‘Kendrew!’ he bellowed as he descended the staircase.
‘Sir?’ It took a few minutes for the butler to appear, looking somewhat more dishevelled than usual, but then he’d given him the day off, Cassius remembered vaguely.
‘My apologies for disturbing you, Kendrew.’ He shrugged on a greatcoat at the front door. ‘Is there anyone left in the stables?’
‘I believe the grooms are taking it in turns to look after the horses, sir. There should be someone.’
‘Good.’
Kendrew looked alarmed. ‘Do you wish to go somewhere, sir?’
‘Derbyshire.’ He made a snap decision. ‘I haven’t visited the hunting lodge yet. Not for ten years, in fact. Now seems as good a time as any.’
‘But it’s snowing again, sir. Surely it would be safer to wait until the roads clear again?’
‘If it gets worse, then I’ll stop at an inn. Don’t worry, I’ve travelled through far worse.’
‘And Lady Falconmore...?’
‘Has left.’ Somehow he forced the words past his lips.
‘Left, sir?’
‘Yes.’ He rammed his hat on so forcefully he almost tore the seams. ‘As it turns out, she and I aren’t suited, after all.’
‘I see, sir.’ Kendrew looked awkward. ‘In that case, how long do you think you’ll be gone? I only ask because of the house and staff.’
‘Tell the staff their holiday may be longer than they expected. Fully paid, of course. Or send a few of them to the town house in London. I’m sure the Dowager Lady Falconmore will keep them busy.’
‘Yes, sir.’
Cassius made for the door and then paused on the threshold. ‘Thank you for everything, Kendrew. I may not have been the easiest master to live with over the past year, but I couldn’t have asked for a finer lieutenant.’
‘It’s been an honour, my lord.’
‘Take care of yourself, Kendrew. And give my best wishes to Mrs Turner. I hope you have better fortune in marriage than I’ve had.’
Chapter Twenty-Five
Millie crept down the staircase, one slow step at a time. She could hear voices in the parlour, though fortunately the door was closed, allowing her to cross the hallway unseen. Stealthily she made her way into the dining room, opened the latch of the smallest window, threw a bag outside and then swung her legs over the sill. She didn’t like what she was doing. She definitely didn’t like leaving a window unlatched at night either, but if she closed it just so... She pushed it back into place and wedged a piece of folded up paper into the frame...there, hopefully it would hold until morning.
She pulled the hood of her cloak up over her head, picked up the bag and then crept around the side of the house, keeping to the shadows until she was out on the road. Once there, she threw a swift glance over her shoulder to make sure no one was following and then carried onwards, repressing a twinge of conscience. She’d feigned a headache and pretended to go to bed early, then stuffed some pillows beneath the coverlet in case anyone went to check on her later. She hoped that they didn’t. On the off chance, however, she’d left another note on her dressing table to explain where she was going and why, not that it would be hard for anyone to guess. The last thing she wanted to do was to cause any worry, but at least this time she was better prepared for the weather, clad in four layers of clothing and carrying a bag filled with supplies. She was behaving recklessly again, but all she knew was that she couldn’t wait until morning to go and find Cassius. In her panic, she’d done the worst thing possible and hurt a man who loved her, a man who’d lost so many people in his life already, whose heart had only just begun to heal. What if she’d broken it for good this time? What if he couldn’t forgive her?
The fear hastened her footsteps away from the village and into the darkness.
* * *
‘There.’ Cassius placed a saucer of milk in front of the fireplace. ‘Don’t ask me for anything else.’
He lowered himself on to the hearth rug beside the kittens. This was all their fault. He’d been halfway down the main driveway before he’d remembered that they were still curled up in a box in his library and, with half of his domestic staff taking a holiday, there was no way of knowing when they’d be found. In the meantime, they might either have starved to death or torn his library to shreds, neither of which had sounded particularly appealing. With a weary sigh he’d turned his horse around, deposited it back in the stables, much to the lone groom’s bemusement, and then stalked back into the house, collected the box of kittens and left again—on foot this time—scowling the whole while.
One fact had been infuriatingly obvious. No matter how much he wanted to leave, he could hardly travel to Derbyshire with a pair of kittens tucked under one arm. Which meant that there had been only one place left to go, one place where he could be alone to rage at the world.
He looked around at the gatehouse parlour. It was strange to be back. He hadn’t visited since his night there with Millie and now he couldn’t decide whether that was a good thing or just a means of torturing himself further. At least the kittens seemed happy, lapping up their milk enthusiastically before pouncing about and diving on each other’s heads with gleeful abandon. At last they gave matching yawns and laid down side by side, nuzzling their noses into each other’s fur. He watched them for a few moments and then reached for a cushion, deciding he might as well bed down for the night, too. It seemed the easiest thing to do, to stare up at the ceiling and reflect on the mess he’d made of his life, not to mention his marriage. Especially his marriage, in fact. All of the other things that had happened over the past year and a half had been outside his control, whereas falling in love... Well, as it turned out, that had been outside his control, too, but it had been his decision to say the words out loud. That had been his mistake. He should never have told Millie how he felt, especially when she’d been so brittle and withdrawn. For one scant day, he’d dared to hope she might actually share his feelings, but obviously he’d been wrong. His words had only scared her away and the result was that he didn’t know which of them he resented more.
One of the kittens climbed on to his leg and then made its way slowly up his body to his stomach, kneading its paws into his shirt before twirling around a few times and then curling up into a ball. It must have looked like a good idea because a few seconds later the other one joined it, jumping straight on to his chest and nestling beside its companion.
So here he was. Cassius studied a mark on the ceiling and sighed. On his own again, lying on a fireside rug on Christmas Eve, weighed down by a pair of cats. It wasn’t exactly where he’d been before Millie had walked into his life, but it was pretty close. It was even snowing again. If it hadn’t been for his new companions he might have thought the events of the past two weeks was one long, surprisingly detailed and intermittently erotic dream. Except that the pain in his heart was undeniably real. It was too painful to be anything else. Somehow that wounded organ had recovered enough to love again, only to be crushed yet another time. He wished it hadn’t started to heal in the first place. After Edward, Magnus and now Millie, too, he wouldn’t make the same mistake again. He wouldn’t allow anyone close enough to hurt him. If he could harden his heart through sheer force of will, then he’d turn it into a stone.
He closed his eyes, willing himself into oblivion for a few hours. Maybe then he could forget the way Millie had looked when she’d begged him to leave her alone, or how he’d felt when he’d discovered the letter she’d left behind. It was folded up now, in his jacket pocket. An intelligent man would probably throw it on to the fire and be done with the whole thing, but apparently he wasn’t intelligent. For the time being at least, he couldn’t let go.
He stiffened and then glowered at the sound of a knock. Now it seemed his mind was playing tricks on him, too, re-enacting the events of the night when she’d first arrived on his doorstep, but this time he was defi
nitely ignoring it. This time he wasn’t moving a muscle. This time... He opened his eyes at a different sound, a scrape like that of the front door opening, then a small thud as it closed again, followed by a light tread and a creak as if someone were walking over floorboards and then... He turned his head just in time to see Millie appear in the doorway.
‘Cassius!’ She gave a small shriek and flew across the room towards him, landing in a heap on the floor by his side. ‘Are you hurt?’
‘Millie?’ He struggled upwards in surprise, eliciting a chorus of disgruntled meows from the displaced kittens.
‘What happened? Are you injured?’ She rubbed her hands frantically over his chest and shoulders. ‘Where are you hurt?’
‘I’m not...’ He stopped. He’d been about to say that he wasn’t hurt, but that wasn’t true, was it? He’d been very hurt—and by her, the woman who was currently running her hands up and down his body, making him feel angry and aroused at the same time.
‘I’m not injured.’ He caught at her wrists as she started on his legs, holding them up between them.
‘Oh!’ She looked startled by the movement. ‘Then why are you lying on the floor?’
‘Keeping the cats company, what does it look like?’ He scowled back at her. ‘What are you doing here, Millie?’
‘I was on my way back to the hall.’
‘You were going back?’ He let go of her wrists, his gut clenching with a combination of hope and more anger.
‘Yes, but then I saw smoke from the chimney and I thought it must be you. I knocked on the door, but you didn’t answer so...well, it was unlocked so I came in.’
‘Why?’ He made his tone deliberately acerbic. ‘Are you in need of shelter again?’
‘No, I came prepared this time.’ She jerked her head towards a bag she’d dropped by the doorway. ‘I brought food and water and a blanket just in case I got stuck in the snow.’
‘Impressive. No umbrella?’
Her eyes narrowed with a hint of defiance. ‘There’s a breeze.’
‘Ah.’ He gave a bitter laugh. ‘You’ve been at the Malverlys’ house presumably?’
‘Yes.’
‘Do they know you’re here now?’
‘No, I crept out.’ She gave him an uncertain look. ‘I needed to speak with you and it couldn’t wait.’
‘Really? I thought you’d said everything there was to say in your letter?’
‘My letter was a mistake.’
‘Another one? According to you, you’ve been making a lot of those recently.’
‘I know.’ She sat back on her heels. ‘But I was confused then. I’m not any more.’
‘All right...’ He sighed and lay down again. ‘Since you’ve gone to so much trouble, you might as well say what you came to say.’
‘Very well.’ She paused to draw in a deep breath. ‘If you want me to leave again, then I will. I’d understand after everything you’ve been through—everything I’ve put you through, too. I might deserve to be sent away, but before you decide I want you to know that I’m sorry. Yesterday Lottie said some things about how I’ve changed and I panicked. She didn’t mean to upset me, but I felt overwhelmed. So much has happened so quickly, not just between us, but with everything. I thought I was losing my way and living for my own selfish desires, but now I know I was wrong. It’s not selfish to love, to be loved either and...’
‘Millie, what are you saying?’ he interrupted her urgently.
‘I’m saying that I love you, too, Cassius. I knew it days ago, but I thought you might not want to hear it. You said you couldn’t love me and I thought that maybe that was the sacrifice I had to make for being so happy, but then you said you loved me, too, and I was afraid it was all too much so—’
She didn’t get any further as he grabbed her elbows and pulled her down on top of him, clamping his lips over hers and kissing her so deeply that he felt almost breathless by the time they finally pulled apart again.
‘You left me.’ His voice sounded raw.
‘I know.’ Her breathing was short, too. ‘I’m sorry.’
‘How do I know you won’t do it again? How can I take you back knowing you might leave me again?’
‘Because I won’t, I promise.’
‘I was leaving, too!’ He spoke the words fiercely. ‘I was going to Derbyshire. If it wasn’t for those infernal creatures I’d be well on my way by now.’
‘Oh.’ She threw a look of gratitude towards the two kittens. ‘In that case, I’m doubly grateful for them.’
He rolled her over, covering her body with his own and pinning her arms above her head. ‘What if I can’t bear the risk? You say you love me, but who are you, Millie or Amelia?’
‘Amelia’s gone.’ She looked notably unperturbed by his ferocity. ‘My mother dismissed her from the Foundation and nobody else wants her. Not even me. So you see, there’s no place for Amelia Fairclough any more. Not there and definitely not here. Now there’s only me.’
‘Just you?’ He swallowed, feeling his resolve start to break. ‘Just Millie?’
‘Yes.’ She smiled and craned her neck, pressing her forehead up against his. ‘I know who I am and who I want to be now. I’m Millie Whitlock, Marchioness of Falconmore, your wife, and I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to. The only question is whether you want me to.’
‘Of course I don’t want you to!’ He claimed her mouth again with a growl, pressing her down to the floor. ‘The only place I want you is right here.’
‘Here?’
‘And now.’ He let go of her arms, starting to unfasten the buttons at the neck of her gown, surprised to find another row underneath.
‘What the...?’
She looked apologetic. ‘I needed layers for the cold.’
‘How many layers?’
‘Four. Here.’ She lifted her hands to help, squirming beneath him. ‘Oh, dear, I can’t seem to... Maybe if we...’
There were several loud popping sounds as Cassius tore four rows of buttons open simultaneously.
‘And a corset?’ He was tempted to laugh. ‘There are chastity belts that are easier to get into than this.’
‘I thought I was being sensible.’
‘That sounds like Amelia talking again.’
‘You’re right.’ Her eyes widened. ‘Let me up.’
‘What?’ He felt another rush of panic. ‘Why?’
‘Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere. Just let me up.’
He shifted to one side dubiously, watching as she wriggled upright, then reached around to unfasten her corset.
‘Can I help?’
‘No, I...there!’ She pulled the offending garment away, held it up for his inspection and then tossed it on to the fire.
‘Um, Millie...’
‘Would Amelia do that?’ She tossed her head triumphantly.
‘I think you might just have smothered the flames.’ He grabbed her arm, pulling her away as a cloud of thick grey smoke wafted out of the fireplace and into the room.
‘Oh, dear.’
He laughed and then started coughing. ‘Loosening shackles isn’t easy. We may both have a way to go yet.’
‘But we’ll do it together?’ She looked at him hopefully.
‘Together.’ He agreed. ‘Only in the meantime...’ he picked up a poker and prodded at the disintegrating corset ‘...the fire’s safe enough, but I don’t think we ought to stay in here.’
‘Do you think we should go back to the hall?’
‘In this weather?’ He grinned. ‘Why bother when we have a perfectly serviceable bedchamber upstairs? Come on, you two.’ He reached down, scooped up the kittens and then held a hand out to his wife. ‘Let’s go to bed.’
Chapter Twenty-Six
‘A toast!’ George lifted his wine glass and winked at Millie. �
��To a very happy Christmas for all.’
‘Happy Christmas!’ A chorus of voices echoed around the dining table.
‘And to reunions, be they familial or otherwise!’
‘To reunions.’ Cassius tilted his head towards Millie’s, murmuring in her ear, ‘This must be the strangest Christmas I’ve ever had.’
‘Why?’ She smiled teasingly. ‘Just because we climbed in through a window at the crack of dawn and then hid in my bedroom until breakfast?’
‘And then pretended that nothing wayward or untoward had happened. That’s about it, yes. I’m afraid you may be a bad influence on me, after all.’
‘Oh, I intend to be much worse from now on. I have ten years of being sensible to make up for. I may become quite wild.’
‘I certainly hope so.’ His lips brushed lightly against her neck. ‘Is there any particular reason why we haven’t explained ourselves, by the way?’
‘Because that would spoil the fun, obviously.’
‘Obviously.’
‘And because it’s our story.’ She smiled secretively. ‘I’m certain there are lots of things Lottie hasn’t told me about her and Jasper. And Silas’s letter was maddeningly vague. He mentioned a woman, but he didn’t give any details. No, they can have their stories and we can have ours.’
‘Then my lips are sealed. Until you want me to open them, that is.’
She blushed and then smiled as one of the kittens rubbed its way around Cassius’s legs. ‘Orestes has taken quite a shine to you.’
‘Mmm.’ He smoothed a hand over the small head. ‘Do you know, I think I may be a cat person, after all.’
‘Good, because I’m not sure two is enough.’
‘I hope you’re not planning to turn Falconmore Hall into a cat sanctuary?’
‘No, but in the legend Orestes and Electra had a sister. On reflection, I don’t want her to be left out.’
‘Did they?’ He thought for a moment and then clicked his fingers. ‘Iphigenia, how could I have forgotten? She was sacrificed by her father Agamemnon, wasn’t she?’
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