I shook my head. “What would be the point of going on, Mom? I don’t even want to imagine my life without Uriah in it. He has been my strength ever since we started dating. With everything Dad has put me through, I don’t know what my life would be like right now if not for Uriah. I owe him so much.”
My mom tried to smile, but her lips did not rise very far. “Claire, I understand that Uriah has helped you deal with your father’s putdowns and schemes, and has loved you and treated you like the precious gift you are. I understand that, but he has not lived your life for you.”
Taking my shoulders in her hands, my mom squeezed reassuringly. “You took his advice and made your life better. You are a good person, a strong person. I am so glad that you’ve had Uriah to support you the past few years, but your life is your own. You decide where your life will go, whether that includes Uriah, or not.”
I glanced up at Lina. Her expression was so hard to read. My mom was most concerned with me. She needed to make sure that I would not take the same out Uriah had almost taken. My mom would never be able to bear losing one of her children. Lina was a different story.
She loved her son, and he was all she had left. She had seen the desperation in his eyes when he couldn’t promise her that he would persevere. My mom telling me that everything would be alright even without Uriah in my life was all well and good for me, but I could tell that Lina was not thinking only of me. Her eyes seemed to hold the question of whether the same thing was true for her son.
I tried to give her a reassuring smile, but the quiver in my lips gave away my matching fear. I had no idea whether my mom’s words were true anymore than Lina did. The best I could offer my mom was a hug that allowed me to hide my face over her shoulder. She seemed to realize that was all I could give and abandoned her campaign. Lina turned back to the stove to start serving dinner.
The three of us sat around the table, eating in near silence. Lina and my mom made a few attempts at conversation, but it never lasted long. The fear and doubt hovering in the room pushed out everything else but the bond, never the torturous bond. Taking bite after bite of the warm fajitas provided no enjoyment. I ate simply to move the encounter along. I needed to reach the safety of Uriah’s room. It took all my energy to hold back my tears.
When my mother finally made her way to her car, I rushed off to Uriah’s room without a word to Lina. I didn’t want face her questioning eyes anymore. The conversation before dinner had weakened me, and the Twin Soul bond could find any weakness and tear it even wider. Landing on the bed, I dug my face into Uriah’s pillow. The smell of his body still lingered, but I could tell it was not as strong as it had been. Finally the tears fell.
The first dark spots hit the pillow in singular drops, but soon spread and covered the thin material. Pushing myself up, I clamped my jaw shut, refusing to allow one more sob to escape. Not forgetting my discovery earlier that afternoon, my fingers slipped under my sleeve and bit hard. I barely felt it even though I knew my grip couldn’t have been any tighter.
I tried again. A slight twinge broke through the fear and pounding weight of the bond. I was too far gone. I couldn’t even bring Uriah’s face to my mind. I brought my hand to my mouth to stifle the scream I could not hold back. I knew what I had to do.
I stumbled off the bed, searching the room for what I needed. Pawing through the random items on top of the bookshelf, I found nothing. The computer desk lay scattered with Uriah’s treasures. I remembered seeing something the day before. Papers and CD cases were knocked away, uncovering a pocket knife.
I snatched the little chunk of metal off the desk and flipped out the blade. I pushed up my sleeve and took a deep breath before letting the biting edge of it slide across my arm. I felt it. Pain emanated from the thin wound. I let the blade fall again. The cuts were shallow, but the relief was tremendous. One by one the grasping strings of the bond receded. Even my fear was forced away.
Scarlet lines slid down my skin as I plead for the war inside me to end.
22: Qaletaqa
My hands ached as I poured the last of the juniper juice into the boiling water. At first the smell had been pleasant, but now with so many ingredients swirling around, the scent was making my head spin. That was the last one, though. My fingers were stained a dull blue, but I couldn’t complain. I was finished.
I glanced at the clock and heard my stomach growl. Samantha and Kaya had been quietly working at the table for hours, poring over books, notes, journals, anything that might hold a scrap of useful information about the Matwau. Neither of the sisters noticed that dinnertime had long since passed. I suspected that they would go on indefinitely if I didn’t interrupt them, which I did.
“Kaya, Samantha, I think I’m done.”
Their heads popped up in unison. Samantha was the first to move, hurrying over to the stove to check the boiling mixture. Her nose wrinkled at the smell, but her gaze was approving.
“You’ve done a wonderful job, Uriah,” she said. “We’ll let this simmer for another hour then we’ll take it off and let it sit overnight. The ingredients need time to bond with each other and strengthen the potency. We’ll finish it tomorrow morning.”
Tomorrow morning. I was only hours away from having the potion, Claire’s salvation. The next day I would be on my way home to her. My stomach growled again. This time Samantha heard it. Her eyes flitted to the clock and gasped in surprised. It was already nine o’clock.
“Oh, Uriah, I’m sorry,” Samantha said. “I didn’t realize what time it was. Let me find you something to eat.”
I was about to say I was fine, but her head had already disappeared into the refrigerator. After a few seconds of searching, she emerged with a large red pot. Hurrying to the stove, she set the heavy pan down with a thud and lit the burner beneath it. The heat roused the mouthwatering scents of cumin and chili seasoning.
“I hope you don’t mind having left over chili beans,” Samantha said.
The beans smelled almost as good as my mother’s. “Chili sounds great,” I said.
“Go sit down, Uriah,” Samantha commanded, “your feet must be aching by now.”
Feet, back, hands, head, I couldn’t find a part of me that wasn’t aching. I stared past her to the soft couches in the living room, but pulled a straight backed wooden chair out from the table instead. I collapsed into it with a groan. The stack of unread books still seemed unusually large. I was amazed that there was even that much information available to them. Most of them seemed to be journals, probably from past shamans and villagers.
Picking up the nearest book, I opened it to the first page and began reading. It was indeed a handwritten journal, but not from a shaman or Elder, just from a member of the community. Every entry was a simple accounting of the writer’s daily activities. Surely there won’t be anything useful in this, I thought. Too long surrounded by the impossible to dismiss the book, I continued reading.
I was starting to become interested in the writer’s simple life when Kaya dropped her book. The slap of the hardback on the table froze everything in the room. “Kaya,” I asked, “are you alright?”
“I found it,” she whispered.
Samantha appeared out of nowhere, crouching by her sister’s side. She handed me the bowl of chili as an afterthought. “You found what?”
Looking up at me, Kaya said, “I told you that I felt like I had heard the answer before, but I couldn’t quite remember, right? Well, this is why I thought I knew.” Her finger jabbed the book she had dropped.
“What is it?” I asked.
“This book was written after the Spaniards conquered the Tewa and began converting them to Christianity. Some of the people joined the Spaniard’s faith, but not all, not the Elders,” Kaya said. “The Spaniards taught a very small number of the Tewa how to read and write. Afraid that the people would forget their history, the Elders asked one of these Spaniard trained Tewa to come to them and dictated some of the teachings and stories they felt were most precious an
d in danger of being forgotten.”
“When did you get that?” Samantha asked.
Kaya’s face scrunched in confusion. “I got it about six months ago from Tyler Perez. He found it in an old box after his grandmother died,” she said. “How did it end up here? I’ve been looking for this for months.”
Her sister shook her head. “I don’t know. Maybe it got left here by mistake when you were helping me with genealogy a while back. You brought a big stack of old journals and records with you. It must have gotten mixed in with my books.”
“What does the book say?” I asked, bringing them back to the point.
“It has the prophecy in it, the one I was looking for, Uriah, the one about you.”
My body wanted to collapse in on itself. I wanted to know more about the Matwau, but I balked at the thought of there being an actual prophecy about me and what I was expected to do. My future was my own. I would not turn it over to anyone else.
“The prophecy is exactly what we needed,” Kaya said.
“Well, read it to us. We’re not going to stand around all night waiting,” her sister said.
Kaya picked up the book, her expression growing solemn. Samantha pulled a chair closer to her sister and sat down. My hands started to itch again, never a good sign.
“Centuries before our time, a shaman of great power lived among us. Her name was Bhawana. Bhawana had the ability to foretell the future. She had blessed our people with many great prophecies, but none as great as this.
“Bhawana was gathering herbs one spring day when she was swept up in a vision. Before her, she saw the hated Matwau, the Enemy of Happiness. Bhawana was afraid of this being, half animal, half man, because she knew he stalked the earth, seeking out Twin Souls only to cut their lives short before they could reach the joy of their partner.
“Bhawana hid behind a rock, hoping the Matwau would not see her. Suddenly she realized that the Matwau was not alone. He carried a young woman with him. She was not a Tewa girl, but she was his prisoner. Bhawana knew the laws governing the Matwau and wondered why he would hold this girl captive rather than kill her outright.
“Lesser creatures erupted from the trees, chasing a young man. The boy ran into the valley after the Matwau, but the Matwau had already escaped to the mesa above him. The lesser creatures surrounded the boy, refusing to let him pass. The creatures were surprised when the young man dodged their every attack, launching his own when they were finally worn thin.
“His great strength took each creature and thrust it aside. The Matwau howled in rage that the creatures had failed. He tried to run, but the young man was on top of him before he could escape. The girl was tossed aside by the Matwau, and the fight began.
“The battle was bitter, seeming many times that the young hero would be defeated, but his powerful will bent against the Matwau, crushing him into the earth until nothing but dust remained. Staggering in his victory, the young man rushed to the woman’s side. At their touch, joy spread across the valley. Bhawana felt the Twin Soul bond form and carry the young couple away to eternal bliss.
“When the vision left Bhawana, she rushed back to the village to tell the Elders what she had seen. The Elders wept at her telling, filled with joy that the Matwau would one day be defeated, freeing the people from their fear of him and what he could do. Bhawana pronounced the young man would be the Qaletaqa, the Guardian of the People, but warned that the dark gods would oppose him and seek to stop him from fulfilling his purpose.
“Bhawana charged the Elders to remember her vision and watch for the Qaletaqa to arrive. She warned that the Elders would need to aid him in his quest if he was to be successful. We, the Elders of the Tewa, have had this prophecy written so future generations can keep our vigil and be ready when the Qaletaqa comes.”
Kaya set the book down gently. The hush over the room was palpable. I had to remind myself to breathe again and again. My mind locked itself away, not wanting to face the details of Bhawana’s vision. The vision paralleled my dreams exactly. Words written hundreds of years before my birth had recorded the exact dreams that plagued me every night.
The fact that I would be forced to face the Matwau one last time was something I had already come to grips with. I would still have avoided the creature for the rest of my life if I had any say in the matter, but I believed Kaya’s estimation that the Matwau would force my hand by breaking all laws and capturing my Twin Soul to use her as bait.
Fear raged through me. Not because of the battle I knew I would fight, but for the last detail of Bhawana’s prophecy. The Twin Soul bond would form and carry the young couple away to eternal bliss. Those words froze me with terror beyond anything I had experienced in the past five days.
I looked at my hands, stained blue from crushing juniper berries. The only way to sever the Twin Soul bond would be in my hands by tomorrow morning. Claire promised she was fighting the bond and waiting for me to return, but what would I bring her? Could I ask her to cut her bond to Daniel only to have myself be carried away to ‘eternal bliss’ afterward?
“It can’t be true,” I whispered. I heard one or both of the sisters shift, but could not look up to face them.
“Uriah, it really only confirms what we already knew,” Kaya said softly. “You knew you would have to face the Matwau again to rescue your Twin Soul.”
Then I did look up. Kaya and Samantha grimaced. I knew my pain was plainly expressed in my features. “It can’t all be true,” I said again, more firm than before.
Kaya shook her head, but Samantha put one hand on her sisters, and the other touched her heart. Kaya saw the gesture, and understanding fell over her. “Claire,” she said sadly.
“I can’t give her up that easily,” I said. “I won’t give her up, not at all.” My fist slammed on the table, startling the wide-eyed sisters.
“Claire can bring you here, Uriah,” Samantha said. “We’ll make the potion again. Everything will be fine.”
“She said that we were ‘carried away.’ What if I don’t even have enough strength to go back to Claire and ask her to come to Hano? What if I forget her the second I touch this girl?” I asked. Defiance struggled with fear to control my emotions.
“You are stronger than that, Uriah Crowe,” Kaya said firmly. “You have been through hell to get here, all to rescue Claire. There is no way you would give her up so lightly. None. I refuse to believe it.”
“I don’t believe it either,” Samantha said in support. “Besides, visions aren’t always terribly reliable, not on the little details at least.”
“True,” Kaya said matter-of-factly, “the vision already has some holes in it if you ask me.”
I knew they were trying to make me feel better, but Kaya’s serious tone drew me in. “What do you mean?” I asked.
“The vision has already missed an important part of the story. You won’t face the Matwau alone,” Kaya said. At first I thought she meant that she and Samantha were planning to help, which was absolute nonsense, but I was quickly set straight by a powerful thought flooding into mine.
“No, you will not be alone,” Talon promised. “We will stand with you against whatever odds, and if you even think of running off with this girl, I will sink my teeth into your leg and drag you back to Claire. Kicking and screaming if necessary.”
A faint smile played on my lips. “I will hold you to that promise,” I said to him.
“What is so funny?” Kaya asked.
Shaking my head, I said, “Nothing, Talon was just reminding me of how sharp his teeth are.”
The sisters nodded, most likely taking my words as a comment on Talon’s fighting prowess. “You will have help from the desert animals, which Bhawana didn’t see. Perhaps there are other details of her vision that are open to interpretation as well.”
“Your future is your own, Uriah,” Samantha said. “You cannot be forced to take a certain path any more than you can be told the exact results of taking such a path. You could leave the girl to her fate a
nd never face the Matwau if you choose to. I know you won’t, but nothing is set in stone, nothing that can’t be chiseled away and written again.”
Her words were firm and clear, but I couldn’t help doubt them. I was definitely not about to bow down to a prophecy made centuries before I was born, but the idea that the prophecy could be wrong in some details led me to wonder whether it could be wrong in the larger details as well. If I could resist my Twin Soul, could I also lose the battle against the Matwau?
“This is a fairly common problem with prophecies,” Kaya said. “Most of the time the prophecy is about the event happening, not always about the particular details of how, why, or when. You shouldn’t take the prophecy for anything more of a foretelling that you will face the Matwau to rescue your Twin Soul. I am certain you will beat him, but as I said before, the other details may not be completely accurate.”
“What prophecies,” I asked.
“There was a prophecy made in the days before the Tewa settled in New Mexico that the Tewa would be conquered. The shaman said that they would be forced to give up their heritage and that the Tewa people would be lost forever,” Kaya said.
“Oñate did conquer the Tewa in 1596, but the pueblo people refused to abandon their beliefs, not completely anyway. Some did convert to Christianity, but even many of those still held with their tribal traditions and beliefs. The shaman was wrong about the Tewa being lost,” Samantha added.
“Most likely, the shaman saw the conquerors come and overwhelm the Tewa, and drew her own conclusions about how the Tewa would come out of it. It is possible that Bhawana, seeing that you came to rescue your Twin Soul and succeeded, merely assumed that you would carry your Twin Soul away to a future filled with happiness. How could she have guessed that you would be the only man in history to have already found true happiness and turn away from fate?” Kaya said. Her smile touched on motherly pride.
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