No Such Thing As Immortality

by Sarah Tranter

  ‘I failed to think, and it was unforgivable. What that was, was my being an absolute idiot. It was not at all the way for you to find out, and I behaved totally and utterly unprofessionally. I found myself unable to resist, but regretted the situation it put you in straight away. I am more sorry than I can put into words.’

  She looked so vulnerable. ‘We had an agreement … But what you did … what happened – is more than I needed, or wanted, to know.’

  ‘I realise that …’ I had no choice but to explain myself, and had absolutely no idea how she was going to react. ‘I have an ability to talk very quietly and at a generally inaudible pitch. It is a part of what I am. I was experiencing the most exciting business meeting of my career because of your presence, and I wanted to communicate that to you privately. I discovered at the theatre you can hear me when others cannot and …’

  She was shaking her head. Her face beyond confusion. ‘This makes no sense at all! Why on earth would I hear your extra quiet voice, when I struggle to hear everyone else’s normal voice?’

  ‘I know not – but you can,’ I whispered, allowing my hand to gently stroke hers.

  She frowned and retrieved her hands in order to cross her arms over her chest. ‘Did you know I’ve yet to struggle to hear you at all … even … I think, with my hearing aids out?’ I nodded. ‘Of course you did! It just doesn’t make any sense!’ She shook her head and then looked even more confused. ‘On the one hand it freaks me out,’ she looked at my eyes again before continuing quietly, ‘but on the other it— You can’t begin to understand how lovely it is to never miss anything you might say, never needing to ask you to repeat yourself. I can be myself with you completely. It’s liberating not to have to struggle, but …’

  ‘You find it unsettling,’ I added gently.

  ‘Yes, Nate – I find it effing unsettling!’ She returned to her pen.

  ‘I would rather look at it as being special, our being attuned to each other. My voice works for you, and your voice works for me.’

  ‘How does my voice work for you?’ she asked faintly.

  ‘Look at me, Rowan.’ I waited for her to meet my eyes. ‘Your voice enchants me. It is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. When I am without the pleasure of hearing it as it is spoken from your lips, it stays with me, keeping me company until I have the joy of being in your presence again.’

  She flushed and replied shakily, ‘How can one man disconcert, yet comfort … and excite, too?’

  ‘Are we still talking about the hearing here?’

  She shook her head. Shaking her head harder, she blinked, fixed me with a determined look, and sighed. ‘Can it work both ways?’

  My confusion must have been apparent.

  She explained. ‘The talking quietly bit, not just the hearing bit. Is it something that can be taught? Because it really isn’t right you can get away with saying whatever you want like that – and I can’t shitting well respond! You can’t imagine what I wanted to say to you in that meeting today, for your ears only … the car, the working for you, the freaky secret language.’

  I could imagine. ‘Even if I could teach it, do you honestly think it would be in my best interests?’ I chuckled, whilst shaking my head. Amazingly, she had calmed down, and had accepted my revelation in a way I could not possibly have hoped. She was incredible. ‘I am sorry, Rowan … for it all. I need your forgiveness.’

  ‘You know, I experience a lot of déjà vu around you!’

  ‘I am conscious that I am not the easiest … character to be around.’

  ‘Huh, that’s putting it mildly! If you aren’t running me off the road, you’re giving me a heart attack in the bathroom or—’

  ‘But I did dress up as a dinosaur for you.’

  She smiled. ‘Yes, you did.’

  ‘Am I too much for you?’ I asked, trying to stifle my panic at what her answer might be.

  She looked at me for a while, appearing to ponder, which did nothing to settle my nerves. What was she thinking? I couldn’t make head nor tail of her current confusion of sentiments. Then she grinned. ‘Are you saying I can’t handle you, Nathaniel Gray?’

  I shook my head and looked into her eyes, ‘Rowan, if anyone could, you could.’

  She met my gaze and said quietly, ‘Right answer, Nate.’

  ‘Am I forgiven?’ I pleaded, wanting to maximise on my good fortune.

  ‘No, you have a lot of grovelling ahead of you.’

  ‘I can grovel.’ I deserved to grovel.

  ‘I don’t believe that for a minute!’

  I took her hand, which was fidgeting with her pen, and moved my own to gently stroke her lower arm. Her heart rate increased. I immediately stopped as I felt the chemistry between us change. I spoke in a more strained voice now, ‘I have never grovelled to anyone … but I would for you. I would do anything for you.’

  ‘Anything?’ she whispered, in a voice that set me ablaze. This was torture.

  I shut my eyes and corrected myself. ‘Almost anything.’ I sighed, removing my hand quickly. ‘I am sorry.’

  ‘Déjà vu again …’

  I smiled sadly and inclined my head.

  I found it to be a strange sensation, feeling Rowan’s emotions when she was at work. I had walked her down the corridor to her office fifty-nine minutes ago, before reconvening with Peters.

  She appeared to be so much more in control in the workplace. She seemed more ordered, calm, and less confused. I found it fascinating, and highly distracting. I really wasn’t focusing on work at all.

  I knew there was an issue instantly I felt the surge of terror engulf her.

  I knew exactly what it meant, and acted before it could have its inevitable impact upon me. I managed to outrun it. That was a first.

  Instantaneously, I was standing between Rowan and the entity causing her to back herself into the corner of her office, between a filing cabinet and a large floor-standing potted plant. The relief she felt at seeing me was overwhelming and dwarfed her fear. Thank you for having faith in me, my love. I could function.

  I knew from Rowan’s reaction the creature before me was Simeon Frey. And it was him who I had seen at the hospital. Although built slightly, his six-foot frame emitted a disconcerting sense of power. His hair was straight, ash-blond and held in a small pony tail at the nape of his neck. His eyes were not dissimilar to Heather’s, but there was an edge to them; they were harder. And his scent? Now that I was breathing it in, in close proximity, there was a sulphuric harshness to it. Indeed, as I inhaled, it almost felt like it was singeing my nose and throat. He actually smelt of danger. And he was most definitely not human.

  ‘Rowan?’ I asked gently, over my shoulder.

  ‘I’m fine, Nate – now I’m fine.’ I felt her hand reach for mine and I took it, giving a reassuring squeeze.

  ‘Quite an effect you have on women, Mr Frey,’ I stated caustically, my voice borderline. My narrowed eyes, fixed upon his and which Rowan couldn’t see, had passed borderline.

  He didn’t flinch. He clearly knew what he was facing.

  ‘Nathaniel Gray, I presume.’ His voice was high and acerbic.

  I inclined my head, never moving my eyes from his. ‘I anticipate professionally there are no hard feelings between us?’

  He, in turn, inclined his own head. ‘Not at all. We are businessmen, after all.’

  Talking to my right shoulder in a voice he had clearly attempted to make sound more pleasing, but instead sounded decidedly menacing, he said, ‘It’s a shame we were interrupted, Rowan. But I can wait.’

  I felt Rowan’s spasm of terror. I barely suppressed the growl from deep within. It was excruciating having to hold myself in check.

  Before I had obtained enough control over my baser instincts, to speak in a manner that would have passed as human, he was gone and the door had closed behind him.

  I fought the instinctual urge to pursue, but Rowan was barely holding it together. She needed me. And in any event, her emotion
al state was having its inevitable impact on my ability to function physically. Taking her gently in my arms, I moved us to the chair at her desk, where I cradled her in my lap, waiting for her emotional release.

  She spoke against my chest. ‘I don’t mind about the car, I don’t mind about the freaky stuff, I don’t mind working for you. I promise I’ll be good.’ She then burst into tears.

  I held her and gently stroked her back.

  Ripping his throat out was too quick. I knew exactly what Simeon Frey was: he was my prey.

  ‘What does he mean, he can wait?’ she asked, shakily.

  ‘It was just words,’ I said, gently brushing her tears away with my fingertips.

  But I knew it had been a threat.

  ‘He is gone, and I am here. There is nothing to worry about.’

  And for the first time, I believed it applied to me, too. My protection applied to anyone and everyone that represented a risk to Rowan. And I knew, now, that included me. How could I ever hurt her? I could not, and I would not. It would be worse than destroying myself.

  I let my lips gently follow the path of her tears and the room electrified. Rowan’s emotions were in harmony with my own. ‘Nate?’ she gasped, and I lifted my head to meet her eyes.

  And in that moment, I knew I would do anything for Rowan; anything to relieve her distress, anything to distract her. But who was I trying to convince? It was hardly just for her. I found myself uttering the words, ‘As for being good, let us work at it, and see if there is any chance …

  She felt hope, so much hope. ‘I can be bad?’ she whispered.

  I was strained. I had no idea whether I could be strong enough for this. ‘There are no promises, but we can work at things.’ Frowning, I added quietly, ‘But I do not think you can ever be bad. Bad is for me.’

  ‘I disagree. You don’t know what I’m thinking at the moment.’

  I shook my head, forcing myself not to go there. ‘Like I said, we can work at it.’

  But she would need to know first. She had to know what I was. And there was the problem. I knew what the result of that would be … so it was all, in essence, hypothetical.

  I saw her look, and quickly interjected, ‘But not here and now.’ If only … ‘I think we have both had rather too much excitement for one day. It may be the middle of the day, but I am taking you home.’

  ‘I don’t want to go home,’ she declared, raising her hand to stroke the side of my face. The heat that channelled from her touch soared through my veins.

  I attempted to sound in control, ‘Well, then, I am taking you …’ Where? Where was I taking her? I knew I had to refocus on the task in hand.

  ‘How about I introduce you to my sister?’

  Chapter Fifteen

  Aunty Hetty

  ‘I love her, Nate, but you knew I would,’ Elizabeth said softly.

  It was night-time. Rowan was safely tucked up in her bed and her breathing confirmed she was sleeping peacefully. Elizabeth and I were both sat on her roof, reflecting on our afternoon.

  ‘I can almost forgive her the pain she causes you when her emotions are all over the place. If only she could get a handle on them. But, I suppose she wouldn’t be Rowan then, would she?’ I smiled fondly and shook my head in response. ‘She’s sassy! That’s the way I’d describe her. And you, big brother, have completely met your match.’

  ‘She likes you too, Elizabeth … but I knew she would.’ I smiled, echoing her earlier words, whilst affectionately ruffling her hair.

  I recalled Rowan’s description of my sister, ‘She’s so beautiful. You both share such beauty …’ She had paused before proceeding, ‘I know she’s like you. Are you going to tell me she’s not safe, too? Because I don’t see it. She’s lovely. She’s kind and fun and I warmed to her instantly. I don’t normally warm to people straight away, I need to get to know them, but I did with Elizabeth. And she loves you deeply, Nate.’

  I had looked at Rowan’s eyes, unbelievably large and unable to comprehend we could be anything but good and safe. I hadn’t known how to answer, because I trusted Elizabeth completely with Rowan, despite my instinctual obsession to protect.

  But she was like me; designed to kill. In fact, Elizabeth had killed. We might choose not to drink the blood of humans, but we were made to do so. The response I had settled on was brief.

  ‘That is not an easy question to answer. As you gathered, she is like me. But I trust her with you … in a way I have been struggling to fully trust myself.’

  Rowan had looked at me pointedly. ‘But you’re working on that, right?’

  I sighed my response. ‘I am, believe me, I am.’

  Elizabeth was proceeding with her own appraisal of Rowan. There was a note of sadness in her voice. ‘I wouldn’t have believed it was possible. In fact, I was shocked. But from what I saw today, I think she feels for you as much as you do her. It’s all been so quick … so intense. But you two look perfect together. You must be able to find a way … Rowan’s parents did.’

  ‘Mmmm. But we do not believe Rosie was human … and that makes quite a difference.’

  ‘Have you felt an urge to suck her blood since that first night?’

  I cringed, but answered honestly, ‘No, Yes … it would be nice.’ I smiled and raised my eyebrows, ‘It is always a temptation. You know that. But … it has been controllable. It has not been the thirst.’

  ‘Have you felt other urges?’

  ‘Elizabeth …’

  ‘Sorry, of course you have. I was just being polite. It’s odd seeing thoughts like that in your head.’

  ‘Then get out of my head!’ I snarled.

  She ignored me, choosing instead to insist, ‘You’ll find a way. You have to.’

  Frederick arrived at that point, landing silently on the roof beside us. Elizabeth and he were still experiencing difficulties following my lapse in concentration on Saturday night. And I felt terrible about it. But some kind of truce had been called, following Frey’s earlier visit to Rowan’s offices.

  When Rowan and I had met up with Elizabeth, in an eatery on the ground floor of Selfridges, I had let Elizabeth read my thoughts. Whilst ensuring Rowan ate some lunch, I silently asked for any support on offer to deal with Frey. As soon as Elizabeth had left us, she had brought the others up to date. All had vowed to take whatever action was necessary.

  ‘Time you headed back,’ Frederick said in my head. I didn’t want to leave Rowan, even for a minute, but needs must, and I absolutely had to be in control of this.

  ‘You can trust me, Nate. I’m armed to the teeth.’ He turned to show me the sword strapped to his back, there was a gun poking out of his waistband, and he wriggled his foot, so I could see the daggers tucked into his boots. ‘I knew my combat skills would come in handy again! That’s if I need them, of course.’ He flashed me a toothy grin. ‘I’ll range out to listen to everything within our four mile or so hearing range and will call if there’s anything remotely out of the ordinary. You can be here within a couple of minutes.’

  ‘Thirty seconds,’ I corrected, with Rowan in the equation.

  ‘We need you to promise not to go after Frey on your own, Nate,’ Madeleine pressed on my return to the house.

  ‘He is a threat to her!’ I hissed.

  ‘No one is disputing that, but we need to bide our time. We are one hundred percent behind you, but we need to be as fully informed as possible and know exactly what we’re dealing with. You will have your opportunity, but at the moment, you need to be there for Rowan, not risking your immortal life unnecessarily. Promise us, Nate. What good would that do Rowan?’

  I growled. But I knew it made sense. I had pretty much come to the same conclusion already.

  ‘I have spoken to Fergus again. He wasn’t aware of Frey, but he’s going to use his numerous contacts to find out more. He has not taken at all well the threat that appears to exist towards his goddaughter. That’s a major understatement, actually. You would have imagined a vampire of his years
had learnt to control his temper by now, but that’s another story. He’s a cabinet member of the Vampire Council, so his contacts are particularly extensive.’

  My sanctuary, in which I had chosen to remain out of politics and the outside world more often than not, seemed to be an existence away.

  ‘Furthermore, he has pledged the full support of each member of his coven. And if Frey is connected to the death of Seth Locke, the Council could be mobilised for support.’

  James spoke up from his position, perched on the edge of the table by the window, ‘You know? I’d forgotten how much I liked excitement!’

  I couldn’t meet his beam with any kind of smile of my own. ‘I am paying Aunty Hetty a visit,’ I announced. ‘Enough is enough. She seems to be the key to obtaining the information we need, and she will want to safeguard Rowan, too.’

  ‘We knew you’d say that!’ James cried. ‘I’m coming with you.’

  I paused, but only for a second. His company made sense. Not that I for one moment thought Aunty Hetty represented a risk to me because, surprisingly, I didn’t. It made sense simply because, if she was non co-operative, I didn’t think I could be held accountable for my actions. Although James wound me up, and had historically been responsible for my worst losses of temper, he conversely knew how to calm me down … if he felt that way inclined.

  Heather Fairchild opened the door to us almost immediately, fully dressed, and as if she had been expecting us, despite it being three o’clock in the morning. She smiled faintly and moved aside to let us in.

  James immediately started sneezing. I raised my eyebrows in his direction. ‘Bloody cats! She has to have bloody fuck-off cats! These days they don’t get close enough to be an issue …’ He had been speaking silently, but broke off to release a very audible, ‘Arrgggghh! Attisshoooo!!!’

  ‘Nathaniel,’ she said dryly, ‘and your friend, James.’ She saw our shock, which we failed to disguise quickly enough.