Michael had been very courteous and gentlemanly on our date. It had been when he dropped me off at home when things went askew. I let him walk me to my apartment door and made it clear my sister and Aiden were there so there would be no coming inside. I don’t care how hot he was, or how many months it had been since I’d had sex, no way was I sleeping with a coworker on a first date anyway. It was bad enough the whole prison complex was like one big Peyton Place as it was.
Michael leaned in to kiss me and I accepted. He was a pretty good kisser but his hands became way too exploratory too quickly so I broke the kiss and bid him goodnight. I guess he wasn’t used to being told no, because he acted like he hadn’t heard me and continued to kiss me, slithering his hand up my very tight tank top that was hidden underneath the thin button-up shirt I had over it. I’ll admit it felt good. His hands were warm and experienced and I wanted to let him continue, but I resisted and gently pulled his hand out.
“Michael, I need to go,” I said.
“Oh, come on, Cara. Let’s go inside. Your kid’s asleep, right?” he whispered.
I shook my head. “That’s not really the point. My sister is here and I need to talk to her before she leaves.”
He was now kissing my neck, talking in between kisses. “So call her tomorrow.”
This guy was starting to piss me off. I yanked myself free of his muscled grip and looked up at him. “Goodnight, Lieutenant West.”
I spun on my heel and unlocked my door as he stood on my stoop in shock.
“Fine, whatever, you’re a tease.”
I shook my head and slammed the door to his retreating figure.
Yeah work won’t be awkward at all now. I let out a sigh.
***
I thanked the heavens above that Lieutenant Michael West had been on the swing shift so I didn’t have to see him for several months. I got a few looks from people a week or so after the strange date, but thankfully I never heard of anyone spreading rumors about me being a tease, a slut, easy, or anything. I did, however, get asked out a few more times, mostly by men who weren’t my type or ones I knew were married. Thankfully the caseworker in my unit had been working here for ten years and knew everyone’s business, so I ran things by her and we’d get a good laugh at all the newbies hitting on the fresh meat.
The weekend rolled around and I was very bored. I still didn’t have any close friends yet and my sister was busy. I missed Miranda. The weather had turned cold and Thanksgiving was on its way. It had snowed twice and I had to learn how to drive in snow, it was stressful, and I’d had a few close calls with skidding and such on my way to work, so I looked outside and saw it was a clear, sunny day, but I knew it would be very cold outside. I bundled up Aiden and decided to take him to the mall to play on the indoor play structure while I read a book. This was something I did a couple times a month to get Aiden out of the house and let him get some sort of exercise since it was too cold outside.
We put on our coats and gloves and I got into the car, looking at all the naked trees and the mountain range to the west that was covered in a healthy layer of snow. Pikes Peak looked beautiful covered in it, and I knew I would never get used to the breathtaking views.
I arrived at the mall and took Aiden’s shoes off so he could climb on the play structures. I pulled out my Kindle but got easily distracted with people watching. I sucked in a breath when a group of Army soldiers wearing their BDUs walked by. Melancholy over Riley hit me hard and I tried to force my thoughts elsewhere but couldn’t. There were four large bases in this town and military men were everywhere; it was a constant reminder and I wondered when it would stop physically hurting to think about him or be reminded of him. I had wondered on many occasions if I still loved him or if I was just bored, or jealous of the new girl, or angry that he had ended things… and I wondered if maybe I just felt as if I never got any closure. Although I wasn’t sure how much more closure I could have gotten.
I couldn’t concentrate on reading so I fished my cell phone from my purse and surfed the Internet a little when my phone rang and Miranda’s pretty face popped on the screen.
“Hey, girl!” I answered.
“I’m getting married!” she screamed into the phone.
I laughed. “Seriously?”
“Yes! Are you coming out for Thanksgiving to drop off Aiden?”
I nodded. “Yes, I was going to spend a couple days and see everyone then come back here.”
“No! Jace has a month off between Thanksgiving and Christmas and we’re getting married then. You have to be here for it. I need you to be my maid of honor!”
I was happy for her. I guess her casual relationship had turned into something serious and I knew the feeling. “Of course we’ll be there.”
“Oh and Aiden has to be my ring bearer. He and Ashlynn are going to look so cute!”
“Ring bearers and maids of honor. Just how big is this thing? I thought you said if you got married again, it would be low-key.”
“Oh no, girl. Jace has never been married, his parents are paying for almost everything. They want a huge party. His mom and my mom are doing most of the planning since it’s such last minute.”
“You’re not pregnant, are you?” I asked skeptically.
She laughed. God, I missed her laugh. “Noooo way. No more kids for me.”
I shook my head because I knew in true Miranda fashion, she would change her mind but I said nothing about it. “Shoot me details over email and I’ll be sure Aiden and I are there.”
“Thanks, girl. I miss you. I hope you’re doing okay.”
I smiled. “I am, we’re good, no worries.”
As usual, the words came out of my mouth but I didn’t truly believe them. I just wanted to meet someone and settle down but it seemed like every time I did, I kept picturing Riley, and I wished I could just get over him. I never did Internet stalk him, thinking it would just make matters worse.
***
The plane landed in San Francisco and my mom met Aiden and me at the curb.
“Nana!” Aiden yelled, running and jumping into my mom’s waiting arms. It warmed my heart to see he remembered her so easily and she was also in tears.
She hugged me. “Guess what?”
I pulled back and looked at her. “What?”
“We’re moving back to Colorado in the spring!”
I hugged her again. “Oh I’m so happy! Have you told Katelyn yet?”
She shook her head. “Nope, just found out today and I was so happy I could tell you in person!”
As I loaded my suitcase into her trunk and strapped Aiden’s booster seat into the backseat of my mom’s car, I felt so relieved. Over the past six months, I’d been questioning my move to Colorado. Not whether I’d made a mistake, but if I should think about staying temporarily and move on. I was now house shopping and there were quite a few in my price range I could afford by myself and I had told myself if I found something for us, I would stay and know I had made the right decision. Now, knowing my mom and stepdad were moving back, I felt even more at peace, knowing Colorado was where I should stay.
I missed things about California, mostly the weather and the friends and extended family I had left behind, but it was time to move forward with life. I was happy Miranda was getting married, almost relieved, that she and Ashlynn had a constant in their lives, too, and I hoped Jace would be a good dad to Ashlynn, since she would need one.
CHAPTER 19
Miranda’s mother’s house was a beehive of activity. Miranda already had a dress for me to wear and a little suit for Aiden. The wedding was to take place in her mother’s massive backyard garden.
When we were all ready and looking as good as we could, I grabbed Aiden’s hand and pulled the hem of my sleek black bridesmaid dress up to try to avoid stepping on it with my strappy black sandals and led him outdoors. The backyard was decorated so beautifully, it took my breath away. She already had gorgeous honeysuckle bushes and birds of paradise scattered throughout and a m
assive swimming pool with a fountain was in the corner. I’d swam here many times but it was the chairs decorated so ornately with bows, flowers, and chiffon ribbon, all facing a large flowered arch that made me really smile. It was simply beautiful.
Jace stood at the front, accompanied by two other men about his size, one was brown skinned and he reminded me of Sammy Sosa. The other was blonde and looked like Jace and I figured it must be his brother, Jory.
Aiden and Ashlynn walked along the silky aisle runner which elicited laughs and smiles from the small audience, then I walked behind our friend Shayla and stood in front, making sure Ashlynn and Aiden stood in front of us and stayed still. Miranda’s mother and my mom and stepdad were near the front so I knew I could pass the kids off to them if they became too antsy.
Miranda looked beautiful in a simple fitted cream dress and was holding a bouquet of red and cream roses. As she linked her arm through her father’s, I got a small tear in my eye. I knew how much she adored her dad and I’m sure she was glad he was here for her.
Jace’s face lit up as she walked down the aisle and I cursed myself for ever doubting him. I had made assumptions about him because of his being a minor league baseball player – the way Miranda had jumped to conclusions about Riley being in the military – but I could see the love he had in his eyes for Miranda and I was so happy my friend had found the right guy. I hoped one day I would, too, but I wasn’t holding my breath, as I had felt I had already met him and let him slip through my fingers and into the arms of someone else. And I didn’t mean my ex-husband, either.
***
The wedding had been gorgeous, even for November, the weather held up beautifully, if not a bit chilly, but it worked, thanks to the mild California climate.
I stayed in California for four days, then my mom and I dropped Aiden off at my ex’s, where he was going to stay until after the Thanksgiving holiday for a prearranged court visit. I didn’t know what I was going to do without my little man for three whole weeks.
I got off the plane in Colorado Springs and immediately felt the biting cold as I took the tunnel that led back into the terminal. Taking the escalator down to the baggage claim, I sighed as I saw a group of a dozen or so soldiers in full uniform headed into the ISO office of the airport.
I adjusted my purse strap and took a seat on a nearby bench and waited for the baggage carousel to indicate the luggage was on its way. I seemed to be one of the first people here from my flight and the airport didn’t seem that busy. However, it was a small airport so it wasn’t like it would be half the busy mess the Denver airport was. I loathed using DIA and avoided it whenever I could.
I was lost in my thoughts when I could feel someone staring at me. From the corner of my eye, I saw a guy wearing jeans and a charcoal grey hoodie sitting on a bench near another baggage carousel. I couldn’t see his face, but I could tell he was looking at me, and it creeped me out a little bit. I pulled out my phone and decided to distract myself and hoped he would lose interest and stop looking at me. Every time I was in public and saw or felt someone creepy looking at me, I always assumed it was an ex-inmate who most likely recognized me, but couldn’t place where he or she knew me from. Then when realization would dawn on them, they would quickly get out of my line of sight and disappear, as I was a reminder of a darker time in their life.
After about five minutes, the baggage carousel still had yet to beep the suitcases’ impending arrival. And the creeper in the gray hoodie was still looking in my direction. I wondered what type of person would keep a hoodie on over his head indoors like this, and thought it was probably a teenager. Maybe he wasn’t staring at me, maybe he was looking past me at something else. I turned my head to look but saw nothing even remotely interesting for him to stare at. As I glanced back over at him, I could see he was wringing his hands together and he almost seemed to be… nervous. Which in turn made me nervous. The guy was starting to piss me off now, and I contemplated finding an airport security guard for help, but dismissed it. As soon as my luggage arrived, I’d just leave and make sure he wouldn’t follow me.
Finally! The carousel began to light up. I stood and adjusted my purse strap again, as it began to slide down my leather jacket. I had my jeans tucked into black riding boots and I fished my Isotoner gloves from my purse in preparation for leaving. Thankfully, my little pink suitcase was one of the first to arrive, so I yanked it off and headed for the door, preparing for the blast of cold that would inevitably hit me.
I was one step from activating the electric doors with my steps when I heard my name.
“Cara.”
I froze. I knew that voice. I felt dizzy and swallowed hard, turning around slowly, only to face Gray Hoodie, only now I could see his face. As he lowered the hoodie with both hands, I felt warm tears fill my eyes and slide down my cheeks. It was Riley. It was my Riley, but it didn’t look like him. Not exactly.
He took a tentative step towards me and managed a smile. The scarring on the left side of his face made his smile looked forced – almost painful – and I stared, most likely with my mouth open, and almost dropped my suitcase. Oh, my God. Riley, my poor Riley.
CHAPTER 20
I stared, not knowing what to say. He took another step toward me and was still smiling. The dark blue ocean depths of his eyes were the same, still framed by those dark lashes, and his hair was the same, except he was missing part of it by his ear, which was also somewhat disfigured, matching what I could only assume were burn scars on his face.
This time I did drop the suitcase along with my purse, and launched myself into his arms, almost knocking him down. He placed his arms around me so tight, I almost couldn’t breathe. I heard him inhale into my hair and I could feel his body shake, as if he was crying. If he was, I didn’t want to see it.
We stood like that for what seemed like forever. It had to be minutes at least. He smelled the same. He felt familiar and I couldn’t stop the tears leaking down my face as a million memories came flooding into my mind in a barrage of pictures. Our first meeting, our first kiss, our first time making love in the early Saturday morning light in my bedroom. The concert on the Fourth of July. Our time in Reno when he had punched someone out for insulting me. Everything came back and it felt as if I had only been away from him for days – not over a year.
“I couldn’t do it anymore, Cara. I couldn’t stay away,” he murmured into my hair. “I’m too weak.”
When I had finally composed myself and mustered up the courage to pull away, I did so gingerly and looked into his face. “Oh, God, Riley,” I said.
It was awful. He was still beautiful, just different. I reached up to touch the scars with my fingertips and he pulled away.
“I… I’m sorry,” I whispered.
“No, I’m sorry. I knew you’d be here. I was waiting for you. I just had to see you,” he said, his wonderful blue eyes flicking between mine, as if searching for approval.
I shook my head slightly. “How? How did you know?”
He smiled again, the burn marks on his face stretching almost painfully-looking. “Facebook. You know, you really should adjust your privacy settings. I saw you left San Francisco about two hours ago and I knew you’d be here sooner or later.”
“I don’t understand why you want to see me,” I said quietly, breaking from his grip to go pick up my suitcase and purse.
He immediately relieved me of my suitcase and said, “Because I still love you. I never stopped.”
A twinge of anger began to seep its way up from my gut, but before I let it spew from my mouth, I took a breath and calmly asked, “So, where’s your girlfriend?”
He lowered his head and shook it. “There never was one.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Liar.”
He lifted his eyes and looked at me once more. “You’re right. I am a liar. I had to lie to you after I got back.”
He grabbed my hand and led me back to the bench I’d been sitting on, setting the suitcase down and making me sit. H
e kept hold of my hand and when I looked down at his, I could see the same scars on his left hand and I wanted to cry all over again.
“I was a wreck when I got back. Half dead. I was shocked you said I had called you from Israel because I don’t remember doing so. I was doped up on morphine and God knows what else.” He paused and stared into my eyes. Then he took a deep breath. “We were on patrol and a roadside bomb went off. I lost two friends,” his voice hitched at that and I felt the hot tears sting my eyes once more. He took another breath and continued. “I was on fire for fifteen seconds before someone put it out. Fifteen seconds of hell. I thought I was going to die. I thought I would never see you, or my parents, or my brother again. As I passed out in the back of the rig, I saw your face in my mind, and I thought that was it.”
He stopped and I just listened. I had a million questions but I felt like he needed to talk. And even though he was so hurt, so broken, I was still selfishly angry with him. He’d been through hell. But so had I.
“They airlifted me to Israel. They have great doctors there, and I’m grateful they helped me as much as they did. But I’ll always be this,” he finished, touching to his face. “I just couldn’t let you see me like this when I got back so I made everything up. I knew it would be the only way you would take no for an answer. You deserve better – you and Aiden – and I knew you had your pick of whoever you wanted, and I certainly wouldn’t be that person.”
I felt like he was done for now, so I said, “That wasn’t your decision to make, Riley. I died that day you called and said you didn’t want to see me. A piece of my heart and soul were ripped to shreds. I haven’t even been with anyone else since I was with you. I just couldn’t…” I trailed off.
He seemed surprised by my whispered confession, but I wasn’t sure he bought it.
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