“Jessica, not now. We have bigger worries.”
“Yes, like the fact that you’ve just been discovered in attendance at a Malvern house party, and by one of the Malverns’ oldest friends. There may well be repercussions from our attendance. It won’t be long before it’s found that I was the lady on your arm all evening.”
And their kissing would probably be recalled by half the attendees. She massaged her temples, feeling a headache coming on. Tonight, it seemed, had been more than she was ready to handle.
“No one will ever know it was you, Jess.”
She glared at him. Did he honestly think no one would put two and two together? Where Hayden went Jessica was often in attendance, and vice versa. This was turning out to be a nightmare.
“You’re mad if you believe that,” she said to him.
She walked away from him as their carriage came around the drive. Just as the footman gave her his hand in assistance, Hayden’s hands came around her waist possessively and lifted her up the stairs. He didn’t say a word as he climbed in after her. Once the carriage was moving away from the Malvern estate, he tore off his mask, crossed his arms over his chest, and stared back at her, silent and brooding.
And why should he be upset with her?
“What is it I’ve done wrong?” she asked.
“You haven’t done anything wrong. Though you could have told me what you planned right from the beginning.”
She freed the pins that held the ties of her mask in place. There was no sense remaining in costume now that their night had concluded. “Don’t turn this around on me, Hayden. Besides, it seems that I wasn’t the only one gathering information of some sort.”
Talk about cutting right to the heart of the issue. But it bothered her that Hayden knew one of her husband’s friends. That he had dealings with the man.
“Hilliard is well connected, and he had access to information that I needed for some business dealings.”
“I think you’re omitting information. Why don’t you want me to know about your association with Hilliard?”
“Because it was a very brief association, if you want to even call it that.”
“What would you call it?”
“He had information I needed. I offered an ear for a proposal he has for a parliamentary matter.”
She had a sneaking suspicion that this had everything to do with her. Or her husband. “What kind of information were you seeking?”
“Because you’ll not let this rest, I’ll tell you. He gave me Miller’s location, so I could have a conversation with the man.”
Her hairpins fell from her hands, chinking on the wooden floor of the carriage as she stared back at her friend, stunned. His answer was unexpected. “Why would you of all people require Miller’s whereabouts?”
“I will always look out for your welfare, Jessica. I wasn’t going to let that man roam about London freely with the means to harm your standing and reputation.”
Hayden’s expression was firm.
She narrowed her gaze. “What did you do?”
“I put him on a ship to Australia.”
“Why?”
“We both know it needed to be done.”
She swallowed against the lump of nerves suddenly clogging her throat. Did Hayden know the truth? He couldn’t. She tried harder to release the stupid ties that held her mask in place. Anything but focusing solely on the man in front of her. “What did Miller tell you?”
“Nothing much. Talking was … difficult for him.”
“You might think you sent him off for good, but he’ll come back.” She closed her eyes, thinking of the right questions to ask without revealing too much. “When did this happen?”
“A month ago. He can’t hurt you anymore, Jez.”
Oh, yes, he could. But she couldn’t tell Hayden that without revealing the secrets she wanted to keep buried. She would have to figure out how long it took for a ship to reach Australia and return to London. Miller would not be staying away from England long. And when he returned, he’d have a chip the size of Jez to rub off.
Now that she thought back on it, it was no wonder he hadn’t made an appearance in her life these past weeks. Foolishly she’d thought that her purchasing Miller’s chits and selling them to a man known for darker dealings in the seedier sections of London had been the reason for his disappearance. How naïve she was.
She tore at the knot keeping her mask in place. It didn’t budge.
Seeing her frustration, Hayden said, “Lean forward on the seat.”
She did as asked and turned her head to the side so he could see the mess she’d created in her rush to remove the mask. His hands were gentle, his breath moving tendrils of her hair near her ear.
While he worked on untying the mask questions about his action—and hers—hampered her mind heavily. Aside from worrying about Miller again, she had questions about Hayden’s actions tonight.
Why after all these years had he kissed her now? What had changed …
What a bloody fool she was. Hayden was a man with strong morals; of course he would never have pressed his suit while she was married.
Still, she would have to find some courage before she asked him why he’d done it tonight of all nights. And why he’d never revealed that his feelings for her were not platonic. Not in any sense of the word.
“There,” he said, pulling the mask away from her eyes and setting it on the seat next to her.
She rubbed at a tender spot on the bridge of her nose where the mask had dug into her skin.
“Hayden?” She leaned back against her seat, putting distance between them as she searched his eyes for the answers to the questions she didn’t want to ask. “About earlier—”
He leaned in close to her and pressed his finger against her lips to silence her questions. When she didn’t protest, he caressed his palm over the side of her cheek and jaw with a pensive look.
“There are a lot of things we need to discuss, but right now, we’re both tired and angry about the turn of events, so it’ll have to wait for a more opportune time.” His hand fell away as he sat back in his seat.
She pressed the tips of her fingers against her lips, still feeling a phantom touch of his mouth upon hers. Their relationship had changed the very moment he’d sequestered her in a private corner. Sure, they were still friends, but there would now be a tension between them that hadn’t existed previously.
And all for a kiss.
A deliciously dangerous kiss.
“How can you ignore what happened?” she whispered, half-hoping he hadn’t heard her query.
“I acted impulsively on something I’ve long desired to do, so I will not apologize for my actions.”
He was watching her actions, his gaze lingering where she touched her lips. She dropped her hand from her mouth and curled her fingers together in her lap. “No good can come of this, Hayden. Don’t jeopardize our friendship.”
“You’ve already advised me against that, and I’ve taken it to heart. Trust me when I say that our friendship has always been too precious to ever dare damage. And I will do everything in my power to protect it.”
He brushed one hand through his hair. And while it was normally pomaded to perfection without so much as a stray hair out of place, she noticed it was longer than usual and in disarray. In fact, it had been just so for a number of weeks now.
“You were always daring society to censure you, Jez. I’ve never seen you care about your reputation as much as you do now.”
She swore there was a measure of awe in his voice. She’d have laughed at any other occasion, since he’d been quite reckless and she had been the opposite. But tonight had been too trying on her nerves.
“I can’t deny I’ve lived life the way I wanted. But everything has changed.” She looked out the window, unable to face him for what she was about to say. “If anyone assumes that I’m your mistress, I will be locked out of society forever.”
He reached for her hands, clasp
ed them, and pulled her over to sit next to him on the bench. “Don’t put such a crass word on what we have.”
“Whatever this was tonight…” She shook her head, unsure she believed the denials any more than he. “We can’t.”
She wasn’t sure if she was trying to convince herself or him that this couldn’t happen between them. But she did know she needed to be able to rely on Hayden. But couldn’t she?
Now …
She was confused. Flustered. She hated this feeling.
“Jessica, if there’s one thing I’ve come to understand with perfect clarity in the near decade we’ve known each other, it’s that your heart is true where our friendship is concerned. I promise you that I will not endanger that for a moment of folly.”
What was he even saying? Did he regret his actions earlier? She shook off the momentary disappointment she felt when she realized that was the last thing he was telling her.
“Hayden—”
His hands entwined with hers and he held them up to the light that cascaded through the open blinds of the carriage window. “We’ll discuss the recourse of our actions tomorrow, Jess.”
A piece of her heart splintered inside her chest. She needed Hayden, of all people, to get her through the months to come. There was no one who knew her as well as he.
But there was no possibility of forgetting what had happened.
Everything had changed, she wanted to scream.
“I just want to forget what happened.”
“And I don’t wish any such thing.” There was something more than disappointment in his voice, and she’d been the one to put it there.
“I believe this might have been a little too much excitement for my first outing.”
He didn’t release her hand. She didn’t have the strength to argue with him further on this, nor did she wish to physically pull away. While they’d always shared a closeness with each other, it felt different now. Not precisely tainted, or wrong. Just different.
She leaned her head back against the headrest and closed her eyes. She’d be home soon enough, and then she’d put the whole day behind her and start fresh tomorrow.
* * *
He didn’t regret their kiss. Not for one second. Though she might not believe it now, that first kiss had been the inevitable step they needed to take. There was nothing that would change his mind from that fact.
Kissing her had been the right thing to do.
Jez had fallen asleep half an hour ago. She was pressed up against his shoulder, her breaths soft against his neck with each exhalation. When they arrived at her house, he carried her up the stairs. It was late enough that no one would witness their late entry into her townhouse, though he entered through the back entrance where the garden was situated.
On their entering her house, the housekeeper met him in the kitchen. She was a bloody bull whenever he was here. Always had her eye on him. He knew it was because she adored her mistress, so he couldn’t blame her.
“Mrs. Harper,” he said cordially. “Imagine me finding you up at this hour; it’s a perfect opportunity to have you send someone ahead of me to light a fire in Your Ladyship’s rooms. The night has a nip of coolness in it, and I wouldn’t want Lady Fallon catching cold.”
“I can have someone assist, Your Grace.” She wasn’t referring to the fire he’d suggested. No, she wanted someone else to take Jessica up to her bedchamber. “You shouldn’t have to carry her up.”
“It’s fine that I take her, Mrs. Harper. Just have the fire set up.” He walked past her then, uncaring if he was invited or not into the household. Jessica wouldn’t refuse him even after everything that had happened between them tonight.
He didn’t stop and wait for permission, just carried on through the house and headed in the direction of Jessica’s bedchamber. It was still dark when he entered her room, so he’d arrived ahead of the maid. Not that it mattered; all he was doing was putting Jez to bed before he found his own way home and did the same. It had been a long night, with as much time spent in the carriage as at the party.
Jessica stirred as he leaned forward to toss her bedding aside so he could set her on the mattress. “Hayden,” she whispered, though he knew she was half-asleep and unaware of her surroundings.
God, how tempting it was to climb into bed with her, hold her tight, and feel her in his arms a while longer.
As much as it pained him to walk away after everything that had happened between them, he had no choice but to do just that when she wasn’t fully aware.
Carefully tucking her into bed, he brushed his lips against her forehead and left her just as the maid came in to light a fire. Tomorrow would prove to be another day. Whether he and Jessica started on a tense note or in the same easy fashion they’d always enjoyed depended upon her.
Nothing yet everything had changed. She was still his friend, his Jessica. But now there was more to be discovered between them.
He nodded his farewell to the maid before shutting the bedchamber door behind him.
One thing was certain—he’d see Jessica on the morrow whether she wanted to face him or not. How she would handle it was another matter entirely. While she might find merit in ignoring what they had done, he didn’t want to go backward in their relationship. And ignoring that kiss, the start of something more between them, would be doing just that.
Chapter 9
How often can one visit the Zoological Society in a season without drawing suspicion to the possibility of clandestine meetings? I’m beginning to believe that Lady A—— has taken after her mother and is hosting the idea of a paramour. Could someone of revered prestige like Lord G—— fall victim to her youthful charms so easily?
Mayfair Chronicles, July 1846
“Goodness. How much did I drink last night?” Jessica asked herself as she stumbled out of bed, her hand shielding her eyes from the light coming through the sheer curtains.
Her maid came in just as Jessica cinched the ties of her dressing gown around her waist.
“His Grace is here to see you, my lady.”
“What hour is it, Louise?”
“Half past eleven.” Jessica’s maid ducked her head as though embarrassed to admit the time she’d let her mistress sleep to.
Jessica pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes tightly—it didn’t alleviate much of the megrim that had her in a full grip of head-pounding agony.
She cracked open her eyes the slightest amount. “Did you try to wake me?”
“We did.”
There was still no eye contact from her. Jessica must have been a boor when the staff had come up to her room earlier in the morning. Not that Jessica could recall any of those instances, though she did remember her maid taking down her hair and helping her dress for bed after she arrived home. She groaned as she took a deep breath and willed her head to stop throbbing.
“Help me ready before the duke barges up here with a mission in mind, one I have no intention of fulfilling today.”
“Right away, my lady. Shall I have Cook prepare her special tincture?”
“Yes, that’s a fabulous idea. Thank God one of us is thinking straight this morning.” Closing her eyes for a moment, she rubbed at her temples.
Her maid left with the speed of a jackrabbit that had caught the smell of a fox. Before the door could close behind Louise, Hayden stepped through the entrance.
“Darling.” Evidently, he was far more chipper than she this morning.
She should have known she couldn’t keep him waiting downstairs for long. “How much champagne did you let me have last night?”
“A few glasses, can’t recall the exact number.”
“Must you be so cheerful in the morning?”
He laughed. “Always. I came over thinking you’d like to stretch your legs with a walk in the park.”
“You really must give me another hour to ready.”
“Afraid I can’t do that. I’m meeting with someone this afternoon about acquiring some property
in Kent. It’s quite a lovely area.”
“That’s a poor attempt to draw me away from London.”
“It’s only a day’s ride from here.”
“I’ll have to take your word on that.” She sat at her vanity and looked at Hayden’s reflection in the mirror as she undid the braid. “You’re not here simply for a walk.”
She hoped he didn’t wish to revisit all that had happened last night. She hadn’t sorted through her thoughts and feelings of what had transpired the previous evening, and she wasn’t ready to discuss it with Hayden until she figured it out for herself.
“And what’s wrong with a jaunt around the park?” he asked.
She motioned to her current state of dishabille. “I’m hardly presentable for an outdoor excursion.”
“Then I’ll give you ten minutes to make yourself presentable. I have an appointment on Bond Street I’d like you to come to.”
“An appointment with regards to…?”
“The estate and some other financial affairs. All dreadfully boring tasks but made exceptionally more fun by your company.”
She lightly banged her forehead against the vanity. She had a megrim that bordered on excruciating, and he wanted her to attend appointments with him? “You can’t be serious.”
“I most certainly am.” There was laughter in his voice, no doubt because of her state right now.
“How is it that you drank as much as I did last night and are in a perfectly fine state this morning?” She could not keep the irritation from her voice. She refused to run errands with anyone. And more important, she hated mornings, so, really, why should she have to leave the house before luncheon if it displeased her to be up and about?
“Before you outright refuse me your company,” he interjected as though he’d read her thoughts, “there is someone I want you to meet. He can be of great assistance with your finances.”
“I have a solicitor,” she pointed out.
“I know you are smarter than that, but your head never did fare well with an overabundance of champagne.” He placed his hand on her shoulder and squeezed it affectionately. “Put it this way: you have a solicitor, but they hold a personal interest in maintaining the Fallon estate with your entire fortune intact.”
The Scandalous Duke Takes a Bride Page 9
