by Sienna Parks
I don’t know if she’s awake or sleeping, but she murmurs my name as her body settles against mine and I love the way it sounds. I let all the shit that’s going around and around in my head just fade away. I savor this moment, this girl that I am lying next to, and I let myself drift into a deep and contented sleep with her nestled at my side.
“Logan… Logan…” I can hear Vittoria’s voice whispering in my ear as I wake, and without opening my eyes I know it’s morning. The sun is streaming in through the curtains as I open my eyes and find her staring back at me. “Hey, stalker. What do you think you’re playing at creeping into my bedroom and sleeping with me? I thought you were all about the distance.” She has the cutest smirk on her face as she says it. Playful and sexy in one look. I don’t know how she pulls it off, but I love it.
“I was… I am. You confuse me. I can’t think straight when I’m around you. I only came in to check on you last night and, well, you can see that it didn’t quite work out that way.” I’m painfully aware of the morning situation going on in my pants, as is Vittoria. I quickly adjust myself and put some distance between us. The smile on her face fades, and I desperately want to fix it. “How about I make us some breakfast? What’s your favorite?” That distracts her.
“Mmmm. Pancakes with fresh cream and blueberries on top, but I rarely have them. Too many calories to burn off.”
“There isn’t an ounce of fat anywhere on your body. I think we can make an exception this one time, don’t you?”
“Well… I shouldn’t. I won’t be able to dance it off later. Or any time soon.” The pain that I see flash in her eyes is soul destroying. “Fuck it! Let’s go to IHOP.” She attempts to get out of bed, but I can tell she’s in agony.
“Get back in bed. You’re not going anywhere. I’m going to make you pancakes, and they are going to be much better than anything you’d get at IHOP. Trust me!”
“I do.” Those two words, and the sultry tone of her voice, slays me.
“I’m going to go to the store and get what I need. Is there anything else you would like while I’m out?” She shakes her head, reaching for the tablets and water on her nightstand. “How often do you need to take those?”
“Every six hours, at least for a few days and then I can take them less often, I hope. I hate taking tablets. They make me gag.” I can’t help the small grin that is on my lips. “Why are you smiling? You like that I’m in pain?”
“No. God no. I hate that you’re in pain. I was just making a mental note that you have an active gag reflex!”
She sprays water all over the bed as she laughs. “What the hell, Logan? You can’t just say stuff like that! I don’t know where I am with you from one minute to the next.”
I hang my head in shame, knowing that she’s right. I’ve given her so many mixed signals it’s ridiculous. “I need to go and make you something to eat if you have those tablets in your stomach. We’ll talk properly later. Do NOT get up, or try to do anything while I’m gone. Understand?”
“Yes, Sir.” She gives me a mocking salute as I leave the room. How does she do that? She can be so real and raw and vulnerable in one moment, and then making fun of me and joking the next. And she says I make her head spin!
I go to the closest store I can find, grab what I need, and while I’m at the counter waiting to pay, I remember that she loves Milk Duds, so I throw three boxes in the basket, hoping they’ll make her smile.
When I get back to the apartment it doesn’t take me long to whip up a batch of pancakes and get everything else ready, just the way she wants it. I head to her room to tell her that breakfast is ready when I hear cursing in the bathroom.
“Shit! Vafanculo!!” [What the fuck!!]
“Are you okay in there?”
“No, I’m NOT okay!! I can’t even get in the damn shower.”
“Open the door.” I hear the small click and her face appears with tears in her eyes.
“I hate this. I hate not being able to do things. I…”
I pull her into my arms and hold her tight as she breaks down. “It’s okay. It’s only been a few days. I’m here to help now, and soon you won’t need me for anything and you’ll be back training in no time. But for now, can I get you fed and then we’ll worry about getting you clean?”
“Okay.” It’s barely a whisper.
I scoop her up into my arms, careful not to hurt her ankle in the process, and carry her through onto the sofa in the living room. “I’ll bring it over.”
“I can sit at the table.”
“Humor me. I want you as comfortable as possible, and you need to keep your ankle elevated.”
“God! You’re as bad as Carter. If I wanted to be fussed over, I would have called my family.”
“If you wanted to be left alone, you wouldn’t have told me, so just get over it and let me help you.”
We eat in companionable silence, but as soon as she finishes her last bite, she’s questioning me.
“Thank you for that. They were yummy, and you were right, they were better than IHOP. I’d love to find out where you learned to cook like that, but I’m too impatient, and I want to know why you’re here.”
“You need help.”
“Okay, Professor Obvious, but you could have called Carter or my mom and told them what’s going on. Why are you here?”
I scrub my hand over my face, two days of stubble scratching at my palms as I try to come up with an answer. “You asked me not to tell them, and I wasn’t going to let you stay here alone, so here I am. You’re my best friend’s sister, and I’ve known you forever. If something happened to you and I could have prevented it, I would never forgive myself.”
“Wow! You’re really playing the ‘best friend’s little sister’ card right now?”
“It’s not a card. It’s a fact.”
“One of which I’m painfully aware.” She shifts uncomfortably in her seat, unable to get up and walk away from me. “Well, you’ve done your duty, I’m not going to starve to death. You can go. I’m not a charity case, and I don’t need your pity.”
I grab her face in my hands. “This isn’t goddamn charity, or pity. You already know the answer, so spare me the dramatics.”
“Do I? I don’t know which way is up with you. I’m a friend, I’m your friend’s sister, and then I’m sprawled on a table with your cock in my mouth. You want me, you don’t want me. You love me, but you want to stay away from me. You kiss me in the airport and then you freak out when you realize I know about you. Now you’re here, apparently against your will, but I woke up with you in my bed this morning. What the hell is going on, Logan?”
Hearing it coming from her, I sound like even more of an asshole than I already feel. I let her go and slump back on the couch.
“I’m so sorry.”
“I don’t want your apologies. I want an explanation. It’s driving me nuts.”
“Okay, okay. First, you wanted to have a shower. How about I run you a bath so you don’t have to put any weight on your ankle, and then we can continue this conversation?”
She throws her head back and covers her face with her arm. “This is exactly what I’m talking about! Are you going to run me a bath, help me completely naked into the bath, and then act like there is nothing between us? I don't generally go around letting guys see me naked, and letting them get me off, when we’re ‘just friends.’”
“Stop. I told you we will continue this, after. Don’t make me repeat myself.” My tone leaves no room for question, or a smartass reply. I lift her into my arms and stride down the hallway and into the bathroom, where I set her down on the countertop. She pouts as I start the water running and pour some bubble bath into the stream, but when I turn around, she’s not playing fair.
I watch, mesmerized, as she pulls her T-shirt over her head, and discards it. Next, she tugs at her pajama bottoms, shimmying her butt on the counter until she gets them loose and lets them drop to the floor. She is completely naked, except for the bandage arou
nd her ankle, and I’m fighting every urge in my body right now, but I can’t ignore the tight, uncomfortable feeling in my pants as my dick strains against the denim. She looks incredible; every inch of her body is perfection. You can tell she’s a dancer, a vessel that moves with effortless grace as the music flows through her.
I don’t say a word. I simply walk over to her, lift her foot and place it gently against my chest, caressing her slender calves as I slowly and carefully remove the bandage. Her skin is bruised and swollen, and I can see that even this small movement is painful for her. Holding her foot for a moment, I’m aware that she can feel how fast my heart is beating under her toes.
I carry her over to the tub, her arms holding tight around my neck as I try not to react to the exquisite feel of her naked body under my fingertips. She scents me as I lower her into the water, our eyes locking as we acknowledge the current passing between us; flowing from her skin, to mine. I place a chaste kiss on her forehead before I let her go, sitting with my back against the tub, my arms resting on my knees and my head resting on edge of the bath.
Vittoria starts running her wet fingers through my hair, simultaneously arousing me and relaxing me. I close my eyes and give in to the conflicting sensations.
“Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on. Why do you keep pushing me away?”
“There is no simple answer to that.”
“Well, answer me this. Why did you sleep with me last night?”
I take a deep breath, her fingers still tangled in my hair as I begin to speak. “Honestly? Because I couldn’t have left you lying there alone, looking so fucking beautiful, even if I wanted to. Whenever I’m around you… I can’t explain it. I need to be near you, to touch you, feel you, even if it’s just my arm around you as you sleep. That’s why I tried to stay away.”
“I don’t get it. Why do we need to stay away from each other? Because of the way Carter reacted? Even he admitted that he blew the whole thing way out of proportion. You feel the same way as I do, so why can’t we give this a try?”
“You know why. You know what I’m into, what I want in a relationship. We…” She cuts me off.
“We’re perfect for each other. I do know exactly what you want, and I can give you that. You have to have figured it out by now… that I’m a…”
“Don’t say it, Vittoria. Please, for fuck’s sake, don’t say it.”
“WHY?”
I turn to face her, distress evident on her delicate features. “Because, I’ve known you forever, I’ve been in love with you from the moment we met. You’re Carter’s sister, and I’m pretty sure he has an idea that I’m into ‘kinky shit’ as he would call it. If we were together for real, eventually he would do the math and murder me for corrupting you. It doesn’t matter if you want it, he wouldn’t see it that way. You guys are my only real family, and when I fuck things up between us again, which I would, because you are far too good for me, I would be left with nothing. No family, no best friend, and most importantly, you wouldn’t be in my life anymore. I’ve been there before, and it tore me apart. I don’t think they would afford me anymore chances.”
“That won’t happen.”
“You say that now, but I don’t exactly have a great track record with the people that are supposed to love me more than anything in the world. I can’t risk it. I can’t risk hurting you again, or losing you for good. This past year has been the worst of my life. Please, don’t make this harder than it needs to be. I’m trying to be the good guy here. I’m trying to do what’s best for you, and what I can live with. Don’t think for a second that this is the easy way for me. The easy way would be if I didn’t give a shit about how badly I could hurt you in the long run. The easiest thing would be for me to take you to bed, tie you down, and fuck you until your voice is hoarse from screaming my name and begging for more.”
“Then take the easy way, Logan. It’s what I want.”
“Aren’t you listening? If I do that, then you’re mine. I won’t let you go. You’d be my sub, and I’d be your Master. You would have all the power in our relationship, and when the day came, and it would come, when you decided to walk away, I would be left an empty husk; a shell of a man. I would lose everything, and I can’t live through that again.”
“But…”
“ENOUGH! You asked, I answered. I’m sorry that I’ve given you mixed signals, that’s my own weakness at work. I won’t let it happen again.” I get up off the floor. “I’ll leave you to your bath. Call me when you need help getting out. I’ll be in the bedroom.” I walk out, hearing her quietly cursing under her breath as I close the door behind me.
I have so much pent up energy and anger as I pace her room, my whole body vibrating; the smell of her perfume lingering in the air, taunting me as I fight to be the good guy… for her. I ball my fists at my sides, singing the lyrics to the first song that comes into my head, to try and distract myself, but I end up grabbing one of the pillows off the bed and beating the shit out of it. As if that’s going to make me feel better in any way, shape, or form! What would make this all better, is if I could shackle Vittoria to my St. Andrew’s Cross, spank her for pushing me almost to my breaking point, and then fuck her into next week.
“Ouch… Shit… Logan… I need help getting out of the bath.” I can hear the reluctance in her voice, but I can’t blame her. I take a few deep breaths and try to prepare myself for dealing with a hot, wet, and very naked Vittoria, but it doesn’t matter worth a shit when I open the door and see her lying there, the bubbles all but gone, her body on display.
“Fuck.” I scrub my hands over my face before grabbing a towel and making my way over to her. “Hold on tight, I don’t want to drop you.” As I lift her out of the water, the tiny, sexy little groan that escapes her is too much. I pull the towel around her and take her into the bedroom. Once she’s safely on the bed, I quickly search her drawers to find something for her to wear. She’ll look sexy as hell in everything she owns, so I pick the first top and shorts I can get my hands on and give them to her, before striding out of the room. I can’t even steal a look at her, or I’ll crack.
“I’ll check on you in a bit.”
After finding my overnight bag still in the living room, I retreat to the guest room for an hour, spending half of that time in the shower, shamelessly taking myself in hand, over and over again. It’s not something I do very often; I prefer to get my subs to do that for me, but today is different. No matter how many times I jerk off to the image of Vittoria naked in the bath, or laid out on that table in Verona, it isn’t enough. I’m still rock-hard and desperate for her. Eventually, I give up and give in to the fact that I will be spending the next few days uncomfortably hard, with no real way to relieve the tension.
Now, I’m lying on the bed, wondering when I became such a pussy. I’m a Master for God’s sake! Yet, here I am, hiding from a woman I want to fuck more than anything in the world, jerking off like a teenager, and sulking because she’s mad at me for trying to do the right thing. It’s pathetic! I would tear Xander and Carter to shreds for this kind of behavior, and I’m the worst offender by far. I purport to exercise complete control, and it’s a joke. From the moment I stepped over that line with her, my life has been in utter disarray, and whichever way I turn, whatever I do, I’m making a mess of this… whatever this is.
I decide to catch up on some emails, and call the boys to see how they’re settling in at the new apartment before I check on Tori. They really lighten my mood, going crazy over every little thing about their new place, and New York. I don’t think they’ve even been to bed since I left them yesterday; too pumped to calm the hell down and get some rest. I try to convince them that they have a huge week ahead at the studio, and that they absolutely need to have some downtime, but I can hear a few of them in the background, arranging the rest of their day in the city that never sleeps! It makes me laugh, but it also reminds me that I have other responsibilities, and I need to get my head back in the game.
&nb
sp; An hour later, and I think I’ve composed myself enough to go and see if I’m still public enemy number one. I don’t hear any noise in the living room, or coming from her bedroom, so I figure she’s sleeping, but when I push open the door, I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Holy fuck!
Her eyes meet mine. She doesn’t speak. She doesn’t stop.
I’m hypnotized by the sight of her. Her cheeks flushed, her breathing labored, her hand moving beneath the sheets, her legs parted.
“Logan.”
“Fuck!”
I know I should walk out and close the door behind me. But instead, I’m standing at the foot of the bed, tearing the sheets off so that I can see her properly; watch her as she touches herself. She doesn’t take her eyes off me, and I can’t bring myself to leave. My faltering control is becoming a problem, but I manage not to touch her; not to crawl onto the bed between her legs and bury my head at the apex, delighting in the taste of her. Instead, I remain fixed to the spot, admiring the breathtaking sight of her writhing under her own hand. I unbutton my pants and lower them just enough to free my rock-hard erection, wrapping my fist around the base and pumping up and down. I watch as her eyes devour me, her hand quickening as she flicks her clit, pushing herself higher, getting closer to her release, and I can see the excitement in her eyes as I chase my own.
