I’ve got GPS in the rental car.”
Hot SEAL, Rusty Nail (SEALs In Paradise ) Page 4
