by Sienna Parks
I watch as her little legs skip through the square, her pigtails bouncing; glistening in the final moments of sunlight. She waves goodbye to passersby, eliciting a smile from every last one.
The horses are weary, reflecting my own desire to leave the crowds behind for the sanctuary of the ranch. I guarantee they would rather put in a full day of hard labor, than give pony rides to ungrateful, overtired kids, hyped up on candy. I think every kid in town had at least two rides. I’m exhausted – it’s different than manual labor. I can do that seven days a week, dawn ‘til dusk. What I don’t like, is the mental fatigue that comes with this particular day, in this small town. It reminds me of all my shortcomings – as a son, a father, and a man.
A familiar voice filters through the rabble. “Hello, Maddox. How are you?”
“Mrs. Clark, I’m doing well. Thanks for asking. Have you enjoyed the fair?” Her gentle smile is warm and inviting.
“It was glorious. A rousing success as always. Why, I remember you and Annabeth running around here when you were no bigger than Rae. Always finding mischief. You two were inseparable.”
“How is Annabeth?” I steel myself for her reply.
“You can ask her yourself. She’s flying in for a visit next week.” My mouth won’t say the words my brain is struggling to piece together. She stares at me, a solemn understanding as she quickly changes the subject. “I saw Sally Rae earlier. She is a delightful little thing.”
“Thank you, ma’am.” I busy myself with the horses.
“Well, I better get going. You know me – don’t like to be out after dark.”
“You have a good night, Mrs. Clark.” I tip my hat as I attempt to calm my racing heart.
What feels like only moments later, my dad is saddled up and ready to head out. “You coming, boy? We’ve got an early start tomorrow. Gotta get these horses cleaned up before we get to work in the north field.”
I slip my boot into the stirrup, swinging my leg up and over the saddle. Without a word, I pull the reins and head for home. Focusing on the sweet sound of hooves clip-clopping as we trot out of town, I find little comfort in the quiet of the moonlight. Her name on a loop, galloping through my mind – Annabeth Clark – fuck.
If there was ever a bad day to hear that name, it’s today. Samantha hurt me when she left – broke my heart, for Rae. But Annabeth – she ripped it out and threw it to the wolves long ago. She was everything to me. We were best friends in elementary; went on to be high school sweethearts. We shared all our firsts. We learned to ride horses on the ranch together. Had our first kiss at the 6th grade Valentine’s dance. We were each other’s first… everything. I loved her with my heart and soul. I thought I was going to marry her – that we would ride out of this Podunk town together and never look back.
She was wicked smart. Wanted to be a doctor. After senior year, she got offered a full scholarship to Yale. No one in Kingsbury Falls had ever gone to an Ivy League college. It was too good an opportunity to pass up. I was planning on starting the circuit not long after that, so I figured we would make it work. She could come visit me when I was close by, and I would go and be with her in my time off. But, Annabeth had other ideas. She didn’t want to be tied down.
The last time I saw her was five years ago… I think. I was at the rodeo in Houston, and for a fleeting moment, I was convinced I saw her sitting in the crowd – cheering me on. I went looking for her when I finished, but I never did find her. To this day, I’m not even 100% certain it was her. I hope it was, and I hate that I feel that way.
Since I moved back to town, I’ve been lucky enough to avoid seeing Annabeth. Apparently, she hasn’t been back in years, and that suits me just fine. I barely survived her leaving me once – I wouldn’t make the same mistake again. I guess next week I’ll just have to busy myself for a few days until the coast is clear. When it comes to women, I’ve learned my lesson – Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.
As I stare up into the clear night sky, I can’t help but wonder why I drive the women in my life away. First my momma, then nanna, Annabeth, and finally Samantha. I’m determined not to repeat the pattern with Rae. She is my world… and I will do whatever it takes to ensure her happiness. I won’t let anything, or anyone, jeopardize that… ever.
Over breakfast, our usually quiet preparation for the long day ahead is blighted by Pops’ incessant chatter about the fair. He loves hearing all the goings on in town, and can’t help himself – desperate to relay every last detail of rumor and scandal. Dad huffs and puffs, making his frustration known. Rae listens to every word as if she’s studying for a test! Nodding her head when she thinks she should; laughing at his animated expressions.
“I had a long conversation with Mrs. Clark yesterday…” He leaves that statement hanging in the air, like a swarm of bees – I’m just waiting for the sting. “I hear young Annabeth is coming to visit.”
“The boy don’t care, old man. That girl broke his heart, just like his momma.” He continues without a thought for little ears. “Even worse than her momma.”
The puzzled look on Rae’s face tugs at my heart. “That’s enough, Dad. I’m fine. More than fine. I have my Rae of sunshine. She gives me all my heart needs, don’t you, sweet pea?” I quickly divert her attention, swooping her out of her seat for a daddy horse ride around the kitchen. Her laughter is like a drug – coursing through my veins, soothing the ache that plagues me like a shadow.
I hate seeing the same sympathy in Pops’ eyes that I see every time I go into town. When am I gonna stop being the guy that people pity? When I was bronc riding, I felt like a god - invincible and untouchable. I was hounded for autographs at every event, women slipping their number in my pocket night after night. I gave it up to be a proper father to Rae, and I would make the same decision a thousand times over. I don’t regret it for a second. I do regret that I was never really in love with her momma, and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the circuit. I lie awake at night, remembering the feel of a wild mustang beneath me. The power and determination it took to harness an animal’s primal instincts, if only for a brief moment – to me it felt like an eternity.
I loved everything about it. I still do. But I love my daughter more.
Chapter Two
ANNABETH
The gravel driveway crunches beneath my wheels, a sound that has become unfamiliar to me in recent years. The last time I came to visit my parents was almost five years ago now. I’ve felt so guilty about it, but I just couldn’t risk seeing Maddox Hale. I’d finally tortured myself enough, and the situation I find myself in now – I had no choice but to come back to Kingsbury Falls.
I kicked the dirt off my boots when I left here at the age of eighteen, bound for Yale. I knew, from a young age, that I wanted to be a surgeon. Growing up I didn’t think much about the logistics of that, but as the years went by, and my passion to learn increased – it became apparent that I had to make a choice. If I’d stayed here, I would have given up my dreams to be with the man of my dreams. I know I could have been happy, but something inside me was crying out to spread my wings and experience the world on my terms – explore my potential.
Maddox Hale was my first love, and my best friend. Leaving him was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. He shared my dream of getting out of Kingsbury Falls, but he’d always wanted to be a bronc rider, and I knew he would make it big. That meant being free to travel. If we’d stayed together, I know he would have put me first, and he would have ended up coming with me and supporting my goals. I loved him enough to let him pursue his heart’s desire.
The last time I saw him was at the Houston rodeo. I couldn’t bring myself to go and talk to him. After the way I left all those years ago, he wasn’t going to welcome me with open arms. I’d followed his rise to the top – a shoebox full of articles documenting the epic emergence of a new star. I didn’t contact him, and he never reached out to me. When I read that he was going to be competing in Texas, I couldn’t help
myself. I told my parents I was planning a visit, and made a stop in Houston.
I remember it like it was yesterday. The roar of thousands as they announced his name, a ripple of anticipation rolling through my body as his face appeared on the jumbotron. Blown up to massive proportions, the sly sparkle of mischief in his eyes was spellbinding. My breath caught in my chest, my heartbeat galloping as I drank in the dark scruff on his jawline, remembering how sexy it felt as it grazed the inside of my thighs.
His smile lit up the stadium with its brilliance. Every female within a ten-mile radius, melting in its warm glow. Surrounded by strangers, a cacophony of praise for the golden boy of bronc riding – everything faded into the background. Just the knowledge that I was within 250 ft. of him filled my heart with joy. The sweet memory of a simpler time washing over me – the familiarity of… home. For a split second, it felt like we made eye contact; an impossibility for him in a sea of strangers, but my body reacted to him – a reflex I couldn’t control.
I couldn’t stay and watch him ride, a physical ache in my chest threatening to crush my soul. I never got over Maddox, and admitting that to myself was hard. My visit to Kingsbury Falls was quick, and painful. The town was abuzz with his victory, preparations for a celebration in his honor underway, everywhere I turned. I had to get out of there before he arrived, and I haven’t been back since – until now.
I stopped reading articles, or following Mad’s career after that. I told my parents that I didn’t want to hear his name again, and I just let my relationships with old friends taper off in the natural busyness of life. It was too painful, and I knew I couldn’t move on if I didn’t make a conscious decision to let him go. My success in that department is evident in the shoebox I unpacked into my new place last night. I haven’t opened it in years, but I just couldn’t get rid of it. There will always be a part of me that belongs to Maddox Hale, wherever he is in the world – but I’ll bury it deep in the recesses on my mind, in a shoebox with the initials, M.H. written in Sharpie on the lid.
The sights and smells of my childhood, rush me like the crest of a wave. Bowling me over with their all-consuming serenity. The juxtaposition of familiarity and fear, wrestle for dominance in the cool morning breeze. My lungs are so accustomed to city smog, that it physically hurts to take a breath. My senses work overtime as I register the hushed whispers and blatant stares of everyone we pass.
“Hurry up. They’re going to be serving lunch at this rate!” My dad’s voice interrupts my annoyance.
“I see your flair for exaggeration hasn’t dissipated in my absence.”
“Well, you’re taking your sweet time, Annabeth. I don’t have all day. I’ll be dead before we get to the diner. You’re slower than a bullfrog in molasses.”
“Give me a break, will you? I only flew in last night. I’m tired, and already sick of people in this town gawking at me. I’m not a sideshow for their amusement.”
“That’s what happens when you don’t visit. You’re a local hero – more like a myth to the little ones. You are the educational success story of Kingsbury Falls. Hotshot New York doctor. Let them have their day. You’ll soon be yesterday’s news.”
Fat chance in this town.
I smile and make nice down the green mile of Main St., nodding and thanking everyone for their warm welcome. Ellen’s Diner seems further away the faster I walk. Dad opens the double doors, the familiar chime of the cowbell transporting me back to happier times.
“Well as I live and breathe – if it ain’t A.B. Clark.”
“Jax McKinney?” I run into his arms. “How are you?”
“A damn sight better than you, by the looks of it.”
You could hear a pin drop as all eyes turn to await my response. I feel like a lightning bug in a mason jar. “Still working that Texas charm I see!”
I can always count on Jax to take an awkward situation and exploit it. He never could pass up the chance to embarrass me. He was one of my best friends growing up, but it’s been years since the last time we spoke.
He pulls me back into his arms, just about choking the life out of me. “When did you get so smokin’ hot?” I’ve missed him.
“I’ve always been hot, Jax. You were just too busy chasing anything in a skirt to notice.”
My dad goes about his business, too set in his ways to stand and chat for a few minutes. He sits in the same booth, in the same spot he has since the diner opened in 1976. His routine both comforts and disturbs me. This is part of the reason I left, and a lot of why I came back.
“You were too busy sucking face with my best friend to give me the time of day, girl.”
My skin flushes at the memory of his lips against mine, his tongue teasing me with skilled strokes. “Let’s treat that period of my life like Voldemort, okay?”
“Seriously?”
I swiftly change the subject. “What are you up to these days, Jax?”
“Working Mustang Ranch. Breaking some new stallions right now. You should come up one day and ride with me. Bet you haven’t been riding this decade.”
My heart lurches into my mouth at the thought of revisiting the ranch – it was as much home to me growing up as my own house. Maddox, Jax, and I would spend all day out in the fields, losing ourselves to wild adventures. I used to dream of Mad and me sitting out on the porch, old and gray, watching our grandkids laugh and play – exploring the freedom that comes when you set foot through the gates of the Hale family ranch.
“Once I get settled in, I’ll take you up on that.” My words say yes, but an understanding passes between us. Jax knows me better than anyone… almost anyone.
“Sure thing, A.B. I’ll see you around. How long are you staying?”
A question I’m loathe to answer. The nail in the coffin of my fall from grace. “It’s not a visit. I’m back.”
“Well, fuck me sideways.”
Ellen shouts from behind the counter. “Hush your mouth, Jackson McKinney! I’ll have none of that cussing at this time in the mornin’.”
I’ve missed his mischievous grin and the twinkle in his eye. He blows her a kiss, before heading for the door. “Eight o’clock – Cardinals – be there.” Before I can say no, he’s out the door. The last thing I want to do is go to a bar tonight. People in this town have a habit of saying exactly what’s on their mind when they’re drunk, and I know there are plenty of people who’ll have a few choice words for me.
Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to come home.
My mom came into town to help me set up my new office. It might just be the first time I’ve thanked God for her neurotic attention to detail and need to organize everything in the room. I’m putting myself in the belly of the beast, setting up a family practice doctor’s office here in town. From my days of helping old Doc Barnes in his office, I learned it’s the hub of the rumor mill. Small town living isn’t for the faint of heart, your business is public record. A routine visit to the doctor can be spun into a secret lovechild, or a terminal case of cancer. Nothing is sacred, and my return will be front and center. It won’t matter that I treat what ails them, and take care of their family members. My departure fourteen years ago will be discussed like it was yesterday, and my absence over the past five years will be duly-noted and held against me for the foreseeable future – as will my fall from grace.
Mom and dad have always boasted my achievements, telling anyone that would listen about my scholarship to Yale, and the fact that I’m doing my residency in New York… past tense now. I know they are as happy as they are disappointed. I failed. I couldn’t deal with the loss of one of my long-term patients. The responsibility for her death resting squarely on my shoulders. I know my mom and dad are pleased that I’m going to be living and working in Kingsbury falls, but their smiles are tinged with a sadness I can’t repair.
Nerves swarm my stomach as I prepare to meet Jax. I scramble through boxes trying to find my favorite jeans, frustrated that my office is less of a mess than my home! I’d get my mom
over here to OCD her way through my boxes, but I need boundaries now that I’m back. I haven’t had to deal with anyone in my personal space for years. I push that disturbing thought to the back of my mind and head out to Cardinals.
I haven’t been here before. I heard a friend from high school had taken over the old bar my mom and dad used to frequent on Friday nights, but I never expected it to have been completely remodeled. Kirby was one of the hottest guys in our class. I thought he would breeze out of this town the first chance he got, but it just goes to show how wrong you can be about people. The local bar is the social heartbeat of a small town like Kingsbury Falls. No matter what you’re celebrating – this is the place to do it.
I left town before it could be my weekend haunt, but I better get used to it. The door swings open as a tipsy woman comes barreling out, shouting into her phone. The music blaring from inside is live – country at its best. The lights are dim, and there at the bar, I spy Jax. I’ve never noticed just how handsome he is. All rough and raw. He catches my eye, raising a shot glass to his lips and slinging in back.
Taking in my surrounds, I’m impressed by the new makeover. I could see myself hanging out here. Maybe the town is changing with the times. I need to at least give it a chance to impress me before I condemn it… right?
“Over here, hot stuff!”
All eyes in the vicinity turn toward me, watching my every move as I make my way across the floor. “Hey, Jax. Looking sharp. Your mom dress you tonight?”
A familiar laugh comes from behind the bar. “Burn.”
“Kirby? Kirby Hollander?”
“The one and only, darlin’.”
In an instant, I’m transported back to high school. The old gang back together again… with one glaring exception. These boys have only gotten sexier with age. There must be something in the water in this town. Kirby jumps over the bar and pulls me into a tight hug. “We’ve missed you around here, A.B. Jax tells me your back. That true? You’re back for good?”
