Ty sat down next to Kate on a stump as she opened the foil and let the stew cool.
“They’re going to kill each other before this trip is over,” he whispered to Kate. His hair, looking dirty and greasy, but still somehow sexy, hung over his eyes. He brushed it away and then unwrapped his dinner.
“That, or possibly kiss and make up,” Kate whispered back.
Ty shrugged and pressed his lips together like he was holding something back. “No way. I’ve never seen Mal talk to a girl like that. It can’t be good. He’s usually a gentleman to the chicks he dates,” Ty answered, but the answer sounded flat. Kate watched as he ran his fork through the contents of his foil dinner. Carrots, potatoes, chunks of hot dog all mixed up in a concoction of Lipton French Onion soup mix and water.
“So, uh, what happened, did he marry them?” Kate asked.
“No way, never. They always break up. That’s why he’s almost forty and still single,” Ty said, putting a chunk of carrot in his mouth.
“Well, that’s my point. Maybe he likes a fighter. Audra’s a fighter.”
“I can hear you, you know,” Audra said, and when Kate looked her way, Audra rolled her eyes.
“Sorry, I guess I forgot to whisper,” Kate said sheepishly.
“I should punch you for that,” Audra answered, with a laugh. When Kate gave her a wide-eyed look, she went on. “I’m a fighter, remember?”
“Oh right,” Kate answered.
“What the hell?” Malcolm interrupted. They turned, following his gaze down to another campsite where the light from a large flat-screen TV flashed like lightning through the full darkness. The rumble of a generator roared somewhere near it. “Looks like someone’s playing a war video game. I’ll never understand something like that. I mean, you drive three hundred miles to get away from crap like that, and you bring it with you. What’s the point?”
“Glamping,” Ty said, turning back and pausing with his fork midair. “It’s glamorized camping. For the people who don’t really want to leave their luxuries behind.”
“It’s stupid, that’s what it is,” Malcolm said, around a mouthful of food.
“Yeah, maybe. But wouldn’t you like to go down there and play the game with them?” Ty asked, his tone sincere and diplomatic.
“No, not at all. I’m here to chill with my friends, talk, hike, climb, enjoy this cathedral of nature, man. This is my religion. Nature,” Malcolm said, holding his hands out, fork and all, in a wide gesture like he was spreading his wings and might take off up into the sky.
“That’s beautiful,” Audra responded. “Maybe you could go ask them to play their game somewhere else, it’s defiling the cathedral.”
“I think you’re more suited to that, don’t you, Audra?” Malcolm asked.
“Someone’s going to get hurt, guys,” Kate said, tired enough to intervene. “Haven’t you heard your parents say that? Rough housing is fun, till someone gets hurt.”
Kate watched Audra and Malcolm exchange a look and then swing their gazes away quickly. Kate couldn’t read what was passing between them, but she was sure it was some kind of chemistry. Ty saw a fight, Kate saw foreplay. They liked each other but neither of them could admit it.
***
After dinner, full twilight descended and the night deepened. The sky above the cliffs turned a bruised purple and more stars began to appear in Venus’s wake, slowly at first, and then en masse. The lights from Vegas were far enough away that they got a good light show. For a while Kate sat with Audra in their tent to pass the time, discussing her attitude toward Malcolm.
“He’s a jerk,” Audra pronounced.
“That you like,” Kate answered.
“I feel nothing for him,” she said stoically. Too stoically.
“Why can’t you admit it?”
“I would never admit it. He’s a Neanderthal,” she pointed out. “He’s old and he won’t own it. He’s annoying, he goes where he’s not invited, he thinks he’s smart and funny and clever, and he’s just irritating.”
“OK, so you feel a lot of complex emotions about him.”
“That’s putting it mildly,” she said dryly.
“It’s unfair of you to say he’s old, though. Some people just don’t meet the right person until they’re older. Can you really hold that against someone?” Kate asked, toying with the zipper on her Marmot sleeping bag.
“Yes. I am doing that. I like doing that. It’s the way I live,” she said. Kate knew Audra. If she hadn’t, she would have thought her friend was being a total bitch. But Audra struggled with her extreme emotions, and in moments when they were alone and chatting frankly, Audra expressed the agony and exhaustion of dealing with so many heightened feelings all the time.
“You know what I think?” Kate ventured.
“No, but tell me, please, I love it when you tell me what you think,” Audra said. Kate gave her a sideways glance and caught the sincerity in her friend’s expression.
“I think you like him, but it bugs you because you don’t exactly respect him,” Kate explained. “And I get it. I know how that feels, not because I’ve done it. But because I’m so insightful.”
Audra had been sitting up on her sleeping bag, her legs crossed, the little backpacking Black Diamond lantern dangling from the loop in the center of their domed tent just inches from her forehead. Kate watched her friend in the eerie glow from the cold light. Her shoulders sagged inward as though deflated, and she fell backward dramatically onto her sleeping bag, one hand held to her forehead.
“What’s the point in fighting it? I would but . . . you’re right. You’re right. I know you’re right, but I can’t admit it. I don’t want to. I hate Malcolm,” she said in a whisper. “But I also want to kiss his face off. It’s totally animalistic, Kate. It’s this awful burning longing I’ve never felt before in my life. Is this how men feel? Because if this is how men feel all the time about women, I can understand why they’re such dicks. For me, usually it goes from attraction, to like, to interest, to wanting to kiss some guy and it’s based on a long list of criteria. Right, I get it. You think I indiscriminately like all guys. But I don’t. I have a list. I start down the path of liking them and see we don’t fit and change course. Anyway, with him, it’s just totally physical. And I want to find out he’s great. I want to get to know him and have him turn out to be awesome. But I’m afraid I won’t find that out. So I’ve been badgering him. Treating him mean, because . . . because maybe it’ll go away and I won’t have to be disappointed that my instinct is pure crap.”
“I knew it,” Kate said. “I totally knew it.”
“Do you know what I’m talking about, though? Have you ever been into a guy like that?” She rolled onto her side and the light in her eyes showed a desperation to be understood. She was gripping one finger tightly, squeezing it absentmindedly, massaging it. Kate’s own fingers were sore from all the climbing. It made her feel somewhat wimpy, since she’d only gotten two climbs done.
“No, not really. I’ve never felt that way for a guy—not all those mixed up emotions, anyway. It must be confusing,” Kate said. She repositioned herself so she was on her stomach looking out at the fire where Malcolm and Ty were seated. Flames danced with shadows across their faces as they talked in hushed voices and tended the fire. The scene reminded Kate of a dream with Will and a hollow ache pierced her heart. “I’ve felt an animalistic desire, though. But only in my dreams,” she added.
“With that dream guy? What’s been going on with that, anyway?” Audra asked, rolling around on her sleeping bag to lay on her stomach beside Kate.
Kate gave her friend a sideways glance, then looked away. She didn’t want Audra to see the disappointment in her face. “Good, I guess. The dreams have stopped.”
“That’s great!” she said, giving Kate’s back an encouraging slap. “Isn’t it?”
Kate shrugged. “Yeah.”
“You don’t seem convinced.”
“I miss him.” Kate heaved a sigh.
“Pish posh, what about Ty? You guys have a good thing going, and plus, newsflash, he’s real.”
“I know. That’s true. I like where things are going with Ty, but he’s moving away,” Kate said.
“Go with him, or tell him how you feel and convince him to stay.” Audra flipped onto her back and positioned her pack beneath her head as a pillow.
“It’s not that simple, Audra. If I tell him and he stays, then when it doesn’t work out, I’ll hate that he stayed for me. And that will make it hard to break up with him if I find out I don’t like him that much,” Kate explained. At that moment, Ty looked up. Some of the firelight must have reached Kate through the open tent flap, because their eyes met. The fire danced in his eyes and he smiled. Her heart skipped like a stone over water and she couldn’t help but smile back.
“He’s gorgeous,” Audra said softly, seeing the smile Ty gave Kate. “You wouldn’t find out you don’t like him. He’s too great for that to happen. He’s sweet and gentle with you and that’s worth like a million I-love-yous.”
“Maybe,” Kate said.
“If you pine away for that stupid dream-guy any more, I’ll have to knock some sense into you. You know that, right?” Audra asked.
“What about just some good old-fashioned talking?”
“I could do that, if it worked. With you it doesn’t always seem to work,” Audra said, thoughtfully.
***
They managed to stay awake till midnight, though Kate’s eyes were heavy and burned for sleep. For a while Kate sat by the fire, leaving Audra in the tent to read, and Kate listened to Ty and Malcolm talking about their top five climbing destinations that they still haven’t been able to hit. They asked Kate what hers were and she had no real answer—dreams like that just made her feel poor. More poor than she liked to acknowledge. She tossed out Hawaii and a couple places that they’d already mentioned. Malcolm teased her that she was just repeating their dream spots.
“No way. I’ve always wanted to climb Kilnsey. Always. I’ve got my top routes planned,” Kate joked.
“Come on, Mal. She’s just started building her dreams around me. No big deal. She’s my favorite belayer.” Ty winked and grinned and Kate took it that he was only teasing her in his own way.
Just before midnight, Kate went back to the tent she was sharing with Audra and saw that her friend had fallen asleep. Kate returned to the fire.
Ty shaded his eyes from the firelight and gazed toward the east. “It’s after midnight and still no sign of the moon. And I don’t have cell coverage. The mountains are absorbing the signal,” he said. “I think maybe my calculations were off.”
“Damn. We’re too early,” Malcolm said.
“We should probably hit the sack. The sun comes up at five—maybe six—and we’ll want to get to the climbing spots before the rush,” Ty said.
“Though you could be wrong,” Kate said, “About the sunrise? You don’t exactly have a stellar record on when celestial bodies will rise and set.”
Kate caught the faintest blush coloring Ty’s stubble-covered cheeks. His eyes flashed toward her and firelight shifted across his irises.
Malcolm chuckled. “Ooooh, burn.”
“True, but timing the approximate sunrise isn’t rocket science,” Ty said with a grin, pushing himself out of the low camp chair. He stood up, stretched, and dusted his hands off. “I’ll wash these dishes off in the morning, when I’ve got some hot water heated up for breakfast.” He gestured to the camp table where the dinner plates soaked in a pot filled with cold water.
“Great. This isn’t exactly bear or raccoon country. They should be fine out here for the night,” Malcolm said. “If we’re not going for a midnight hike, I’m turning in.”
I knew he’d invite himself. Or maybe he was always invited? Kate thought.
“That’s wise,” Ty said. Kate began to head for her tent, wondering if she should hop down to the bathroom before getting into her sleeping bag. She thought about the condition of the campground bathrooms and decided she could probably get through the night without a visit to the toilets. “Hey,” Ty’s voice stopped her.
She turned. Ty loomed a few feet away. Malcolm had disappeared, which was nice, for a change, though he’d probably materialize out of nowhere when Kate least expected it. “Hey. Uh, well, good night. See you in the morning?” Kate smiled, feeling shy. Audra was probably awake now. She probably sensed a possible romantic scene and willed herself to consciousness just to watch.
“That’s it? No goodnight kiss?” Ty closed the distance between them. His fingers softly circled around Kate’s upper arms. His voice dropped to a whisper, and for that Kate was grateful. Despite the fact that she shared almost everything with Audra, Kate didn’t want her eavesdropping. “I know we didn’t exactly red-line the route the other night, but I hope the possibility is still out there for us.”
“Red-the-what? I’m sorry, are you comparing our pending physical union to climbing?” Kate asked as quietly as possible.
“Yeah, you know? Red-line? Where you lead-climb a route you’ve never done before on your first try. I was just, uh, using it as a metaphor, uh, for, ahem,” he said, a half grin playing at the corner of his mouth.
“Oh, I know what you’re doing. I just question the metaphor,” Kate said, blushing. She didn’t want to think about it. She didn’t know how to think about it. He slept over, but she just couldn’t—didn’t want to—go all the way with him. Yet. It was too soon. She still had issues, thinking about Tom and Will. And Kate didn’t want to rush things. So they did other things, but not full sex.
“It’s cool, I get it. I like to have a strong emotional connection before I go that far, too,” he said, his eyes focused on her mouth. “What I mean is, I don’t blame you. I haven’t given up on us yet.”
“Well, thanks. I’m glad. And still, just, I’m recovering from my last deal. I used to rebound quickly from heartbreak, but I don’t anymore, I guess,” she explained. Kiss me, quick, before Malcolm comes back, Kate heard herself thinking. She leaned in closer, hoping he’d take the hint. His breath was hot on her face and his fingertips felt like they’d singed through the sleeves of her T-shirt.
“It happens to the best of us,” he said. His eyelids lowered and then he was kissing her. Kate inhaled him as a cloud of heat exploded in her guts, fanning outward until her knees were melting and she was collapsing into his arms.
“Get a room,” a voice said from behind Ty. Malcolm. Kate groaned in irritation as Ty pulled away.
“Thanks for ruining the moment, bro,” Ty called over his shoulder.
“Just trying to protect innocent bystanders,” Malcolm said. “I saw a couple walking by on the road and they gave me an appalled look. They might have been kids. Innocents, you know? And then there’s me.”
“If you’re innocent, then I’m as virtuous as a nun,” Ty retorted.
“Get out while you can, Kate. I think our boy just confessed to being a woman disguised as a man,” Malcolm joked as he slipped off his shoes and ducked into his tent.
“Ooh, he’s going to wake up with his face covered in black marker if he’s not careful,” Ty said, turning back to her.
“I’m not too worried about it. I have proof you’re not a woman,” Kate said in a conspiratorial whisper, winking exaggeratedly at him.
“Thank goodness,” he said, feigning mock relief. “Well, you better get some sleep. Morning comes early, as my mom always used to say.”
“Used to? My mom still says it when I stay over.”
“Lucky you,” he said, beginning to back away. There was something in his voice—something sad but the moment to ask had passed.
“I know. So lucky.”
“Goodnight, Kate.” He finally turned, just in time to not trip onto the tent he was sharing with Malcolm.
***
Kate laid awake for a while, her mind buzzing like a swarm of mosquitoes in a swamp. She couldn’t quiet it. Her Therm-a-rest pad kept sli
ding underneath her and her sleeping bag sounded as loud as a biodegradable Sun Chips bag every time she moved. Audra was sawing through logs with a veritable chainsaw nearby and Kate found herself resenting her friend for her singular talent for sleeping anywhere at anytime. Kate had watched her take naps on metal park benches with no problem. For Kate, her mind sometimes thought too hard and too fast and she couldn’t quiet it.
Ideas had turned into a high speed train and were careening through her brain at such incalculable speeds that she couldn’t even catalog them. They only quieted when at last Kate allowed herself to think about Will again.
Will, she sighed. Kate had been running away, mentally. When she relented and stopped and figuratively turned to face his ghost, her brain slowed down and began to hum quietly, as content as a cat with a belly swollen full with milk.
“Was he even real?” she mused aloud, just to move the silence with her own voice. It was drowned out by Audra’s snores, of course. A desert breeze full of the smell of prickly pear blossom and juniper bumped against their tent and jostled the rainfly. They’d put it up for privacy, but now Kate wished it were down so that she could see the stars. If she could see the stars, though, she would simply end up wondering if there really was a planet out there somewhere where Will lived as a prisoner.
She coughed, her voice hoarse, and realized that she was as parched as the sand that still covered her feet. Dinner must have been catching up with her—that and the heat of the day, not a good combination for staying hydrated. Kate rolled onto her stomach and found her pack. She rummaged through it, looking for the Nalgene bottle she’d brought with. It had been over half-full when they left the climbing spot. She found it and pulled it free, relieved to hear the water splashing around in it. When it jerked loose, something came out with it and dropped to the floor of the tent. Kate was already unscrewing the lid as she glanced at the object. Her hand froze. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. She could no longer feel the bottle. That’s when she realized the bottle was on the floor of the tent. Her hands were empty. She must have dropped it in shock.
A Boat Made of Bone (The Chthonic Saga) Page 28
