by Stacey Lynn
He sighed heavily and dropped his head. “Maybe not. Maybe I won’t be able to help you deal with everything I know you’re going to have to deal with. But I can still be the man you need me to be. I’m not leaving you, Liv. I’m just asking you not to leave me until you’ve given me a fair shot.”
I frowned. My eyebrows pulled in as I watched him look at me. There was so much determination on his face, so much pain and anger in his eyes. But I also saw a deeper, unspoken promise he held in them. The man, or men, who shot me, would pay. They would pay heavily with their lives and Daemon wouldn’t rest until it was taken care of.
The problem with that was, while Daemon was finally resting peacefully, knowing payback had been dealt, I would still be the one with scars that couldn’t be seen.
I looked away from him again. “I don’t know what you want me to say,” I finally said softly. My voice was barely above a whisper, but in the quiet room, my uncertainty and fear echoed in every corner.
“I can’t make you stay, but I don’t want you to leave. I know it’s selfish. I know it makes me an asshole, but I won’t apologize for wanting something I’ve wanted every day of my life for as long as I can remember.”
My nose twitched and I was just about to answer when there was a quiet knock on the door and it opened.
“Hey, man.” Ryker stepped inside. He stuck his thumb out behind him. “Bull is here to see you and Liv.” He smiled sadly at me and then looked uncertain. “He wasn’t too thrilled to see me.”
Daemon stood up and put distance between us, squaring his shoulders in front of Ryker like they were in a stand-off. “He’ll get over it.”
“Look, brother, I’m not going to apologize for kicking your ass earlier,” Daemon snorted but Ryker continued, “Shut up. I did and you know I can do it again.”
“Bring it, bro.”
Ryker smiled. It was large and genuine and I couldn’t help but grin along with him. “Maybe later. But I’m here because I promised I’d help, so just let me know what needs to be done.” He looked directly at me. “I’ve made my mistakes before, but I swear to you I won’t let you down again.”
Daemon’s hand clasped Ryker’s shoulder. He shook it, shook Ryker like he wanted to shake all the pain from the past and his decisions out of him. “No one blames you, Ryke. It was too long ago to carry a grudge for something that wasn’t your fault. And I’m so fucking glad I can trust you to help us this time.”
Ryker nodded but even I could tell the words Daemon spoke didn’t work.
“Am I missing the party?”
I smiled as my dad stepped into the room. He frowned at Daemon, but walked straight to me. “How you doin’, baby girl?”
I shrugged, and probably looked stronger than I felt. “I hurt. And I’m tired.”
“To be expected, darlin’. Just get some rest and you’ll feel better soon.”
I wanted to hit the next person that told me I’d get better soon. They didn’t know. And the men certainly wouldn’t understand. But I nodded, silently agreeing with my dad because that was what was expected of me. He gave me a kiss on my cheek. He moved fast, like if he went any slower I’d pull away from him and he wasn’t going to risk my rejection.
“We have a meeting with Cain in an hour. I need you there,” he said looking directly at Daemon.
“Not going. Jaden and Finn can handle it.”
“Go,” I said from the bed. All eyes turned to me. The only reason he was staying was because of me. Being surrounded by these strong men, who were capable of doing the exact same thing to Travis as the men who had killed him, suddenly seemed overwhelming. “Ryker can stay with me.”
Daemon shook his head. “Not leavin’ you tonight, Liv.”
“Yes, you are. You want to be there. You want to be out there, figuring all this shit out so you can take care of whoever hurt me.” I appreciated that he didn’t bother denying it. If there was even a chance I was going to stick around in Jasper Bay, I had to get used to knowing that revenge would always take priority over sitting by a wounded woman’s bedside. “I’ll be fine,” I lied, “and Ryker can keep me company.”
I saw Daemon struggle with the choice before he slowly nodded and came to me. He kissed me on the cheek, promised he wouldn’t be late, and followed my dad out the door.
When we were alone, Ryker took the chair next to my side of the bed. “How are you really doing?”
I rolled my eyes. “I lost my baby, Ry.”
Tears spilled from my eyes again and I wrapped my hands around my stomach. Ryker always felt like my big brother. Breaking down in front of him seemed so much easier than allowing Daemon to see my vulnerability. “I lost my baby, I was shot, and someone I really cared about, but treated like shit was killed right in front of me.” I took a deep, shaky breath. “I’m not sure there’s a word that could describe how I’m feeling after that.”
“Fucked.”
I laughed and watched Ryker grin. “Yeah, I feel fucked.”
His smile dropped and I saw a sadness in his eyes. “And you? How are you doing?”
He looked out the window and raised one shoulder slowly before dropping it. Then he ran his hand across the back of his neck. “Still fucked, Liv. I’m still really fucked.”
Our pain came from different places and slightly different experiences; but somehow, I knew exactly how Ryker felt.
The docks on Lake Superior always carried an eerie calm at night. The dockworkers deserted the place. Only a couple of lights lined the lakeside edge of a warehouse, and even those lights flickered occasionally.
The only sound we heard, once the bikes were quiet, was the sound of the waves crashing into the retaining walls.
Cain and the President of the Black Death, Hammer, stood in front of their bikes. They had three men behind them just like Bull and I did. Jaden, Finn, and Switch provided our backup in case shit went ass up.
A part of me was itching for it to go that way. I’d had a need to punch or kill someone for twenty-four hours. I knew that need wouldn’t be vanquished until I got the chance to do so.
“This your fault?” I asked as soon as I reached them. Fuck the niceties of handshakes and typical greetings that never meant shit. We were enemies, always had been. I let them feel the fury rolling off my shoulders and directed at the two men who wouldn’t be above taking out a woman.
Hammer spoke to me, his eyes shadowed in the dark of night, so I couldn’t tell if he was looking directly at me or over me. He was a calculated man. I knew he had hands in all sorts of illegal shit that we’d been trying to keep out of Jasper Bay for over a decade now. I wanted him dead as much as I wanted to take on the entire Sporelli family. “We’re sorry about what happened to your woman the other night. It wasn’t us.”
“And the cop?”
“Larson had his hands in too many pockets to live for too much longer. Frankly, I can’t believe you let him live as long as you did.” The asshole smirked at me.
“You son of a bitch,” I said and pulled my gun. In less than a second, ten guns were pulled, each one aimed on a single target.
“Enough!” Bull’s voice boomed and bounced off the cargo containers stacked around us. He raised his gun in surrender, and slowly, the rest of us did the same. I lowered mine to my side but didn’t put it away. “I need to know what in the hell happened. And why Sporellis would be here in the first place.”
“All I know is the cop helped him run a shipment of guns a few months back.” Hammer crossed his arms over his chest, radiating an evil power.
“Fuck!” I said, and my hands flew to my hair. “You’re shitting me.”
Hammer grinned. “My guess is the cop was no longer useful to them, and your girl was a side effect of bad aim.”
“Twice?” I growled, getting in his face. Hammer shrugged. My finger twitched on the trigger. I wanted to shoot him in his shoulder and claim it was bad aim. “What’s this have to do with Sporelli?”
“Word is they have a presence down sout
h. They want the ease of water shipment to the north and back to Chicago.”
“And you have a problem with that?”
“You think our game with drugs is a pain in your ass?” Hammer hissed at me. “Try them. They’ll have double the shipment and triple the manpower. Not to mention their gunrunning and political connections. You don’t want them here.”
“I don’t want either of you here,” I sneered and my hand tightened on the handle of my gun. I must have looked like I was two seconds from blowing his head off because Bull knocked me back a step, glaring at me to shut the hell up.
“What do you want us for?” Bull asked.
Hammer dropped his arms to his sides and relaxed his stance. He still towered over Bull who was a big ass guy anyway. “They stole one of our shipments last week. Said they’d deliver it in three weeks if we cut them in on the business. Instead, we want to stop them. To do that,” he said, and waved a hand toward us, “we need more manpower.”
“What’s in it for us?” I watched Bull consider the offer and I tightened my hands into fists at the same time. This club had killed his wife and shot his daughter just a few years back, and he was considering working with them? Partnering with them? I had visions of them turning on us as soon as Sporelli’s crew was taken care of and then we’d all be toast, and Hammer would have free reign of Jasper Bay.
Fuck if I’d let that happen.
“Revenge isn’t enough anymore?” Cain asked, a sick grin on his face as he smiled directly at me. For me, it might have been. I just wanted the head of the man who shot Liv. Screw the rest of this political game shit. Then his grinned widened. “We’ll release Faith. She’ll be free to leave.”
My head spun and even Bull’s eyes snapped to mine briefly.
Hammer laughed. My gun was raised immediately. “You think she does her job for tips? Her mom fucking sold her to us after you guys offed her dad.”
Bought? No. Faith had become a bought and paid for sex slave owned by the Death? God only knows the shit she’d been subjected to over the last few years that went beyond normal escort service. Ryker’s face flashed in front of mine. He’d kill himself when he heard about this. But he’d only do that after he went on a militant style rampage, blowing the heads off every man in his sight.
I pressed my lips together and breathed heavily. “Deal.”
Bull looked to me and his lips twitched. I wanted to tell him to argue with me. To dare me to turn down that offer because no way in fuck was I going to. Then he nodded once.
“We’ll let you know when Sporelli will be back and set up a meet. Then we take him out, and you get the girl.”
“And you get?”
Hammer grinned. “We get the ports.”
“Until we end you,” Bull growled. Jesus. This partnership was destined to end in death before it began.
“You’ll try.”
I snapped. I pulled my gun and shot at the ground in front of Hammer’s feet. The bullet hit an inch in front of his boot. The bastard was still grinning and looking at me, one eyebrow raised. Four guns were aimed at my head.
“Sorry,” I smiled. “Bad aim.”
I walked to my bike. Jaden was at my side, then at his bike, and we peeled the fuck out of there before my aim improved.
I felt like a gigantic prick for staring at Liv in her black dress, wanting to do nothing except peel it off her and keep her in my bed for the rest of the day. I understood her reason for wanting to attend Travis’s funeral, but I was worried.
I was worried she would have a meltdown, and I wouldn’t be able to help her, and worried she wasn’t physically strong enough to be out of the house for as long as it was going to take. Also, I was worried about how Travis’s parents would react to seeing her.
Most of all? I was worried about the blackness that had seeped into her eyes over the last few days. She was acting as though she was fine, insisting she was, but it was all a lie. She smiled and only her lips moved. She laughed and it sounded like it caused her pain. She cried all night long even though she didn’t know I knew, but I woke up every night in bed next to her, listening to her mournful sobs while her hands clenched tightly around her stomach. I couldn’t do anything to help, but I felt her pulling away from me every second of the day and night.
I fucking hated it.
“We ready?” I snapped, impatiently.
All heads turned to me and Jules grabbed Liv’s hand. She smiled at me, that same damn smile I’d seen for the last few days. I hated that smile. She nodded once and stared at the ground as I wrapped an arm around her and helped her out to the truck.
No one spoke a word on the way to the cemetery. At least Liv had elected not to go to the church for the actual service. I was pretty sure Travis’s mom, who had always disliked the club and everyone in it, would have thrown a tantrum larger than life.
Not that I didn’t blame her, but her son was a cop; odds of him getting shot at some point were higher than the average profession.
Ryker helped Jules out of the back of the truck and while they waited on the sidewalk, I stared at the large gathering near the burial site.
“Are you sure you’re ready to do this?”
Liv didn’t look at me. I wanted to grab her shoulders and shake some life back into her, but it only made me feel like more of an asshole. “I have to, Daemon.”
Damnit. Even her voice sounded hollowed and dead. I pushed down my own thoughts on the entire fucked-up situation and climbed out of the car to help Liv down so she didn’t pull any stitches.
“Let’s go,” I said, and placed my hand on the small of her back. She stiffened and dropped her head again.
“You and Ryker should stay here.”
I pressed my teeth together so hard my jaw hurt. Then I took a deep breath to calm down, and then another. “I’m not letting you do this alone.”
“I’ve got Jules,” she sighed, and her fingertips went to her eyes. She was crying again. I felt like punching my fists into the closest granite headstone I could find. “I don’t think you should be there.”
“Liv-”
She cut me off and stared directly at me. I really fucking hated her dead eyes. “I don’t want you there.”
All the breath rushed out of my chest like I had just taken one of Jaden’s punches direct to my ribs. I stepped forward to say something to her, to argue with her, but I stopped when I felt Ryker’s hand on my shoulder holding me back.
“Let her go, brother.” He was right. I knew he was. I knew Liv had to do this and it would only make things worse if Ryker and I showed up at the funeral of a cop, surrounded by all the other cops. But the thought of letting Liv walk into the same group of angry and hurting men without protection?
I hated it. I nodded anyway and took a step away from her. Relief flashed in Liv’s face as Jules stepped up to take her hand. Neither of the women looked back at me as they walked away.
“She needs to do this.”
My hands clenched into fists and I shoved them in my pockets. My need to protect Liv grew with every step further she took from me.
“I know. I just… I hate this. I’m losing her, and I was only just starting to get her back.”
Ryker said nothing. Nothing he could say would calm me down anyway. Instead, we stood on the sidewalk and watched the women take two chairs at the back of the gathering. Even from the distance, I could see Liv sink into a chair and cover her face with her hands. I wanted to rip Jules’ arm off when she reached out to hold her.
I wanted to be the one holding her, helping her through this, but I was helpless, unable to do the one thing I had promised her I would do… be the man she needed.
I forced Jules to take the back row of chairs once we reached Travis’s service. I didn’t want to be seen in the crowd, especially by Travis’s mom who had always thought I was white trash, but I couldn’t miss his funeral either.
For days I had laid in Daemon’s bed and felt my guilt and sorrow grow with every passing second. Woul
d I ever stop feeling like Travis’s death was all my fault? If I had never called him that day…
“You’ll get through this,” Jules whispered in my ear as she wrapped her arm around my shoulders. I leaned in and rested against her. I was already exhausted just from the simple act of getting ready. I could fall asleep at any minute and sleep for the rest of forever.
“I can’t believe he’s gone,” I told her, my voice tripping on the lump that was permanently lodged in my throat. “I didn’t want this.”
Jules hand squeezed me tighter and her other hand grabbed mine in my lap. “We were all friends at one time, Olivia. No one wants this for their friend.”
I squeezed my eyes and inhaled a shaky breath. I hadn’t been a friend to Travis. I had been someone who had twisted our friendship into something ugly and selfish. I had taken something he felt was honest and true and ruined it. He may have died no longer angry with me, but he died hurting because of me. Because of the choices I made.
I hated myself for it. I hated myself for knowing that as soon as his hands left mine the day at the park, the day he was trying to be honest with me about the Black Death and him working for them, that all I had seen in his eyes was an honest love for me.
Wiping my tears away again, I didn’t say anything to Jules. I tried to focus on what the pastor at the front of the group was saying but I barely heard him. I barely noticed when all the men in their dress blues stood and walked toward the front to say their last good-bye’s to Travis. I barely felt Jules’ hands on my shoulders trying to comfort me.
I never saw Travis’s parents. I never apologized for breaking their son’s heart.
I didn’t realize the service was over until Jules stood up and pulled me to my feet. I blinked, as if I had just woken up from a dream, and realized we were the last two people. Everyone was gone. I turned around in a slow circle until I saw Ryker and Daemon, standing in the distance in front of Daemon’s truck right where we had left them.
“It’s time to go,” Jules said softly, pulling my hand at the same time.
