"Me too," I respond before clearing my throat. "I have a question," I start, training my eyes on the back of his shirt collar as I pluck it with my fingers.
He cups my chin to make me look at him. "What is it?"
"Do you really want to get married at the courthouse?" I ask in a small voice.
His eyebrows knit together as confused eyes scan mine. "You want a wedding," he says finally, his lips spreading into a victorious smile. "You want a wedding!"
I feel my own smile broaden as confusion clouds my thoughts. "Why are you so excited about that?"
"Because you, Blake Brennan," he says flicking my nose with his and placing a peck on my lips, "want to celebrate the fact that you're going to be mine." He places another kiss on my lips. "You, Blake Brennan, want to throw a party," he continues in between kisses. "You, Blake Brennan, want to celebrate something with guests. Do you not see what a big deal that is?"
I laugh against his lips and wonder if he's lost his mind completely this time, but before I can say anything else, we're interrupted by my rumbling stomach.
"I guess I finally have something worth celebrating," I respond with a nonchalant shrug.
His smile falters as he looks into my eyes, caressing my face with the back of his hand. "You're worth celebrating, baby," he says quietly before clearing his throat. "Does this mean we can't get married next week?"
"Let me call Becky and find out," I reply with an eye roll.
"Cool. I'll go make you breakfast," he says, setting me down on my feet before walking away.
I pick up the phone and text message Aubry letting him know that a wedding is definitely on but not to worry about Maggie's house just yet. I think I have the perfect location for our nuptials, and I want to figure out how to keep it a surprise from Cole for once. I dial Becky's number, biting down on my lip to keep from bursting out the news as soon as she picks up.
On our way to the therapist, Cole and I go over wedding colors, flowers, and honeymoon locations.
"You wanna get married on the farm?" he asks, slowing down for a red light.
"Maybe."
"Maybe, huh?" he asks, trying to stifle a smile as he leans in to tickle me.
"Stop!" I plead in between giggles. "Just let me get the invitations and then you'll find out where, but the farm is a maybe."
"Shouldn't I be part of this?" he asks, pressing the accelerator. "Last time I checked, two people are getting married next week and I happen to be one of them."
"It's going to be small, Cole. Just let me handle it. Please? I've never planned a party in my life," I pout, trying to make him feel guilty.
He leans in and pokes my rib cage again, making me shift in my seat and laugh. "Don't play that card on me. That's your own fault."
When he parks outside of the building and turns off the car he looks over at me. "It's your wedding, Blake. As long as I'm the groom, you tell me where to go and I'm there—no matter where you want to get married."
"Thank you," I whisper before leaning over the center console of the car and kissing him.
"I pick the music though," he says when I back away from him.
Our visit with the therapist goes over by thirty minutes, and we agree to meet with her once a month unless we feel the need to go back before then. Once we started talking about our past, we can't seem to stop. Both of our issues seem to stem from the night we were kidnapped and thrown in other homes. Dr. Laura seems to think that even though we grew up in great homes, we always held on to the feeling of abandonment from that night. My pain runs a little deeper since I experienced the abandonment twice and then recently went through the kidnapping and loss of the baby. Even though I feel like I'm in a good place about the loss, it hurts that somebody could be so cruel and wanted to take my life so badly.
We're both silent on our way to the hospital, our minds both jogging with everything we talked about. I know I should let things go, but I can't bring myself to just close a chapter of my life that I don't understand. I just don't understand that night and why it happened and I don't think I'll ever fully be okay with it until I do.
"What are you thinking?" Cole asks, interrupting my thoughts as he pulls into the parking garage of the hospital.
"I just don't get it. They did all of that for money. Everything was about money. We were taken over some deal gone wrong. And why did Alex take me again if all he did was apologize to me when I was in that basement?" I ask, burying my face into my hands in frustration.
Cole places his hand on my shoulder. "You just have to let some things go, babe. Does it really matter why it happened? It happened. We survived. Hell, we had each other all those years and we didn't even know it was us. We got through it together, just let it go."
Hospitals make me queasy. Everything about them makes my stomach convulse—from the monotone colors to the smell of latex and syringes. I take a deep breath and check in with security before following her directions to Dean's room. Cole holds my hand as we walk the eerie hallways and I make an effort not to look into the open rooms. With each room we pass, I wonder the same things: how many people have died in there, how many lives were saved, how much blood was lost, who put them there?
Cole stops walking, making me stumble over my feet and look up startled. I follow his eyes to the man walking toward us dressed in jeans, a black shirt and black jacket layering his broad shoulders. The grim look on his face turns into shock when he spots us, before settling on grief. He stops a couple of feet away from us, close enough so that we can hear him, far enough so that Cole can't hurt him. The patch that covers his missing eye makes him look more human, less horrid than the glass eye did.
Cole's hand painfully tightens around mine as Alex's eye burns into me, making me shift from foot to foot before I take a deep breath and stare back.
Alex rubs his hand over his forehead. "I'm sorry for everything, Blake. I was in too deep with Benny. He was wrong, but he was my brother and if I hadn't done what I did, I don't think you'd be here right now. But I'm sorry for taking you away from your life, your loved ones. I'm sorry for...Cory...I'll never forgive myself for letting Benny go into the house before I did..." he says, his gruff voice breaking.
"Is it true? What Benny said?" I ask quietly as tears sting my eyes.
"What'd he say?" Alex asks, his shoulders slumping.
I tilt my head. "That you're...that Liam isn't my father...you are."
Alex's eye widens and he places his hands on his chest, taking a step back as if I've punched him before he regains his cool and clears his throat. "That's impossible. Cory married Liam when I..." he gasps, looking at me as he shakes his head roughly. "I...that's impossible. I'm sorry," he says, his voice barely audible before he rushes off, leaving me standing feeling shell-shocked at his reaction.
Cole pulls my hand, turning my body to face his, and cups my cheeks with one open hand. "You don't need them," he says through gritted teeth. "He's nobody."
I blink rapidly before tears can consume my vision and nod. We walk to Dean's room and knock on the door, pushing it open slightly at the sound of voices.
"Come in!" A female voice shouts from inside, and when we step in, I see Dean laying on the bed with Sandra on one side and the most adorable blond toddler sitting at Dean's side.
"Hey," I greet with a smile looking straight at the little boy.
"Hey," Dean and Sandra say unanimously.
"Hope it's okay that we came by," Cole adds behind me.
"Of course," Dean replies. "Come in, take a seat. Elijah, this is Blake and her boyfriend Cole. Blake is your daddy's cousin."
"Fiancé," Cole corrects.
Dean chuckles, flinching and holding his stomach. "He doesn't know what that is."
The little boy scrunches up his adorable nose and scratches his head. "Does that mean you're my cousin too?" he asks, looking at me and ignoring Cole's comment.
"Yeah, I think so," I reply with a laugh.
"What's your name again?" he asks, tapping his
chin with his little finger in contemplation.
"Blake," I respond with a smile.
"That's a boy's name!" Elijah chides. "My friend's name is Blake and he's a boy like me."
"Well, my friend Greg thinks my name is a boy name too and you know what he calls me?" I ask, placing my hands on my hips.
"What?" Elijah asks, his blue eyes opening wide.
"Cowboy!" I exclaim before erupting in laughter at the sight of his face.
"That's for a boy!" Elijah says, giggling loudly.
"Yeah, my friend is silly," I reply, ruffling his blond curly hair.
I look at Dean, who's watching me interact with his nephew with a small smile on his face. "How are you feeling?"
"I've been better," he replies with a shrug. "I got drugs and the cops off my back for now, so I guess I can't complain too much."
"They're still questioning you?" I ask in disbelief. "I told them everything that happened that night!"
"You know how it is. Don't worry about it, chick. I don't regret what I did, so whatever happens happens," he replies nonchalantly.
My mouth drops open and I stare at him, not believing what I'm hearing.
"Careful, flies can get in there," Elijah says, sticking a finger in my gaping mouth.
I back away and close it before narrowing my eyes at Dean. "You can't throw your life away because of me!"
"Chick, just stop talking for once," Dean says with a groan. "Did I ever tell you I went to law school?" he asks, changing the subject.
My eyes and my mouth drops open again before I snap it closed rapidly, not wanting a fly or Elijah's dirty hand to get in there. "No. You said you never went to school!"
"Well, I lied. I went to school, I just didn't finish, so it doesn't really count now, does it?"
"Umm...I'm pretty sure that constitutes as counting, Dean," I mutter with an eye roll.
"How far did you get?" Cole asks, sounding interested.
"Eh...I did a year before I stopped," Dean replies as he looks at his sister for confirmation.
"Yeah, I think you did a year and a half," Sandra confirms.
"Whatever. Point is, I threw my life away once already and back then it was really for nothing. This time, if anything does happen at least I'll be okay knowing that I saved a life or two," Dean finishes.
"Thank you," I respond quietly. "But I won't let you throw your life away. You need to go back and finish law school."
"Why? Are we going to open up a firm together?" Dean asks with a sly smile.
"I don't think so," Cole mutters quickly, making us all laugh.
"I'm serious, I want to help you if you're in trouble," I say firmly.
"Well, take your Bar and ace it, then we'll talk," Dean says with a wink.
"Oh! We're getting married next week!" I announce excitedly and look back to see Cole's face light up at that. "You guys are invited if you want to come."
Dean lets out a laugh. "I've never seen you this excited."
"I'm not sure I ever have been," I answer honestly.
"If Connor is invited I'll probably tag along," Sandra says with a shrug when I look at her.
"He is and you are too. Oh! Can we use your kid?" I ask, biting down on my lip.
Sandra and Dean laugh as Elijah looks on curiously. "You want him to be a ring bearer or somethin'?" Dean asks, cringing between laughs.
"Uh...yeah?" I ask with a cringe.
"Well, you may want to make sure you give him fake rings. The last wedding he was in ended up costing us a fortune," Sandra says, laughing as she wipes tears from the sides of her eyes.
"Oh Lord," Cole mutters behind me. "Why do we need a ring bearer?"
We all start laughing together, Elijah joining in even though he has no clue what the joke is. As Cole and I are walking out and Dean is thanking us for going to visit, Connor walks in, earning a loud shriek from Elijah. He jumps up on the bed, making Dean groan in pain, before he climbs off and runs to his dad. Watching Connor pick him up and swing him before kissing both of his full cheeks is a beautiful sight, only trumped by the following, which is Connor carrying Elijah while he gives a huge kiss to Sandra.
That is what family looks like, I think with tears in my eyes as I wave my goodbye to Dean and walk away holding Cole's hand.
We step into the empty elevator and press the parking garage button before Cole backs me into the elevator wall behind me. He ducks his head and leans into my ear, running his soft bottom lip up and down the outer shell.
"One day, baby," he whispers before sucking on my earlobe. "You're going to have so many little Coles running around, that you're not gonna know what to do with them." My breath hitches when he gyrates his hip into my pelvis. "We're going to have our own little baseball team," he continues to whisper seductively. "And you're going to be the hottest mom to ever walk the planet."
He runs his lips down my jaw and to my mouth, kissing it deeply when he reaches it and backing away when the elevator chimes.
"I'm probably going to be fat," I reply breathily.
"I won't care," he responds with a shrug and a smile.
My eyes trail down his ridiculously fit figure and I wonder how true his statement is right before I make a mental note to sign up for a spinning class or four.
Later that night after dinner, Cole heads to the gym and I curl up in front of the TV with a cup of ice cream in my hand. As I flip through channels I find Father of The Bride playing and leave it on. The dynamic of families has always been intriguing to me, I guess since I never had what you would call a normal family. The only thing I know about normal families is what I've learned from the Cosby's, the Tanners, and all the movies I watched growing up. In retrospect, I think the reason I got stuck on Home Alone was because the kid had a big family and they left him. Completely forgot about him and went on vacation while he battled with those two bad guys throughout the movie.
I sniffle back my tears as I watch Steve Martin walk his daughter down the aisle and put my ice cream down before I lose it completely. I wipe my face when I hear the door open and the keys tossed on the kitchen counter, but Cole takes one look and rushes to me, kneeling down in front of me to ask me what's wrong.
"I...I don't have anybody!" I wail. "I don't have a father to walk me down the aisle!"
"Oh, baby," Cole coos sadly. "I'm sorry," he says, pulling me down to the floor and sitting me on his lap. "I didn't even think about that. Is that why you're so hung up on the dad issue?"
My lip quivers as I exhale a shuddering breath. "No! It's not like I'm going to ask him to walk me!" I sob. "I don't know what's wrong with me!"
"Shh...it'll be okay. Would you want Mark to walk you?" he asks quietly, drying my tears with his thumbs.
I shake my head slowly as new tears roll down my face. "I should've never started watching that stupid movie," I mumble under my breath, turning to switch the TV off.
"You have the right to feel sad, Blake. It sucks to not have a normal family, it does. But you need to stop classifying what a family is by the movies and shows you watch. We may not have had a mom and a dad growing up but we always had love and we always had each other. We learned everything that people learn from their families from each other. You have two brothers, you have a sister, now you're gaining another sister. You have me. Your life is full of love, babe. Full of love."
I swallow back my tears and nod with a smile as I let his words sink in. My life is full of love.
I jog into the bathroom as Cole showers and open the door, coughing when the steam hits me in the face. "I'm going out, I'll be right back."
"What? Where are you going? What time is it?" he asks anxiously, turning around to meet my eyes.
"It's nine, I'll be back soon, I swear," I say quickly.
"Take your phone! Remember we don't have security anymore!" he shouts when I close the door and shuffle my feet back to the living room.
"We don't need them anymore!" I shout back loudly before scribbling a note telling him where I wen
t.
I pull out my phone on the way to the elevator and make a quick phone call. In the elevator I make small talk with a cute little old lady who tells me all about the hot young men that live in our building. I laugh at her description of a tall handsome man that wanted to help her with her groceries and wonder if she's talking about Cole. When we get to the lobby, I wait for her to step out before rushing to the parking garage as I wave at Pat, the doorman, on the other side.
Taking the short drive, I park in his building and wonder how long it's been since I visited because everything looks updated. I take the elevator up to the twenty-second floor and knock on his door, waiting for him to answer.
"'Sup, Cowboy?" Aubry says, opening the door wide.
I shoot him a confused look when I see he's shirtless and wearing swim trunks.
"I was gonna go to the pool when you called," he explains with a shrug.
"Sorry. I had to talk to you about something," I start, tossing my purse on the kitchen counter and sitting on a stool before pivoting it toward him. I take a breath and look at him, his blue eyes questioning me. "Will you walk me down the aisle and give me away to Cole?"
Tears fill my eyes as I await his response and take in the shocked expression on his face. He puts his hands over his heart. "Me?" he asks quietly.
I nod. "You're my best friend, you've been my rock for as long as I can remember, you held me up more times than I can count. You kept me from freaking out when I was thirteen and got my period in the middle of school. You watch movies with me when I'm depressed and kept me from dating guys that weren't boyfriend material. You were with me when my heart went from broken to shattered and held my hand through it all. I don't know what a father is supposed to do for his daughter but knowing what I know, which isn't much, I think you pretty much qualify for the role. So, will you walk me down the aisle when I get married next week?" I ask hopefully as I wipe tears from my face.
Aubry takes a step forward and cups my chin. "I would be honored to, Cowboy. Thank you for asking me," he whispers before crashing my face into his chest and holding me there.
Darkness Before Dawn Page 24
