“I totally understand,” Pepper said. “And I am totally going to throw you the best baby shower this town has ever seen.”
Nick was quiet. Of course, nobody could get a word in edgewise when Pepper was excited about something. But Becca was learning that Nick tended to stand back and take things in. He had to process them.
As they stood in the glow of the lighted Christmas tree, Nick standing behind her with his arms around her, holding her close, a calming peace settled over her. Last night, after Nick had left her parents’ house, things had been so uncertain between them, she’d feared she might never know this peace again. But she’d trusted her instincts, and she’d given him room to think, to process everything.
He’d come back to her.
Of course, they hadn’t talked about her family and everything that had transpired last night. She wasn’t going to bring it up tonight. Especially after they said goodbye to their friends and went over to the Christmas tree booth and chose a tree together.
As Nick carried it to her car for her, she caught herself pretending that they were a real family. Because maybe they could be...someday.
Right now, theirs might not be the traditional situation she wished it would be, but it was one of those situations where she had a choice: the glass could be half empty, or it could be half full.
It was her choice, and she chose half full.
So many good things had happened lately. They had been blessed with not one, but two children. The babies had survived the food poisoning. Nick had come back into her life. She had to trust that everything would be okay.
Maybe if she kept repeating the positive over and over, like a mantra, she could will him to love her enough to make it all true.
Chapter Eleven
“I can’t believe Jake and Anna’s wedding is tomorrow,” Becca said as she unlocked her front door and flipped on the foyer light.
Nick nodded and bent down to pet Priscilla, who had met them at the door.
Tonight’s rehearsal dinner and tomorrow’s wedding were the last of what seemed like an endless succession of events that had followed one after the other since Thanksgiving at her parents’. It’s not that he wasn’t glad to be part of the festivities and the celebrations surrounding his new friends’ wedding. He was glad everything would be slowing down pretty soon.
At the risk of sounding like a Scrooge, after telling her parents about the babies on Tuesday, telling her extended family at Thanksgiving dinner, telling their friends about the babies at the tree-lighting ceremony on Friday and going to Jake and Anna’s rehearsal dinner tonight, Nick was looking forward to getting back to work, where everything didn’t feel so out of control.
Truth be told, he was a little weary, feeling as if he was living someone else’s life. Because three months ago, if you had asked him what he’d be doing for the holidays, it wouldn’t have been any of the events that had been on his social calendar lately.
He’d volunteered to work tomorrow night, but somehow, despite a good number of the hospital’s staff attending the wedding, they’d scheduled him off for the night. Becca was in the wedding, so he would’ve been just as happy working and giving someone else a chance to go, but Jake and Anna wouldn’t hear of it. Nick had begun to feel like a miscreant protesting to the contrary.
He followed Becca into the living room. The dog padded along behind him.
The Christmas tree they’d purchased last night was sitting in a stand in the corner. Becca kicked off her high heels. She looked gorgeous in her black cocktail dress. Nick especially enjoyed the view of her curvy little backside when she bent down and plugged something into the wall.
The tree lit up. Nick blinked in surprise, taking it all in. It didn’t have any ornaments, but it shone bright with tiny colorful lights.
“Did you put the tree in the stand?” he asked.
“Not all by myself. Kate helped me. You should’ve seen the two of us. We were like Laverne and Shirley. I’m surprised we didn’t end up putting the trunk through the window. But we eventually got it upright and into the stand.”
He frowned. “Should you be lifting things like that, even with somebody else’s help? You should’ve called me.”
“Nick, I’m pregnant, not an invalid. I’m fine. The babies are fine. Thank you for being concerned. And just so you don’t feel as if you’re missing out, I bought some ornaments we can hang on the tree together.”
She held up a red sphere that was decorated with a delicate gold pattern. “I got these for us today. I was hoping you’d want to help me decorate the tree. That’s why I went ahead and put the lights on. Because you have to do that first before you can put on any of the other decorations.”
“I think you need to slow down a little, Becca. Don’t wear yourself out.”
“I’m fine. I promise I’m listening to my body.”
It had been a long time since he’d bothered with a tree. When he was married to Delilah, they’d spent two Christmases together. She’d badgered him until they’d gotten a tree. He didn’t blame her for wanting one. Most people observed that tradition. Hell, most people celebrated traditions.
He glanced at his watch. It was nearly ten o’clock. “I’d love to, but could we wait until next week? There’s been so much going on, and we still have the wedding tomorrow.”
Disappointment flashed in Becca’s eyes, but she recovered quickly, smiling at him. “Of course. We’ve had a lot going on this week. I’m sure you’re exhausted.”
Now he was beginning to feel like the Grinch.
“How about if we hang a few tonight and the rest next week? Is that a fair compromise?” he asked.
Her face lit up. “I think it’s the perfect compromise.”
She planted a whisper-soft kiss on his lips and handed him the ornament.
“Hang it anywhere on the tree you’d like.”
She turned on some Christmas music.
Christmas music? It’s not even December yet.
He contemplated teasing her about it, but she disappeared into the kitchen before he could.
Instead, he turned to find a place on the tree for the ornament.
Out of nowhere, a memory swam from the murky recesses of his subconscious. He remembered how his mother waited patiently until the day after Thanksgiving to play holiday tunes. But only because she and his father had come to that agreement. If his dad had had it his way, there would never have been any Christmas music until the week before the holiday. On the flip side of that coin, his mother would’ve started torturing them with “Frosty the Snowman” and his ilk as soon as the first chill cooled the air.
In a sense, it was their own compromise. Nick hadn’t thought about it in years. It was a happy time, before they’d stopped working together and everything had gone so terribly wrong.
Becca returned a moment later with a bottle of wine and one glass and a mug of something in her other hand.
“You know, it’s an honor to get to hang the first ornament,” she said as she poured the wine. “So consider yourself honored.”
She handed him the glass of wine.
“Mark, Rosanna and I used to fight over who got to hang this Santa ornament that had been in our family for as far back as I can remember. My mom used to keep track of whose year it was to hang it. One year she swore it was Mark’s turn, but Rosanna kept insisting that Mark had hung it the year before and it was her turn. She tried to grab it away from Mark and ended up knocking it out of his hand. It smashed into tiny pieces, and that was the end of Santa. Isabel made Rosanna clean up the pieces and then sit on the couch. She didn’t get to help decorate the tree that year.”
“She didn’t punish your brother?”
Becca shook her head. “No, because in her eyes, he hadn’t done anything wrong. Rosanna killed Santa. I don’t think e
ither of them has forgiven the other.”
“So for the most part, you are like the Switzerland of your family. You seem to be a pretty calming influence on everyone.”
Becca shrugged. “Somebody has to be. If not, either we’d not be speaking to each other, or we’d be living our life in constant turmoil.”
She grimaced.
“What’s wrong?”
“Actually, my mother and I are in a bit of a tiff right now.”
“What happened?”
Becca took a deep breath, staring off into the distance for a moment. “After you left Thursday, I told her she was out of line for pushing the issue of us getting married. I’m sorry she did that.”
Nick waved her off. “Don’t worry about it. I think she was just a little overzealous. No hard feelings on my part. So don’t let it put you in a bad place with your mother. Go back to being Switzerland.”
“We will get past it. I’ll just give her a little bit of space right now. Speaking of parents, when do you want to tell your father about the babies?”
He hadn’t even thought about it. Well, he’d thought about it, but he hadn’t come to any conclusion. They’d been on the go so much that he hadn’t had a chance to think much beyond Thanksgiving dinners and tree lightings and weddings.
“I don’t know, Becca.”
He hadn’t meant for the words to come out quite so sharp. But they had, and Becca was frowning.
“I’m sorry about that,” he said. “I haven’t seen my father in years. So there’s a little more to it than calling him up and telling him he’s going to be a grandfather.”
Becca nodded.
“What would you think of inviting him to come for Christmas? We could tell him about the babies together and in person.”
Nick took a long sip of his wine, weighing his words before he spoke. But all he could come up with was “I don’t know.”
She put a hand on his arm. “Remember what you said to me. It’s all in how you set the tone. And could you think of a better Christmas gift to give somebody than to tell him he’s going to be a grandfather?”
The guy hadn’t been a particularly great father. Nick wasn’t sure how his dad would react to being a grandfather. The stubborn old coot.
Becca must have mistaken his shrug for an I’ll think about it.
“If this is something you want to do, we need to book his airfare soon. It could be our Christmas present to him.”
Nick held up a hand. “Whoa, wait there. I don’t even know if he would come. I’m guessing he still works.” Nick shrugged again. “That’s how little I know about him.”
Becca was looking at him. She wasn’t exactly frowning, but her brows were knit, and those gorgeous full lips were pursed.
“I know you probably think that’s crazy,” he said. “But that’s just the way things are between him and me. I don’t like it. But he hasn’t seemed too bothered by it all these years, either.”
“Don’t you think now is as good a time as any to initiate a peace offering It’s Christmas, Nick.”
After all these years he’d never considered the logistics of being the one to extend the olive branch. Sure, there’d been times when he’d wondered what it would be like to see his old man again after all of these years, but that was usually where it stopped. He couldn’t envision himself reaching out to make the first move toward reconciliation. Not when there was a very high chance that his father would reject him all over again.
“Yeah. I don’t know about that, Becca. It’s really not as easy as simply setting the tone. It’s complicated.”
“Nick, what could have happened that was so horrible that you can’t put it behind you? What did he do to you?”
“It wasn’t what he did to me. Well, I mean, if you don’t count the way he abandoned my mother and me.”
Becca watched him expectantly, as if certain he would continue. But the truth was he didn’t know how to explain. He didn’t know where to start. He wanted to tell her to not push him. That he and his dad weren’t like her and her family. But he knew that would sting. It would hurt her, and it would only make him feel worse.
Still, he heard himself talking before he realized what he was doing.
“When I was fourteen, I went on a cruise with my family. My parents were arguing about something, I don’t even know what. But they sent my brother, Caiden, and me down to the pool while they worked things out. My mom told me to look after my brother, but I was distracted, and flirting with a girl. Caiden kept pestering me. ‘Hey, Nicky, look at this! Hey, Nicky, watch me! Hey, Nicky, are you gonna kiss that girl?’ I got mad at him, and I told him to go away. I just wanted him to go away for a few minutes and leave me alone. Ten minutes later, a swimmer pulled my little brother out of the deep end of the pool. He drowned. I was supposed to take care of him, but I didn’t. He drowned because of my carelessness. When my parents found out, for a split second, I saw this look in my mom’s eyes. I knew she blamed me even though she never said a word. She blamed me. It was my fault.”
Becca reached out and took Nick’s hand.
“I’m so sorry, Nick. That must’ve been horrific.”
Her words hung in the air between them, heavy and still.
“But you were only fourteen years old,” she said. “Who puts that kind of responsibility on the shoulders of a kid?”
Nick shook his head. “I was old enough to know better. I did know better. He couldn’t swim. But I never thought he’d go near the deep end of the pool.”
Nick still had nightmares of them pulling his brother out of the water. Twenty-one years later, and the image was still burned into his brain as if it happened yesterday.
“How long after your brother’s accident did your parents divorce?”
Nick leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees, studying the grain in the hardwood floors. The song on the stereo changed to “Silent Night.”
How long had it been?
“Five, six months, maybe? I think they tried to make it work for me or maybe out of habit or obligation. In so many ways it seemed like they split the moment they found out about Caiden. My dad ended up moving out. I came home from school one day, and he was gone. My mom was a shadow of herself. She just went through the motions. She didn’t cry. She didn’t talk much. A year later she died. An aneurism. It was as if all her grief had bottled up inside her and exploded. God, I’ve never told anyone this before.”
“Not even your ex-wife?”
“Delilah and I were married for less than two years. She was too busy complaining about how many hours I was away from home to worry about something like this.”
They sat there quietly for a while. He felt her gaze on him, but he couldn’t look at her. He didn’t want to see the pity in her eyes.
Pity had been one of the worst things he’d had to deal with after they returned home, and all the neighbors found out.
Whispers and pity.
Their family is never going to be the same.
Oh, that poor Ciotti boy.
He was never really sure if they were talking about him or his brother. It had to be Caiden, because he knew he didn’t deserve any pity.
“Nick, it wasn’t your fault. You have to stop blaming yourself. And most of all, you need to forgive yourself. You were just a kid.”
It was all just one more thing that made him feel out of control of his life—babies on the way, a new town that had already sucked him into a way of living he wasn’t used to. But he should like it. He should love being part of something bigger than himself. He should welcome a reason to step outside of himself. He knew that.
This was Becca’s life. She was at the center of it all. Heart and soul and lifeblood. She thrived in the midst of friends and community and even family, no matter how dysfunctional she thought he
rs was.
Here he was, trying to be part of it, part of her life. But, really, he was standing on the outside looking in.
It seemed so much bigger than him. It was all coming at him so fast. When it came down to it, could he really give her what she needed to be happy? He wished he could. He wanted to. But she deserved better. Was it fair to her to hold on to her if he couldn’t give her all that?
He knew he could sit there all night banging his head against the proverbial wall and telling himself this life should be what he wanted, that he should feel lucky, but he just wanted to run.
He set his wineglass on the coffee table and stood up.
“Look, it’s late,” he said. “I need to go into the hospital tomorrow and check on some things before the wedding. I need to go.”
* * *
The next evening, Nick sat in the ballroom at Regency Cypress Plantation and Botanical Gardens waiting for the wedding to start.
Since Becca had been tied up with bridesmaid duties all day and he’d had to take care of a few matters at the hospital, Becca had ridden to the Regency Cypress with Kate. He’d met her there.
In the midst of the rush of all the festivities, Nick hadn’t had a chance to get Anna and Jake a wedding present. So, before the wedding he’d swung by the mall to pick up a gift. While he was there, he’d found his way back to the jewelry store where Becca had tried on the ruby necklace. He’d gotten it for her.
He wasn’t much of a shopper. So, he figured he might as well pick up the necklace for her Christmas present.
The only other time he’d bought jewelry for a woman was when he’d purchased Delilah’s wedding ring. Since they’d eloped, there’d been no engagement ring. Just functional, plain gold his-and-hers bands.
Shortly after the wedding, Delilah had taken to purchasing her own jewelry. That way, she told him, he didn’t have to worry about it, and she got exactly what she wanted. She always made sure she got exactly what she wanted.
Sitting here, alone in a sea of people, Nick wondered if the necklace was a good idea. Did buying jewelry for a woman send the wrong message?
His Texas Christmas Bride (Celebrations, Inc 9) Page 13
