Flawed

by Claudia Burgoa

  Willow: These are amazing steps toward a better life and successful career. I owe it to myself to stay until the end of the year.

  Hunter: I’m happy to hear that, Willow.

  Willow: I’m heading to class. Have a happy day!

  Willow: How are you?

  Willow: I’m thinking of you and your brothers. Call me if you need me.

  Hunter: Sorry for not responding. It was nice to read your text. Thank you for it. It means a lot to know you remembered the anniversary of my parents’ death. I was with Fitz at a retreat for the week.

  Willow: That explains the majestic pictures you added to the cloud. How was that day?

  Hunter: Coping with their loss was harder than other years because I had no one to talk to, fight with, or fuck to release the pent-up emotion.

  Hunter: But I felt by the end of the week that I had made progress. I miss my parents. But I am finally accepting that they won’t come back. I’m working on cherishing them instead of replicating their lives.

  Willow: So no fighting and no sex, huh?

  Hunter: Of course not. I was with male monks. The last time I checked I’m straight. Fitz and I couldn’t fight since we took a vow of silence.

  Willow: How did Fitz survive not having sex with an all-male buffet?

  Hunter: He’s not the manwhore he promotes himself to be.

  Hunter: Enough about me, how are you?

  Hunter: Are you there?

  Willow: Sorry, I had to enter my class and got to meet a guy who owns a huge production company. The company is in Seattle, but he’s planning on opening a studio in New York. They make several movies a year. Their TV shows stream through their own cable channel, or is it the Internet? I have to ask again.

  Hunter: You’re relocating?

  Willow: This is the last time I say it. I’m coming back to New York.

  Hunter: I was asking before there’s more miscommunication. We know how that can affect our relationship.

  Willow: Actually, the introduction was because of my grandfather’s company. Not my acting skills. They need a commercial real estate agent.

  Willow: Are we in a relationship?

  Hunter: I believe this continuous exchange of pictures and texts makes us friends.

  Willow: Well, friend, I’m going to lunch and then my next class.

  October

  Hunter: Your sister fixed me up with some actress and said you approved. What is wrong with you, Willow Beesley?

  Willow: I set you up, not fixed you up.

  Hunter: It’s the same. I don’t need a date, WILLOW BEESLEY. I can get my own dates if I wanted to.

  Willow: It’s only for the Halloween Gala, Hunter Everhart. It’s not a formal date.

  Willow: Why are you sending a selfie?

  Hunter: It’s me sending you an annoyed glare. I don’t need a date for the gala.

  Willow: Do whatever you want, just don’t come back with another Henrietta.

  Hunter: I won’t, but I’m happy to know you’re jealous, gorgeous.

  Hunter: The selfie of your middle finger looks lovely. Talk to you later. I have work to do.

  Hunter: Cancel that fake date.

  Willow: I hate when one person can ruin my entire day. Set me back and make me feel useless.

  Hunger: Do you want to call me?

  Willow: My father called me. My parents want to come to visit us.

  Hunter: I take it you don’t want that?

  Willow: That too.

  Hunter: Then what is the problem, gorgeous?

  Willow: They are only traveling to New York city for a couple of days. He wants me to drop my obligations to visit them. I should “prioritize” according to him. My parents matter more than “my hobby.”

  Willow: He called my career a hobby.

  Willow: Thank you for the wall clock and the flowers.

  Hunter: Don’t let anyone define you. That’s something only you are allowed to do, for yourself.

  Willow: I heard you met them.

  Hunter: If by them you mean your parents, yes, I did.

  Hunter: Your sister owes me. Hazel and your grandfather were conveniently out of town. I’m glad Harrison was able to switch their plane tickets, and they only stayed for a couple of hours. They are different.

  Willow: Inappropriate?

  Hunter: Scott is a stud. He could make beautiful babies with you.

  Willow: How exciting, they are finding me a suitor. Anything else?

  Hunter: Your mother suggested coconut oil to Fitz. It’s a great lubricant for anal.

  Willow: Hazel owes all of you.

  Hunter: Your sister mentioned something about visiting them next year.

  Willow: As I told her, it all depends on how I feel by then. Thank you for picking up my parents.

  Hunter: Anything for you, gorgeous.

  November

  Hunter: If you had a choice to live anywhere in the world, where would it be?

  Willow: Anywhere?

  Hunter: Yes, anywhere.

  Willow: That’s complicated. I’ve discovered that I enjoy traveling. Camping is fun. My life is in New York though. What about you?

  Hunter: I want to slow down. I’m attached to the city because my parents were born and raised here. My brothers live here. Fleeing is an option, but I don’t know if I’ll be able to stay away. Most importantly where do I go?

  Willow: Brooklyn.

  Hunter: Brooklyn?

  Willow: Yes, by the Hudson River. You can buy a property outside New York or maybe by the beach. Travel. See the world. You’re not even thirty, go and explore.

  Hunter: Do you want to come with me?

  Fitz: What did you do?

  Willow: Me?

  Fitz: Hunter is taking time off to travel the world. He said, “Willow thinks it’s a great idea.” Do you actually think it’s a good idea? It’s a terrible idea. I have a law firm to run.

  Willow: I didn’t do anything. Maybe you should go with him. Take a break from corporate America. I’m sure you can afford to hire people to cover for you.

  Hunter: What did you do?

  Willow: Apparently, I have an ability to create havoc at the Everhart place. What did I do now, Hunt?

  Hunter: My brothers want my schedule so they can join me at a few stops. I wanted to do this alone.

  Willow: Are you doing it then?

  Hunter: Yes, six months away. Two of them in Tibet. I’ll post the pictures in the group your sister opened on Facebook.

  Willow: #Tripping

  Willow: Hazel is driving me crazy with her new social media obsession.

  Hunter: I told you, she’s that annoying little sister who is so much fun you can’t hate her.

  Willow: Enjoy your trip. I’m going to Costa Rica for Thanksgiving. You can reach me via Facebook.

  Hunter: Next time we should travel together.

  Willow: Where would we go?

  Hunter: We can discuss it when we are living in the same city again.

  Willow: Take care of yourself, Hunt.

  December

  Willow: Your brothers mentioned you went directly to Tibet, but the charms and magnets from different cities you’re mailing me tell a different story. Why?

  Willow: Hello? Are you freezing me out?

  Willow: The kettle and herbs from Japan are a good indication that you’re still alive.

  Willow: Are you reading these texts? Maybe not. I love the pictures you’re uploading on our cloud. What’s with the beard?

  Willow: Thank you for the Christmas presents. You’re right, miniature art is great for keepsakes and for a place like NYC. Hope you had a nice holiday.

  January

  Willow: I have an audition next week. Wish me luck!

  Willow: I’m still wondering how is it that you don’t respond, and yet, you answer my texts with presents. Thank you for the four-leaf clover pendant and the note.

  Willow: Guess what? I got the part. It’s a small production, but it works perfectly with the si
tcom I’ll be filming this Spring.

  Willow: What? A Sitcom? Yes, Hunter. Remember I was studying under Gabe Colt? Well, his son is setting up the studios and has a couple of shows that are going to be filmed here in New York. I went to an audition and got the part. She’s the best friend of the main character. I’m using my inner Hazel to play this character. My sister isn’t amused. It’s going to be great.

  Willow: I have a temporary position at Everhart Industries. Scott needed a receptionist, and I could use the extra money. Hazel is worried I’m going to crack, I’m worried, too, but I’m holding it together.

  Willow: I might have had a meltdown yesterday in the elevator. I’m never riding one ever again. It was a minor setback. I need running shoes.

  Willow: Thank you for the running shoes.

  Willow: Hazel wants to visit our parents after graduation. I told her she’s on her own.

  Willow: Hazel thinks it’s time for us to be the grown-ups and look after them. The mere thought of having to deal with them confuses me. It’s helping me learn how to deal with my mood swings though.

  Willow: I’m still thinking about the visit with my parents. Do I want to see them?

  Willow: You haven’t posted anything on the cloud. Should I assume the Tibetan temple is your last destination for a while?

  February

  Willow: I can’t deal with the idea of seeing my parents.

  Willow: I wish you were available so we could talk about a few things. My therapist’s asking, “But, how do you feel about it?” is not helping at the moment.

  Willow: Gramps had bronchitis. I didn’t even know he was asthmatic. Hazel mentioned a few stays at the hospital in the past. I feel guilty for not being around them as much in the past.

  Willow: Someone stopped me on my way to the subway. I thought I had lost something, nope. She asked me for my autograph.

  Willow: Two requests for autographs in a week is a good sign, isn’t it?

  Willow: Scott went out with the same girl twice. We’re calling it progress.

  Willow: I lost a bet. I thought Scott would last with Roxanne for at least five dates. They didn’t even finish the third.

  Willow: Hazel met a guy. I wish you were here to bet on how many dates they’ll go on before it goes south.

  Willow: Being reasonable is one of my goals. As in trying to understand others before you go and lose control. It was hard to keep in mind when it was snowing, and another woman tried to take my cab. She fucking punched me and split my lip. The therapist told me to distract myself from the emotional pain—there was no emotional pain, my fucking lip was throbbing.

  Willow: Hazel brought me ice cream to dissipate the pain.

  Willow: Today was a bad day. Those practice skills my therapist insists I use didn’t work. It was during an audition. I had my lines memorized and they said that the role I was auditioning for had already been cast. The pressure in my chest became unbearable. I left the place without uttering a word. Now that I think about it, I should’ve stayed and tried for the other role they offered. I just couldn’t control the anger. I felt betrayed, which now that I see things clearly makes no sense.

  Willow: Some days going on forums to read stories of other people with my disorder is devastating. Others I feel like I’m not alone.

  March

  Willow: I wish I stayed at home today. Exposing myself to emotions I can’t tolerate, but having to tolerate, is like performing hara-kiri. But I can only learn how to cope with the emotional turmoil if I experience them and learn to tolerate them. The paradigm.

  Willow: Life is a sequence of ironies. I got a script for a movie about a woman with BPD. Playing the best friend of the main character didn’t appeal to me. I had to decline it. I honestly didn’t read it. What’s the point when the beauty of my job is escaping reality?

  Willow: I said the wrong words during therapy. I noticed I texted them to you, too. My love for acting isn’t only about the escape from reality.

  Willow: Hazel ended things with the guy she started dating last month. I should stop betting. I was hoping she’d have broken things off after the second date. He seemed too boring for her.

  Willow: Hazel went to a wedding in North Carolina, and she took Scott as her plus one. Gramps and I went to DC where it’s warmer.

  Willow: I’m going to save enough money so when I grow old, I can live in a warmer place.

  Willow: I miss your pictures, when are you coming back?

  Willow: I’m searching for a place inside myself where I can be fully functional. It appears to be harder than it sounds. But I believe I’m progressing.

  Willow: After browsing through all our texts, I fear I’m boring you. I should’ve told you more about Fitz’s hysterical dates.

  Willow: Scott and Gramps are fighting for who is going to keep Hazel once she graduates. Did you know Scott is the one who pulled a few favors so Hazel could transfer schools right away?

  Willow: I can’t deal with the idea of seeing my parents. It came up again during dinner, and Gramps agrees we should see them. Ugh, help.

  Willow: My therapist says I’m at that stage where I have to deal with my emotions and traumatic experiences from the past. Hazel’s idea to visit my parents might not be so bad.

  Willow: Correction, the visit is a terrible idea. But I will have to deal with it.

  Willow: Despite everything, I’m content.

  April

  Hunter: Happy Birthday!

  Willow: You’re alive!

  Hunter: Of course. How are you, gorgeous?

  Willow: Happy to hear from you. When are you coming back?

  Hunter: It all depends on when I’m done with work.

  Willow: Wait, work?

  Hunter: I’m making a few stops to meet with a few prospects and our current clientele.

  Willow: Come back soon.

  Hunter: I’ll try my best. Keep texting. I enjoy hearing from you. Are you still avoiding elevators?

  Willow: No. Fitz and Hazel dragged me through the city riding elevators.

  Hunter: What happened to visiting your parents over the summer?

  Willow: The debate is continuous. She’s convincing Fitz to join us.

  Hunter: Overall, how is today?

  Willow: It’s a good day. We are having a fancy dinner at my grandfather’s. Your brothers will be there.

  Hunter: I’m glad this is a good day. Keep me updated and have a wonderful day.

  Willow: You too, thank you for remembering.

  May

  Hazel: My graduation is next week. I’d love if you can be here.

  Hunter: I can’t, buttercup. Unless you remind Fitz that slavery is frowned upon in most countries.

  Hazel: He says it’s up to you.

  Hunter: Yes, if I go to your graduation, I have to come back to finish the rest of my international affairs.

  Hazel: You’re having an affair?

  Hunter: You’re ridiculous.

  Hazel: That’s why I’m your favorite person.

  Hunter: Sorry to break it to you, but Willow is my favorite person in the entire world.

  Hazel: I know. You should tell her.

  Hunter: Did your sister get her graduation present?

  Willow: Yes, you’re the best. I’ve never been to France. Thank you for including me.

  Hunter: That’s the plan. I want to see all those #travelingsisters or is it #sisterfun? I can’t remember.

  Willow: Stop encouraging her.

  Willow: Did she tell you we are going to Brazil at the end of June to visit our parents?

  Hunter: Are you ready for that?

  Willow: I don’t think I’ll ever be ready, but it’s time to face them. I have so many questions.

  Hunter: Everything will be fine. Trust me.

  Twenty-Five

  #Travelingfun

  To find your future, sometimes you have to detach yourself from your past and your present. ~ Hunter Everhart.

  It’s midday, summer, the air heavy with th
e smell of fuel, garbage, and sweat. One conclusion I came to after these past months is that airports are the same all over the world. The sea of faces going down the stream or lined up as they wait to check in, go through security or waiting for transportation. In the background, the voice of a recording calls out, reminding you to “be aware of your surroundings, to never leave your luggage unattended or report any unattended baggage.” Then there’s sporadic paging to passengers who should report to the luggage area, ticket area, or some other place.

  In the arrivals’ gate, there’s a mixture of excited and bored people, all of them expecting their loved ones. A couple of children holding a sign that read, “Welcome home, Dad.” Others waiting with flowers and there’s always that big group with music, balloons, and food. It must be nice to arrive home and have your loved ones receive you with a hug. Walking past the security area, I spot Scott who is enthralled by his telephone. He’s standing under one of the big plasma screens, announcing arrivals or departures. Jensen, who is right next to him, waves at me. His face is like the one of a father seeing one of his grown children for the first time in years. It hasn’t been that long, only six months. But of the four of us, I’m the only one he used to see every day.

  The moment Scott sees me, he puts away his phone and walks toward me.

  “Finally, it was a long trip, asshole,” my brother says, hugging me tightly.

  “Missed you, too, fucker.” I pat his back.