No Such Thing As Immortality

by Sarah Tranter

  ‘Hang on a minute! Haven’t you been calling yourself a monster and been terrified you would hurt her? And you’ve known about the vampire bit for nearly two hundred years! I’m assuming you’ve finally caught up with us all now, with the realisation – you could never hurt her? You’ve taken your time, mate. She just needs time. And time she hasn’t had. How did you think she’d take it?’

  I had known all along I would lose her the moment she knew.

  ‘Mate … you’re forgetting she called for you when—’

  ‘When she was poisoned, James. She was making no sense. And her choosing me over Frey is hardly a vote of confidence!’ I failed to see how I could go on without Rowan …

  James’ concern increased. ‘There’s no need to turn into a drama queen. Let’s take this one day at a time. She knows. That should be a relief … although it presents a few issues for all of us there, mate. But it’s up to her now. She’s going to get better. You saved her from the desperately freakish clutches of Frey, whatever the fuck he is. He’s gravely wounded and—’

  ‘He still lives?’ I snapped, immediately alarmed.

  ‘Ummmm … yess … But he’s in custody … the spooks have him … Sorry! I wasn’t going to tell you that bit …’

  Well, at least there was a purpose to my existence now. Frey was going to die.

  ‘Things are looking up! You even have some control over Rowan’s more extreme emotions, now. Just as well really, bearing in mind what she’s going to be like when she wakes up.

  ‘But I ask you, Nate,’ James now spoke in a hushed whisper, ‘what the bloody hell happened tonight?’

  Chapter Eighteen

  The Awakening

  As I lay by Rowan’s side, praying she would recover as predicted, I listened to everyone speculate. It was a way to escape my own thoughts, which were of the deepest, darkest kind. I was near the edge, and when I no longer needed to hold myself together, I would topple.

  And when I did, I would take Frey with me.

  It felt dishonourable and selfish lying beside an unconscious Rowan. During a brief telephone conversation with Heather – during which she’d still managed to grill me about all Rowan had said whilst poisoned – I had suggested it may be best Rowan not wake up with her nightmare anywhere near her. ‘No! You owe Rowan an explanation. And anyway … I’m indisposed,’ she had said.

  I knew what she was doing. But she hadn’t been there. To Rowan I was a thing of terror … and dead; both a dead vampire, and dead to her …

  Not surprisingly, the speculative discussions covered three main topics: What just happened/what the hell are the freaking spooks? my ‘dumping’ and its repercussions and, if ‘the psychopathic crackpot’ could have been trusted to utter a sane syllable, could Rowan be half-vampire, half-faerie/spook?

  They weren’t really your usual topics of conversation, but what was usual in our existences at present?

  As I listened into a conversation on topic one, I realised it was rather like the scary tales that might be told around a campfire.

  ‘So what exactly happened tonight?’ James asked quietly.

  There was silence. A long silence.

  ‘That’s cool,’ he finally piped up. ‘At least I know you’re as freaked out as me – and I’m not the only one feeling bloody vulnerable!’

  ‘I saw it with my own eyes, but still can’t believe it,’ Madeleine whispered.

  ‘He stabbed Nate,’ Elizabeth said in a hushed tone. ‘And Nate bled. He could have killed my brother …’ Her next words were a question. ‘Has he let any of you tend his wounds?’ They must have been shaking their heads because she continued, ‘No … nor me. I mean … are they healing?’

  Silence. I tentatively lifted my still blood-stained shirt – I hadn’t even changed my clothes or had a shower – or fed. And my body felt like it desperately needed to feed. Flaking away some of the dried blood, I could clearly see the inch-long puncture wound, but it was healing. It had drawn tight, not yet a scar. But the whole of my front torso was black and blue and I could guess that my back would be worse. But the pain was easing up. I was mending.

  ‘What is Frey?’ Frederick asked. ‘What he did with his hands … and – he should be dead!’

  ‘And Heather? What she did to Nate …’ James added. ‘That had to be the world’s freakiest head-fuck! I mean – bloody hell – we aren’t just talking reading his thoughts here. She got into his head and … and … Look what she did to him!’

  ‘Just spare me the faerie bullshit,’ Frederick muttered.

  ‘It’s the best we’ve got,’ Madeleine stated.

  ‘Heather won’t confirm one way or the other,’ James said. ‘And if I’m honest … I didn’t feel comfortable pursuing the subject.’

  ‘This is all so weird – and scary,’ Elizabeth reflected, quietly. ‘Let’s assume they are the Fey …’ Frederick tittered, but she ignored him, ‘… they aren’t really what I had in mind.’

  James laughed nervously. ‘No – none of them are very Tinkerbellish, are they?’

  ‘Tinkerhellish more like!’ Frederick corrected, and I found myself grinning, despite myself.

  ‘I like that!’ James laughed loudly. ‘That fits Heather perfectly! Well done, Freddie!’ I heard the sound of a slap to a back.

  ‘And then there were those that Heather sent …’ Madeleine added musingly. ‘They were … strangely beautiful. Like wingless angels, but armed to the teeth.’ Her voice sounded appreciative.

  ‘For fuck’s sake, Mads,’ James muttered.

  ‘No, I must agree there,’ Elizabeth spoke up. ‘They were nothing like Frey. They really were incredibly beautiful … James, Freddie – don’t look at each other that way. They didn’t get into our heads. But they were very …’

  ‘Hot! Fit? Sex on—?’ Madeleine’s giggled suggestions were interrupted by James’ snarl.

  ‘Mmmmm,’ Elizabeth replied. ‘If they were faeries – then I want to believe!’

  I heard Frederick’s hiss.

  Madeleine continued, ‘I wouldn’t mind having them in the bushes at the bottom of the garden!’

  ‘Did they charm you?’ James roared. ‘Freddie – do you think they can charm?’

  Madeleine was laughing, ‘It wasn’t like that. Chill! They just had kerb appeal.’ Elizabeth giggled.

  I wondered how much Rowan would remember of events. It was going to be difficult enough her waking up to the memory of what I was. I thought of Frey and the poison, and shuddered. I listened to Rowan’s heartbeat for reassurance, and lost myself in my own dark thoughts of vengeance.

  When I tuned back in a few hours later, I listened masochistically to a snippet of conversation on topic two.

  ‘Nobody could have expected her to act in any other way …’ Elizabeth was saying.

  ‘But it was bad, Izzy,’ Frederick interrupted.

  ‘I know,’ she said quietly. ‘It couldn’t have been worse. He would have most probably told her himself, no matter the repercussions, but they’d reached some kind of agreement and he was just terrified of losing her.’

  ‘Has he lost her?’ Madeleine asked.

  ‘Well that’s the thing … I just don’t know. He thinks he has. But she matched his feelings. It was stunning. It was actually almost painful to see them together. I still think it was the shock speaking.’

  ‘But if it wasn’t … she knows about us now, and—’

  Elizabeth interrupted Madeleine’s words. ‘I really don’t think she would reveal our existences.’

  ‘Thinking and knowing are very different things. We may have an issue – and Nate might not like the solution – there’s no guarantee the charm would either work or be effective enough. And with their connection …’

  ‘Neither would I,’ Elizabeth asserted. ‘She gave me my brother back …’ I could hear her anguish and Frederick’s comforting, ‘Ssshhh, babe.’ ‘You’ve seen what he’s been like since he met her,’ she said in a voice now broken with emotion. There was a
pause and I experienced, for a moment, all of their thoughts on the matter. ‘You know how he was terrified of feelings. He was a shell. She filled him up in the best possible way. She woke him up. She animated him.

  ‘And without her he’s going to … He’s going to die all over again! Either he’ll be a dead empty shell, even more extreme than he was before. Or he’ll … he will physically …’ Elizabeth’s voice broke off completely before she finally started up again. ‘What Rowan was giving him was … it was magic, guys. Make of that what you will.’

  There was a pause where thoughts momentarily moved to topic number three. I dipped out before returning to the conversation, a few minutes later.

  ‘I don’t think it’s the end,’ James declared. ‘And neither does Hea— Tinkerhell!’ He chortled for a moment before continuing, ‘We all heard Rowan call for him. Nate puts it down to the poison, but according to Tinkerhell, it doesn’t work that way. She was amazed that in the middle of it all, Rowan was able to call for him.’

  ‘Whatever, it’s safe to say Nate won’t rest until Frey’s dead,’ Frederick uttered quietly.

  ‘I don’t think any of us will,’ James growled, and the others made guttural sounds of agreement.

  Frederick continued, ‘The spooks have him, but that won’t stop him … or us. But how we achieve it …? That, “his body is weak” stuff, really worries me. Weak? He was indestructible! And look at what he managed to pull on us! I can’t help but wonder what else he might have up his fucking freaky sleeve!’

  I shuddered and held Rowan close, blocking them out again.

  It was dark outside. I had just returned from a quick feed. My self-control had become questionable as my body cried out for blood to replace that which had been lost. Rowan had been unconscious for twenty-four hours now. The doctor had visited again. He was confident all was well. He had even removed the cast from her foot. I had smiled. In other circumstances, Rowan would have been dancing around the room in response to that occurrence. But I would never again be able to share such joy with her.

  I escaped such thoughts by listening in again.

  ‘So, just how much of a crackpot is Frey, then?’ James asked. I sighed. This one really did require some imagination. ‘We know he’s psychopathic, but are we giving him any credence at all?’

  ‘By that, are you asking … are they all faeries – and is Rowan, half-vampire, half-faerie?’ Madeleine spoke in such a disparaging tone, I had to smile.

  ‘Yeah – that’s the one! A Faerpire, perhaps, or even a Vamrie?’ James chuckled.

  Madeleine giggled and then continued, ‘The Fey bit I can accept as a possibility. Heather, Rosie, Frey … the angels … simply because we don’t have anything else yet on the table they can be. With the talk of enchanting and Rowan’s pendant, it all sort of fits. But as for Rowan, even if it was possible, and a vampire and faerie could … procreate …’

  ‘Elizabeth – stop bloody well raising your eyebrows like that – I will get angry,’ Frederick growled.

  Elizabeth teased affectionately, ‘You are so easy to wind up, husband of mine.’

  ‘Watch it!’ he growled, unable to keep the warmth out of a sound that should have been menacing.

  Madeleine continued, ‘If they could procreate …’ There was a long pause before she said, ‘Sorry … miles away there. Where was I?’ Elizabeth was laughing. James and Frederick were snarling in unison. ‘Yes!’ Madeleine declared. ‘I have focus again. A vampire can’t father children. Even throwing that out of the window, and say magic was used, half-vampire, half-faerie … doesn’t make human. And that is what Rowan is. She’s fragile, vulnerable, breaks very easily. She is very, very mortal.’

  I looked at Rowan. Way too mortal.

  ‘There’s the issue of her birth certificate though,’ Elizabeth conjectured. ‘I saw it in Nate’s head. Things didn’t seem to add up.’

  ‘There will be an explanation for that. But not this, Izzy, it couldn’t be.’ Madeleine started giggling. ‘There is a Rowan Faerie though … if you’re going to believe in faeries? I googled it earlier. There’s a Heather one, too! I don’t for one moment think Rowan is anything but human, but there are people out there who believe in faeries and say—’

  ‘What an absolute load of baloney!’ Frederick snarled.

  ‘I know, I know. I just thought it was interesting – and quite, quite nuts!’ Madeleine laughed.

  I didn’t know what to think. Rowan was Rowan and all this seemed ridiculous. I remembered Heather’s cryptic words to me: ‘She will always be as human as they come.’ Looking down at Rowan’s broken body, hearing her heartbeat and feeling her breath on my own dead skin, there was no question on that point. She could be nothing but human.

  And as for all the other answers we were still seeking…?

  They would be forthcoming, of that I was sure. Whether we liked them or not … was another matter.

  Rowan moaned softly on the bed next to me. She was still unconscious, but her body was writhing. ‘Get the doctor – NOW!’ I cried to whichever chose to hear my silent communication. I was off the bed and stroking Rowan’s face. ‘Everything is going to be alright. You are safe now, my love.’

  Elizabeth was by my side in a flash. ‘He’s on his way,’ she relayed silently.

  The moans were sounding more and more like stifled screams. She was in pain. I knew it, but I couldn’t do anything. I was stroking her face, whispering in her ear my useless reassurances … before it stopped.

  Then I was looking down into her eyes – open, but taking a moment to focus. I moved away. She couldn’t see me, or she would be terrified.

  And then I felt her fear, overwhelming fear. I had scared her! I hadn’t been quick enough. I was now as far away from the bed as I could possibly be.

  ‘Nate?’ she rasped, shakily. ‘Nate?’ Her fear was increasing. Christ Almighty!

  Elizabeth looked at me. ‘Speak to her,’ she urged silently. I shook my head frantically. I couldn’t do this. She was petrified of me. I couldn’t do that to her … and I couldn’t do it to myself. How could I face seeing the terror and horror in her eyes?

  I fled. The doctor didn’t notice me speed past him as he entered the room. I waited outside, listening.

  ‘A false alarm, I think,’ Elizabeth said to him, with relief and in fluent Italian.

  ‘Yes,’ he said. His voice sounded like he was smiling. ‘It’s good to see the patient finally awake.’ He continued in English, ‘Rowan. How do you feel?’

  She didn’t seem to be speaking.

  ‘Are you worried about something? It can all be very disconcerting when you wake up after these things.’

  I could hear her short rapid intakes of breath and feel her fear. I had done this to her. She shouldn’t have been here. I shouldn’t have been here.

  ‘Are you in any pain?’ he asked.

  Rowan had evidently shaken her head because he replied, ‘Good. Good.’ Now obviously addressing Elizabeth, he said more quietly, ‘Try and reassure her. This kind of response is quite common after coming around after something traumatic, but if she doesn’t calm down, I would suggest further medication to ease her through the process.’

  ‘We will do what we can,’ Elizabeth said. ‘But if you could stay close to hand, in case we need you later?’

  ‘Of course,’ he said, before leaving the room.

  ‘Elizabeth? Where’s Nate?’ Rowan gasped, her voice hoarse. There was that fear again!

  Elizabeth shouldn’t be in there either!

  I communicated silently, ‘Elizabeth – get out! Can you not see how scared she is? Get out! Send the doctor back in. I will not subject her to this – to us!’

  Elizabeth’s response arrived back in my head, ‘Nate – you are wrong. You need to speak to her, not run and lick your wounds. I refuse to leave her with someone she doesn’t know. So it is either you, or me.’

  I listened to her speak gently to Rowan …

  And I felt her calm.

&
nbsp; She wasn’t reacting adversely to Elizabeth – she was saving that reaction for me.

  I was out of the window and in the night-time skies. She was terrified of me. I could give her a heart attack and finish the job I had started on the night of the accident. I had to stay away.

  Rowan deserved the very best a human life could offer.

  When I returned, Elizabeth was waiting for me. She was not pleased and her arms were crossed. I was alarmed. Rowan!?

  She spoke angrily, ‘She’s sleeping and is fine – no thanks to you! She needs to see you, to speak to you. You deserted her. How could you do that?’

  ‘How could I not?’ I roared and immediately lowered my volume, remembering Rowan’s proximity. ‘You saw how scared she is of me. I refuse to do that to her. None of us should be around her! We must fly her back home and she can stay with Heather. She needs her family around her now, not a bunch of the undead who could give her a heart attack at any moment!’

  Elizabeth looked at me pleadingly. ‘Nate, you aren’t listening to me. If you won’t listen to my words, read my thoughts. Look into my head and see—’

  I shook my head vigorously. ‘I am not going to listen, Elizabeth. Let go! You have to let her go. I know you loved her, too, but it is over. I do not want you anywhere near her, do you understand? I will not have her in fear!’

  Elizabeth’s eyes narrowed and she spoke incredulously, ‘And you think you can stop me? You don’t even want to know what she said?’

  I spoke quietly, but determinedly. My mind was set. ‘No, Elizabeth, I do not.’ I couldn’t deal with that. ‘And yes – I will stop you!’

  ‘Then you aren’t the man I thought my brother was,’ she huffed.

  I spoke angrily now, ‘No, and there is a damned good reason for that! Your brother is dead! What is before you is a monster! DO NOT make me lose my temper. You will stay away from her!’ I stormed back out of the window up to the skies.

  ‘No, Nate – I won’t!’ I heard her mutter after me.

  ‘You damned well will!’ I replied to her silently.