by Sienna Parks
I don’t even get a shot fired on Call of Duty before Xander starts in on me.
“So how are things with you and Addi?”
“We’re taking it slow. I told you that.”
“Yeah, and I know you. You’re a moody bastard when you’re not getting laid.”
“Fuck off.” He pauses the game, and turns to look at me with a serious scowl.
“What are you waiting for, Carter? You say you want to take things slow, but I can see it’s tearing you up. You can’t bullshit me, man, we’ve known each other since we were born. You’re holding back. Why?”
“Of course I am. Look what happened the last time I let my guard down with her. She ripped my fucking heart out and left me for dead.”
“If you can’t get past that, there is no fucking hope for you two. You need to let it go and give her a real chance to prove that she’s changed. You want what’s best for the baby? You and Addi working your shit out, that’s what’s best for the baby.”
“I know, but give me some fucking time man. I can’t go through that again. The women, the drinking, the getting arrested – I can’t ever be that guy again. I’m going to be a dad. I need to get my shit together, and keep it together. Addi and I are the fucking polar extremes. I can’t seem to find the middle ground with her. We’re either so loved up that we make you and Lily look tame by comparison, or…”
“Hold the fucking phone! Tame is not a word that will ever be used for Lily and me.”
“Fuck off, Xander. I know you guys are fucking perfect and your sex life is fucking amazing. I was just making a point. Sue me!”
“You’re a dick.”
“You’re right – I have a HUGE dick! Anyway… the point I was making before you so rudely interrupted, was that Addi and I are either ripping each other’s clothes off, or ripping each other’s heads off. How the fuck do I channel that all-consuming, crazy level of passion, and stop it from becoming completely toxic and poisoning what we have?”
“I think you’re looking at it the wrong way. You don’t need to channel anything. What you feel for Addi, isn’t just physical, it’s much more than that. I get it man, it’s overwhelming and sometimes it feels like you’re on a rollercoaster that you can’t get off. I hated how I acted when I met Lily, I still hate how goddamn possessive I feel of her every minute of the day. I swear sometimes I can’t concentrate in meetings because of how badly I want to be with her. I know she could rip my heart out and leave me completely broken, but I trust that she’s not going to do that, because she loves me the same way.”
“I get that. And that’s amazing for you guys, but Addi did leave, and she did rip my heart out. I did take that leap of faith when I first fell for her; I put it all out there at her mercy. I don’t know how to do that again. I want to, so fucking badly, but how do I do it?”
“Just close your eyes and jump. She loves you, Carter; she’s the mother of your child, and for what it’s worth, I think she’s learned her lesson. She doesn’t want to lose you again. You didn’t hear this from me, but she’s really struggling with you guys taking things slowly. She’s scared you’re not all in man. I know you shouldn’t have to be the one to trust first, after everything that happened, but she needs that from you.”
I sit running my hands through my hair. I’m really fucking scared to jump.
“You know I’ve always got your back, Carter. I want you to be happy, and I think that Addi is a big part of that for you.”
A familiar voice booms from the door.
“I knew it. I leave you two alone for a few months and you’re butt buddies.” It’s Logan. We haven’t seen him since the wedding; he’s been travelling a lot for work, dealing with some British band that he wants to bring over to the States.
“Hey, dickhead! How the hell are you? Long time no see!” He plops himself down in one of the chairs, with a beer in his hand.
“I’m good. Your sister’s here and colluding with your women while you guys have been busy having your love fest in here.”
“Vittoria’s here? When did she arrive?”
“What am I, her damn keeper? I don’t know. I just got here.”
“It was a simple question. You need to get laid, loosen up a bit. Where’s your latest victim? She out talking to the girls?” He flinches, but quickly composes himself.
“No. I didn’t bring her. It’s… complicated.”
“Complicated? Does she actually have opinions, instead of blindly doing whatever you ask?” He starts laughing.
“You have no fucking idea!”
Xander’s retort makes me laugh. “Have you met my wife and his girlfriend? Opinionated, bull headed, and complicated as hell. Welcome to the club!”
Addi appears in the doorway, her sweet smile doing strange things to my insides. I want her so badly.
“Are you boys coming to have dinner or are you going to sit in here playing with your joysticks?” There’s the smart mouth I love so much.
“Coming, baby.” She gives me a sly grin.
“Oh, you definitely will be later. I can guarantee it.”
My dick twitches in my pants as I watch her, following her blindly, my friends all but forgotten.
I hear Xander and Logan chuckle, speaking in unison behind me. “Pussy-whipped.”
I turn and give them a wink. “I do love to whip a good pussy.”
Addi smacks me in the arm before dragging me over to the dining table, where my baby sister is sitting with a massive grin on her face, but it’s not directed at me. She’s looking straight past me… at Logan.
When I glance back at him, I see the same shit-eating grin on his face, and I wonder how I could have been so blind all this time. They have feelings for each other. What the fucking fuck? I am going to kill him.
Dinner was amazing, it always is when Addi is cooking, but I’m distracted and she knows it. I’ve been watching Logan and Vittoria. They seem to be acting the way they always have – friendly but distant. But, every so often, a look passes between them, and I know there’s something I’m missing.
The girls are deep in conversation when I hear Addi ask the question I want the answer to.
“So, Tori, tell us about this hot new guy you’re seeing. We need details.”
“Nothing to tell really. We rarely get time to see each other, our schedules are pretty crazy.”
“Oh, come on, you can do better than that. You told me last week that he gave you, and I quote, ‘the most phenomenal orgasm you’ve ever had.’” I need to jump in here.
“What the fuck, Addi? Brother in the room here. I don’t want to hear shit like that. Lucky the son of a bitch couldn’t make it tonight.” I turn my gaze to Logan. “ANY man that lays a finger on my sister, better be prepared to take a severe fucking beating from me.” He just stares me down, but I know he understands exactly what I’m saying.
“Oh, shut up, Carter. I’m a grown woman and you can’t punch every guy that I date.”
“Of course I can, and I will, happily.” To my surprise, Logan speaks up.
“If Vittoria’s happy, surely that’s what matters?” Everyone turns to look at him, waiting for my response. We all know what’s really happening here.
“No. What matters is that this new guy is clearly not good enough for her. He couldn’t even be bothered to show his face tonight.”
“Or maybe, he’s trying to respect her wishes.”
“And why are you such an expert on the guy, LOGAN? Do, fucking, tell!”
“Goddammit!” He stands from the chair and strides around to where Vittoria is sitting. “Because it’s me, but you already worked that out, so let’s not play games.”
Vittoria stands, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“I want to see where this goes. Please don’t make it harder than it needs to be. I want you to be happy for me.”
“HAPPY? One of my closest friends has been fucking my little sister behind my back, and I’m supposed to be happy about it?”
; Logan squares his shoulders, holding Vittoria in a protective stance. “Don’t talk about her like that, Carter. You know this is more than that, or I would never have let anything happen. We both travel all the time, but we’ve kept in touch since the wedding, and we’ve only seen each other twice since then. There are no guarantees that we can make this… arrangement… work, but I want to give it a chance. I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you, you’re like a brother to me. And I certainly would never hurt Vittoria.”
I am so fucking angry right now.
“Well, if I’m your brother, that would make her your sister, and that makes your ‘arrangement’ just fucking sick.”
He moves Vittoria out of the way, before stepping up to face me.
“Say one more word like that, Carter, and I won’t be responsible for my actions.” His voice is low and menacing, but I’m not scared of him, I could take him down without breaking a sweat. He’s not the only one that can sound threatening.
“Get the fuck out of my house… NOW!” He takes Vittoria’s hand, striding toward the door.
“Tori. Don’t you dare walk out of here right now, especially not with him.” She gives me a sympathetic look before she speaks.
“I have to go with him, Carter. If you can’t at least try to be happy for me, then I guess we won’t be seeing each other much for a while. Please… don’t make me choose.” Everyone else sits in stunned silence as I watch my sister walk out the door with Logan.
It feels like hours before anyone speaks; Xander’s voice cutting through the tension in the room. “I think Lily and I should go and let you wrap your head around this.”
Addi ushers them out, saying her goodbyes and apologizing for the abrupt end to our evening. When she walks over to where I’m leaning on the counter top in the kitchen I can sense her disappointment.
“Well, that was a great way to handle it, Carter. Drive your sister and Logan away. Why can’t you just be happy for them?” She puts her hand on my shoulder, but I shrug it off.
“You have no idea what she’s been through. He’s no good for her. You’ve seen how he is with women. He uses them, controls them, and then discards them. He’ll hurt her, and she’s been hurt enough to last a lifetime.”
“I know you want to protect her, but you need to give them a chance. You need to give Logan a chance to prove himself to you. You weren’t exactly a boy scout when I met you, but look how you are now. Don’t you think that he could change for Vittoria?” I slump down onto the bar stool next to me and think about that for a moment.
“Logan is like a brother to me, but I don’t want to take the risk that he doesn’t change, and that he breaks her heart. People’s hearts can only be broken so many times, Addi. There comes a point when one more break would shatter it for good, and nothing could piece it back together.”
She forces my legs open, positioning herself in between them, her little bump resting against my chest as she pulls my head against her, enveloping me in a tender embrace.
“We’re not talking about Vittoria now, are we?”
“I guess not.”
She weaves her fingers through my hair, pulling my head back until I’m looking up into her tear-filled eyes.
“I’m so sorry, Carter. I wish I could go back and change what happened; change what I did, but I can’t. I can only stand here and promise you that I will do my very best, every single day, to make you trust me again. To make you trust in the love I have for you. I’m scared, too. I don’t think I could cope if I lost you again. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, and I thought I was doing it for the right reason. I was wrong.”
She dips her head to kiss my lips; tears rolling down her cheeks.
“It’s torture. Being together, but we’re not really together. I want to be all in, Carter. I want us to really make a go of this. I understand you wanting to take it slowly, but I don’t know how much longer we can go on like this. Our connection is too intense, too passionate to temper. It creates a physical ache in my chest, trying to hold back all the time, never really having all of you.”
She places my hands on her growing belly, on our child.
“WE want ALL of you, Carter. Please… please… forgive me. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, and I just want to love you, to give myself completely to you, and to have all of you in return. I want us to be a real family.”
She kisses me with everything she has, melting my heart; cutting through all the bullshit - my fears, and my hang ups. Her lips taste so sweet, and I feel myself relax into her touch, for the first time since she came back into my life. With every kiss comes a whispered plea from her cherry lips.
“Please.”
“God, Carter, please.”
“I need you.”
“I want you.”
“I want to be yours.”
The control that I’ve been exercising for the past six weeks is completely annihilated with the last words from her beautiful mouth. In one swift move, I’m behind her, spreading her legs, pushing myself in between them to get closer to her.
“You ARE mine, Addi. You’ve always been mine. You will always be mine.” She bends over, bracing her hands on the counter edge, offering herself up to me.
“Take me, Carter, please. Make me yours again.”
ADDI
I know what I want. I know what I’m asking of him. He knows what this means to me.
“Are you sure, Addi?” He pulls my hands away from where they are clutching the counter top, turning me to face him. “Are you asking what I think you’re asking?”
“Yes. I want you to make me yours… there.” His eyes frantically search mine.
“Why? Why now? I don’t want you to do this because you think you have to. I know things have been strained between us, but we’re going to get through it. You don’t have to do this for me, Addi.”
I cup his face in my hands, stroking his cheeks with my thumbs.
“I know that. I feel safe with you. I want you. I want you to claim me in every way possible. Please.” I implore him. “I WANT this… with you.” He scoops me up as if I weigh nothing, and strides toward the bedroom with purpose.
“I’m not taking you like that for the first time over a fucking kitchen counter.” He lays me down gently on the edge of the bed, before dropping to his knees in front of me.
I watch as he slowly removes each of my shoes, taking a moment to massage each foot. Next, he slides his hands up my calves, tantalizingly slow, teasing me as his fingers glide over my skin. A thrill of anticipation runs through me as his hands make their way higher and higher until I feel his fingertips graze the aching flesh between my thighs. The lace of my panties is wet, soaked in my own arousal, desperate for the touch of this strong, beautiful man kneeling before me.
“I love you, Tesoro. Tell me you know that.” I lift my ass off the bed, allowing him to pull my panties off, giving him unfettered access.
“Yes, I know, Carter. I love you, too. I don’t think that you believe me, though.”
He stands up and crawls onto the bed, positioning himself behind me. I feel his fingertips trail down my back as he unzips my dress, and with a gentle push, the straps fall from my shoulders, letting it pool around my belly. He unclips my bra and pushes the straps firmly down my arms, discarding it on the floor.
I watch as his lithe body moves around me, sexy and sleek, and deadly. He stands, pulling me to my feet, gently pushing my dress over my bump and watching as it drops to the floor. I am completely naked and vulnerable in front of him.
He drops back down onto his knees, his lips tenderly pressing against my stomach.
“Do you have any idea how much I worship you, Addi? You are so beautiful - radiant perfection.” His hands roam my body, leaving me burning with desire, and desperate for more.
“Watch me, cara mia.”
My eyes are transfixed as he starts to undress. He is in perfect physical condition. Muscular, lean, tanned, and completely mouthwatering. When
his erection springs free, my nerves awaken and throw my body into chaos.
He takes his thick, hard length in his fist, pumping it up and down. I watch as he grows bigger in his hand, his pleasure evident on his face, and in the tiny groans that escape him.
“Are you sure you want this inside you, Addi?” I close my eyes, trying to calm the storm raging inside my chest. My entire body vibrating with the need to have this man.
“Yes.” He let’s go of his throbbing length, fisting his hands in my hair and taking me in a fierce kiss.
“I want you so fucking badly, baby.” I grip his firm back, feeling his muscles rippling under my touch.
“Take me. I’m yours. All of me.” I hear his breath catch, heavy and erratic.
“Climb onto the bed. On all fours. Show me that pretty little ass of yours. Show me how badly you want it.”
I’m shaking as I crawl onto the bed, positioning myself in the middle, on my hands and knees, utterly exposed to his gaze.
“You look so beautiful, Tesoro.” The bed dips as he moves, climbing on behind me, spreading my legs to accommodate his imposing frame.
He places feather light kisses on my back that send a shiver down my spine. His hand snakes around my body, finding my sweet spot – I’m wet and ready for him. His fingers start making small circles, driving me wild, building a pleasure inside of me that is desperate to escape, to find release. It doesn’t take much for him to push me over the edge, and I’m screaming his name as the waves of my orgasm crash over me.
“You are so responsive. The slightest touch and you fall apart for me. It’s so fucking sexy.” He dips his fingers into my pussy, feeling how wet I am. He thrusts two fingers inside, letting me push back into him and ride him hard. “That’s it, baby. Take what you need.” I do exactly that, riding him to a second quick and really intense release. My head slumps down onto the pillow as I struggle to hold myself up on shaky arms.
Carter slowly pulls his fingers from me, sliding them back to coat my rim with my own arousal. He presses the tip of his finger inside, letting me adjust to the feeling.
“Do you like this, Addi? Do you like feeling my fingers inside you?” The fear I had the first time he did this is gone. I feel only pleasure, only love.
