by Sienna Parks
“No! Take your time.” I pull myself up and walk over to where he stands, planting a soft kiss on Rae’s forehead.
“Night, Sunshine. Sweet dreams, precious girl.” I memorize the sweet pout of her tiny lips and the way her eyelashes kiss her cheek. I never expected to feel so strongly for this little girl, but I love her as if she were my own. And, I will do whatever it takes to protect her.
“You sure you have to go?” I gaze into his eyes, heartbroken and afraid. What if he doesn’t understand? What if he is unwilling to let me explain? It’s a chance I have to take.
“Yes.” I push up onto my tiptoes, taking his face in my hands. “I love you so much. You know that, right?” I press my lips to his in reverent melancholy.
“I do. I love you, too, darlin’.”
“I’ll see you soon. I promise.”
“Goodnight, A.B.”
“Goodbye, Maddox.” My limbs are heavy as I force myself to walk away. With every step, I question my decision not to tell him everything. He would never let me help get Sam out of their lives, and a part of me is scared he might resent me for it. Are my motives completely selfless? No. I want to protect Rae from the woman who so easily cast her aside, and I don’t want Maddox to carry around the burden of his decision for the rest of his life. But, it would also make it easier for me to become a part of their family. What if that’s all he sees? A selfish choice on my part.
My heart aches as I leave them behind, without a clue that tomorrow I will be gone. I have no idea when I’ll be back, or if they will let me back in their lives, but truly loving someone means being willing to lose them in order to save them. I’ll call Maddox when I get to New York, and pray that he gives me the benefit of the doubt.
Our love has survived time, space, and a lot of heartbreak. I need to believe that when I’m able to tell him what I’ve done, and why, we’ll find our way back to each other. We have to.
Chapter Seventeen
MADDOX
“It’s been a month, Maddox. You need to pick yourself up and get on with your life, or listen to what she has to say.”
“Are we going to have the same conversation every day? Or can we focus on the ranch? This project needs to be finished sooner rather than later, so we can start earning on the refurb.” I am so sick of Jax telling me what to do. I’m living Groundhog Day, over and over again, except rather than living the life I’ve build for myself, I’m back where I was when Sam left, and even worse, I’m back in high school.
I’m trying my best to get over the fact that I got played, not once, but twice, by the one woman I thought I could trust. It took everything I had, to open my heart to A.B. and give her a second chance, and risk Rae’s happiness. She’s been devastated these past few days. Always asking when A.B. will be back; worrying that she went to be with the angels, like her granddaddy.
I’ve lost count of how many hours I’ve spent at Rae’s bedside, answering questions, wishing she was old enough to understand how amazing she is, and that the fault lies with me. I’ve lain awake and alone, dreading Samantha turning up again unannounced, and praying I find Annabeth on my doorstep.
My voicemail is full of cryptic messages from A.B., telling me she’ll explain everything when she comes back. Not a single one gives a good reason, in my eyes, why she would uproot her life, and everything we had, to go and treat a patient. I get daily text messages telling me she loves me, and how sorry she is that she had to leave. I would never leave her behind, without saying goodbye in person. Voicemails and texts cloaked in mystery don’t make the situation any better. It’s like she doesn’t grasp how deep this cuts me.
“Have you even acknowledged her messages?” I didn’t tell Jax about her attempts to reach out.
“How do you know she’s been trying to contact me?”
“Because I talk to her. She’s fucking devastated right now.”
“You’ve spoken to her?”
“Yes. And before you ask – no, she hasn’t told me why she had to go so suddenly. She has told me that she will be back here as soon as she can, and she will tell you everything. This is killing her.”
“If you want to stand here and defend her actions, I need you to get out of my face.”
“I’m not.”
“Good. Because, I’m tired of trying to explain to my baby girl why she’s not here, and telling her that she didn’t die like her granddaddy. I’m fucking sick of missing her so much it physically hurts. I’m angry, and I don’t want to listen to A.B.’s lame excuses, or your pathetic attempts at defending her. She broke my Goddamn heart… and Rae’s.”
“Mad… I’m sorry, brother. I won’t bring it up again. What can I do?”
“Help me get this barn ready. I just want to work in silence.”
“Done.” Jax is true to his word. We put in a hard day’s labor, and for the first time since she left, I don’t feel completely useless. This barn is going to be breathtaking when it’s finished. I designed every last inch of it, from the rafters to the locks. It’s gonna take a while, but I can see it coming together. I was going to marry A.B. in here.
Days turn into weeks, and as I watch my vision for the barn become a reality, it only serves as a marker of how long she’s been gone. I’ve been working day and night to get this place up and running. Contractors have done the major structural work while Jax and I keep up with the rest of the ranch, but when Rae is down for the night, I’ve been coming up here to try and escape the reminders of everything I’ve lost this year. The ride alone helps me outrun the pain, if only for a little while.
Jax has been preoccupied recently – some new girl has moved to town and is playing hard to get. He’s only taken with her because she’s not giving it up. The moment she does, he’ll lose interest and things will go back to normal. If I really thought he was serious about a girl, I’d definitely make the effort to get to know her, but I don’t have time to waste on people who are temporary. I’ve done enough of that in my life.
Today, we’re getting out of town to scout some new horses, and I think the change of scenery will be good for me. I’m so sick of everything I see, reminding me of A.B. “You ready, bro? Let’s hit the road.” Jax is too busy on his phone to acknowledge me. I kiss Rae goodbye and tell Pops to call if he needs anything. As much as I love them, I’m looking forward to a night away from it all. “Are you going to stare at that phone all day like an idiot?”
“Sorry. Woman troubles.” I know I’m going to regret it, but I ask the question anyway.
“You, woman trouble? Did the condom break?” Usually, I’d get a laugh with that one, but his mood is somber.
“I wish. This girl won’t give me the time of day.”
“What? You’ve been ignoring me for the past twenty minutes.”
“I’m giving it my best flirtin’ and she only seems interested in being friends. What the fuck is that?”
“You know it’s not the law that you have to sleep with every woman that speaks to you?” That gets a mild smirk.
“Look at this face – I’m a handsome guy. We all know it! I can’t get her to agree to a single date.”
“Why do you care? Move on to the next girl. It’s not like you ever dip your stick more than once.”
“She’s different.” I’m not in the mood for this bullshit.
“That’s your dick talking. She turned you down, and now you’re going to convince yourself that she’s special. When she finally gives in, you’ll think it’s the best sex you’ve ever had. It’s called being a cock tease. Trust me – walk away. Drama is the last thing you want.”
“You know she’s coming back, right?”
“I thought she just moved here?”
“Not Savannah. I mean A.B. She’s going to come back for you.” Just because he listens to her pathetic excuses, doesn’t mean I have to.
“Shut up, Jax. I don’t want to hear it.”
“I don’t care. It’s about time you man up. Yes – it’s shit that she left without e
xplaining, but it’s not like last time. She called you the minute she landed. She told you it was to help a patient. She’s been calling you every single day. You’re not in high school anymore.”
“I told her when we started over, that it just about broke me the first time she left. She knew this would kill me… and I don’t think she stopped to think about how it would affect Rae.”
“Wait a minute. You can’t assume that. She loves Sally Rae. She deserves to get a chance to defend herself.” His indignation grates on me.
“I gave her a second chance. I don’t give a third. We’re done talking about this.”
“Shoot yourself in the foot then. I hope your pride keeps you warm at night. But, no matter what you do – she’s going to turn up on your doorstep sometime soon, and when that happens, you’ll only have yourself to blame for the result.”
We drive the rest of the way in silence, the radio blaring to avoid any further conversation. Every song is a testament to enduring love in the face of adversity, and I can’t help but wonder – what could be so important that A.B. would risk our future? Other than Rae, I can’t think of anything that would tear me away from her. Maybe I was kidding myself when I thought we felt the same way. I’ve always loved her more than she loved me. That fact will never change.
Once we’re settled at the hotel, Jax and I head out to the local bar. We always come here when we’re in town. It’s a breath of fresh air to be surrounded by strangers. Every resident of Kingsbury Falls, can’t help but look at me with pity in their eyes. There goes poor Maddox Hale. Couldn’t keep a woman if his life depended on it. I’m so sick of being under the town microscope.
“What’s your poison of choice tonight, bro?” Jax smirks. He has that look in his eye – the one that says I’m going to have a hangover tomorrow.
“My good friend Jack Daniels.”
“Good choice.” He signals the bartender, and then leans in, whispering something intelligible. This means trouble. She returns a few minutes later, setting our drinks down in front of us, gesturing toward two ladies at the other end of the bar. I turn my attention to Jax.
“What did you do?” He feigns innocence.
“What? I just bought them a drink. Ain’t a crime in the state of Texas as far as I’m aware.” With a smile and a wave, they ask us to join them. “Come on. They won’t bite.”
“That one on the left looks like she might. I just wanted a quiet drink with my best friend. Is that too much to ask?”
“Yes. You’re miserable. I’m miserable – and I haven’t even gotten laid for my troubles. Come on, man. One drink.”
“Fine.” The moment we sit down, these girls are like flies on shit. Thankfully the scarier of the two is all over Jax. I get the sense that the one I’m talking to is a little embarrassed.
“Sorry about her. She’s just gone through a bad breakup. She’s not normally this…”
“Forward?” I interject.
“I was going to say slutty, but let’s go with your observation.” It’s the first time I’ve laughed since A.B. left town.
“I get it. Breakups are rough.”
“Sounds like you know what you’re talking about. What’s her name?” I scrub my hand over the scruff of my jaw.
“That obvious?”
“Yeah.”
“Her name is Annabeth.” She reaches over, resting her hand on my arm.
“I’m sorry. You know what they say, though – best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else.” I signal to the bartender for another round of drinks; a good excuse to extricate my arm from her grasp.
“Is that your expert opinion?” She smiles back at me, trying too hard to be sexy. Don’t get me wrong, she’s hot. Smokin’ actually – when I was on the circuit, I would have jumped her without hesitation.
“Why do you look familiar to me? Are you from here?”
“No. Just passing through. Maybe I just have one of those faces.” I can see the penny drop.
“You’re Maddox ‘Hail Mary’ Hale.” Before I get a chance to lie through my teeth, Jax slaps my back in confirmation.
“He sure is – the one and only.” With a shit-eating grin, he grabs our drinks and heads for a booth in the darkest corner he can find.
The next few hours are a blur of shots, beer, and stories of my wilder days. The girls lap it up, and I must admit, it’s nice to remember a time when people looked up to me. They admired my success. I guess it doesn’t mean much to be revered by strangers, but after everything that happened with A.B., it’s nice to feel wanted for a change.
Jax is blind drunk by the time the four of us stumble out of the bar. “Where to next, party people?”
“There’s a small club a few blocks from here. Let’s go.” The girls are bouncing, ready to dance the night away. Jax snakes his arm around the leggy blonde, leaving me to walk with… shit, I can’t even remember her name.
“Fuck. What’s your name again?”
“JoAnn. Wow, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.” For a moment, I think I’ve really offended her, but she can’t keep a straight face. “I’m only teasing. Why so serious?” She mimics Heath Ledger’s scary as fuck Joker from The Dark Knight.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. You can make it up to me on the dance floor.” She gives me a sly wink, before wrapping my arm around her shoulder and following her friend. We walk the rest of the way in silence; my head spinning from the alcohol. Jax is stumbling ten paces ahead, laughing and shouting the entire time.
By the time we reach our destination, my thoughts are beginning to clear, and the pretty girl beside me gives me a sense of unease. As we approach the door, she drags me off into a nearby park, the tree-lined street providing just enough privacy for her to make a move. Her lips find mine, but even in my drunken state, I can’t do this. I take a step back, pulling away from her kiss.
“I can’t do this.” She persists, running her hand down my stomach, and over my crotch.
“Yes, you can. It’s just a little fun. I want you to ride me like you do those wild horses. Come on, Maddox Hale. Show me what you got.” I duck her advances, stepping back a second time.
“I’m not doing this. You’re hot, but…”
“But what?”
“But… I’m in love with someone.”
“God. I’m not asking you to marry me. Lighten up.”
“That’s just the thing – I don’t want to lighten up. I want her. I want the heavy stuff. The marriage, the kids, and the white picket fence.”
“I thought you were the bad boy of bronc riding?”
“I was. But, now I’m a single dad, who braids hair, has tea parties with teddy bears, and is head over heels for his high school sweetheart.”
“Well, fuck me sideways and call me Judy. If that doesn’t make you even hotter – you jackass!” I can’t help but laugh.
“Sorry if I gave you the wrong impression.”
“Don’t apologize. The place across the street has coffee. You want to go grab a cup and tell me what happened?”
“I’m not going to saddle you with my tales of woe.”
“I’ve got nowhere to be. Come on, Daddy.” We go in search of Jax and the blonde, who I now know is called Sarah, only to find Jax snoozing on a park bench. I kick his foot to wake him.
“What the hell?” Sarah doesn’t look happy, her hands folded over her chest.
“Your asshole friend here can’t shut up about some other girl. Come on, JoAnn. Let’s go.” She storms off, JoAnn following quickly behind, shooting me an apologetic smile. I take a seat next to Jax.
“When did we become such pussies?” He murmurs something about his mystery girl, before slumping back down onto the bench. I pull him up, dragging him in the direction of our hotel. “Fuck, I miss A.B.”
“What?”
“Nothing. Let’s get you to the hotel.” He nods in agreement, his eyes rolling back in his head.
“I love you, man. A.B.’s an id
iot.”
“Love you, too, bro. You’re an idiot.”
I drop Jax at home before heading back to the ranch. He’s nursing a nasty hangover today. I’m feeling pretty rough myself, but at least I made it through the market this morning. I left Jax at the hotel, knowing that he wouldn’t have been able to stand the smell of horses in his state.
All I want to do is get home to Rae, and sleep in my own bed. As soon as I pull up in the driveway, my baby girl is out the door, running to greet me. “Daddy! Daddy! I missed you.” I lift her into my arms, taking a moment to drink in the sweet smell of her hair.
“I missed you, too, Sunshine. Were you good for Pops?”
“Yes. We fed the chickens, made cookies, and I painted you a picture.”
“Wow. You’ve been a busy little bee.”
“I’m not a bee, Daddy. I’m a girl.”
“Silly me. Buzz, buzz, buzz.” She shrieks in delight, and my eardrums protest after last night’s escapades. “Oh, geez. Daddy has a headache. No more screaming, okay?”
“Yes, Daddy. Hurry. My picture is a surprise! I’m not allowed to tell you that it’s a unicorn.”
“You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, Sally Rae.”
“I know!” She skips up the steps and into the house. All of my self-pitying woes fade into the background as I marvel at how amazing my daughter is. I’m one lucky son of a bitch.
We play for hours, before snuggling up in Rae’s room with a storybook and her favorite teddy. I’m exhausted after last night, and drift off with the sound of Rae’s soft, even breaths. It’s dark outside by the time I wake up, unaware of what roused me from my peaceful sleep. A second knock on the door has me on high alert. I glance at my watch – it’s ten o’clock at night. Nothing good ever comes from a phone call, or a knock on the door after 8:00 P.M.
I rub my eyes, adjusting to the light in the hallway, before quickly making my way to the door. I don’t want Rae being woken up at this time. I’d never get her back to sleep. It’s too dark to see who’s out there from the window, so I grab my Louisville Slugger from the closet before opening the door.
