by Sienna Parks
My world is black and gray; she is the glorious splash of crimson that makes the rest of my dull existence worthwhile.
As I load my bags into the cab idling at the curb outside my building, I’m happy to be getting out of New York for a few days. I’m heading to Edinburgh to bring the band to the States. Their Visa applications have been approved, and I have an apartment set up for them here in Manhattan, in one of Xander’s many buildings. I could only afford to get them the smallest place, but it’s in a great location, and like everything that Xander does in business, it’s sleek, elegant and cutting-edge. They’re going to love it.
I can feel myself relax as we pull into traffic, heading over the bridge, and out of Manhattan. My home has become oppressive of late, and I’m eager to get some distance. I’m also mildly excited to visit a great BDSM club in the Scottish capital city. Steeped in history with a dark underbelly; Edinburgh is an exciting place to be, long after the tourists have gone to bed. I’ve made plans to meet an associate of mine and give a demonstration to a small group of Dominants who are training as Masters. I’m told that there are several new submissives who are desperate to be my subject, and anything else that I might want them for afterwards. Sounds like exactly what I need right now. It’s the first time in a long time that I feel anything other than indifference.
When the driver pulls up outside La Guardia, I’m excited, and as I grab my case and head inside to check in, I’m feeling optimistic for the first time in months. The queue is non-existent and the stewardess takes her time checking me in, flirting outrageously with me. I indulge her; flash her my killer smile, dart my tongue out to wet my lip, and watch as her gaze travels to my mouth; her pupils dilating; her nipples becoming tight under her blouse, on display through the thin white silk. I had almost forgotten how much I love the effect I have on women, and I can’t help but enjoy it just a little.
“Keep looking at me like that, and I’ll take you over my knee, darling.” Her breath hitches, her cheeks flush, and a seductive grin spreads across her pretty red lips as I turn to leave. As I walk away, she’s almost panting in response.
“Anytime, Mr. Fitzgerald. My number’s on your boarding pass.” I’m never going to call this girl, but the shit-eating grin on my face right now makes me feel alive again with the possibilities. Maybe, just maybe, I will be able to forget for a minute, an hour, maybe even a day. I look over my shoulder and give her a wink, visibly turning her into a quivering mess before my eyes. I’m a dick for reveling in it, but today, I’m going to let myself enjoy it.
My mind wanders to the pretty blonde stewardess as I stand, scanning the departures board to find my gate, when a familiar voice sends a shudder through my body, rocking me to my core.
“Logan. What are you doing here?” I slowly turn my head, knowing that the calm, carefree feeling of just moments ago is going to be obliterated the moment I set eyes on her.
I’m not wrong.
My reaction to her is visceral. I can’t believe how badly she affects me.
“Mother.” I give her a tight grin. It’s all I can manage. “Whose dime are you travelling on this week?”
I can feel her disdain for me, dripping from every pore.
“I see you’re still your usual judgmental self, Logan. But since you asked, I’m going to Paris with Guillaume for a few weeks. He has some business to attend to and thought I would enjoy it.”
“What happened to Roger?”
She simply sneers at me. “Roger was six months ago, darling. He wasn’t the man for me, but I think Guillaume could be.” I won’t hold my breath. The last ten boyfriends have been ‘the one.’
“I’ll keep an eye out for the wedding invite in the mail.”
“You’re always so negative about my relationships. No wonder they never last.” Seriously!!!?
“Yes, Mother. I’m the problem. I don’t have time for you to rehash how I’ve sabotaged all of your relationships over the years. I have a plane to catch. Have a safe flight, and enjoy Paris.” I give her a strained kiss on her overly plumped, botoxed cheek before turning on my heels and striding away from her poisonous mouth.
“Goodbye, Logan. Remember to control that temper of yours!”
She knows exactly how to bait me, but not today. I’m not letting her drag me down. I was feeling good for the first time in months. I know, even as I try to talk myself out of it, that she’s already succeeded. I’m angry, edgy, and pissed off by the time I reach the departure lounge.
I work my way through the crowd and board the plane ahead of time. One of the perks of first-class. It’s not long before the other passengers start filtering through, jostling with their bags and making their way to their seats. I’m about to close my eyes and block out everyone around me when I’m frozen to the spot.
It can’t be.
I can’t speak. I want to, but the words won’t come.
I reach out and grab her wrist, holding her in place. Her gaze flying down to meet mine.
My heart is pounding so hard, and so fast that I feel like it is going to burst at any second. I’m mesmerized by the exquisite beauty before me, roaming every inch of her like a man starved for the past twelve months. Her scent invades my senses, soft and demure, subtle and fresh… and… Vittoria. She’s dressed in faded blue jeans, a baggy green sweater and a pair of old Adidas high-tops. Her hair is tied in a messy bun, small strands escaping, caressing her face and neck. She’s wearing a pair of deep purple framed glasses, and she looks just as stunning as she did in a ball gown, standing in L’Arena, so long ago.
“Vittoria. Why… what… how are you here?” She gives me a satisfied grin. She knows she’s affecting me, and she loves it. Her eyes travel down to confirm her suspicion, coming to rest on the sight of my dick straining against my pants. She licks her lips, causing me to harden even further.
“I’m heading to London on tour. What about you?”
I know I’m holding up the passengers waiting impatiently behind her, but I just don’t give a damn about them!
It takes me a moment to stop staring at her lips and force my brain to remember that I’m not a babbling idiot, and that I am in fact a grown man, a businessman, and a Master.
“I’m flying through London to Edinburgh to finalize the contracts with Flaming Embers, and bring them back to the States to start work on their first album for my label.”
“Wow. That’s great, Logan. The label seems to be doing well. I’ve followed the artists you’ve signed so far, and I’m impressed. I’ve heard great things about this new band from Lily, so I’ll look forward to my advanced, signed copy of the album!”
She makes me laugh.
I can see the line behind her growing restless, grumbles and stares that are obviously making her uncomfortable, and ready to walk away, but I can’t let that happen.
“Your wish is my command, Miss de Rossi.” Her face sobers at my words. Any discomfort, replaced with anger.
“I won’t hold my breath for it then. You tend to leave me hanging when it comes to what I want from you. I learn from my mistakes. It was nice to see you, Logan. Safe travels and I hope it all goes well with the band.”
She turns to leave and I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut; winded and wounded. Instinctively, I tighten my grip on her arm, to stop her from walking away. I don’t know what to say. Everything she said is true. I left her in L’Arena, naked and wanting; offering herself to me in the most vulnerable and beautiful of ways, and then, I sent her away in New York. She gave me a second chance, and I blew it. A decision I’ve regretted every minute of every day since.
We’re both instantly aware of where our skin touches. Adrenaline courses through me, stemming from this one point of contact; my body vibrating with lust, and desire.
The guy behind her starts mumbling under his breath. “I’ll just stand here all fucking day, shall I, while you fucking first-class assholes catch up?” He picked the wrong day to annoy me. I’m up in an instant, pulling Vittoria behi
nd me before I square my shoulders and stare him down.
“A simple ‘excuse me,’ would have sufficed.” He’s about to give me some verbal abuse when I move closer, invading his space, towering over his small, plump frame.
“I… I…”
“You… you… were just about to apologize to the lady for your unnecessary cursing.” He’s about to protest, but thinks better of it when he looks up at my face, my anger evident in the furrow of my brow. He looks to Vittoria.
“I’m sorry, miss. Please, forgive my outburst.” She is gracious as always.
“Thank you. It was my fault. I’m sorry that I held you up. I haven’t seen my angry friend here in a long time. Enjoy your flight, sir.” Now I really want to punch someone. I don’t like hearing her calling someone else ‘Sir,’ even if it’s in a different context.
“Sit down.” Without hesitation she responds, making my dick twitch at her willingness to obey me.
I give the asshole in front of me one last look of disdain before I move out of his way, letting him, and the rest of the passengers pass. We sit in silence for a moment, allowing the situation to sink in. We’re going to be on this flight for the next seven hours together, and I know she’s pissed at me. That was evident right before the prick started cursing and I missed my moment to apologize. To explain. I don’t even know how to explain. Maybe he did me a favor; bought me more time to decide what to say to her.
When the first-class cabin settles down and everyone is seated, a stewardess appears, giving me a sickly sweet, completely fake smile before turning her attention to Vittoria, her smile transforming into a sneer.
“You can’t be in here. Your seat is in coach. You need to move… now.” What the hell is wrong with people today? Is it me? I have zero tolerance for this passive-aggressive bullshit right now. I reach into my jacket, pull out my bank card and hand it to her.
“Upgrade her.”
“It doesn’t work like that, sir.”
“It does now. She won’t be moving from my side, so you can either charge me for the upgrade, or let her sit here on her coach ticket. That’s your choice.”
I watch, irritated, as she takes in the sight of the breathtaking beauty beside me. The over primped, heavily made up, average looking stewardess looks confused; unable to comprehend that less is more; that Vittoria would outshine her in every way, any day. She could be wearing a burlap sack and look better than any woman I have ever met.
“You can go now. Are you taking the card or not?” She snatches it from my hand and stalks down the aisle toward the front cabin. I know I have a satisfied smile on my face, when I feel a tiny but strong punch to my arm.
“What the hell, Logan? You can’t just be a dick to people whenever you feel like it; and you don’t get to decide where I sit. You gave up that opportunity long ago. I offered myself to you… naked. I’ve offered myself to you clothed. I offered my body, and I offered my heart, but you didn’t want me, so you don’t get to order me around. I’m going to go and sit with the other dancers in the seat I was assigned.” I run my hands through my hair, frustrated, and lost for words.
She moves to stand.
“SIT. DOWN. Little one.” I know her brain is screaming at her to walk away, to defy me, I can see it written all over her face; but her body can’t deny me, and I take the opportunity to study her demeanor. Her breathing is shallow but labored, her hands are clasped and wedged between her knees. She drops her head, unable to look at me. I can tell that she’s at war with herself. She doesn’t want to submit to me… and I hate it.
“Vittoria. Please look at me.” I don’t push her, even though it’s killing me. I wait… for what feels like an eternity before she turns her head, a tear rolling down her face. It causes me physical pain to see her upset like this. I reach out to stroke my hand down her cheek, feeling the wet warmth of her tears as she lets herself relax into my touch for mere seconds before shirking away.
“Why did you make me leave, Logan?” The hurt in her voice is too much for me.
“This is exactly why I’ve stayed away from you for all these years. I never wanted to hurt you. To see the look in your eyes right now.”
“That’s not an answer.” She turns in her seat, her body facing away from me.
“I can’t give you the answers you really want.”
“Give me something at least. I need… something. Do you have any idea how much you hurt me? I felt so ashamed of myself for the way I acted when we were together. That’s not me. I don’t throw myself at men. I don’t open myself up to getting hurt emotionally. I’ve always avoided those things at all costs. You made me give you a second chance after Verona. You pursued me. You made me let my guard down, and then you tore my heart out. How could you do that?” I can’t bear to hear how badly I hurt her. I reach out and take her hand in mine, brushing my thumb in circles over her delicate skin. It feels so good to touch her, even in the smallest way.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of. I can’t believe that you would ever think that, even for a second. I’m the one that should be ashamed of myself.”
“How was I supposed to feel? Cherished? Used? Desired? Discarded? I felt worthless when you ended things between us. Like I didn’t matter enough for you to fight for me, for us.” A knife cuts deep into my soul at her words. I need to focus, before I fall apart and tell her everything.
“Don’t ever say that again. Do you understand?” I can’t contain the anger in my voice.
“Fuck you, Logan. You don’t get to throw demands at me. You made me feel like shit. At least fucking man up and own it.” She pushes my legs out of the way, quickly moving past me and out into the aisle as I sit, eviscerated by her declaration. She’s right. I know I should let her go to her seat, far away from me, and get on with her life, but even as I think it, my body has other ideas. I’m out of my seat, striding toward her as she speeds up, her hand on the curtain between first and business-class when I catch hold of her. I spin her round, pushing her into the small space between the curtains. It’s dark and private and her body is flush against mine, not out of choice, but by necessity.
I press her against the wall, her arms wedged between us. Her breathing harsh and warm against my skin. The darkness envelops us; our lips almost touching as I fight the urge to take her. She lets her guard down for just a moment before shoving me as hard as she can; lashing out, beating her fists against my chest.
“How dare you! You don’t get to do this to me. You don’t want me, then fine, but it’s not fair of you to act this way. You want to tell me what to do, how to feel, where to sit? Then earn it!!! I’m so angry with you for getting me all twisted up over you. I was fine before you decided to let yourself have just a taste. You got what you wanted, and I was left… broken. It wasn’t enough for me. Just a taste. I wanted more. I needed more.” Her words are a strangled plea, full of hurt and regret.
“Vittoria.” I let her punch and smack me for a moment, getting out some of her anger and frustration, before I grab her hands, stopping her from lashing out anymore. I can’t take it. I hate that I make her this upset. I pin her hands by her sides, pressing her back against the wall and forcing her to feel the length of my body against hers. Her breasts pressed against the hard muscle of my chest, her heart racing in time with my own.
“Don’t, Logan. It hurts.” I loosen my grip. “I don’t mean you holding me. I mean… this. You’re a breath away from kissing me. I know you want to, but you won’t. I want you more than anything, and it… hurts. You want me, but not enough. You don’t need me. I never thought that you were capable of hurting me, but I’m wrecked… because of you.”
I drop my head, horrified that she believes I don’t want her as much as she wants me. I know that I will always want her more than she could ever comprehend.
“I…”
“Don’t. Just let me go.”
I take a deep breath.
“I can’t. I know it’s selfish, but I need you to stay with me just now.
I need to explain. Will you let me do that?” My voice is barely a whisper, unrecognizable to me in the darkness.
“Yes.” It’s one small word, with such great depth behind it. A lifeline. I wrap my arms around her, holding her tight, just for a moment, before leading her back to our seats. All eyes are on us, but I couldn’t give a fuck what any of these first-class morons think of me. The only person whose opinion matters to me, is Vittoria’s.
I can’t take my eyes off her as she sits, elegant and dignified as she gives me yet another chance I don’t deserve. I’m a dick. I can’t even tell her the whole truth, and yet I still couldn’t let her go.
“You need to understand. It’s not that I didn’t want to be with you. I wanted you so badly, every step away from you in Verona was a physical ache, and every step you took as you left my apartment in New York was sheer and utter hell. I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you. I thought that time and space between us would help, but it never has. My feelings for you have never diminished. It has been the polar opposite; every moment I spent with you only intensified what I felt, and now that I haven’t been a part of your life for the past year, those feelings have magnified tenfold. I’ll never get over you.”
Her eyes fly up to meet mine. “Then why, Logan? You know how I feel about you. I lo….”
I push my finger to her lips. “Don’t. Please don’t say it. I can’t… we can’t. You’re too good for me. You always have been. I will never be worthy of you, and if I hear you say the words, I don’t know if I could survive it. I’m trying not to be selfish with you; to be a better man, so that maybe one day, I might be even halfway worthy of you.”
She cups my face in her hands; my heart fighting to burst through my ribcage as she forces me to look at her. “But I want… I need… I.” She searches my face for permission that I can’t give.
