by Sienna Parks
“We need to get her to the hospital, sir. She’s lost a lot of blood and she needs immediate medical treatment.”
I let go of her hand, bereft, and desperate to be by her side as they lift her fragile body onto the gurney. I follow them into the elevator, down through the lobby, and out into the waiting ambulance. They allow me to ride with her, but I can’t get close. They’re working tirelessly, trying to keep her as stable as possible until we get to the hospital. The sirens blare as we speed through the streets in a race against time, in a fight to keep her and the baby alive. When the doors fly open and a team of doctors swarm her, I know that she is far from out of the woods. Getting her pulse back was a small victory in the war that has been waged on her body.
I run in behind them, following until one of the nurses turns around, stopping me in my tracks.
“I’m sorry, sir, you need to stay out here. You need to let the doctors do their job. I’ll come and let you know when they’ve stabilized her.” She turns to head into the emergency room with the rest of the doctors and nurses.
“Please, miss. Please keep her alive. I need her. The baby needs her.”
She places her hand on my arm, giving me a sympathetic smile. “We will do everything we can to help her and the baby. She has the best doctors working on her.”
“Thank you.”
As she disappears behind the double doors, I catch a glimpse of Addi, her small body laid out on the table, her dress cut open; her arms hooked up to all kinds of tubes and needles; a mask over her face, forcing oxygen into her struggling lungs. She looks so small and helpless; her perfectly rounded bump protruding, with monitors covering it, searching for signs of life from our baby. How can this be happening?
I drop down into a chair, my head in my hands, trying to breathe; trying to comprehend the gravity of the situation. I reach into my pocket and dial Xander.
“Hey, Carter. How was lunch with Addi?”
I don’t even recognize my voice as I tell him what’s happening. “She’s bleeding, Xander. Blood. Everywhere. She stopped breathing… She wasn’t breathing, man.”
“We’re on our way now. What hospital?”
“Mount Sinai.” I drop my phone to the ground - a numb feeling taking over my body. I start to shake, the image of her lifeless body ingrained in my brain. My hands are covered in her blood; my shirt drenched in it. No one can lose this much blood and survive, can they?
I hear Lily before I see her.
“Oh my God. Carter.” She drops down in front of me, her face etched with despair as she takes in the sight of me.
“Is she?” She can’t even bring herself to say the words.
“They’re trying to stabilize her now. They haven’t told me anything.”
She pulls me into her arms, clinging to me for dear life. “She’s going to be ok, Carter. She’s a fighter.” I grab onto her, the only person that loves Addi almost as much as I do.
“She has to be, Lil. She just has to be.”
Xander strides over to the reception desk, demanding that someone comes to speak to us as soon as possible. It’s the first time I’ve been truly grateful that he’s a pushy bastard. Normally I’m the same, but I’m so fucking scared right now, I almost don’t want to find out what’s happening. If they walk through those doors and tell me they couldn’t… that her and the baby… I can’t even think it. It’s too horrific.
A few minutes later, the doors swing open and a solemn looking doctor walks toward us, her scrubs covered in blood. As I stand to speak, I feel like the ground is crumbling beneath my feet; my world is falling apart.
“Are you Addison Warner’s family?”
“Yes. She’s my wife.” I don’t care if it’s a lie. As far as I’m concerned at this moment in time, it’s a fucking technicality. Xander and Lily are silent at my side, not even a look of surprise at my declaration. They know as well as I do, that if Addi makes it through this, I will fucking marry her and chain her to my side for the rest of her very long life. “How is she?”
“We’ve managed to stabilize her enough to get her up to the OR. She has extensive bleeding, we’ve transfused five units already, but she’ll need more. We have to go in and find the source of the bleeding.”
“What about the baby?”
“The baby is alive, with a strong heartbeat, under the circumstances.”
“Thank God.”
“I don’t want to give you false hope, sir.”
“Carter. Call me Carter.”
“Okay, Carter. Our priority at this time is to stop your wife’s bleeding. We are aware that she’s only thirty weeks into the pregnancy, but there is a strong possibility that we will have to deliver the baby today. Addison’s body is struggling at the moment. If we can put off delivery, we will, but that all depends on what we find when we get her into the OR.”
“I understand. Please do whatever you have to. Just keep them alive.”
“I will do my absolute best. I need to go and scrub in. There’s a waiting room up on the surgical floor. The receptionist can give you directions. Someone will keep you updated.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
As soon as she turns to leave, I sink back down into my seat. Holy Shit. The baby is so premature. There is no guarantee that it will survive being born at this point. Addi will be devastated if we lose the baby; I will be devastated. Above all else, today, I need Addi to pull through. If she doesn’t…
“Come on, Carter. Let’s get you cleaned up and then we can head up to the waiting room. Addi’s parents are on their way and so are your mom and dad.”
“I don’t need to get cleaned up, man. I’m not leaving here.” Xander pulls me into a hug.
“I know, brother. I’m going to go pick you up some fresh clothes and I’ll be back in twenty minutes. Lily is going to stay here with you. Look after her for me. You two need each other right now.”
I watch as he comforts his wife, her eyes red with tears for her best friend. It makes me ache for Addi. The one person that could offer me any kind of comfort, is the one person that I can’t be with.
When Xander leaves, Lily and I find out where we need to be and head up to wait. It’s all we can do now… wait… and hope.
ADDI
I’m vaguely aware that I’m not at home anymore. There are people all around me, unfamiliar voices, frantic and shouting orders. I don’t really understand what they’re saying. I hear snippets of words that scare me – blood… critical… STAT… the baby. OH MY GOD. The baby. My baby. Our Baby.
I was supposed to meet Carter for lunch, but the last thing I remember was going into the bathroom to take my vitamins, and then I was consumed by a blinding pain. I ended up on my hands and knees trying to crawl to my phone, to get help; to get Carter. The pain was so intense, like being crushed from the inside out, I must have passed out before I could call for help. I think Carter found me. I have flashes of him calling my name, intense pain, and then nothing after that.
Now I’m here, alone, in a room full of strangers.
“Carter.” I manage to whisper.
A soothing, almost ethereal voice answers me. “Addison. I’m Doctor Field. We’re going to take you into the operating room now. You’ve lost a lot of blood and we need to get it stopped. We’re going to do everything we can for you and your baby.”
“Carter.” I croak.
“Your husband is outside waiting for you. I’m afraid he can’t come in here.” I can feel my panic rising.
There’s a hand on my shoulder. “You need to stay calm, Addison. For the baby. We’re going to take good care of you. I promise.”
I open my eyes, but all I see is black. “I can’t see. What’s happening to me? I’m blind.”
The voice in the darkness returns. “Your blood pressure is dangerously low right now, Addison. That can cause temporary blindness, but as soon as we get it back up, you’ll be fine. That’s why you need to stay calm, honey. I’m here with you.” She grabs my hand and squeeze
s.
“The baby? How is my baby?”
“She’s fine. She’s a fighter.”
“She? It’s a girl.”
“I’m sorry, Addison. I should have asked if you already knew the sex. Yes… it’s a baby girl.”
In my darkness, a ray of light. “I’m having a baby girl.”
“Congratulations, Addison.”
“Addi. Just Addi.”
“Do you have any names picked out, Addi?” Slow, silent tears course down my face.
“I always wanted a girl. Verona. I wanted to call her Verona.”
“That’s beautiful. Is that Italian?”
My fear chokes me as I try to speak. “Yes. Her daddy is Italian. He’ll be an amazing father. Please tell him I wanted to call her Verona.”
“You can tell him yourself. When you wake up from surgery - you are going to tell him.”
“What’s your name?”
“I’m Laurie, and I’m going to be by your side throughout surgery, Addi.” That gives me a small amount of comfort.
“I’m scared. I don’t want to die. I want to be a mommy, and I want to tell Carter I’m sorry, and that I love him.”
“You need to fight, Addi. For Carter, and for Verona. You hear me?”
A sob escapes me. “Yes. Please, promise me, though. If I don’t make it, please tell him I love him. He’s my whole world. Him and Verona.” I take a deep breath, trying to swallow the lump in my throat. “If it comes down to it – save her; save Verona. Please. Promise me.”
Although I can’t see her, I feel her stroking my hair. “I promise.” She continues to hold my hand as other voices begin to speak, telling me that they’re going to put me to sleep now. A cold sensation creeps up my arm as they inject me with something. My head starts spinning almost immediately.
“Count back from ten for me, Addi.”
I try to choke it out. “Ten.”
My brain is racing, my survival instincts pushing me to stay awake.
“Nine.”
I don’t want to die. I want to wake up from this and be a mommy. I want to raise my daughter.
“Eight.”
I might never see her beautiful face. She has to survive. I couldn’t save my first baby, but Verona needs to survive.
“Seven.”
An image of Carter holding a gorgeous baby girl, our baby girl, fills my mind, soothing my fears. He’ll look after her. He will protect her, and love her, and give her everything she needs. Even if I can’t.
“Six.”
My body is numb, my thoughts fragmenting; fleeting images of Carter, Verona, and a baby that never had a chance; a baby that I couldn’t protect, that I never had the chance to love and cherish. My heart breaks for that baby, and for the baby that I have felt growing inside me these past few months. All I can do is pray that she fights to survive; that she fights to live.
“F… i… v… e…”
I feel myself being pulled into the darkness, into my worst nightmares…
Four Years Earlier
I run out of his dorm, the tears practically blinding me as I try to make my way through the crowded halls. I feel like I’m going to be sick; choking down the sobs and screams that want to break free from my throat. I knew he was messing around a little, but fucking another girl? Have there been others? I feel like such a fool. I really thought if I did everything he wanted, I would be enough for him – that he would love me again.
I’m almost out of the building, when a familiar hand curls tight around my wrist.
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going, baby?”
“Let go of me.”
“Don’t tell me what to fucking do.”
“Please… Gavin.” He drags me back through the crowd and down into the basement boiler room. The fear that grips me in this moment is like a vice around my chest. It’s dark and eerily quiet. No one knows we’re here.
I know what I need to do. I need to tell him why I came over tonight. That will change his mind about whatever he has in store for me now.
“Don’t ever run away like that, Addi. I fucking decide when you come and when you go. Got it?”
“I’m sorry, Gav. I was upset. Seeing you with… her.” He grabs my face in his large, strong hand, gripping me so tight that my teeth are digging into my cheeks. I taste blood.
“That’s none of your fucking business. You’re MY girl. None of those girls mean anything. You’re the one I love, baby.” He lets go of me.
“There have been others?” My voice is barely a whisper. My heart broken into a thousand pieces. The back of his hand connects with my face before I have a chance to shield myself.
“NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS! You really are a dumb cunt sometimes.”
“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Gavin. Please, forgive me. I love you.” He pulls me into his arms, stroking my hair.
“I forgive you. Just don’t fucking question me again, I don’t like hurting you.”
“Okay… I won’t. I have something I need to tell you.” I hesitate.
“You can tell me anything, baby.”
I take a deep breath and say the words out loud for the first time. “I’m eight weeks pregnant.” I feel his body stiffen against me, his delicate strokes on my hair becoming painful as he curls his hand into a fist, taking my hair with it.
“Is it mine?” I have never heard his voice sound so cold and void of all emotion. It’s terrifying.
“Of course it is, Gavin. I’ve always been faithful to you. There’s only you.” He pushes me away.
“You really are a manipulative little bitch, aren’t you? Getting pregnant on purpose to fucking trap me! Is that what you thought? That you could TRAP ME?” I’m speechless as I stare into his wild eyes. “ANSWER ME!”
“No… N… N… No. It was an accident, I would never try to trap you. I love you. And I love our baby.” His face slowly twists into a repugnant smirk, pure evil radiating from every pore. I instinctively wrap my arms around my stomach.
“There is no ‘OUR’ baby. We are not having a fucking baby together. Not now… not ever. You’re just a piece of ass that I keep around because you’re like a little lap dog, eager to fucking please me, and you’ll do anything I ask, no matter how much of a fucking slut it makes you.”
I choke down my fear, steeling myself to say the words he needs to hear, finding a confidence I didn’t even know I had. “I’m keeping the baby, Gavin. With or without you.”
“That’s not your decision to make.”
“It’s my body.” My pulse is racing in my ears, every instinct I have telling me to get out of here.
“The fuck it is! It’s MY body. And you are NOT having a fucking baby.” The look in his eyes is chilling.
I make a run for the door, for freedom, for safety. I reach out my hand and manage to grab hold of the handle. One twist is all it needs; all I need to get away from him.
“Oh no, you don’t. Fucking whore.” He drags me away from the door by my hair. Tearing some of it out with his brute force. “Who the fuck do you think you are? You’re just a stupid little bitch. You’re nothing.” I scramble away from him on my hands and knees, trying to find somewhere to shelter me from his wrath.
He grabs my leg, pulling me toward him, my face and stomach smacking onto the hard, concrete floor when I lose my balance. I try to grab hold of anything around me, but nothing can stop him now. He flips me onto my back, pulling me up by my shirt until his face is an inch from mine; his spit hitting my face as he speaks.
“You’re going to be sorry you tried to run away again, Addi. I warned you. But you never fucking listen.” The first punch connects with my cheek, making my head spin. He doesn’t hold back.
“Please stop, Gavin. Please.”
My words fall on deaf ears. He’s lost to the anger, the rage, and the bloodlust I see in his eyes. I curl into a ball, shielding my stomach with my arms and legs in the hopes that I can keep my baby safe from this animal.
The wor
ld around me goes quiet as I shut down. I shut off my emotions, shut out the pain… and I try to wait it out. Punch after punch, followed by his boot kicking into me, my ribs, my legs, and my back. With a final kick straight to my stomach, to our baby, he spits on me and leaves me for dead. Death would be a sweet relief from the pain, humiliation, and utter terror I feel.
I laid there for an hour before I found the strength and the courage to move. I waited until I knew the halls would be empty enough to leave without being seen. I took myself to the ER where I told them I had been mugged and attacked by a stranger. They wanted to call the authorities, but I told them I didn’t want any police involved.
While I sat in that sterile white room, waiting on a nurse returning to give me a few stitches to a cut on my arm, the worst happened. I started bleeding. It didn’t stop. Two days later my baby, was gone. Its father punched and kicked it to death… and I couldn’t do anything to stop him.
That was the moment I stopped feeling, stopped caring, and stopped loving. The day my baby died, a part of me died with it.
CARTER
It’s been an hour since they took Addi into surgery. The longest hour of my life. I’ve been pacing the waiting room, pacing the halls, feeling like a caged animal, helpless and terrified. Xander came back with fresh clothes, and I forced myself to take five minutes to get changed and cleaned in the bathroom. He’s been trying to keep Lily calm and positive, telling her how Addi will be back busting our balls in no time. I want to believe his words so badly it hurts.
Addi’s parents and mine are here now, waiting and hoping with the rest of us, and together there is a collective gasp when the door swings open and a doctor enters the room, still in surgical scrubs.
“Mr. de Rossi?” I’m standing in front of her in a flash, desperate for any news she can give me.
“Yes. How’s Addi?”
“I’m Doctor Field. I’ve been working on your wife since she came in today.” She looks around the room, a question in her eyes.
“It’s ok, doctor, we’re all family. Please, just tell us how she is.” Her eyes lock with mine, her expression grave.
