by H. J. Bellus
“Yes.”
I don’t even comprehend why he is speaking. My hands find the back of his head and push it back into me. It only takes a few more licks before I’m screaming without reserve. I pull on his hair and let go, spiraling into the most intimate orgasm of my life. My body continues to relish the sensation as it slowly comes to an end. Rubbing my legs together, I milk out every single ounce of it.
Beau is on top of me again, covering me with his body. He slowly kisses me, and I find myself melting into him and kissing him back. It’s like his touch is a curse and I fall for it every single time.
Pulling back, I say, “You never answered me.”
“Yes, I did.” An evil grin cover his face.
Wracking my mind, I try to remember if he did or not and come to the conclusion he’s pulling my leg. I shake my head. “No, you didn’t, Beau Morgan.”
“I sure did. I believe you were moaning so loud you missed it.”
Warmth creeps into my cheeks as I remember the moment. I’m not embarrassed, but rather heated up recalling the sweet moments we just exchanged.
“You may have a point.”
“I think you like that, Jenni.”
“It was a first for me.” This time I bury my face in his shoulder as I speak.
“Oh shit,” Beau says, bouncing off the bed.
“What?” I sit straight up, scared to death by his sudden movement. Beau has already gone into the bathroom. “What did I do, Beau?”
Peeking his head around the corner, he grins at me. “You were about to make me hard as hell again, and I need to get going for the morning.”
Lying back down, I tingle at the thought I can excite the man so easily. Mentally I groan, wishing he could stay in bed with me and go a couple more rounds, but he has a job interview today with a local construction company.
“What time is your interview?”
I hear the water running. “10:30, which means I need to leave here in about an hour. No time for playtime, Jenni.”
Making my way to him, I wrap my arms around his back and watch him shave off his beard. Inwardly I cringe because his stubble is so damn sexy.
“I wasn’t asking that.” My lips blaze a trail along his back. “I’m thinking I’ll have you drop me off at my apartment while you do your thing.”
He stops shaving, places his razor down, and braces both arms on the sink. “Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I could get some things organized for school and some fresh clothes while you’re gone, and plus they said if they like you it would take most of the day to get paperwork and stuff done.”
His arms are locked and his jaw clenched. “I’m not okay with it.”
“Baby, I’ll be fine. I have to go home sometime.”
My words don’t provide him with any comfort. He remains rigid and staring straight ahead into the mirror with white shaving cream still covering his face. I snake to his front, positioning myself between him and the sink. I use my arms to jump up onto the counter and wrap my legs around him. Turning on the water, I pick up his razor and make him face me. I gently run the razor along his jawline, following the path he had set up.
“You have to let me go back to my apartment. We both have outside lives we have to live.”
Beau relaxes just enough to allow me to continue shaving him, but I can tell he’s not happy with the idea.
“We can do this, Beau.”
I finish the last trail down his face and use the hand towel to wipe away all the extra shaving cream and then dab on his aftershave. I watch him squirm a bit at the sting, but it smells heavenly.
“Fine.” He grips my face in his hands roughly. “But I don’t like it.”
I reach forward and kiss him.
“I need space right now, Jenni.”
I take that as my cue to leave the bathroom. He’s been able to verbalize when he’s reaching a boiling point and I know to back off. I go to the living room to gather some things I need to take home and wash. I know I’m coming back here tonight, so I make sure to leave many visual reminders for Beau and myself. I also make sure that my ass is ready to leave in ample time so I don’t frustrate him any further.
And like clockwork, Beau is ready to leave right on the dot. We walk hand in hand out to the truck. He opens the door and I slide in. We drive to the other side of town in silence.
“Would it make you feel better if you dropped me off at the bakery?”
Beau’s knuckles go white around the steering wheel. “Why, so you can walk to your apartment? Are you just fucking asking for Maxton to beat you again?”
His words ring crystal clear and I don’t try to ease the situation again. I take his cellphone and send myself a quick text so I have his number. At this point, I’m not sure if he wants to ever talk to me again. I didn’t think asking to go home for a couple hours to prepare for school starting on Monday was that big of a deal. Clearly, I had awoken the beast in him.
He pulls up to my apartment, and I notice my car is sitting in my normal parking spot. I stare hard at it, and it’s mine; the familiar dent on the bumper is there. Silver Honda Accords are very popular around here, but there’s no doubt that’s my car. Lynlee, I guess. I don’t verbalize any of this to Beau in fear of further enraging the man.
I slide over to the passenger door and open it. Looking back at him, I can still sense he’s pissed off, so I don’t say a word. I feel gutted by the way he’s acting toward me. I’ve ruined it all. Walking to my door, I can only hope for the best.
“Jenni.” My hand rests on the bronze doorknob. “Jenni, wait.”
I turn around to see Beau jogging toward me and freeze.
“God, I’m sorry.” He runs his hands through this thick dark hair. “I’m just scared. I can’t lose you.”
“Then maybe you shouldn’t be a dick to me when you get angry. I understand your issues, but I don’t like it.”
My words shock me, but really, what’s the difference between being abused by Maxton and at the mercy of Beau’s anger?
“I know. I know,” he repeats as he closes the distance between us. “I know, Jenni. I’m sorry.”
Dropping my hand from the doorknob, I wrap my arms around his neck and squeeze him. “Thank you, Beau.”
He inches back and kisses me. “I have to go, but I’ll be back.”
“Go, I’ll be here.”
Beau places one more kiss on my lips before he turns and trots down the sidewalk to his truck.
“Beau.” He stops and turns back to me. “I really am falling in love with you.”
He shakes his head and gets into his truck. When he pulls away, I immediately feel empty. I’ve always been the clingy type, and the last two weeks spent with him have ruined me. Hours, he’ll just be gone hours. But maybe this is good practice for the days when I’m at school from eight to six and he’s at work. It will make the night that much sweeter.
I rummage for my house keys in my oversized purse and can’t find them. I know I threw them in here at Beau’s apartment. I always keep my car keys and house keys separate. Mindlessly, I twist the cold knob, and to my shock, it opens. My blood runs cold because I do know that is something I’d never do. It’s my one paranoia. I always lock my doors whether I’m running a short errand or in for the night. It’s one of those things I get up out of bed at least three times to check before falling asleep. I even did this ritual growing up, no matter the place. It’s something I didn’t do with Beau, either from being doped up on painkillers or wrapped safely in his arms.
Standing in the doorway, I try to remember the day I left here. It was the night before the wedding, and I was meeting up with the girls for a bachelorette party. I was on top of the world with the way things were going for me. I was just officially accepted into the local beauty college, and things with Maxton were looking up. I know I locked this door when I left. I have no doubt at all.
Looking into the small living area, everything appears to be in place. I see a stack of boxes of Ikea
shelves I’ve never put together, and the half built desk I gave up on. Peering to the left, I notice the pile of dirty dishes and lines of clothes going in every direction. My phone alerts me to a text message, and I pull it from my pocket.
Beau: Wish me luck.
Me: Luck, lover boy.
The simple act of reading his name puts me at ease, and I chalk up the unlocked door to my spacey nature. Even though it’s unlikely, I comfort myself a bit by deciding it was probably just me in a hurry. I cringe at my surroundings. The state of my living room would put Beau into a full-on heart attack. It embarrasses me to know I’m so used to living in such a mess. I never recognized it before, but coming from Beau’s tidy and extremely organized apartment makes me realize I’m a fucking slob. I mean, I know Aunt Danielle’s house is always immaculate, but I chalked it up to being an old lady thing.
It only takes a few minutes of wandering through my apartment for me to realize I don’t want to be here or be the person who used to live here. I want more for my life. Making my way into my bedroom, I stop cold at the sight before me. All of my drawers have been pulled from the dresser and clothes are strewn everywhere. On my mirror are the words:
I’ll kill you, you little whore!
I scream, then start to hyperventilate. Maxton has been here, and it I feel instantly sick. Phantom pains shoot through my side, and I hear his voice screaming at me. I scramble to the ground and pick up my clothes and stuff them back into drawers as fast as possible. Running to the kitchen, I grab a towel and Windex and scrub away the nasty words. I fight to make my room as normal as possible and rid every trace of Maxton from it.
Everything inside me wants to call Beau and force him to come get me. I know it wouldn’t take much force, but I don’t want to ruin his job interview, since I’m the reason he quit the other one. Dropping to my knees, I begin to cry, with each tear declaring I’m tired of everything—exhausted from the cruelty life blows my way with each venture. My phone rings, and I notice Jazzy’s name flashing across the screen.
Too tired to avoid them any longer, I slide across the green icon with my finger.
“Hello.”
“Is this my Jenni girl? This is Jazzy Jazz calling yo’ ass.”
Her voice is full of enthusiasm. Her words make me smile. I always call her Jazzy Jazz. In the beginning she despised the nickname…and me, for that matter.
“We’re going to do a little shopping before tonight. Want to join?”
“Sure.”
“Meet us at Town Centre Mall in about thirty?”
“Okay, bye.”
I hang up before she has a chance to say anything else. The fact is I don’t want to stay here any longer than I have to, but I really don’t want to be out shopping either. I grab my purse and double check that I have both sets of keys. Walking over to the manager’s office, I look at my car and know exactly who brought it home.
“Hi, Al.” I step into the musty little office. Al is behind his desk, absorbed in whatever is on his computer screen.
“Hey, girl.”
Al and my Aunt Danielle went to high school together and are great friends. When I wanted to move out of Danielle’s, she said I only could if I moved into one of Al’s apartments. It made her feel better. Even though I still have a room at her house I frequent a couple times a month, it felt good to live out on my own. Until now.
“Hey, Al. Have you let someone in my apartment lately?”
“Now, kid, why would I do something like that?” Al moves from behind his computer desk and perches on the corner. It’s the only spot not covered in stacks of paper.
“Um.” I fiddle with my key ring. “Don’t tell my aunt, but I think someone might have entered my apartment. I have all the keys now, but don’t trust this person.”
“I’m on it. Your lock will be changed, kid, no worries.”
I’m relieved Al didn’t make me give him any details. I thank him and leave his office feeling more satisfied with the situation. When I near my car, I notice the red writing covering my rear view mirror, and it’s the same that filled the mirror in my room.
“That motherfucker.”
Opening the door fast, I grab a sweatshirt from the back seat and begin to wash away the words:
Die Whore!
An awful smell hits me. At first I think I’m imagining the stench, but in the next inhale of air, it hits me. My car is saturated in piss. There are visible stains covering the light grey interior.
Furiously, I dial my phone as quickly as possible and wait ring by ring. When he answers with his smug hello and slimy snicker, my stomach turns as so many emotions hit me at once, but in the end anger wins out.
“Listen here, you fucker. You better stay away from me.”
“Oh, yeah?” A loud ruckus fills the background on his end. “Or what, your new boyfriend gonna kick my ass?”
“No, he won’t. If he gets his hands on you, he’ll kill you, Maxton. Come around me or my apartment again, and you’ll regret it.”
“I don’t lie, Jenni, and I’ll make good on my promise.”
“I’m not afraid of you anymore, Maxton. Stay the fuck away from me, or I’m calling the cops.”
I hang up the phone before he can retaliate. He’s always loved to be the intimidating one, whether it be verbally or physically. I’m disgusted by the fact I let him hold me captive for so many months in that abusive relationship. He had me fooled—hell, brainwashed—so completely that I couldn’t do any better than him and actually deserved him. And to think I fought to save that relationship, arguing with Lynlee and Jazzy and even defending the motherfucker.
My gut twists, and then the scent of his piss hits me hard, and I gag. The contents of my stomach swirl around even harder, and the next gag causes me to vomit. I’m able to make it to the hedge near the sidewalk. My phone rings, and I know it was a mistake to call Maxton. It was like opening the door and inviting Satan in. Using the back of my sleeve, I wipe across my mouth and look down at my phone. Beau’s name flashes across the screen. I scramble to answer it, and I lose control, sending it to the ground. Seizing it again, I answer.
“Hello.” My voice comes out as a gurgled wail.
“Jenni.”
“Beau. Come get me. I need you. I’m so sorry.”
“Jenni.” His voice is already full of concern. “What’s going on? Are you okay?”
He fires off so many questions, and it relaxes me. It’s the sound of his voice that calms me and comforts me. I sink to the grass and sit cross-legged.
“I’m okay.” I wipe at my mouth again, gathering a few bits of vomit. “He’s been at my house.”
“Motherfucker,” Beau roars into the phone. I hear the sound of his fist crashing into his dashboard.
“He wasn’t here when I got home, though. My door was unlocked and my room was a mess.” I pause, remembering the malicious script painted on my mirror.
“And?” Beau pushes me.
“He destroyed my room and wrote on my mirror. I went to the office manager and asked to have my locks changed. Then I went to get in my car, and he wrote on that mirror as well. Then he…”
“I’m about three miles away, Jenni.”
“He pissed in my car. Everywhere, covering everything.”
Tears begin rolling down my cheeks as I say the last part. Utter humiliation strikes me. What kind of human being does that to someone? My stomach hurts again and I feel the urge to puke.
“He what?” Beau’s voice is demanding, and I’m not looking forward to seeing him in a few minutes. He’ll for sure be raging out of control. “Jenni, I’m going to kill him.”
“I called him. I was so pissed that I called him.”
A deep growl fills the other end, and immediately I regret telling him.
“Don’t you dare call him again. A sick prick like that only gets off on shit like that. What did he write on your mirror?”
I really don’t want to say this part out loud, let alone to Beau. I remain silent
, hoping he won’t continue to push this topic.
“Tell me now.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
The roar of an engine fills the air, and when I look up Beau is already out of the truck marching toward me. His strong hands pull me up into a standing position while he gets right in my face.
“What did it say?”
My body begins to shake with horror. Phantom pains strike my side, and I’m brought straight back to that night.
“It said, ‘I will kill you, whore.’”
“Get in the fucking truck now.”
Settling into the truck, I notice Al standing in front of his office watching the whole scene and know it doesn’t look good from his point of view. He offers me a weak wave before walking over to the truck. Beau went into the apartment to look around.
“Girl, are you okay?”
I roll down my window and nod. “He’s just a friend and very upset about what happened in there.”
“What did happen in there? You just mentioned someone got in.”
I know Al will be on the phone with my aunt before we pull out of the parking lot, so I try to brush everything off.
“He’s overreacting. It’s just a jealous ex, and when you get the locks changed we won’t have anything to worry about.”
Al nods as he processes my words, and I know I’ve done a shitty job of selling my point. He’s not buying.
“Go on back to work and don’t worry about this.” I gesture with my hands, wanting to get rid of him before Beau comes back out.
“I saw you puking in them bushes over there.”
Fuck, I scream in my head. Not knowing how to respond, I just nod back to him with a fake smiled plastered on my face. Beau stalks from the front door in a full-on rage.
“Who the fuck are you?” he yells as he jogs over to the truck.
“Beau.” The sound of my voice even scares me. He picks up on my panic and tone and focuses in on me. “This is Al. He owns the apartments and is good friends with Aunt Danielle.”
