If he let Sloane down… He didn’t want to think about it.
*
Sloane could really cook. The lasagna was delicious, the salad dressing a surprise, and the bread fresh. She owned that she hadn’t baked it or the dessert, but it didn’t matter. The fact that she could have if she had the time was impressive enough.
He could tell she really enjoyed cooking from the way she served it. The salad had curls of carrot to garnish it, shaped like a flower. She’d blended seasoned olive oil to dip the bread in. The lasagna looked like it should be in a cooking magazine. And he even liked the wine, though he wasn’t a wine drinker.
They should have created an herb garden for her instead of the potted shrubs for her balcony. He might do it anyway before she left.
When he pushed his chair back from the table, he was stuffed. “I feel like I just had a meal at a five-star restaurant. If you ever decide to give up the law, you could open your own restaurant.”
The way she smiled told him she was pleased by the compliment.
“Thank you. We can clear the table later. I thought we could take a walk on the beach until our food has settled,” she suggested. “We can have dessert and coffee when we get back.”
“I’m up for that.”
When they arrived at the beach, the sun had already kissed the horizon good night and was nodding off fast, while purplish blue clouds hovered over the water, promising another storm out at sea.
The crowds who would have littered the sand had left, and only small clusters of people remained, either sitting watching the tide, or walking the beach close to the water.
A young girl of six or seven danced in a puddle of water left behind by the tide. Her hair caught the last rays of reflective light as the clouds shifted, giving the crown of her head a red-gold halo. A woman called to her, and she rushed up the sand to join her, grabbing the woman’s hand.
Against Connor’s will, his attention was drawn to the woman and girl as they followed them down the beach. The failing light turned their forms into silhouettes against the pale sand. His heart thundered in his ears, and his breath came in shallow gasps. Anxiety ripped through him, and he had the urge to run down the beach after them.
Sloane’s voice sounded muffled, but reached him. “I used to love to sit out on my grandmother’s porch and watch it storm. She had this old-fashioned metal glider, and I’d bundle up in it with a blanket and pillow. It never occurred to me or my grandmother that I would have been electrocuted if lightning struck while I was sitting there.”
He dragged in a breath to steady himself. His hearing cleared. “We played baseball in the rain with an aluminum bat. When you’re kids, you don’t worry about what could happen, you just live in the moment.”
He was grateful when she changed the subject.
“Any of your grandparents still living?” she asked.
“Yeah. My mom’s parents are still alive. And she has a brother who lives in Seattle. I’ve been up to see him and his family. Dad has two sisters, and we’ve been to Tennessee to see them and their families. But when families are spaced out it’s hard to keep in touch or stay close.” And he had lost touch with so many because of his job. “Tell me about your family.”
“That might take all night. We have a large family.”
“Just hit the highlights.”
“There’s my grandparents, who are both in their mid-seventies. He was a civil engineer and she was a teacher. They still live alone, unassisted. They had six children, so I have numerous aunts and uncles and cousins, and then they all have families. We have somewhere between twenty-five to thirty people for Christmas at my grandparents’ house. Mostly outside if the weather permits. They live in Savannah.”
Thirty people. Jesus. “That’s quite a clan.”
“Yeah. It’s a little wild with all the adults and the kids. Have you ever thought about marriage?”
There was the question he’d been dreading. “Yeah. I was married for almost six years. We divorced five years ago.”
“I’m sorry, Connor.”
“She’s remarried and has a little boy.” His throat ached. “He’s two. We still stay in touch.”
“It’s good you’ve stayed friends.”
“She deserves to be happy.” He didn’t know what he deserved after the way he behaved afterward… That was part of the problem. That and the PTSD dogging him right now. The guilt still ate at him. He brutally tamped down the swell of pain and grief that threatened to rise.
She remained silent, though she slipped an arm through his and leaned against him. He wasn’t surprised by the offer of comfort. She was a giver. Like Cynthia.
She deserved better. He should have spent more time thinking this thing through instead of just grabbing for what he wanted.
CHAPTER 11
‡
They had barely gotten in the door when Connor said, “I have to shove off, Sloane.”
His words didn’t entirely surprise her. She’d felt his distance from the moment she asked about his marital status.
She had just started to know him a little, but had barely scratched the surface. She studied his handsome features, remembering how his beard felt against her skin, how he felt as he moved inside her.
Her throat felt tight. If he walked away now, she’d probably never see him again. “Okay.” The one word came out almost a whisper.
“Thanks for dinner.”
“Sure.”
He stepped toward her, then hesitated. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
She didn’t believe he would. The words don’t go pushed against her teeth. Tell me what I did, what I said. She couldn’t be that clingy, vulnerable woman any more than he’d want her to be. She wouldn’t let him make her that woman. She clenched a fist against the spot just beneath her breastbone where a physical pain had set in.
He brushed a kiss across her lips, then turned to the door.
She had to say something. “I think you deserve to be happy too, Connor.”
He hesitated, his hand upon the doorknob. He half turned, presenting his profile, as though he would make some reply, but then jerked open the door and stepped into the night.
Her legs turned to jelly, and she gripped the back of one of the dining room chairs and lowered herself into it. How could one question cause him to react this way?
Unless he was still in love with his wife. Still grieving her loss. Grieving her having a child with another man.
But he’d seemed sincere when he said she deserved to be happy.
But he didn’t believe he did. Why?
The doorbell rang, and she gave a sigh of relief. Surely they could talk this through.
She opened the door and froze. Reed. His blond hair looked silver under the porch light. His classic features, straight, narrow nose, high brow ridge, and strong jaw seemed less defined, and he’d gained weight since she last saw him. She moved to shut the door, but he caught the edge with his hand. “I just want to talk, Sloane. I’ve been calling for days.”
“Let go of the door. If I wanted to talk, I’d have answered the phone.” She jerked at the door to try and wrench it from his grasp.
He shoved it open, and she staggered back against the wall, going down on one knee. She caught the edge of the kitchen door facing to keep from falling forward.
He gripped her arm to help her stand and she jerked away, tears close. “Don’t touch me.”
“If you’d be reasonable that wouldn’t have happened.”
Reasonable! Reasonable? She eased over to the entry table and grasped the car keys to use as a weapon if she needed to. “I see you’re still blaming other people for your mistakes.”
He waltzed into the dining area and eyed the dishes. “Who was the asshole you had over for dinner?”
“The only asshole I see is the one standing in front of me.”
Reed raked his dark blond hair back from his forehead and drew a deep breath. “I just want to talk, Sloane.”
“
We don’t have anything to talk about.”
“I feel that we do.”
His expression settled into lines of contrition as fake as his capped teeth. What had she ever seen in him?
“I want to apologize to you and see if we can at least be friends again.”
Friends? “No. I don’t want to be friends. I don’t want you anywhere near me. I want you to leave.” She twisted the knob and held the door open.
“Look, I know things went a little too far with us.”
“Too far in terms of a three-year involvement, or too far when you tried to get me fired and take over my job?”
“I want to come back to the firm, Sloane. Johnson won’t let me as long as there’s bad blood between us.”
“I don’t give a shit about you, Reed. Whatever we had ended the day you left. I don’t even care how many women you fucked while we were engaged. And it was certainly completely over when I had to be tested to make sure you didn’t give me some kind of lingering plague.”
His jaw tensed. “Maybe if you’d given me more of your time than you gave the job…”
She laughed. “You didn’t mind that I was paying most of the bills while you freeloaded off of me at the apartment.”
“I had loans to pay off.”
“Yes, so we could buy a house when we got married. And now you have them paid off, you’re free to do what you like. So go do it away from me.”
“I want to come back to H, C and J.”
“I don’t care what you want, Reed.”
His jaw pulsed.
“You’re not a child, though you behave like one,” she snapped. “Grow up. Sometimes we can’t have what we want. But that’s not the problem, is it? You’ve always gotten what you wanted. And I kept you from taking it all, didn’t I?”
“I’ll still get it. You’ll eventually leave the firm.”
“And eventually someone there will figure out that you’re a backstabbing son of a bitch. Your behavior was too low for there to ever be any kind of trust between us. And there are others there who witnessed it. Now leave.”
And she’d make sure he couldn’t get anywhere near her clients. She’d take them with her if she could. “When did you start hating me, Reed? When I worked seventy-hour weeks and still came home to cook your dinner and do your laundry, and have sex with you whenever you wanted it? Or when I got the Olson case? Is your ego really that fragile?”
He stormed past her onto the concrete porch. “Get used to seeing me. I’ll be there at H,C & J when you get back to work.”
She slammed the door behind him and locked it.
Trembling with anger and nerves, she stumbled into the living room and sat down on the couch.
She hadn’t seen him in over a year. Had hoped never to see him again. Hadn’t expected him to be so coldly aggressive toward her. It was he who had ended things, blaming it on her inability to have children. He left her confused, devastated, and feeling like less than a woman because of her sterility and his unfaithfulness.
And now he was wedging himself back into the firm. She’d have to cover her ass even more thoroughly than she had the past year. She needed to change the locks on her office door. Buy a nanny cam to monitor her office for security.
She didn’t think she could stand this. Tears welled, and she pressed her palms against her eyes.
What hold did he have over Johnson that would force the man to take him back? As good as Reed was with clients, he was only a mediocre lawyer. She had expected him to improve with experience, but he’d been too busy screwing interns and riding on the other attorneys’ coattails, including hers.
She’d been a fool. She allowed him to take advantage in every way because she believed he loved her. Why hadn’t she recognized his selfishness? He always wanted her attention on him while they were at home, and was resentful if she brought work home. So she spent more time at the office. Time he spent screwing other women.
He wasn’t going to make this about her shortcomings. Never again would she let a man tear her down so he could feel better about himself.
It was time to work on her resume now and start sending it out to all the major corporate law offices in Charleston she hadn’t already queried.
But first she’d call Clay Johnson and make certain he was thinking about taking Reed back. It would be just like Reed to stir a pot with nothing in it, hoping she’d walk away without a struggle.
Her eyes fell on the remnants of the meal she shared with Connor earlier, and she fended off a quick-sharp pain. It seemed her ability to judge a man’s character hadn’t improved in the past year.
Time to clean up the mess. She found the menial task of loading the dishwasher and washing the pots and pans calming. Once finished, she poured another glass of wine and retrieved her computer from the bedroom. She made a list of questions she wanted to ask her boss concerning Reed’s hiring so she’d be able to address her concerns about working with him.
With Reed it was always someone else’s fault. It was her fault he slept around because she didn’t give him enough attention. It was always the fault of one of the other lawyers when a contract didn’t go through or there was a mistake on a filed document. Never his own.
Why hadn’t she seen that long ago? Why had she been so blinded by his charm and humor?
Had she been blinded by Connor’s, too? Was he still married? Was it guilt that kicked him out of the apartment and had him hurrying away? Would Toby allow him to string her along and not say anything?
She couldn’t see him standing by and allowing his son to commit adultery.
So, Connor wasn’t ready to share anything personal with her. She’d rolled right into a stranger’s bed and expected him to respect and trust her.
She covered her face to try and block out the moments they shared earlier this morning.
How cliché was it that she’d become a one-night stand?
And it was her own damn fault.
But she couldn’t think about that now. It hurt too much.
She pulled up her resume, then decided to call Bernie.
“Hey, how are things going?” Bernie asked.
“Not so well. Connor and I had dinner and everything was fine. We went for a walk on the beach, and I asked him if he’d ever been tempted by marriage. He told me he’s been divorced for five years, was married for six. But after that, as soon as we got back to the condo, he left.”
“Did he say why?”
“No. Just that he needed to leave.”
Bernie remained silent for a beat…then two.
“That isn’t all of it. As soon as he left, Reed showed up at the door and shoved his way in.” She wouldn’t tell Bernie how he knocked her down, then blamed her for it. It would only upset her, and she needed to rest and recover so they’d both be in fighting form. “He claims that Johnson is planning to hire him back.”
“No way.” Bernie’s voice rose with shock.
“Yeah. I think he is. I’m going to call in the morning and discuss it with him.”
She could practically see Bernie shaking her head when she said, “The guy has cost him a lawsuit and bad publicity. Why would he hire him back?”
“I’ve been thinking about that. I think Reed may have something on him, something personal that Johnson doesn’t want exposed. And Reed would have no compunction at all about using it to get what he wants.”
“After what he tried to pull on you, I don’t doubt it. You’re so much better off without that asshole, Sloane.”
“I thank God every day that I didn’t marry him.” She took a deep breath. “I’m going to update my resume, Bernie. I think you need to do the same. I’m going to start applying to other firms right away.”
“Mine’s ready to go.”
“I’ll email you the addresses of the ones I apply to so you can do the same. You’re my right hand, and I don’t want to have to break in another administrative assistant. You know the law as well as I do, so I’m hoping they’ll want us both.�
��
“And if this doesn’t work?”
“I’ll start my own firm. I have a little money put aside.”
“That was supposed to be for your house, Sloane.”
“If I can get an office with an apartment above it, it will kill two birds with one stone. I’ll have one payment instead of two.”
“You’ve been thinking about this for a while.”
“Ever since the lawsuit.” She took a sip of her wine and wished it was something stronger. “With Reed there, we’ll need to up our security to protect the integrity of our files. If Johnson corroborates what Reed said, I’ll buy a couple of nanny cams to place in your office and mine, and have new locks installed on our file cabinets. I’ve been concerned someone might get into our files and plant something, or conveniently lose something important.”
“It’s going to be okay, Sloane.”
If Reed came back on board, it wouldn’t. She had hoped to have a few weeks to recover from the year from hell. Her eyes stung. “I sound awfully paranoid, don’t I?”
“With reason. Johnson breathed down your neck throughout the whole trial, waiting to pounce. I saw it, and so did other people in the office.”
“His name may be last on the letterhead, but he holds the controlling interest in the firm. And no one else in the firm would ever have the resources to buck him. If he wants Reed, he’ll get him.” She rubbed at the headache starting to pound at her temples. “I can’t work with him, Bernie.”
“I know. But I can, and I can keep an eye on him until you find a place, Sloane.”
She shook her head even though Bernie couldn’t see it. “He’d never go for that, and I wouldn’t either.”
There was a beat of silence.
“I made love with Connor.” The words just seemed to come out of her mouth without her control.
Bernie paused a moment. “Before he left.”
“Earlier this morning.”
“And he suddenly gave you the cold shoulder tonight?”
Hot SEAL, Rusty Nail (SEALs In Paradise ) Page 10
