by Sienna Parks
I looked in all the places I thought she would hide, but I couldn’t find her and it was starting to piss me off. It was my birthday party and I was wasting time looking for her. As I walked into my bedroom, I heard the smallest, strangled sob escape from my closet. I will never forget that sound as long as I live. My heart was hammering in my chest as I opened the door, sensing that there was something seriously wrong.
Vittoria was curled into a ball in the corner, wrapped in my favorite Nicks sweater, sobbing her heart out. I instinctively dropped to my knees and pulled her onto my lap. She was shaking so violently that I remember struggling to keep a hold of her. I don’t know how long we sat there. I just held her and stroked her hair to calm her down until she had no more tears left to shed. I couldn’t let her see the tears streaming down my face as I watched her break down in front of me.
When I managed to compose myself enough to speak, I asked the question that I knew deep down, I didn’t want the answer to… “What’s wrong, Tori? What happened?”
If felt like an eternity before I heard the most vulnerable little voice speak the words that would incite an all-consuming rage inside me.
“Marcus… he hurt me… he told me not to tell anyone.” I held her tighter, afraid of what she would say next.
“You can tell me, I’m your brother, it’s ok… you can tell me anything.” She started crying again, the devastation in her eyes tearing a hole in my chest.
“I can’t, Carter.”
“You need to. What… what did he do, Vittoria?”
“He… touched me, made me… do things, and then…” Her cries were excruciating to hear. “He… he made me cuddle with him. Special cuddles for mommies and daddies. He told me not to tell. He said he would be angry with me if I did.”
Even the memory of those words coming from the lips of my sweet innocent sister, make me feel physically sick to this day.
My entire body radiated an all-consuming hatred. I wanted to murder him. I wanted to rip him limb from limb, but I was fourteen and my sister needed me to be strong for her.
I tried to get her to come out of the closet so I could take her to our parents, but she was too scared that she would see him. She didn’t want me to leave, but I had to go and get my mom and dad. When I finally convinced her it would be ok, I hid her under a pile of clothes, and locked the door to the closet behind me. In that moment I was no longer a boy; my carefree childhood was a thing of the past. I walked the green mile of my youth.
Every instinct kicked in as I picked up pace, bounding down the staircase and out into the garden to find my parents. Before I could reach my dad, I saw Marcus standing swigging a beer without a care in the world, laughing and joking with his friends - fucking laughing. The rage I felt in that moment was indescribable.
I completely lost control, running at him and attacking him like a rabid dog. I remember my dad trying to pry me off, shouting at me; my mom screaming in the background. I was kicking and screaming as he yanked me off of Marcus. And then I said it… screamed it for all to hear.
“You fucking bastard! I will fucking kill you. You raped my sister - worthless piece of shit. How could you do that to her? She trusted you.” I was inconsolable as I fell to the ground in a heap.
Everything after that felt like watching a movie in slow motion. I had never seen my dad get angry before, and this was seething hatred - rage - thousands of years of genetics kicking in to protect his daughter. That day, my father beat one of his closest friends to within an inch of his life before making sure he went to prison. It turned out that Vittoria wasn’t the first girl he had done this to. He won’t see the light of day outside a prison yard ever again.
My mom was amazing. She went straight to Vittoria - nurtured her, cared for her, and helped to slowly piece her back together. It took a long time, years, but eventually some of the sister I knew before that day came back to me. She is the strongest most courageous woman, and I love her to death.
I’ve never gotten over the fact that I couldn’t protect Vittoria from Marcus. It has stayed with me all these years, and it always will. I guess that’s why I keep women at arm’s length. A woman deserves a guy that can protect her from all the bad things in life, and I can’t do that.
Up until this point I have never met a woman who awakened that primal desire to protect in me, and that’s why last night fucking terrified me. Something in Addi’s eyes called out to me, and I wanted to answer it so badly, so fiercely, that I couldn’t have walked away even if she’d asked me to.
Where the fuck do I go from here?
I can hear pans being smashed in the kitchen and the girls talking in low, sinister whispers. I need to have a serious conversation with Addi about what happened last night. I don’t know if I can handle this… whatever this is; but I know I can’t just walk away today and never give her another thought.
I quickly grab my clothes off the floor and shrug them on. I hate putting on clothes from the night before, but I’d look like a dick if I went out there in Addi’s robe. As I step into the hallway, I bump into Xander. I have never been so happy to see him in my whole fucking life. I need a distraction. We fall into our normal routine, trashing each other as we make our way to the kitchen. The aromas coming at me right now are heavenly. She can cook, too. I am royally screwed.
Watching Xander greet Lily is both endearing and seriously fucking annoying. The look on Addi’s face when I walk over to her - you would think I’d murdered a baby. Fuck it… I stand behind her, my chest flush against her back. I know I affect her, so I nuzzle into her neck, drinking her in. She flinches at my touch. Shit. She’s going to react badly to this.
To my amazement, her entire body becomes fluid, molding to my chest. I take that as a green light to continue nibbling her neck. She tastes so fucking good, and I can still smell sex on her. I’m getting hard from the memory, but her pliancy doesn’t last long, and I get the cold shoulder throughout breakfast.
Xander has to leave to organize his date with Lily tonight, and I know I should just go with him, but I want to talk to Addi about what happened last night. Her silence is made worse only by her glacial stare when we’re left alone.
The silence is deafening. Eventually, I brave asking if she has plans for the day, only to be cut down with an obvious lie.
“Yes. I’m very busy all day with Lily.” From the look on Lily’s face that’s the first she’s heard of it. Fuck, this girl is hard work.
“I better get going, too, then. Walk me out?” I say goodbye to Lily and make my way to the door, my heart pounding in my chest, hands in my pockets, head down. I am a motherfucking pussy, but I don’t want to leave her like this.
“So, I’ll call you?” I know this is a ridiculous question. She wouldn’t spit on me if I was on fire. A phone call from me is not something she’ll be waiting for with bated breath. I push my luck for one last kiss, and am completely blindsided by her reaction.
She plants her soft, elegant hands on either side of my face, pulling me in, kissing me with a passionate urgency that kills me, floors me, and makes me want to beg for more. As quickly as it began, it’s over. She pushes me back and I know I have a fucking idiotic sated look on my face, but fuck me, that was literally the best kiss I’ve ever had, and I wasn’t even in the driver’s seat.
I don’t want to push her beyond what she can handle, so I turn and force myself into the elevator without looking back. I can’t even turn to face her door as I hear it slam shut. That simple noise stinging more than it should.
Addi is all I can think about. She has consumed my thoughts this past week. The look in her eyes still haunting me. I can usually spot a girl with issues a mile away, but Addi… she hid it so well, behind charm, sass, and bravado. It was only in that moment of complete vulnerability that she let her guard slip, and there it was… that look; the one that speaks a thousand words. I know without a doubt that someone hurt her… really fucking badly.
I’m trying to give her some space, be
cause I realize that Friday night was hard for her, and the trust she put in me to let me carry on, to let me help her forget… well, that was a huge step. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not fucking pining over this girl, but she has awakened something long suppressed in me, and I would like to help her if I can; if she ever speaks to me again.
I got her number from Xander yesterday, but I haven’t tried to contact her yet. I need a bit of time to figure out what it is that I want to say to her. I’d like to at least offer her friendship. I know I’m not better for much else, but I lived through watching Vittoria piece her life back together, and it is so amazing to see her thriving now. I don’t know if she’ll ever trust a man enough to have a serious relationship, but she poured all of her strength and focus into dancing. She graduated from Julliard three years ago now, and has been touring the world with a prominent ballet company ever since. I am so damn proud of her.
She’s going to be back in town soon for a few months which will be great. I miss my baby sister when she’s on the road. She’s the only one that really understands my reluctance to have a relationship. The only one that knows without a doubt - I don’t shirk attachments to women just to be a player. She understands the fear… more than anyone. I could use her advice on what the fuck I’m doing with Addi. I don’t want to cause this girl anymore pain, but something is drawing me to her and I can’t fucking shake it.
ADDI
I really need Lily right now. I need to talk through all the shit that is spiraling out of control in my head, but she is so deliriously happy with Xander, and I can’t bring myself to dump all of this crap on her. She tried to talk to me last Saturday after the guys left our apartment, but I just couldn’t. If I had opened the floodgates at that point, I would have told her things… things about me that I could never take back. My secrets are mine, and I will never put that burden on anyone else… especially not Lily.
We’ve known each other since junior high; we’re sisters in every way that matters, and Lily has been through more than anyone should have to bear. She had shut herself down to the possibility of love… until Xander entered the picture a few weeks ago. They had a bumpy start, but she’s the happiest I have ever seen her. I love her; I would do anything for her, and I won’t take this away from her for my own selfish need to purge my dirty, broken soul.
Lily thinks my freshman year boyfriend Gavin cheated on me, broke my heart, and left me angry with all men. She’s not completely wrong, but I didn’t tell her the whole story, and I never will. I’ll live with my shame, keep it as my own, and keep pretending as long as I live. It’s the only way to survive.
I spent Saturday locked in my room, trying to block out the night before with Carter. A difficult task when everything in my room smelled of him, reminded me of him, and brought me to my knees in my desire to run into his arms and hold on for dear life. That’s not who I am, and it took me a day or two to get over it.
I had a moment of weakness, a single moment in time when he saw into the very depths of my soul, and he didn’t run. He stayed, and the way he worked my body… God… the way he touched me… it’s the first time since Gavin that I was truly able to forget; to lose myself.
It’s Friday night, and Lily is staying at Xander’s. I know what I need to do to get out of my funk. I’m going to call the guy that gave me his number in a coffee shop today, and I’m going to go out dancing, drinking and do what I do best. I’m going to fuck him, take what I need and come home to my apartment alone. This is what works, this is what keeps me happy, and anything else is a pipe dream.
An hour into drinks, and I can’t handle any more of this guy’s insidious rambling. He is so freaking dull, but lucky for him, he has a body to die for and I plan on using it tonight. Colin… I think that’s his name… suggests that we go dancing at Cube, which gets a resounding No from me. I do not need to bump into Carter de Rossi tonight. I use my wiles to convince him that Spyder is a much better club and we simply have to go check it out. He doesn’t need much convincing - A hot kiss and a grab of his tight ass and he is putty in my hands.
When we arrive at Spyder, the queue is around the block, but it seems to be moving quickly so we wait it out, and when we step inside, it’s totally worth it. The atmosphere is electric, music is blaring through the speakers, and bodies are writhing on the dance floor. I need some dancing juice to get past this guy’s personality and get down to business. We sling back a few shots before making our way onto the floor.
The guy can move - I’ll give him that. Now that he’s putting his mouth to better use, I’m liking him a whole lot more. He has strong hands, a rock-hard chest and hips that are telling me he knows how to use his dick as he grinds his semi against me. His hands are roaming all over my body as I move to the music, finding the slow sensual beat and losing myself to it. It’s amazing to drift into the zone – not having to feel, not having to think - just focus on dancing and the desire that is starting to build. Colin caresses me, his lips grazing my neck as I tilt my head to give him better access.
I don’t know how many songs we dance to, or how long we stay on the floor, but my body is buzzing as he leads me from the dance floor over to the bar. I down my French Martini in record time, ready to get out of here and take the release I so desperately need from this guy. As I take his hand in mine, leaning in to whisper the filthy things I want him to do to me, I feel a warm, strong hand on my shoulder. As I turn to see who’s behind me, my heart sinks deep into the recesses of my stomach. Carter stands towering over me, his imposing frame and stunning features a menacing combination.
“Quite the show you’ve been putting on tonight, sweetheart.” God, his voice does things to my insides that I don’t even understand. It washes over me, bathing me in a warm glow, regardless of the words he’s saying.
I quickly pull myself together, extricating myself from Colin’s grasp – he tries to pull me back toward him but before I get a chance to speak, Carter is in front of me, his glare now firmly fixed on the poor schmuck I came here with.
“Don’t pull her like that, man. I would hate to have you thrown out of here.”
Colin doesn’t seem intimidated by this declaration. “You’re the one laying hands on my date… MAN. So how about you fuck off, or I’ll get YOU thrown out.” Carter throws his head back laughing at this attempt at a pissing contest.
“Yeah, good luck getting me thrown out of MY club, asshole. I fucking own this place and half the clubs you probably frequent in Manhattan. So, fucking step back and give me a minute to talk to my good friend Addi. How about you run along like a good little boy and go hail a cab so you can get the fuck out of my club before you really piss me off.” I should slap him in the face for that outburst but I am so turned on right now, my panties are soaking wet against my pussy.
I turn to Colin to appease the rage I see building on his face. “It’s ok, baby. Just go and get us a cab. I’ll be right out. Carter’s a friend of mine and he obviously has a stick up his ass tonight. I’ll be five minutes tops.” He reluctantly agrees, but as soon as his back is turned, Carter drags me behind the bar and into his office.
It’s a big room, but his presence makes it feel claustrophobic. He pushes me down on the couch, his body looming over me, firmly pressed against mine; his face mere inches from my own. His intoxicating smell invades my senses, his warm minty breath caressing my face as he begins to speak.
“You like playing games, sweetheart? You think it’s funny to come into my club and parade some fucking douchebag in front of me? I ought to punish you for that, but that would imply I give a flying fuck.”
I begin to struggle underneath him as my anger at his words gets the better of me.
“First off – I didn’t know you owned this place. Second – why would I want to parade what I do in front of you? We’re not together – I can do whatever and whomever I want. And third – if you don’t give a flying fuck, why the HELL am I pinned underneath you right now feeling YOUR hard-on digging into my leg?�
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The fire that ignites in his eyes is so goddamn sexy… all I want is to kiss him and have him ravage me, using his anger to take me hard and fast, right here, right now. We stare into each other’s eyes, the knowledge of what we both want evident in the crackling tension between us. He leans down allowing his lips a ghost of a touch against mine; the memory of how delicious his kisses are, causing me to arch off the couch, my frustration and desperation for him evident in my movements. He doesn’t give in to me, but instead, continues to tease me, before gently whispering in my ear.
“This is how you make me feel, Tesoro – helpless, frustrated, desperate, and fucking turned on beyond all reason.”
As soon as the words leave his lips, I feel the loss of his body pressing down on me. His firm hands are pulling me up to a standing position, and I’m bereft when he turns his back on me, taking a seat behind his desk. He doesn’t give me a second glance. He starts looking through some paperwork as I stand, dumbstruck and confused.
“You better run along, Addi. Your date will be waiting outside like the good little lapdog that you so obviously need.” WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?
“You are such a dick, Carter. I can’t believe I ever hooked up with you. You disgust me.”
“Don’t kid yourself, Addi. You loved every fucking minute of it, and if I wanted you right now, make no mistake, I would be balls deep inside your sweet little pussy, with you screaming my name and begging for more. I bet your panties are already wet at the thought of it.”
I slam the door as I leave, my body vibrating from my interaction with King Fucking Douche Nozzle. He is so full of himself, I cannot believe he just said that to me. And the part that makes me really angry, is the fact that every word he said was the truth. I would have let him do anything to me. I would have done anything he asked of me. I crave his touch and I hate myself for it. This is exactly what I wanted to avoid tonight. I make my way out of the club on shaky legs, trying to compose myself, and find Colin waiting outside with a cab ready to take me wherever I want to go…
